The Woes and what Nots of Dating
by xtapx
Summary: Yes boys you heard me, Leah Clearwater is dating. I refuse to be pitied. I'm awesome, and it's time the rest of the world knew it. Now run along and get out of my way. Winner of Best Leah x Jacob; "The Two Sides of Twilight Forum Best of '09". Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**_**:**__ I always thought Leah deserved some kind of happiness, and well moving on takes time, so I thought what would've happened if she started dating, Leah is this badass, but I believe underneath it all she's a big softy._

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, Stephanie Meyer does of course. I just like putting my own twist into it._

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* * *

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"Starting today I'm not gonna worry about tomorrow  
I'll wash away all this fear that's left me feeling hollow  
Cause you made me want to try"

-Staring Over, Natalie Imbruglia

* * *

Thump! Thump! Thump!

"Geeze Seth give me a minute." I scream at the door.

_Stupid twerp takes longer in here than I do._

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Damn it Seth!" I scream throwing the door open. Only it's not my dweeb brother that's been banging on the bathroom door its my stupid Alpha.

"Jake? What the hell! Why are you banging on my bathroom door—wait what the fuck are you doing here." I sneer, "Shouldn't you be doting on your precious freak baby right now instead of bothering me at home?"

"Bathroom. Move. Now." Jacob barks, maneuvering around me and some how closing the bathroom door in my face.

"Ugh! This. Is. My. House!" I scream. "Why don't you go and use one of the thousand bathrooms at the leeches house? Better yet why don't you go back your own house! You could've pissed outside for all I care! Now GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" I shriek into the door.

"Leah, why are you screaming?" Seth questions walking out of his room.

"Jacob kicked me out of the bathroom, because he had to take a piss, and couldn't whip it out outside like any other sane boy would do because he was afraid all the other boys would laugh at him."

"I can hear you. And don't lie I've seen you staring at me." Jacob quips opening the door.

"Finally! Now get the hell out of my way, I only have 15 minutes and I have to somehow manage to look like a girl tonight!"

"What are you talking about? Where are you—?" Jacob starts then he finally gets a good look at me. "Whoa. Leah, you look… hot."

"Thanks kid, Tell me something I don't know." I say rolling my eyes.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asks curiously.

"Out. I've got a date. Take that fleeting femininity!" I say as laughing as I spray myself with some perfume, at least I'll smell good tonight.

"A what?"

"With who?"

"What are you my mother?" I turn to glare at them. "Yes boys, you heard me, Leah Clearwater is dating. I refuse to be pitied anymore. I'm awesome, and it's time the rest of the world knew it. Now run along and get out of my way." I say as I look in the mirror one last time.

It's not perfect, but it will have to do. I almost look like my old self. Pre-Imprinting. Except for that smirk. It'll have to go, at least for tonight. A new leaf, it's a start. With one last glance at my reflection I walk to my room to look for my shoes.

I finally find them in the back of my closet. As I sit on my bed slipping my shoes on a voice interrupts my thoughts.

"So you're _dating_? My, my I never thought I'd see that day. Has hell finally frozen over?" Jacob asks smiling as he takes a seat next to me on my bed.

Normally I would think this was awkward but it's just Jake.

Reliable, thick headed Jake. Now that he's sat down no way in hell I can pretend to ignore him.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I whisper quietly looking at the floor, the uncertainty slowly creeping into my voice.

I'm the person that calls Jake out on his crap, Seth always agrees with him without a second thought, and Quil and Embry, aka dumb and dumber don't have an intelligent thought in their combined heads so a part of me expects that he'd do the same for me.

He grabs my chin forcing me to look up at him and says, "No. I think it's really great. You of all people deserve to be happy and I want that for you more than anything else. Just so you know I'm on to you Leah, underneath your tough exterior you're a big marshmallow." Jacob chuckles releasing my face.

I smile not really sure what to say.

"Thanks. It's just—"

"Leah!" Seth screamed "someone's at the door for you."

"Damn it. I'm not ready. Jake will you go keep David company so Seth doesn't say something stupid, I'll be out there in two minutes."

"Sure, sure." Jake says getting up from my bed.

"Wait, Jake? Uhh...Thank you." I say hugging him. What'd I tell you, a new leaf.

"Holy crap, hell has frozen over if you're hugging me!" Jacob laughs as he heads to the door.

But as he gets to my door frame he stops and looks at me one last time and says, "By the way you look absolutely beautiful." and walks out the door.

_Beautiful_. That adjective hasn't been used to describe me in a while. I feel a smile creep to my lips. It's definitely a new leaf.

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**A/N: So let me know if you like it or not. Review =]**


	2. Chapter 2

"Fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for,  
Don't belong, don't exist,  
don't give a shit, don't ever judge me."

-Fuck this World, Slipknot

* * *

This is why I don't date.

The world hates me.

All guys are idiots.

Forget that, people are just idiots.

Whose bright idea was it that I go on a date? Oh right mine. I can't even imagine a worse date, well maybe spending a night speed dating would suck more--but let's face it, there is no way in hell I would never speed date.

Of course, here I am coming back from what is possibly the worst date in the entire world, I now have to deal with my baby brother waiting up for me.

Could this possibly get any worse?

It just did. Damn me and my luck. I just had to go and say it. Of course things could be worse.

Coming home to one person would be bad, but of course that would be normal, and lets face it the sheer thought of ever being normal got thrown out the window a long time ago. But luckily I have my entire pack sitting in my mother's living room waiting for me.

Seth, Embry, Quil, and Jacob, just fucking great.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I scream into the house. You stupid over protective jackass.

"Leah!"

"Your back."

"How was it?"

"Wait why do you smell like puke?"

"Did he try anything?"

"What are you morons doing in my house?" I say taking deep breaths. Yeah I haven't spontaneously phased in about a year but the date from hell, then getting bombarded by these idiots, anything could happen.

"Leah please don't be mad. We just—" Seth states staring at Jacob.

"WHAT? YOU RETARDS THINK I CAN'T HANDLE MYSELF? OR THAT I MIGHT SNAP AND RIP HIS BALLS OFF BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT."

"So I think it's safe to say that the date didn't go well." Quil murmured under his breath.

"Asshole." I hissed. "No the date didn't go well. What ever gave that away? I mean who seriously doesn't know their allergic to _strawberries_?! It's not like strawberries are some delicacy. It's a fucking strawberry damn it! Let's just say David and I won't be berry picking any time soon. If having to wait for your date to get a in the ER is any indication of what is out there I think that it's safe to say that I'm better off as lonely heartless shrew!"

Okay, so I probably shouldn't have been screaming bloody murder at them--but I had every right too.

Thts probably why I didn't hear his footsteps, sneaking into my house until he decided to speak.

"Leah?"

Are you fucking kidding me. Apparently having my entire pack here isn't bad enough, fate decides to hate me more by having my ex-boyfriend hear everything I just screamed about my sucktastic date. Great.

"Son of a bitch." I swore to myself turning to face him.

"Leah you don't have a son!" Embry say snicking.

"Embry." Jacob warns.

I don't know whats worse, coming home and being badgered, or realizing that they all think I can't handle myself. I'm a big girl. I don't need idiots looking out for me.

"Get out. All of you. !" I screamed.

"Family my ass. You two," I turn shooting death glares at Quil and Embry, "Are a bunch of good for nothing idiots who's shared brain couldn't think of anything coherent to say, so here's a thought get your heads out of Jake's ass long enough to walk out of my door! And you," I turn to stare at Sam, "I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but get the hell out of my house, just the sight of you reminds me why I hate men so much."

I turn to look at Seth.

"Seth, I'm going to bed. Just do whatever you can not to get into trouble; if I have to haul my ass out of my room I will castrate you." I mumbled storming off to my room.

This is why I don't date.

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**A/N:** Well Leah's a bit mean in this one. Its basically Leah hating the world as per usual. Haha. I mean c'mon as much as I want her to have her happy ending, Leah has the worst luck ever, screw being a danger magnet like Bella is, fate just has it out for Leah..and well I just thought she needed to have a bad date, then have things go badly around her. I have to admit I had no intention of continuing this, I honestly just didn't hit the complete button on accident, but I was inspired. Thanks for the reviews for the first chapter. Also don't forget to review this one. =]


	3. Chapter 3

"My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.  
What meant the world imploded, inflated then demoted all my oxygen  
to product gas and suffocated my last chance."

-Calm Before the Storm, Fall Out Boy

* * *

I. Hate. This.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

What the hell does a girl have to do to get some fucking privacy around here? Oh wait I know I have to grow a pair, and talk smack about banging the hot chick.

I don't even want to think about that, stupid boys.

The number one thing I am good at is dishing out the verbal abuses. Things like _cocksucker_,_ cuntlicker_, and pompous git come out of my mouth without me having to even think about it. So why is it that tonight of all nights when Jacob Black is sitting on the edge of my bed with those worried eyes and nonchalant smile all I can do is sit and glare at him because if I speak I know my voice will crack.

"Leah I'm so—" Jacob starts interrupting my thoughts.

"If you say sorry I'll kick you in the face." I threaten.

Jacob only nods.

Instead of continuing he just sits there and stares at me.

He'll sit there until I say something so I finally do.

"What do you want? Go away. I know I didn't kick you out of my house but so help me I will murder you in your sleep if you don't leave me alone." I choke out as viciously as I can muster.

I hope it works. Doesn't anyone understand that I just need to be left alone?

"I'm sorry about everything that happened last night. Maybe next time will be—"

"Next time?!" I screeched at him.

There will not be a next time. It was hard enough convincing myself to go out on this date, and that was stupid, but a next time? This boy was completely out of his mind.

"Have you been playing Barbie's with Quil and Claire again, that would explain why your brain is slower than a 5 year olds. You stupid Moron."

"Leah—no shut up and listen to me."Jacob snaps.

Usually I would tell him to shove off, but this was impressive, he was getting good at reading my mind. Scary.

"I know your upset with you having a bad date, and with the guys over, and I know you weren't expecting Sam, I have no idea why he was here, but honestly bad dates happen so I mean just don't...well what I mean to say is that just don't give up…You deserve to be happy, and happiness is out there for you, I know that." Jacob said defiantly.

My eyes narrow at him.

Where the hell does he get off lecturing me about _dating_.

"What do you know about bad dates? You spent your adolescent years in love with Bella, and then when that went through the crapper you found your precious _soulmate_ in her daughter. So don't you dare sit and pretend that you get it. You don't understand." I sneered at him.

I knew I was being mean, but the jackass asked for it.

"I know you're upset. And honestly you're being a complete bitch, just because you think things suck for you and you haven't given me a good tongue lashing in a while I'ill let this slide. But Leah don't talk about things you _don't know_." He says angrily.

"I'm trying to help. I'm not giving you pity, I'm trying to be nice. Believe it or not, but I actually want the best for you. So shut up and deal with the fact that people actually care about you and want you to be happy!" He yells out.

I sit there in silence. It isn't like I could scream at Jake any more, I really hit below the belt and I know that's he's only looking out for me, but damn him.

Damn him for having this ability to make me feel like I'm a fucking idiot.

***

It's been two weeks since what Jacob and Seth have started to refer to as 'the incident'. Of course I made a smartass remark about how they couldn't think of a more intelligent title. But honestly what can you do right? I thought long and hard about what Jacob had said to me the night of the incident and well another date couldn't hurt right. At least the fact that I could rip the guy into a hundred pieces let me sleep like a baby. Sleeping soundly didn't prepare me for this date or Jacob's protectiveness.

"So Tony, what exactly are your intentions with Leah?"

"Uhh…intentions?" Tony stuttered out.

"What are you planning on doing with her, where are you planning on taking her, you know all those and etcetera." Jacob asked staring at Tony.

Now if I didn't need some kind of laugh to calm my nerves I'd be screaming Bloody Murder, but Jake's always good for a laugh.

"Jacob…" I said warningly walking into the living room. But I know my eyes betrayed my stern look.

"Leah." Jacob says nodding in my direction never taking his eyes off of Tony. Poor thing must be crapping in his pants.

"Hey Tony, you ready?" I ask.

"Yes!" Tony says jumping up from his seat and hurrying to my side.

"Hey," I say turning to Tony, "Let me meet you at your car I have to talk to Jacob for a bit. I'll be out in two minutes." I say sweetly.

"Okay?" Tony says mumbling and walking out the door, "Uhh, nice to meet you Jacob."

"Okay Leah before you start yelling," Jacob started defensively, "Just know that I was only kidding it's not like I was going to hit him or anything."

"I know. Thanks for being a great friend. I still don't understand why you're always in my house, but thanks. But," I said sternly, "If Quil, Embry and especially Sam are in my house when I get back I will kill you then throw your body in the Ocean so no one will ever find you." I finished matter-o-factly smiling at him.

"Sure, sure Leah. Whatever you say."

"I mean it Jake." I stated venomously. And with that I walked out of the house.

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**A/N:** It's not as long as I would've liked, but I wanted to post mostly because Jake's actually in this one, him and his over protectiveness makes me so happy. =P I love the feedback I'm getting. Thank you all for your reviews. A lot of people are putting this on their story alerts, so I'm guessing it's liked right? Let me know what you think. Reviews are always appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

"So till the morning breaks  
Go and make your mistakes  
Don't be surprised if your head hurts."

-Leaving Town Alive, Bethany Joy Lenz

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Surprisingly my date with Tony turned out better than my date with David.

Maybe, just maybe Jacob wasn't so wrong.

At least I didn't end up in the Emergency Room with my date's dinner on my new blouse.

I guess getting the crap scared into you by a guy a foot taller than you will make you treat a girl right. I might need to talk to Jacob about scaring the crap out of all of the guys I date.

At least the first date was nice. Date number three, that was another story.

The fact was that Tony and I had approximately three dates, on our third and final date the fuck head tried to kiss me, so instead of giving him the cheek I kneed him in the gut and told him that he should keep his lips to him self. Then I proceeded to tell him to never call me again unless he wants my foot in his ass.

It was a nervous reaction I guess.

*****  
**

I should have seen this coming. I expect the worst so I get the best?

Do I live in backwards land where if I think that things can't get worse, they do, but when I think things can't get any better they automatically do?

It's not backwards land, it's assward land

If I knew that's how my life worked I would've starting saying that things couldn't get any better years ago!

Now I've come to believe that no one ever has a perfect first date. _Except I did. _

It's not like it was mind blowing, and I can tell you that it really wasn't anything extravagant, just dinner, and a nice walk on the beach--nothing fancy just something so perfect you don't ever think it exists.

His name was Ethan.

And he amazing.

The perfect gentleman, extremely polite, his please and thank yous were always said, he was always opening any door for me, and to top it all off, he doesn't swear! Not a single cuss word.

I didn't believe it, you know because I constantly swear--but he didn't.

I was beginning to believe that if I bit him he'd be made of chocolate.

Getting into his car on our first date, I apologized for Jacob smug attitude. Instead of being a jerk Ethan just looked at me smiled and said, "I think it's nice that your brother cares so much about you, I did the same thing to most of my sister's dates."

At that comment I had to stifle back a laugh, he thought Jacob was my brother?! Ha, well he practically is, but HA! I had to fight back the laughter as I told him,"Jacob's not my brother." If he was surprised he didn't show it.

"My brother's name is Seth and he wasn't their tonight." I told him sheepishly. "Oh." Was all that I got from him, I'd have to remember to thank Jacob one day. But as great as my first date was, I knew he had nothing to do with the rest of them being just as amazing. After our third date, I honestly thought Jacob scared the idiot out of him, but I was wrong, it was just who he was.

Out of all our dates, I think my favorite was our "spontaneous" date, he called it that because he showed up one night at my house with a picnic basket in hand and flowers in his hand practically begging me to go with him.

It was a simple picnic on the beach staring up at the stars talking about other beings, and wondering if they really existed, I had to laugh at this because I knew that if I mentioned werewolves and vampires he'd be literally running for the hill.

But instead I just sat with him staring the the stars wondering if life could actually be this easy and carefree.

It was a night I would always remember but then again I was biased, that was the first night he kissed me.

So naturally the fact that it was going so well for so long my mother decided that she wanted to meet him 'properly'.

It's not like she never met him every time he came to pick me up, but meeting him_ properly _demanded a dinner where everyone came over to my house, ate all the food that they possibly could, and gawked at the fact that I was dating.

Yeah that wasn't going to happen.

"Mom, there is no way in hell I am gonna sick two packs of wolves and their beloved_ imprints_ on Ethan." I whined as my mother walked into the kitchen.

"Watch your mouth young lady."

Young lady? Seriously mom? I think being able to morph into a giant grey wolf took away the whole young lady thing.

"Mom," I said sternly, "I don't want him here with everyone staring and bombarding him with questions."

"Too. Late." She says shrugging. "You've been together for almost four months, I think it's time he met your family."

"He already knows you and Seth." I mumbled.

"That's not what I meant Leah." Shes say staring at me. She gives me that look that says that it was happening.

So instead of fighting her on it, I gave in. Werewolf or not my mother could and would kick my ass.

"FINE!" I shout dismissively stalking out of the kitchen.

"Remember it's this Thursday honey!" I hear my mom say as I slammed the door throwing my shirt off.

I needed to clear my head, and nothing did that better than a run.

*******

"Okay, just remember don't listen to anything someone named Paul says, don't say anything to Embry and Quil, and for your safety do not speak to any of the women!" I whispered hastily to Ethan.

"Leah relax." He replied happily kissing me quickly then squeezes my hand.

"You're saying that now, but trust me you'll be sorry when you meet everyone." I mumbled back opening the door.

"Leah! Ethan! Finally!" Seth screamed.

At this moment I would have traded all of my perfect dates with Ethan, just so everyone didn't turned their heads and stare.

Damn it Seth, he sure knows how to ruin my plans...I really need to talk to mom about getting rid of him.

"What couldn't start the party without me?" I said laughing uncomfortably.

"Apparently not. Sue and Emily said no one could have any food till you got here. And now that you're here its dinner time!" Embry said smiling and walking into the kitchen.

"Aunt Leah!" Claire screames wiggling out of Quil's arms and running over to me and wrapping her hands around my legs. "You look soo prudy."

I smile at her.

"Thanks honey but I don't look any different than when I last saw you." I tell her picking her up.

"That's because you're always purdy." Claire replied matter-o-factly smiling at me.

As far as kids go Claire was the most kickass one out there. Any six year old who could have a grown man wrapped around her pinky finger was amazing in my book.

"I couldn't have said it better myself kid. How old are you now sixteen? You're smarter than Quil over there." Jacob said smiling and high fiving Claire.

"You're silly I'm six now 'member?!" Claire says laughing and jumping out of my arms and back to Quil.

"Ethan." Jacob said nodding at him. They do that stupid guy nod hello thing as I roll my eyes.

"Nice to see you again, I like the hair. You on the other hand," Jacob says eyeing me down. "Look like you could use a drink." He smirks then says, "Well you'll need one once you go out back."

I make a face remembering the reason why every one is here.

"I could use a drink. Is everyone here?"

"Of course, you know how many people begged to be invited tonight? Every ones here." Jacob replies apologetically. "Everyone wanted to meet Ethan." He says the last part in a whisper.

"Super." I said rolling my eyes. "Let's get this over with. You ready?" I turn to ask Ethan.

"Sure am. Relax. And remember everything's gonna be fine. Just breath." Ethan says smiling.

*******

Apparently I had nothing to worry about.**  
**

I've never seen a bunch of werewolves and their imprints take to a person as fast as they did with Ethan.

There was something in his personality that just made every one like him.

They accepted him right away, which really surprised me. I honestly thought everyone would hate him. Paul strangely enough took to Ethan right away.

Once we walked out in the back yard Paul said something stupid and I was just about to tell him where he could shove it, when Ethan started surprised me so much that I laughed along with everyone else.

Sam was the only one hesitant to speak to Ethan, but by the end of dinner it was if they knew each other for months instead of hours.

They gave new meaning to the term, stupid boys, as much time as I've spent in their heads, I know that I will never truly understand them.

"Everyone seems to like Ethan well enough." Jacob said sitting down next to me on the couch.

He looks at me for a second then says,"But you're not happy about it?" He asks throwing his arm on the back of the couch.

"I am its just—" I struggled with the words.

"I don't know what it is. It's weird. Different?"

"Different? Good or Bad?" Jacob asks putting his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

"A little bit of both." I say turning my face into his side.

"Don't be scared." He says teasingly. Being this close to him, I can hear that the laughter that he's stiffing down.

"I'm not scared." I tell him.

He makes a face at me, so I just roll my eyes. "

It's scary how good you've gotten at reading my mind. You think we've shared thoughts for years or something." I laughed quietly leaning into his shoulder. "So where is Loch-Ness? It's a wolf shindig, so I assumed she'd be here."

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you actually like her." Jacob said laughing, "Nessie's spending time with Bella and Edward tonight, tonight's your night I'd figured I'd be here supporting you, you know before you go on your killing spree."

I laughed at the thought. "No I'm not going on a killing spree…tonight. Maybe tomorrow when the moons out."

"You're different now that you're with him you know." He said casually tightening his arm around me protectively.

"Well of course I'm different," I said rolling my eyes, "Only female werewolf in existence right here," I said pointing to myself.

"That's not what I mean." He says smiling. "You look happy. You're happy right? He seems good for you, much better than those other half wits I had to talk to."

"Scare you mean." I laughed.

"And scare I did." Jacob said laughing along with me.

"What's so funny?" Ethan said walking up to us. Immediately Jacob's arm moved from my waist and was thrown to back of the couch, he moved with such speed I doubt Ethan even saw it around me in the first place.

I sat up straight and looked at Ethan and smiled, "Just about the first time you and Jake met." Sitting up away from Jacob feeling cold for a second. I shrug it off and grab Ethan's hand.

Ethan laughs as Jacob makes a face.

"So ready to run for the hills?" I joked.

"Everyone's been great Leah. I told you there was nothing to worry about. Paul's hilarious. And Sam's kinda intense but I'm having a great time." Ethan said brightly.

"Great." I said back in dismay. He gets along with everyone, and he thinks Paul is actually funny. What the hell did I just get myself into?

* * *

A/N: So what did everyone think? I know Ethan came out of nowhere but I really didn't want to write about Leah having terrible dates all the time. To everyone who has reviewed Thank you so much. It really means a lot. And I know that Leah's a bit different in this chapter, but that's because a lot of time has passed since chapter 1. Well several months at least. No worries the Leah we all know and love will be back soon. So I hope you all liked this. As always reviews are very much appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

"There is yelling all around, get up, get up please start breathing.  
And the moment will come when you finally realize the results of decisions and choices in your life.  
Can you hear it all coming back after you?"

-You look like I need a drink, Against Me!

* * *

Everyone loved Ethan. Well almost did I tell you, he was perfect. He found no fault in anyone, even faults that were literally staring him in the face.

_Everyone's been great Leah. I told you there was nothing to worry about. Paul's hilarious._ S_am's kinda intense but I'm having a great time._ Of course he's intense; he's a stupid alpha, and my ex-boyfriend. Ever since mom made me introduce Ethan to everyone, Sam's panties have been in a bunch, and the nonstop phone calls did not help.

"Sam called again." Seth said as I walked into the kitchen.

"So?"

"He really wants to talk to you."

"I don't care. He's been calling for two weeks. You'd think he'd finally get the hint. Did you tell him what I said?"

"Yes I told him to go shove it up his asshole and to stop calling."

"Seriously?" I asked surprised.

"Of course not." He laughed. "I told him that I'd let you know that he called."

"Whatever. If he wants to talk to me so badly he should stop calling and grow a pair, and face me like a man." I said pouring myself some cereal.

At that moment the phone started to ring. I turned and stared at Seth and motioned for him to answer the phone. I should've known I was asking for trouble. I have this knack of shoving my foot in my mouth. That was the first night Sam showed up at my house.

***

"Leah we need to talk." Sam says cornering me.

I've been dealing with this for a month. Four weeks of his nonstop calling and two weeks of him trying to corner me whenever I am outside of my house.

"No we don't. Go away ass face." I tell him dismissively, turning and walking in the other direction.

"It's about your boyfriend."

That got my attention.

I turned around and glared daggers at him. Lovely It's going to be one of these days. I detest these days.

"No it's about you being a selfish insufferable good for nothing jackass. I don't want to have this conversation with you again!" I yelled clenching my fists.

"If you mention this one more time and I you'll be bed bound for a month!" I yelled into his face.

"What if you imprint?" He said calmly staring back at me.

I do hate these days. I knew what he meant. This wasn't the first time we've had this conversation—this argument—and I knew his hidden message. What if you fall in love with him, and have to leave him, _like I left you._

"Enough I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you coming around and smothering me. I will tear you fucking head off if you say something about him again. You have no right. Get out of my fucking face."

"Leah I'm trying to—"

"Trying to what? Oh do finish that sentence Sam. For the first time in your life you're trying to do something! Alert the media! Sam Uley is trying to do something. So tell me Sam what are you trying to do? Are you trying to annoy me to death? Or maybe trying to piss me off? Just do me a favor and stop trying, its not like it's a new thing for you." I snap. His face falls, and I tell him, "Just leave me alone."

It takes him a minute to process the words I say, but he finally takes the hint.

He stared at me then opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, then closes it and with a nod walks away.

After that he stopped calling, and avoided me at all costs.

That was probably the best thing that could have happened.

***

Note to self, if I want to get rid of a guy, introduce him to my family and let him spend time with them.

I'll find some kind of fault in him. He was just too perfect.

Too Cute. Too nice.

Is that ever a bad thing?

Apparently it is. I don't want perfect. I don't do perfect.

I had the perfect life once- and it was taken away from me within a year's time. I've spent the past 3 years dealing with the fact that fate has it out for me. I don't want someone that will be accepted so easily that's what imprints are. I've come to terms with the fact that I will never imprint. Mostly because I want it, therefore fate has determined that I will never imprint. But no way in hell am I going to be with a guy who could practically be my imprint, that's just asking for trouble.

_"I can't be with you anymore."_

_"What?" Ethan asked stunned._

_"We—I—I can't." I stuttered. "I'm not ready for this."_

_"Leah I know I said some things but—"_

_"Ethan, no. As cliché as this is, and I cannot believe that this is coming out of my mouth, but it's me."_

And that was the truth, well as much as the truth as I could give him. Ethan was perfect- any maybe that's why I had to get rid of him. He was perfect if I was human, but lets face it, if I was still human Ethan would have never been a part of my life. He's not my imprint, therefore this crap of a life I'm living, he can't be a part of it. I'm not perfect, and I don't want perfect, and that's what he was.

Ethan took the breakup well. No crying, no begging, just understanding, and well wishes for my future, he even asked if we could be friends.

I looked him straight in the eye and said 'No, we can't be friends, it's not right.' and walked away.

Because as much as I hated admitting this, Sam was right. It wasn't fair to Ethan, but more importantly it wasn't fair to me.

***

"I really don't know what I was thinking, he got along with Paul." I laughed sticking my spoon into my ice cream.

"So? Rachel's his imprint, and you like her well enough." Jacob snorted back.

"Rachel and I have been friends pre-dumbass came into her life."

"Paul hasn't always—" Seth started.

"Think clearly before you finish that sentence." Jacob said , "This isn't about what Sam said right?" he asked looking at me.

"No, not really, if it was I would have broken up with Ethan two months ago. He's a great guy. Just not someone I want a part of this world." I answered truthfully. I could have lied. I could have told him that this was all about Sam and had four angry wolves ready to pounce on him, but it wasn't at least not entirely, and I wanted to be honest.

"I could still go and hit him if you want me to?" Seth asked timidly.

"Thanks kid, but I can take care of myself." I laughed as I pictured Seth punching Sam. He'd probably go up to him and start off with the pleasantries, then when that was through, Seth would hit him then apologize for hitting him. The kid was to nice for his own good.

"He told me he was falling in love with me. How insane is that? 6 months and he thinks that he might love me. As much as I don't want to admit this, Sam made sense. Now I believe that I'm never going to imprint, but what if fate screws me in the ass again, and I actually do imprint on someone? I couldn't do that to him." I said taking another bite of my ice cream. Mint chocolate chip ice cream was my salvation. It's what I had on my disaster date with David, it's what I ate when Sam left me…It's the thing that will always make me feel better.

"Leah—"

"I'm okay. I phased earlier and went for a run to clear my head, the more I think about it the more I realize that this was right. Remember the night I brought Ethan here to meet everyone? I was scared shitless. We were dating for 4 months and I was scared for him to meet my family. I practically dragged Sam through the door to meet my family on the second date, that's not even the point. He never swore, he was to passive aggressive, and geeze most of all he actually liked Paul!"

That made everyone laugh.

"You know the funniest thing about this situation? He's going to be at their wedding. What kind of crap is that?"

"Leah, you're the one that broke up with him" Seth stated.

"Seth—I really wouldn't." Jacob whispered.

"You know that's not what I meant. Does mom know?" He asked looking at me.

"No. "

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah I am." I said smiling.

"He made you nice again." Jacob said laughing.

"You're still an ass."

"And you're still a bitch."

"At least that will never change."

* * *

**A/N**: I wanted to write a long chapter, but I couldn't continue writing this chapter. I'm not too fond of this chapter, and I really struggled with Ethan and Leah breaking up, everyone seemed to love him, and honestly I loved him, but I never thought everyone was going to like him. I'm sorry it isn't as long as it should be, and I apologize in advance for the lack of updates. But thank you so much for all your reviews, they're awesome, and they really make my nights.


	6. Chapter 6

"Inside I hope you know I'm dying  
With my heart beside me  
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced  
And if I died right now you'd never be the same."

-Three Cheers for Five Years, Mayday Parade

* * *

Five years ago if you told me I was still going to be in La Push, still living in my mother's, trust me when I say I would've laughed at you.

I was going places, I was going to get married, start a family, maybe even get a degree in something, but definitely not living with my mother and stupid almost fully grown baby brother, still sleeping in the same room I used to sneak out of at night but then again that was before all this werewolf, I mean shape shifter nonsense started.

_**Shape shifter?!**_

Stupid mind reading leech tells the whole world that were not real werewolves. I wish they were here so I could roll my eyes properly at them. Wait did I seriously just wish for the leeches on the Rez, now I know I'm going out of my mind.

Three weeks ago I broke up with the perfect guy. I am seriously out of my fucking mind and if that's not bad enough tomorrow's Friday night.

"Tomorrow's Friday...again." Jacob repeated out loud. I swear sometimes I think he's the mind reader, although he'd be the half-leech-imprinter mind rapist.

"And? What the hell do you want me to do about it? It not like I have magical powers and I can make the weekend disappear." I said more coldly than I would've wanted.

"I'm going up to the Cullen's you should come."

"I should also pour bleach into my eye-balls from having to walk in on my mom and Charlie playing grab-ass on the couch, but there's no way in hell that's going to happen, and as for you trying to get me to go with you to the _Cullen's_," I spitted out the name. "There's a greater chance of me imprinting than that happening."

"I'm trying to be nice here."

"Yeah, well stop. I don't need your charity. I don't care if tomorrow's Friday."

"You should-"

"I should what?" I yelled. It's the third time this week he's bugged me about the weekend and it was riding my last nerve. "I swear if you tell me get back on the horse, or some mumbo bullshit about putting myself out there again I will shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be pooping out pancakes for the rest of your life."

"You are the biggest pain in the ass ever."

"Yeah, well at least I'm good at something." I bitched back.

"All I've been trying to do is be nice, be a friend to you, but no you've got to be a self righteous bitch all the time. If for one second you realized that there are people out there who actually care about you, you would realize that your life doesn't suck!" Jacob said raising his voice.

This is what I've been waiting for.

"I never said my life sucked, you fucking retard."

"Really? That's seriously news to me. Aren't you Leah Clearwater? You bitch and whine about everything. Especially when someone is trying to be nice to you, you take it the wrong way and think they're pitying you. You're to fucking stubborn. You need to stop it. You're not 16 years old anymore. You think you're the only one with problems? You're not. Here's a thought, grow the fuck up Leah. " Jacob yelled.

"Don't tell me what to do." I muttered darkly.

"I'm not telling you what to do. I'm trying to give you advice. " He said back fuming.

"Fuck off you god damn jackass. Why the hell are you always here?!" I screamed.

"You know what? Fine. Be stubborn, be a fucking pain. Have fun sitting home alone wallowing in your self-loathing. I'm outta here." He said mumbling more profanities and walking out the door slamming the screen door shut. If I didn't know any better I could have sworn I heard the tearing of clothes.

Let's get one thing straight here, Jacob Black is not my friend. He is my Alpha, and I am his Beta.

We have a working relationship. I tell him when he's being a jackass, and he lets me abuse the leeches, save his precious imprint, and Sam's pack whenever I feel like it. So out of common courtesy I occasionally tell him things I'm thinking and there those rare moments I ask him what he thinks. But when were out patrolling he's the one brings up all the emotional crap.

Three days after I broke up with Ethan I got stuck with Jake on patrol, and of course he asked me how I was, and if I needed to take some time off, or even if I needed someone to 'talk' to he'd listen. I think he secretly wished that I'd start crying so he'd have something to blackmail me with.

Naturally I asked him when he grew a vagina and started picturing him at about 7 years old in a baby pink dress holding a Barbie doll, and wearing a tiara sucking on his thumb, it was a memory from when we were younger and Rachel and Rebecca dressed him up in it. He wasn't so thrilled with me.

Whatever he shouldn't turn into a girl and bring all that emotional crap, if I wanted to hang out with chicks I'd hang out with Emily, and the rest of the imprints, but we all know that will never happen. I'd rather take on an army of newborns again than have to sit in a room filled with women wondering if their darlings are thinking about them. Gag.

I don't even know why we have to phase any more, its not like some big bad vamp is going to come and settle in the town next to us, oh wait that already happened. Stupid ancestors, Ephraim Black should've just told the vamps to get lost and do their freaky animal blood drinking thing in Canada.

Canadians don't give a rat's ass about anything going on in their own country. The Leeches would've given the damn Mounties, something to do. Ha like the Mounties could actually do something about it. Hell Jacob Black should just go back to Canada and leave the pack in my care. It's not like we need to phase any more. Besides Quil of course, but he's going to be with his dearly beloved soon enough, only 12 more years until she turns 18, and he'll dutifully wait until that day comes, the idiot.

***

Its 2:04 am.

This wouldn't be a problem if I had something to do. It was a very uneventful evening. No I wasn't wallowing in self-loathing like Jacob thought I did, it was self pity. What to do now it's not like I can sleep. Seth's still out patrolling, you know how I know that? The house is actually quite, it's not like the walls are paper thin, but damn can Seth snore.

I could go out and relive him, it's better than just sitting here doing nothing yeah I think I might do that. Getting out of bed I went to my mother's room and peaked in. I could hear her breathing, and the light thumping of her heart, but I wanted to check for myself, I half expected to see my father laying in bed next to her, even though I knew that was completely impossible, old habits die hard I guess.

After checking on mom I slowly walked out the door, I didn't feel like going for a run tonight. Seth would be back soon enough, I thought to myself. I don't know how it happened, I think I was just lost in thought, or maybe subconsciously I knew where I was going, but when I came out of my thought trance I realized I wasn't in my front yard any more. I was at a place I swore never to return to, a place that held so many memories that even in the dark I knew where I was, it was our place, mine and Sam's.

After we broke up I came here all the time, just to sit and think and relive all the memories, I cried myself into a drunken stupor several times here, thinking about how I wasn't good enough and cursing the world that Emily who was someone near and dear to me was the one who ruined my life, it was the place I knew Sam wouldn't ever come back to, why would he right, he didn't love me, everything was a lie or so I thought.

But once I became a wolf I saw that he used to come here a lot also, to do what I wasn't sure. But I knew that he'd smell my scent all over the place. He let it slip once that he followed me to the spot and watched as I cried and cursed him with endless profanities.

I felt the disgust he felt for himself, but it didn't stop me from reeling him out in front of everyone.

_"What the hell was that?" I screamed at him, after I finally got control of my thoughts and phased back into my human form. I stared at the giant black wolf motioning him to do the same, I was so pissed I didn't care that I was naked and three other people, my so called brothers, ppff, and Sam were presently staring at me like I've lost my mind. _

_"So what was that about? You used to stalk me? What the fucking hell Sam!! As if you're not enough of a fucking creeper. Now I find out that you're a fucking perverted stalker!?" I continued to scream at him._

_"Leah…you know it's not like that." Sam said calmly staring back at me. He looked like he was mentally debating if it was a good idea to come near me._

_It wasn't, and I'm glad he knew that.  
_

_"Whatever, what did you have binoculars and night vision goggles like those Peeping Toms on T.V. God you're so submissive and calm it's like your balls have been ripped off and put in a jar, maybe that's what we see in your living room, your balls on display, because obviously you've lost them, I swear if you ever follow me or even think of sending someone to check up on me I will feed your balls to you, you pathetic good for nothing, lying, cheating, dickwad. You sicken me. You fucking jackass. I fucking hate this!!" I screamed exploding into my wolf form._

_'Leah calm down' Sam thought back at me. It didn't take him long to get back into his wolf form._

_'I hate you. I hate that place. I am not some pathetic doe eyed moron.'_

_'I'm so-'_

_'Go to hell. I hope your happy you fucking bastard, you've just ruined the one place I had left.'_

"Leah?" A voice asked through the darkness.

I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Sam." I acknowledged turning around and looking at him. At that moment a flush of memories came back at me, our first kiss, sneaking into his house in the middle of the night, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend, and the day we got lost in the woods and found this spot and claimed it as our own.

"What are you doing here?" He asked surprised.

"I don't know. Thinking I guess my feet took me here" I answer truthfully.

I wanted to say something smart, and scream out the strings of profanities I had stored in my head just for Sam, but at that moment I didn't want to be bitchy Leah, I didn't want to have to think about anything.

"It's late."

"I know. What are you doing here?" I asked quizzically.

"I um…well…truthfully?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I come here almost every night…" He admitted.

"Oh." Sam was the last person I wanted to see. The last time we actually spoke to one another he was telling me to break up with my boyfriend and since that happened we haven't been in contact.

"Why?" I wondered out loud.

"Excuse me?"

"Why do you come here? Not to be rude or anything, and trust me there are choice words I want to say to you, but what's going on in that crazy head of yours that makes you come here every night?"

"I don't know I just do."

"What the hell do you mean you just do?" My patience was warring thin, the fight I had with Jacob was fresh in my head, and I was itching to lash out at someone.

"This," I motioned around me, "was our spot. The day I found out you used to follow me out here was the day I vowed never to come back."

"I remember."

"Is that all your going to do now? Agree with me, or just give me short two word sentences, when the hell did you become this passive? Who the hell are you? I broke up with Ethan, isn't that what you wanted? You bugged the shit out of me for a fucking month, giving me all these stupid idiotic reasons why I couldn't be with him, being a complete jackass shoving the 'what if I imprint' topic in my face over and over again, and god damn it! Why the hell am I even here talking to you! I don't like you, and I hate this place!!" I screeched feeling the familiar tremors taking over my body.

"Do you want to know why I come here?" Sam asked acidly. He was losing his cool demeanor. I could feel the heat coming off of him and I could see the small tremors trying to get the better of him. It wasn't bad enough that I told Jacob to go fuck himself last night, now Sam was in my face. This is what I do on the weekends, piss Alpha's off.

"I come here because it's the one place I felt safe. I came here after I became a wolf, you know that. You gave this place up Leah. I didn't. If anyone should be pissed it should be me." Sam said taking deep breaths in and out.

"I'm sorry about Ethan." He whispered more quietly. "I really did like him, it just wasn't fair."

"Well life isn't fair Sam, you taught me that." I spat out at him.

"Why are you always like this?" He asked as pain shoot across his face. "I thought after you left, that being in Jacob's pack, being his Beta, you seemed happier, then when you started dating, even though they were losers, you were happy, I didn't think that you would be like this any more…"

"Like what Sam? Huh? Broken? Bitter? Piss off? I left to get away from you." I said laughing.

"I left to get out of your head," I said looking straight into his face, "to not have to be your bitch any more. But I still am aren't I? Ethan told me he was falling in love with me. And you know what I did when he said that? I laughed. I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world!" I said going into a fit of hysterics.

"Do you want to know why I laughed? I laughed because I couldn't love him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. Because I don't have anything to give him. You took that all away from me. So yeah I'm like _this_ and I will continue to be like this. You don't get to say anything about the way I am, because guess what? I might not hate Emily, and I might tolerate you, but don't ever think for one second think that I chose to feel this way." I finished resentfully.

"I never expected to see you here again." Sam said wistfully.

Obviously he never expected to see me here again, I practically tarred him a new asshole, when I told him I'd never come back.

"Never say never Sam…I was even thinking about going up to the leeches to play dress up with the spawn." I taunted.

Sam's face was priceless. He looked like one of those people who just found out their tooth brush was used to clean the toilet, right after you brushed your teeth.

"Not like I'd ever go and play dress up. Maybe have a tea party, but whatever. Jacob would probably rip my throat out right now." I said still laughing at his face.

The last part brought him out of his idiotic state. I had to admit it was funny seeing him like that.

"What happened between you and Jacob?" He asked looking at me like I suddenly grew another head.

"None of your business." I snapped.

"Okay," He replied somberly, "Remember when we found this place? You wanted to find a new place to make out because the cliffs were too far away, the beaches were always filled, and -"

"and the backseat of your car smelt like fish because of that time you went fishing with my dad a fish slipped off the hook and you couldn't find it till the next day." I finished laughing, "It smelt like ass, I think that was my dad's intention…He wanted to murder you after he caught us making out." At the mention of my dad I felt a twinge in my heart, and the smile left my lips.

"But that was a long time ago." I said looking up at him.

"Practically another life time." He agreed.

After that we sat in silence, I could feel his eyes on me but I forced myself to close my eyes and lay on the ground. It didn't take Sam long to start talking again.

"I wish we could do this more often." Sam whispered at me.

I stared at him in utter shock. Did he think just because I wasn't screaming bloody murder at him that we could be best friends. HELL MOTHER FUCKING NO. We had a moment and now it's over.

"I don't know what you think is going on here," I said livid, "but were not friends. This is a onetime deal. I don't even know why I'm talking to you. I'd say it was the drugs but I haven't had any good ones lately."

"Strolling down memory lane with you in the middle of the night is that last thing I want, I won't sit here with you and pretend everything is okay between us, you know better than that, you need to stop being so fucking ignorant." He flinched at my words but I continued. "You shouldn't be sitting here with me, hell you shouldn't even be here anymore Sam. Go home, go back to your perfect life, and stop fucking mine up every chance you get." I didn't wait for a response, I ran into the woods before he could stop me, phasing as I passed the tree with the initials

S.U. & L.C.

TLA.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry no one really liked the last chapter. It just had to be written. I know it wasn't as funny as the other chapters, or as interesting but really Ethan had to go. Leah had some terrible dates, but I think she needed to be with someone who was perfect. They were together for a while..about 7 months to be exact. Leah brings Ethan around when Ethan and Leah have been dating for almost 4 months…Then Sam starts bothering her the next day, and her continues bothering her for a month, the pesky bugger…Then two months later Leah breaks up with Ethan. So I know it seems quick, but they were together for a while. So as glad as I am that everyone loved Ethan, he wasn't the right guy for Leah. Sorry it's taken so long to update…This is longer than the others have been! Yay! As I was writing this it kinda developed into something completely different from what I had planned out…Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

"_I hate the world today  
You're so good to me  
I know but I can't change  
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel  
underneath innocent and sweet."_

_-Bitch, Meredith Brooks_

_

* * *

_

Note to self, always carry an extra pair of clothes. I seem to be making a lot of notes to myself lately. It would make more sense if I remembered half the things I needed to do. I might need to invest in storing clothes throughout the woods. Sure I don't accidentally phase any more, but who would've thought I'd spend the past couple of hours talking with my stupid ex-boyfriend. Not me.

As I approached my house I wondered if I could sneak quietly into my room without waking any one up. God knows I've scarred my brother enough during his short lifetime, he doesn't need to see me naked up close and personal, especially when he had every wolf thinking about that fact that I had a _rockin' body_ and if I wouldn't open my mouth I'd be a 'good fuck'. Paul's words not mine.

Seth didn't take that to well. Sam had to go and put an Alpha Command on Seth so he wouldn't rip out Paul's eyes and play marbles with them. I've never been so proud to call him my brother. I still remember the look on Paul's face as I threatened him or anyone else with castration if I ever caught them thinking about me naked ever again, it was my favorite wolf moment, if any one in my position could ever have those.

Seth really is a great brother, not like I'd ever tell him that to his face. There is no way in hell I'm going to deal with him walking around with that 'I know you love me' smirk. He really needs to stop hanging out with Jacob.

I debated if I should try my luck walking into the house or if I should be childish and sneak through my window like I used to. With my new and improved werewolf abilities I was sure it wouldn't be a problem.

Me and my stupid fucking big mouth.

Of course it's always a challenge, nothing is every easy. Stupid asswards land.

After 20 minutes of trying to pry my screen off my window I gave up. What the hell was it held together with? Some unknown magically substance that can withstand super in human werewolf strength?

The front door is never locked, but for some unknown fucked up reason the screen on my window is completed bolted to the house! I could tear it off, it'd probably wake the entire house, and mom would be pissed to no end, but I could do it. I probably shouldn't though.

Screw it; I thought to myself, I'm just going to walk in the house through the front door, and damn it all to hell if Seth's up.

***

* * *

If looks could kill I would be dead right now. That is the one thing I am sure of. Nothing is more embarrassing then getting lectured by your little brother and pack brothers about not disappearing in the middle of the night, while your Alpha sits on his ass glaring at you from across the room with that 'serves you right you big pain in the ass' look.

What a jackass. I swear fate didn't hate me enough they stuck two alpha's on my ass, one to screw up my life, and the other to be a constant pain in the ass.

"You can't just run off in the middle of the night!" Seth said done in.

It's the first time I've taken a good look at my brother. He seems older for his age, sure physically he looks about early to mid-twenties, he could probably pass for a 26 year old, but actually he's 17. 18 in a couple weeks, I think. A sudden wave of guilt washes over me as I see how much I'm actually hurting him.

"At least stay in wolf form so we can hear you thoughts." Embry said glaring at me.

"I WAS in wolf form." I argued back.

"For like 5 minutes! I was half way to Canada by the time Embry caught your scent. And by the time I got back you were already asleep and I know better than to wake you" Seth grumbled.

Huh, I guess my baby brother does have a brain.

"Why were you out in the middle of the night in a random part of the woods with Sam Uley?" Embry wondered.

"I wasn't. I was burying his body." I laughed darkly.

"Well you must not have done a great job seeing as how I saw him on my way over here." Quil said amused.

"Yeah so, next time I'll know to make sure he's dead before I shove dirt over his ugly face." I muttered.

"Leah…" All three of them moaned.

"I wasn't out their secretly meeting him if that's what you're all thinking. If you want to know, go ask him, he's the one who was fucking stalking me." I mused.

"He gave me this to give to you." Quil offered.

A note from Sam. The last time I got one of those from him it was filled with such beautiful words, and promises…that he broke I reminded myself. Fucking ass hole can't face me like a man.

I grabbed the note from Quil and starred at it. My name was written across from it in his messy handwriting, I felt like I was fifteen again. I could feel four pairs of eyes on me, they were wondering what I was going to do. I looked at the envelope it was still sealed, I guess Quil knew better than to open it. It's now or never I thought to myself.

Except I didn't open it.

I wanted to. Then I remembered I didn't give a shit about what Sam Uley had to say to me…So I went over to the counter grabbed a lighter from one the drawers and set it on fire.

"Holy shit Leah!" Embry yelled.

"What are you doing?" Seth asked.

"Burning the filth Quil brought over. I don't give a shit what that letter says. That better never happen again." I warned "Or you'll be the things I set on fire."

"Just don't disappear in the middle of the night again." Seth begged.

"Fine…MOM!. I'm older, you don't get to tell me what to do." I bitched back.

"We were worried." Quil said softly.

I'm about to say something bitchy but the look in their eyes makes me realize that they were worried. What the hell. Did I slip into assward land again?!

"_Worried?_ About _me_? Boys I am the most dangerous thing out there!" I snorted.

"No you're not." A deep voice disagrees.

Ah, the all mighty alpha talks. Not once has he said anything to me all morning. Even when Quil, Embry and Seth were biting into me, nothing. I swear if I didn't know any better I would've sworn he was just a statue that liked to glare at me. I didn't expect him to say anything. Actually I didn't even know why he was in my house. The last time we talked I got the distinct feeling he'd never step foot in my house again while I was here.

"Really? And what is?" I asked.

"I am." He says with a tone that makes me not want to disagree with him.

When he wants to be, Jacob Black is a scary mother fucker. Although not as scary as the she demon is, as the lovely town's folk like to call me. But he's right, I may be the fastest, but if it came down to it he would be able to take me down in a heartbeat.

"Next time, leave a note Leah," Seth says, then adds "please?" and sticks out his bottom lip.

Seth has this thing about him that make it hard for me to say no. It's a look that makes my nonexistent motherly instincts kick into over drive, and I just can't say no. He's used it on me three times in my life. This being the third. He's not allowed to do it any more I've decided. He's almost 18. I don't need to hand everything to him.

"Whatever." I mumbled kicking my stool.

"Great, now that, that's taken care of, I've got things to do." Jacob says walking out the front door.

What the hell was that? I wondered as I watched Jacob walk out the door. I guess I didn't notice that I asked the question out loud.

"He's pissed." Quil said.

"What did you do him?" Embry asked.

"What makes you think I did something?!" I snapped back.

"All I heard from him the past couple of nights was a string of endless profanities, and he was picturing your face a lot, so…well it was pretty obvious." Embry said.

"I might have told him where he could shove it a few times, maybe said something about the leeches and I might have mentioned something about rather pouring bleach in my eye balls. You know the usual." I said nonchalantly.

"You need to apologize." Seth quipped.

I need to what? Alright their baby bro, I'll admit I might have dropped you on the head a few times as a baby, but there is no way in hell you think that I am going to apologize to Jacob for speaking my mind, and pissing him off.

"What?" I barked.

"Easy Leah…" Quil said.

"You need to apologize to him Leah." Seth said again. "I heard you guys arguing. I heard what you said to him. And guess what? You were wrong. He's your friend, he's our alpha, and you were wrong, you need to apologize."

"I am not apologizing." I said through gritted teeth.

"It's just going to make your patrol with him tomorrow, all the more irritating."

"I'm not apologizing." I said again.

No fricking way in hell am I going to apologize to Jacob. We're not friends, and I don't care about his feelings therefore I am not going to apologize. He just needs to get over it.

***

* * *

Why couldn't I have been an only child? My parents waited 5 years to have Seth. They should have just stopped with me. But no, mom forgot to take a pill, and I bet dad forgot to wrap his tool, geeze, that's why they have those stupid 'no glove, no love' slogans. It's just not to prevent STD or STI's as they're called now, morons, make up your fucking mind, their either a disease or an infection, they can't just change it on a whim.

Great now I've gone and got myself thinking about my parents having sex. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Now I'm thinking about Charlie and my mother doing it. Crap...fuck...eww...gross...old people sex...my mother having sex. Stop it brain! Stop!

Although I have to hand it to Seth, all those years of been the good child, I knew he always had a bad streak, he was just waiting for me to unleash it. Why the hell couldn't he have smart mouthed off to Sam while we were in his pack, or maybe even Billy I'm sure that old man has said something about the leeches to piss him off, but no he chooses me to unless his darkness on. It's just my luck. 23 years of wanting someone to corrupt and unleash on the world and I'm the one that got screwed over. Hello again assward land!

That's why I'm not too surprised when he threatened to tell the entire world that I still sleep with a stuffed animal. The evil conniving little blackmailer is making me apologize to Jacob. "_it's for your own good Leah."_ If I didn't have to share thoughts with him I swear he swinging for the other team, that would've made for an interesting night, but no, I get to picture Becky Fisher and my brother making out. Fuck My Life! I should've dropped him down the toilet when I had the chance. But no my mission in life is to protect him, not murder him in his sleep. Grr...

The good thing about it is the fact that I don't have to go far. There are only three places Jacob would be, his house sleeping or tinkering around in the half ass garage of his, in his wolf form annoying the shit out of me with his complete and utter silence, or at the leeches house playing with his spawn child bride.

And leave it to my unfortunate luck that the last place I ever want to go is the place I have to be. Stupid moronic imprinting jackass. Why couldn't he have just imprinted on some stupid Quileute chick. I would've made my screwed up life easier. And the damn bloodsuckers would have be gone by now. But no the fucking tart had to go and get herself knocked up, and reproduce. If anyone shouldn't be reproducing Bella Swan, _Cullen _was that person, it's a good thing she's no longer a person then. At least the kids got somewhat of a brain; it's more than I can say about her halfwit parents.

Speak of the devil, as I reach the porch the damn dipstick is standing their glaring at me.

"What?!" I with intense malicious.

"You're not being very nice today." Edward murmurs.

The high pitch of his voice makes me wonder how anyone with a brain would see that as attractive, let alone sexy. What the hell did he have to do to get Bella to sleep with him, tranquilize her so she didn't have to hear him. Haha, but then again Bella's never been one with a brain so she probably sat their willingly.

_"Take me, I'm yours"_

_"Take what?"_

_"umm me?"_

_"What do you mean like sex?"_

_"Of course, darling."_

_"Okie dokie."_

_Then they'd probably do it once and she'd say it was the best she's ever had, but she'd by lying because the dumb skank wouldn't know her head from her ass if you gave her a map._

"Leah-" He warns._ Assface, what's a girl got to do to get some piece and quite around here you fucking_ _mind-rapper!_

"It's hard when you're screaming your thoughts at me. I would very much appreciate it if you would refrain from thinking about my wife and I like that." He says acidly.

Does he really think that scares me? I'm a fucking werewolf! The fact that your ass sparkles in the sun doesn't scare me!

I hear a growl escape from him, I could use a good fight, Sam pissed me off last night, and with Seth forcing me to apologize to Jacob I'm sure I could find some pent up frustration that I wouldn't mind releasing on a filthy bloodsucker.

I laugh as I think about Seth's face when he finds out I've murdered his new bestie. Maybe then his brain would go back to normal and he would hate these bloodsuckers again. One could only hope.

"Chill out bloodsucker. I'm not here to tell you what an idiot I think you or your num nut of a wife is, I'm here to see-"

"Jacob. I know." He cuts me off.

_Fucking Mind rapist._

"Although, when you're not incredibly angry, I have to admit, you have been getting better at hiding your thoughts."

_That's what happens when you share your mind with 4 other people._ I think not bothering to answer him verbally. _Can you point me in the direction of a gigantic pain the ass werewolf._

"He was pretty upset with you the other night."

_And? He wanted me to come here. And look now I'm here so he needs to stop being such a pansy._

"He cares a lot about you."

_I didn't come here for a lecture. Or an insight into Jacob Black's mind, I get enough of that on a daily basis thanks a bunch though._ I think staring at him.

_Now if you wouldn't mind-I came here for a reason, and it wasn't to make small talk with a leech._

"He's in the kitchen, where else would he be."

_Where-_

"Down the hall, and to the left, it's the one with the fridge."

"Obviously."_ You undead freak._ I thought walking away.

"I heard that." He laughed.

_Because I thought it._

When I'm a wolf I get no privacy, when I'm human I get no privacy either. This is a fucked up situation. Stupid Seth. I really should have been an only child.

***

* * *

As I walk into the kitchen I see that Jacob's leaning on the island with a sandwich in hand shoving it down his throat. What a fucking pig. No wonder blondie throws a fit every time Jake's here. He's probably eat her if he was desperate enough.

"Pig." I muttered.

His jaw dropped, along with the rest of his sandwich, I could see all the half eaten food in his mouth, and let me tell you it wasn't a pretty sight.

"Jake close your mouth…Unless you want me to shove Edward's cold marble dick in it." I laughed. _That'll teach you, you fucking mind reader._

"Eww..Gross Leah." Jacob said after a couple of minutes, after he closed his mouth and swallowed everything he was eating.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He said more forcefully.

"Hanging out, duh!"

"Leah-" Jacob said in a very unamused tone. I guess everyone was right when they said he was pissed.

"Jacob." I said back in the same tone.

"Don't be a bitch today Leah. Say what you need to say, and leave. I'm not in the mood." He said glumly.

He was right, he wasn't in the mood.

"Listen Jake about the other night…"

"Are you seriously going to apologize to me?" He asked shocked.

Jackass. Way to ruin a nice moment. Stupid, stupid Seth. I am going to kill him when I get home.

"No I'm not. I'm here. That should be good enough"

"What?!"

"I know you heard me you fucking douche bag. I'm here standing in the kitchen of leech central, and you're seriously going to be an ass. Forget it, I take back my apology. I'm not sorry, in fact don't bother patrolling tomorrow, I've got it cover. Stay here and die for all I care."_ fucking son of a bitch._ I thought darkly.

"If that's your idea of an apology then you seriously need to work on it."

"Jacob, you know who I am. I'm a sarcastic bitch with a smartass attitude, I don't do apologies, this is as good as it's going to get. So suck it up and accept it, or continue staying pissed at me."

"You're so full of shit. You're not this complete badass that needs no one, you need me and you know it. You're a fucking marshmallow! And this wall you've built around yourself, one day I'm going to break through it. Just let your defense down once in a while."

"Marshmallow?!" I exploded. I didn't care that everything, not person because they're leeches not people, could hear me. I just had a flashback to my very first date after Sam. Jacob called me a marshmallow then to.

"Yeah I have a wall up, I have to have a wall up because shitty things keep on happening to me. After all this time it's become something I'm used to. It's a natural defense against drama, bullshit, and stupidity, and honestly I don't give a fuck if you're offended. It's who I am Jake."

"Wrong again. It's who you chose to be." He disagreed.

"Stop trying to pull this stupid psycho babble bullshit on me, just because you've been in my head, it doesn't mean you know who I am. We're not friends. You're my alpha, and I'm here so deal the fuck with it."

I've always been someone who could push all the right buttons, with Sam I constantly reminded him how inadequate he was as a lover, with Paul I pushed his temper just because I needed something to do, with Embry I used to make fun of his mother, and of course with Quil I used to remind him how his beloved was a child and when she grew up he'd just be some weird old man who used to watch her when she was younger, and she'd never love a pedophile like him. Finding the faults in others then flaunting it back in their faces was a specialty. So the fact that Jacob was fuming was a shock to me.

"Why are you so frustrating?!" Jacob said infuriated. "We're friends Leah. At least I'm your friend. You need to stop pushing me away. You're not alone, but if you keep pulling this bull shit, you will be. What the hell happened to you being less annoying than Paul?! Right now I'd take him over you." He screamed.

Wow, when the hell did I get more annoying than Paul again.

"Ouch Jake. You sure know how to make a girl feel special" I replied sarcastically.

"Yeah well show me a girl and I'll make her feel special" He muttered.

"Asshole." I hissed.

"Yeah, well we could do this all day, but until you get your head out of your ass-" Way to steal one of my comebacks Jake. "I don't feel like talking to you." He said dismissively.

"FINE!" I screamed and stormed out of the kitchen.

Moronic-... Good for nothing-... Piece of crap-... Pig-headed... Mother-fucking-son-of-a-bitch... I should kick his ass. Who the hell is he to say that shit to me. He doesn't want to talk to me find I don't want to talk to him either!

I got half way down the porch before Edward's nosy ass decided to talk to me.

"Umm Leah?"

Fucking Great. No piece and quite. I swear if he's come to lecture me again I will rip his head off.

"WHAT?" I snapped.

"You might want to go and talk to Jake again…you know since Seth will be here in about an hour."

What the fuck? How the hell does he know when Seth's coming over. Do they have magical ring communicators that lets the other know when they're thinking about each other. Fucking queermo.

"Queermo?"

"Queer mother fucker."

"Ah, I see. Well I highly doubt Seth will think what you tried to do was an apology."

Son of a bitch. Stupid Seth.

"Fine, I'll go and speak to Jacob, but I you better not mind blood in your kitchen, because if he's any more of a complete ass I won't hesitate to rip his head off then shove it up your ass."

***

* * *

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Excuse me?" Jacob said shocked.

"You heard me jackass. I'm sorry, you were right I was wrong. Happy?!"

"Did you just say sorry to me?" He asked surprised.

"Yes I did you retard. That's the only apology you'll ever get from me." I spit out.

"Holy fucking shit. Hell has finally frozen over. It's the apocalypse!" He said laughing.

I laughed along with him. I can't believe the words 'I'm' and 'sorry' were used next to each other in a non sarcastic way, it's usually _I'm not sorry_ or _I'm sorry you're a jackass, _ or whatever word I felt like using that day.

"Don't get used to it. Jackasss." I laughed "You can go and thank you number one fan, and his bestie, but maybe you're more comfortable calling him daddy."

I couldn't help it, I started to picture Jacob and Edward coming back from a _hunting_ trip.

_"That was some trip huh?"_

_"Oh yeah lots of woodland creatures to orphan"_

_"You know son, you should know that nothing beats the joys of fatherhood"_

_"Aw, shucks dad, I can't wait to be an amazing dad just like you."_

For some reason they were dressed as 1950's characters and talking like those pleasantville freaks. I swear the things that go on through my mind.

Throughout the house I heard a snarl. _You did call him son, _I thought back.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize that Jacob wasn't laughing any more. Some thing was telling me that he wasn't okay.

"Uh…Jake? You okay there?" I asked gently.

I saw him take deep breaths in and out. What the hell pissed him off so much? It's not like I call his darling, a hybrid spawn out loud today.

A familiar smile broke out on his lips.

"You said sorry to me." He laughed.

"Idiot."

"They owe me fifty bucks! I knew you'd apologize. Within the week, they said you'd rip my dick off and feed it to me before you did that." He laughed. That did sound like me.

"Well it's a good thing you stopped being a bitch because Embry and Seth's got a surprise for you, but Seth said he wasn't gonna give it to you unless you apologized."

"A surprise?" I wondered. I hoped it wasn't chocolates or flowers. I'd go and buy that shit for myself. Maybe it was a shot gun. I've been itching for one of those…

^*^*^*^*^

~TBC.

* * *

**A/N:** I had a lot of fun writing the last chapter, and I'm glad everyone enjoyed it! Thank you everyone who has reviewed. This chapter is longer than all the others have been…mostly because I won't be updating for a while. Summer classes' suck, and Organic Chemistry during the summer is the devil. Enjoy though.

Weird place to end it I know, But I couldn't type any more. Nothing too exciting happened except for a whole bunch of Leah and Jacob yelling at each other. Good news my chapters are getting longer! Bad news is that I still have no idea where I want to go with this. I just keep typing. I wanted to have something else happened in this chapter, but I soon realized that it way to long for my own liking. About 4400 words, so I decided to stop. It was our first interaction with a Cullen…what did you think? There's been almost 2,000 hits on this story, which is really exciting, and 27 people have it on alert, I'd love to hear from everyone who's reading, even if it's a quick 'I like your story'. But the response I've been getting back has been awesome! Thanks a lot to my constant reviewers! You guys are so amazing. And I'm sorry that I won't be able to update for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

"_She's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way  
Her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day  
She said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing  
And all I said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"_

_-Mood Ring, Relient K_

_

* * *

  
_

Seth showed up 5 minutes later, I still believe that him and the stupid bloodsucker have communicator rings, they're probably like those wonder twins ones that can let them change into idiotic things.

_Complete idiot powers, activate!_

"_Form of…a complete a total dweeb."_

_"Shape of…a privacy invading snob."_

"You have such interesting thoughts." Edward murmured.

"Yeah, you wish you were as interesting as I was." I bitched back. _Leave me alone dickhead._

"I don't think so." He laughed back.

"Jacob do you mind if I punch your soon to be daddy?" I asked innocently.

_Maybe you'll learn to shut your stupid trap. Go find your oh so lovely wife and daughter._ I thought sarcastically.

"Leah..." Edward warned.

What the hell was up with him and warning me.

_YOU DON'T SCARE ME! You stupid sparkling undead freak, so stop growling at me any time I mention Bella. I'm not going to make her cry again if that's what you're afraid of. It's not like she can cry anymore anyways._

I was too busy ranting at the bloodsucker in my head that I didn't notice Jacob and Seth talking about me.

_"_So Jake…did Leah apologize?" Seth asked

Jacob laughed and held out two fingers.

"What's that mean?" Seth asked.

"Twice." Jacob said laughing. "The first time she tired she basically bitched me out again, but the second time it was a lot better. Still she apologized twice, the guys owe me fifty bucks!"

I glared angrily at Seth. The bastard played me. I am going to kill him when we get home. Stupid blackmailing little con artist! What the hell did I just unleash onto the world? Or maybe I'm still in assward land, and Seth's the terrible child, and I'm the good one. Damn you assward land.

"Assward land?" Edward questioned.

_What the hell did I tell you about reading my mind you fucking dick wad?_

"It's my version of backwards land, but more specially aimed towards making everything I think will happen, turn into something else."

_Happy fucking assface?_

"Interesting." He murmured.

_No what will be interesting is when I shove my foot up your ass. If you're my surprise I swear I will kill you, Seth, and Jacob in this very room them feed you all to the animals outside, how's that for circle of life!_

"I believe Leah would like her surprise now." Edward laughed as he walked out of room.

"Oh! Right!" Seth chirped. "We just finished it. Let's go!"

***

They say if you're caught in a stare your brain needs a break. My brain needs a break. It wasn't until Seth's hands were waving too closely in front of my face that I realized I was staring, staring at the craziest gift in the entire world.

"A dart game?"

"Not just any dart game," Seth said smiling. "Take a better look at it, look at the numbers."

I looked closer at where the numbers were supposed to be, and instead of just finding numbers on the board, in addition to some numbers I found names and extremely colorful words on half the board. Names I knew, names of people I wouldn't mind throwing actual darts at.

"Do you like it?" Seth asked.

"You better," Embry added, "Do you know how hard it was to add those names to the board? My poor nails will never be the same." He finished with a fake huff.

What a fucking girl. I have to admit it was pretty amazing. Especially for these num nuts. Around the edges were the names of almost everyone I knew. Ironically these were all the people I hated just as much. I must take back the fact that I said Embry was dumber than Quil.

"We know that everything hasn't been going as well as you'd like," Seth started, "and well you've been taking a lot of your anger out on Jake…and I know he said he didn't mind, but we thought you might like something else to bitch at…"

"Basically you can throw darts at it, at super speed, and it won't break! You could also call it stupid names and it won't talk back. It was either this, or make you tickets that say we will stop annoying you, but that would've been too easy." Embry said laughing.

Holy Shit! They actually put a lot of thought into this. The tickets would have been a great idea, but I bet those fucking morons would try to pull a fast one me and deny ever making them, therefore annoying me even further. Okay maybe I have been a bit more bitter than usual. But whatever, I deserve to bitch out someone once in a while. It's not like they don't deserve it. I get subjected to porn, and car parts every single day. Well okay, Jacob didn't deserve it the other night, but screw it Jacob always deserves to be bitched at, that's how I keep his big head from getting any bigger.

"It's fucking awesome." I answered

"I knew she'd like it." Embry said.

"I'm the one that came up with the idea." Seth quipped.

"No you said we should make something she can't break. It was my idea to make the dart board"

"Not uh."

"Na huh!"

Great. Now I've got these stupid idiots fighting over who has a brain. Yeah I was too quick to assume that they had some sort of brain. No matter how old they look they'll always be fighting over things. It's a good thing their isn't a girl involved in this I could see them each with one of her hands pulling her in either direction.

_"She mine."_

_"No mine."_

_"I saw her first!"_

_"So she smiled at me first!"_

_"She kissed me"_

_"She kissed me too."_

_"She's Mine."_

_"No mine."_

_"Let go"_

_"No you let go"_

If that ever happened I'd feel sorry for the poor girl that would have to deal with Seth and Embry.

"So are we going to play with this thing or what? Or will you two ladies like to finish off your little disagreement with a pillow fight?" I asked laughing picturing Embry and Seth having a sleep over and gossiping like old women.

_"Do you think Becky likes me, I mean she hasn't called."_

_"Oh course she likes you, you're an amazing guy, why wouldn't she?"_

_"We did make out. But what about Justin? I saw him seriously trying to sit his tongue down her throat at his party last week."_

_"Really? What a slut!"_

_"Well, look her facebook page says she single, so you have nothing to worry about. It's not official until it's on facebook, just remember that!"_

"Whatever, let's go play your new game Leah." Seth says knocking me out of my day dream. I swear the things that go on in my head some times.

***

Hell yes to super enhanced hand eye coordination. The name Sam Uley was barely visible by the end of our first game.

"You know the whole point of the game is to throw the darts on the actual board where you can score points." Jacob said.

"Well watching _Sam Uley_ disappear before my eyes makes having a score of zero the best damn thing in the world." I said back.

"I told you it was a good idea not to put his name on the bull's eye" Embry whispered to Seth.

"We should have just tapped a picture of Sam onto the board.."

"Can't remember, Leah destroyed all the pictures of Sam. Plus I'm sure if she saw a picture of him she scream at us, then destroy the board." Seth whispered back.

They were right. If they gave me anything with Sam's face on it the thing would have ended up in the trash without a second thought. I know I could've hit the bull's eye with my eye's close. But just the sheer fact that Sam's name was on their made me want to stick holes in it until it disappeared.

"So what happens when all the name plates are filled and I want to add more?" I asked.

"You could always just stick more names in on the double and triple rings." Embry said. "Every slot isn't filled, and once it is, that's 40 more people you can add. But I doubt you'll really need it. I doubt even you could hate 60 people." He said laughing.

"I hate everyone."

"Even us?" Seth asked.

"Especially you guys." I answered back amused by Seth's innocence.

"And that's why our names are on their too." Embry said laughing.

I guess they did think of everything. Although their names were on the lower points, they were right to assume that I didn't hate them as much as I hated everyone else. I still hated them, just not as much, as say Sam. As I watched the name Sam Uley disappear I noticed that it was under the 20. Funny how that was the highest number, and he was under it. I guess these boys actually knew me.

"Well girls, I must be off." Embry said laughing and getting up. "I've got to go and pry Quil away from Claire."

"Yeah I'll go with you." Jacob said getting up. "I need to talk to Quil about something any ways."

"See you guys later." They both said.

I stared at my gift, I thought it was going to be a gift, and I really wanted it to be a gun, but I knew I wouldn't have gotten one. But the fact that Seth and Embry actually made this for me well that was awesome.

As I took a closer look at the names, I noticed one in particular that I didn't notice earlier, mostly because I saw Sam's name and immediately wanted to throw the dart at it. I knew that the names, David, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Emily, Jacob, Tony, Kim, Seth, Sam, Ethan, Collin, Brady, Jesse, Billy, Ben, and all of the Cullens, but the name I wasn't expecting was Harry Clearwater.

"Seth?"

"Hmm..yeah Leah?" He said walking over to me.

"Why the hell is dad's name on this thing?"

"Well…"

"Seth" I said sternly. "Why the fucking hell is dad's name on this?" I repeated one more time.

"Because you're mad at him. You won't admit it, but you are."

"I'm not mad at him." I huffed.

"Yes you are."

"Seth. I. Am. Not. Mad. At. Him." I yelled.

"Well you should be!" He yelled back. "Because I AM!"

"Seth…" I said softly. "He's our dad."

"Exactly. He's our dad and he should be here." He said bitterly.

I felt my heart break. After Sam left it sucked, but I knew everything would get better. When my dad died I didn't know what to do. And the fact that my transformation helped speed along the process of his heart failure, well that ate up at me daily.

"I miss him so much Leah." Seth said softly.

"And I want to be strong, for mom and you, because you've both been through so much in the past year, but I'm so mad at him, so I figured if I was mad at him, then you must be mad at him too because you're mad at everyone…and if his name was on the board then I wouldn't be so mad at him anymore." He finished looking at the ground.

"Seth…" I said gently. "You don't always have to be strong. I know I'm not the best person and I fuck up a lot, you don't need to protect me. I should be the one protecting you…I'm sorry." I finished staring at him.

Seth stared at the ground and only mumbled out something, before I realized what this was really about.

"Is this because of your birthday?" I questioned. "Eighteen is a big year Seth."

"I know." He mumbled.

I had no fucking idea what I could say to make him feel better. What was I supposed to say? It sucks that we don't have a father, but maybe mom's new boyfriend can make up for that fact? Or although your sister is a complete lunatic who can't keep a healthy relationship I'm always there for you? Or maybe I should just tell him to grow the fuck up. None of those things would make him feel better, and they would make me feel like even more of a complete bitch. Seth is my brother, my baby brother, he is going to be eighteen and all he wants is his father there, but instead he gets his psychotic sister, his mother and her new boyfriend, and a pack of shape shifting morons who can't keep anything to themselves.

"Would it make you feel better to know that I'm pissed too?" I wondered.

Because honestly I was a pissed. At myself mostly. I was the reason we were fatherless, and my mother was husbandless…Great now I've gone and thrown myself another self-loathing party. Jacob was right. Seth is probably the best possible person in the world, and I've gone and screwed him up. Even the stupid bloodsuckers think Seth is a godsend.

"Only if you're not pissed at me," He answered. "...or yourself." He added on.

The kid was good. He knew me too well.

"What if I'm pissed at all three, does that make you feel better?" I asked smiling.

"Always."

"Do you want to go and dance around his grave?" I asked after a few moments of silence

"WHAT?" Seth screamed. "Are you out of your mind?"

"No. But dad was." I laughed. "He told me once that his dad took him dancing around his father's grave, he said that it symbolized some sort of passing on celebration or whatever…I thought he was full of shit, but you know dad, he was crazy, we could if you wanted to." I offered.

My dad was truly insane. Maybe that's who I got it from. My mother was far to logical for anything this crazy to invade her mind. I wonder if she knew that dad danced around graves if she would have married him, and bore his children, who were possibly more insane than he was.

"Are you serious?" He wondered.

"Yes I am. I've been a shitty sister to you Seth. I disappear for 4 months then come back and start dating complete fucking retards, and there you are always there for me. Let's go and do this together." I urged. "I think dad would've loved it."

"Besides, if that doesn't work you could always scream at his headstone…It's worked miracles for me." I laughed bitterly.

X X X

* * *

A/N: I lied. I don't really know where this came from. But I didn't feel like studying and this just poured out. The dancing around the grave, I know it seems little disrespectful, but I mean what other way to celebrate life by including someone who isn't with you by dancing? People talk to headstones all the time, mostly the bitch and whine, I thought that I'd be nice for Harry, for his kids to come out to his grave and do something stupid because they're so serious all the time…idk I hope I didn't piss anyone off.

I was going to wait until I had some idea what the next chapter was going to be like, but I wanted to post. I was reading some fanfic from authors who haven't updated in a while, granted less than a week isn't a while, but I had no idea what the story was about, so I had to go an reread it. I would seriously hate for that to happen, therefore I am trying this balancing out thing more. A lot of people liked last chapter, which I'm glad for, and you all might hate me for this chapter, but it just poured out and we've seen really bitchy Leah the past couple of chapters, and hopefully nice Leah will start to show her face again, maybe.


	9. Chapter 9

"Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest  
And I rest again peacefully  
But at least have the decency in you  
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out in the streets"

-The Way I Am, Eminem

* * *

This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be standing here with my brother looking down at our fathers grave. He was supposed to be here today. Not looking down on us, or whatever fucking bull shit adults tell you to make you feel better about your father dying, news flash it doesn't help, all it does is makes me want to rip out your face.

"Are we really going to dance?" Seth asked looking up from my father's headstone.

"What do you think?" I grinned mischievously.

"I think you made the dancing around his grave up to get me here."

If only. No, my father actually danced around graves. He tried to take me once when I was seven, he was dressed in the most retarded headdress with feathers and beads, he told me Billy let him borrow it. Stupid old men.

"No, that part was true, but you need to be here Seth. Especially today."

"You're insane." He mumbled.

"Tell me something I don't know kid."

I remember mumbling something like 'Happy Birthday' before walking away. I didn't want to be around when Seth started to cry, I doubt even I could control my mouth when the water works started, and no doubt Seth would hate me for teasing the crap out of him today.

As I walked away I realized something, I really didn't want to be here today. Of all places I'm spending the day at the cemetery watching as my stupid brother talk to a headstone. It's not like I couldn't hear everything he was saying, stupid enhanced werewolf senses made it possible for no privacy.

I was so caught up in not listening to Seth that I didn't realize it until the last moment when I bumped into no one other than, Charlie Swan.

"Whoa, easy there Leah." Charlie said.

_Great, hello there Charlie. What the hell was he doing here. I can't believe I have to make small talk with him now._

If the fact that my mother was dating the father of a vampire didn't piss me off enough, the fact that he was once one of my father's best friend, and his daughter caught his friend and her mother making out on the couch last night really pushed me over the edge.

"Charlie." I nodded curtly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

Looking for a plot to put your brain damaged daughter in. What the hell else would I be doing in a cemetery retard?

"Visiting." I said nodding to Seth standing over dad's grave.

"Oh…I didn't know…I was…umm…sorry…"

What the hell is he apologizing for? It's been three years since my dad kicked it. It's not like sorry will change anything. At least Bella's stupid stammering changed when she became a bloodsucker. I wonder if Charlie knows what his daughter and granddaughter like do in their spare time_._

"Whatever." I mumbled.

"I came to visit your father also."

"You're going to have to wait, Seth's with him now." I snapped back. Charlie flinched at my tone.

Damn straight. The Chief of Police is scared shitless of me, Leah Clearwater, but can you blame him, he knows I morph into a giant wolf and could easily rip him in half if he pissed me off enough, I mean it's not like my temper wasn't well known throughout the lands…haha throughout the lands, now I sound like I'm a part of some fairy tale…more like a nightmare.

"Right of course." Charlie said.

I should feel bad about snapping at him. I've known him for almost my entire life, and he's kindly turned another cheek when finding my drunk ass stumbling around the beach a few times, but damn it! I can deal with a lot of things. Being alone, being bitter, being bitchy sure, but there is no way in hell I will I have to witness Charlie Swan courting my mother.

"Leah, could we umm…talk for a bit?" He asked timidly.

Aren't we already doing that? God have you been hanging around Sam? He does have this knack for killing off brain cells.

"Yeah sure…"

"Would you mind walking with me?"

Why are you going to shove me in some unnamed plot of dirt and run away screaming?

"Yeah okay, let's go" I said walking into the other direction.

"Listen, Leah…" Charlie mumbled. I swear he's terrible when it comes to public speaking, well this wouldn't be considered public speaking since it was just me, but damn Charlie butch up, speak to me like you've got a pair. It seemed like he followed me out here just so her could get me alone. He probably drew the short end of the stick when it came to making up stupid distraction scenes.

_"Leah look over there it's a unicorn."_

_"What the fuck? A unicorn?"_

_That's about the time I'd look for the unicorn, because they probably do exist, and Charlie would knock me over the head with a shovel he had hidden behind his back._

_Then I would wake up in a coffin buried alive, screaming for someone to let me out._

_Oh wait that would never happen, mostly because I may not be stronger than all those other super freaks, but I am sure stronger than Charlie Swan, and I'd see that shovel before he'd think to take it out._

His lips are still moving as I come out of my day dream. I wonder if he's said something about knocking me over the head.

"…for me through everything. You guys are really important to me, practically family…and I know this isn't what you were expecting…your mother and I-"

WHAT. THE. FUCK. He is not saying what I think he's saying. He's not implying that. SON OF A BITCH. NO. NO. NO. NO. If he tells me he's in love with my mother I'm going to blow a fuse!

"NO!" I yell. Good job brain filters. You've been doing such a good job of not saying stupid things that you've decided to turn off again.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Leah, I know-"

"No Charlie, you don't know. I can't. You are a good guy I know that…BUT NO. I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T HEAR THIS TODAY!!" I finish screaming.

"Leah! Charlie? What's wrong?" Seth said running over to where Charlie and I were standing. I guess we weren't far enough for him not to hear what was going on.

"No. I just can't. Not today, not now!" I yelled fuming.

I don't want to hear Charlie declaring his love for my mother to me. If he was coming here to ask my father for his permission I say he's about two years too late. You should've came here the day you realized you wanted to stick your tongue down my mothers throat! Not here two years later, as my eighteen year old brother cries his eyes out on the fact that his father isn't here. Hell no. I felt the familiar tremors take over my body, I saw Seth's eyes widen in shock.

"I have to go." I mumbled out walking towards the woods.

One of the good things about La Push is their were wooden areas all over the place in case you need to phase.

"Leah..wait!" I hear Charlie yell after me.

"Don't worry about it." Seth said calming him down, "It's Leah…it takes her a while to accept things…"

It was at that moment, hearing the finality of Seth's tone that I couldn't control it any longer. I ran farther into the woods on two legs then I left the wolf take over me.

He accepted it. The fucking little brat accepted the fact that our mother was moving on. He was the one that was mad at dad in the first place! Now he's sitting their making small talk with our what almost stepfather? Stupid... fucking ...idiotic…twofaced…bastard..

_What the hell Leah, I didn't do anything to you! _Embry said.

_I wasn't talking about you reject._

_Who the hell pissed you off now? _Quil asked.

_Charlie. _I mumbled letting everything replay.

_Leah you don't even know what he was trying to say. _Embry said_._

_SO FUCKING WHAT!_ I yelled. I could feel Embry and Quil cringing.

_IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE HE WAS GOING TO SAY TO ME? _I snarled.

_You shouldn't jump to conclusions. _Embry said.

_He loves her, you fucking morons. They've been together for a few years, what else is he going to say to me besides that?_

_Leah…_They both thought in unison. I swear this mind link connection has gotten old.

_Get the hell out of my head! _I yelled back in frustration.

_Looks like someone could use a session with the dart board._ Embry muttered.

_EMBRY CALL IF YOU MUTTER ONE MORE FUCKING WORD I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!_ I threatened.

_And that's my cue to leave._ Quil said. _Later bro._ He said addressing Embry and phasing out.

_Wuss._ Embry thought as Quil phased out.

_I don't want to hear it._ I thought bitterly.

_Whatever Leah I'm not saying anything._

_But you're thinking it asshole._

_Charlie is…_

_NOT MY FATHER!_ I mentally screamed back at him. I didn't care if he was a good guy, he wasn't my father. I felt Embry cringe under my wrath, and I saw that his vision blurred a little. That's right I hope you run into a tree.

_You know she's not trying to replace him. Stop going psycho over it._

_When your mother comes home and tells you who your daddy is, then tells you she's in love with someone else, that's when I'll listen to anything you say._ I thought darkly. Their was a part of me that felt bad about brining Embry's mother and lack of father into the conversation, but I didn't care. I could be knocking on death's door and I'd still be insulting someone, probably even death it's self.

_'You're late._

_I'm death I'm never late._

_I was supposed to die three years ago, or have you forgotten?_

_No you weren't.._

_Yes I was! I know when I'm supposed to die, you think just because you've got some stupid scroll and a lame hook on a pole you know what's going on, I doubt it.'_

_Leah..why are you thinking about death? _Embry asked nervously.

_Because I can._ I said tuning him out. I could see him reaching the edge of Jacob's yard, and debating if he should phase out and tell Jake that I've gone completely psycho.

_I'm not psycho, you jerk off._

_I'm not so sure about that._ Embry thought back.

_If you go into that house, I'll really show you psycho._ I threatened, as images of me chaining Embry naked to a lamp post in Forks.

_You wouldn't dare._ He muttered incoherently.

_Try me._ I thought back laughing.

_Bitch._ He growled at me.

_Bastard. _ I snarled right back.

_What the hell is going on here! _Jacob yelled into our minds.

Great, now I have to deal with Jacob. And he's going to take stupid Charlie's side as well and call me psycho like Embry did, or he'd tell me to just accept it like Seth is. Stupid, stupid fucking boys!

_Can it Jake._

_I will not can it!_ He yelled back. _Seth comes running into my house spouting off things about you losing your temper and almost killing Charlie-._

_I did no such thing! I didn't even lunge for him. _

_I probably should've though._ I thought that last part of myself, or so I thought.

_Leah…_Jacob warned.

_Jacob…_ I mocked back.

_I didn't do anything so stop the whole I'm in charge bull shit, because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!_

_That's not what Seth said._

_Seth's full of shit. I'm not going to listen to you bitch at me. I'm outta here._ I said phasing out before either Jacob or Embry could say anything.

I was fuming; Seth ran and told Jacob that I was going to kill Charlie. Stupid, stupid, ignorant, punk ass, jerk off, douche bag…Way worse than Jacob, if that's even possible.

I don't care who's birthday it is today…I was going to murder Seth.

Xxx

* * *

~TBC

* * *

A/N: It's short I know. I just wanted to get something up. I keep saying I don't know where this is going, but I know it's going somewhere. Thank you so much for reviewing and keeping up with this story. I have the next chapter somewhat written so hopefully I'll get inspired and write more later…Let me know what you think, this was kind of a filler, Leah's fighting with everyone if you couldn't tell. It's a process. I hope you enjoyed it && Thanks again for reviewing.


	10. Chapter 10

"Back when I was a child  
Before life removed all the innocence  
My father would lift me high  
And dance with my mother and me and then  
Spend me around till I fell asleep  
Then up the stairs he would carry me  
And I knew for sure I was loved"

_-Dance with my Father Again, Luther Van Dross_

* * *

It took me all of three minutes for my anger at Seth to disappear, and the anger at myself to reappear. I was naked standing in the middle of the woods again! It's a good thing I actually listened to myself after that stupid encounter with Sam about leaving clothes out in the woods.

As soon as I found my canvas bag stash, I knew I couldn't stay out in the woods for long. No doubt Seth ran home to tell my mother what happened, maybe Charlie even told her. Fucking Wusses.

As soon as I walked through the door I knew I was in trouble. Actually when I opened the door I knew I was in deep shit. My mother screamed for me before I even had the chance to sneak into my room, stupid bolted window screen, I'm going to rip it to shreds when my mother gets done yelling at me.

"Hi mom. What's going on?" I said innocently taking a seat on the couch, while she glared daggers at me.

My mother for all intense purpose is not a big woman. She is at most 5'6 with a small figure. Many describe her as kind, courageous, good-natured woman. But all I saw looking at me was the wrath of a pissed off mom. I guess I shouldn't have semi-bitched out her boyfriend.

"Don't play innocent with me Leah Clearwater!" She huffed. Pissed off mom is never a good sign. If people thought I was a bitch, I've got nothing on the wrath of Sue Clearwater, when she's pissed she makes me look like a kitten…I guess this is why no one ever disagreed with her.

"Mom I-" I said trying to explain myself.

"No. Leah! How could you? To Charlie of all people?" She said raising her voice.

"He has been nothing but kind to us since…" Her voice trailed off at the prospect of mention my father.

"Say it mom." I snapped.

"Since Dad died. You remember him right? My FATHER!" I screamed. I don't know what got into me, but once I started I couldn't stop. Talk about pent up aggression.

"THE MAN YOU WERE MARRIED TO! THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN! OR IS CHARLIE SWAN THE ONLY THING YOU CAN THINK OF?" I sneered.

"WELL HERE'S SOMETHING THAT MIGHT JOG YOUR MEMORY HE WAS THE BEST FRIEND OF THE MAN YOU WERE PLAYING TONSEL HOCKEY WITH LAST NIGHT!"I yelled at her at the top of my lungs.

My mother was shocked, it took her a moment to regain her composer, "Don't you dare talk to me like that." My mother hiss through gritted teeth.

I couldn't help it. I never talked back to my mother. I knew better. But I didn't care, at the moment she wasn't my mother, she was Sue, the woman who was moving on and leaving my father behind.

"Your father meant everything to me." She said vexed. "Don't you dare think that I've forgotten about him."

"Isn't that what you've done though, you've found someone else, you've fallen in love with someone else, and you're leaving the person who loved you most behind."

"Leah-" She said with a look I knew all to well. Pity. Fucking Hell! My mother will not pity me.

"No forget it." I snapped. "I'm going to my room, I'm not having this discussion with you. Do whatever you want. You're an adult you make your own choices."

"I'm not fin-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed walking away.

"Lea-" She started, but it was no use I was already gone.

***

"She's been so angry lately" I heard my mother whisper.

"Yeah, I just don't know what to do."

I couldn't hear the person she was talking to so I figured she must be on the phone.

"I just want her to be happy."

"I've never seen her act this way before."

"Alright, thanks I have to go Seth just walked through the door."

"Hey Mom!" I heard Seth greet our mother.

"Hey honey, how was your day?" I could hear the tightness in her words. It sickened me a bit to know that I was the reason for that.

"It was okay…after words…umm, is Leah home?"

"She's in her room."

"I'm just gonna..."

"Alright go ahead, I'm just going to step out for a bit, there's a tuna melt in the fridge if you get hungry."

I heard Seth shuffle out of the kitchen and walk up to my door.

"Don't even think about talking to me right now you traitor" I hissed.

"Leah...you know-"

"Get away from my door Seth, before I become an only child!"

"Leah." He said sighing, and opening my door and taking a seat on my chair.

Stupid little shit you really must have a death wish, I am going to kill you for coming in here.

"Leah," He said again.

I ignored him and laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Come on Leah, don't be like this." He moaned.

I let silence greet him. My fists were shaking, and my knuckles were turning white, but I refused to even acknowledge him.

"It wasn't my fault, you were going to hurt Charlie, I had to tell Jake, you were about to phase-"

That's when I turned my head and glared at him. I was not going to hurt Charlie twerp!

I sat up and let out a snarl, my patience was warring thin, and I didn't care anymore.

"YOU THINK THIS IS EASY FOR ME?" I screamed. "YOU THINK I LIKE THE FACT THAT I COULD HAVE RIPPED CHARLIE'S FACE OFF? I DON'T, BUT GUESS WHAT?! I DIDN'T. I LEFT BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HIM. SO DON'T FUCKING LECTURE ME ABOUT CHARLIE SWAN."

"Leah…"

"You're supposed to be my brother. You're supposed to take my side, have my back. You're supposed to be pissed at everyone else. Your name is Seth CLEARWATER, not Seth Swan."I said acidly.

"You want mom to be happy?" I continued, "Well guess what? I DO TOO! But I WILL NOT have Charlie Swan coming up to me hoping that I understand that he loves mom when dad's only been gone for a couple years!"

"Leah…I…you think…I..no…he…you…mom...I'm really sorry Leah."Seth stammered.

"Get out Seth, before I say something you don't want to hear."

Seth looked at me like he wanted to disagree, but the look on my face must have told him I really wanted him out. He looked at me for a second debating internally if he should say something, then he asked,

"Are you still coming tonight?" He asked softly before he completely walked out of my room.

"Yes." I mumbled.

Of course I was coming tonight. Why would I miss another party where Sam and Emily get to celebrate their love for one another to the world yet again? I'll sit there like the good wolf in a room full of my closest family and friends who I can't stand, oh yes, that's my idea of a good time why the hell wouldn't I go?

***

Take that_ Mom!_

Take that_ Seth!_

Take that_ Embry!_

Take that_ Charlie!_

Take that_ Jacob!_

"Taking some aggression out are we?" Jacob said walking up behind me grinning from ear to ear in his normal cut offs.

"Go away fucktard." I hissed.

"Still mad I see." He laughed walking towards a chair.

I didn't reply. The only response I gave him was the bird and I continued to throw darts at my board.

Aim for Jacob.

_Hit._

_Hit._

_Hit._

"It's safe to say that you're pissed at me…" Jacob mumbled staring at me from the lawn chair.

No shit Sherlock, has your stupid precious half breed been giving you speech lessons?

"So..how pissed are you?" He asked.

Silence.

"Really pissed?"

"I hope the stupid lawn chair breaks on you jackass." I growled.

"Yup, really pissed."

_Hit._

"Listen about earlier…"

_Hit_.

"Go to hell Jacob!"

He ignored me and continued to speak, "I may have over reacted…"

_Hit._

"That's an understatement…"I mumbled.

"I probably should have listened to you…"

_Hit._

"It's just Seth ran into my house, and said…"he rubbed his head unsure of himself.

_Hit._

"WIL YOU STOP THROWING THOSE STUPID DARTS AND LISTEN TO ME!" Jacob yelled.

_Hit._

"LEAH!" He yelled.

And without missing a beat I turned and looked at him with the last dart in my hand and threw it at his face.

I doubt I surprised him, but he let the dart hit his face right in the middle of his eyebrows, I'm sure that if they had been suction darts, they would have stuck to his forehead.

"Does that make you feel better?" He grinned picking up the dart and handing it to me.

I snapped it out of his hand and glared at him. Fucking Jackass.

"Go Away Jacob!" I screeched.

"No!" He yelled back.

I glared even harder. Come on Leah bitch face on, great now I'm talking in the third person, I thought to myself.

"I'm trying here Leah!" He whined.

Apparently Jacob Black is immune to the glare. What an annoying little shit. And _I_ was supposed to be more annoying than Paul? Bull fucking shit.

"After you left-"

Holy shit! Was he still talking?! I bet he was the little kid in the back of the car whining _'Are we there yet?!'_ No wonder Rachel and Rebecca tried to exchange him for Seth, at least Seth isn't this annoying.

"Well Embry kinda bitched me out…"

"Bitched you out?" I laughed, what a fucking girl. Come to tell on your girlfriend now?

"Well I'd say he pulled a Leah, but you'd probably throw another dart at me." He laughed.

Not funny asswipe. I glared at him again.

"Kidding, Kidding." he said throwing his hands up in defense.

"Jerk." I muttered.

"I'm sorry Leah…I overreacted…Embry showed me what happened…I was an ass…"

Hell yeah you were jerk off.

"Forgive me?" He asked sheepishly.

I frowned.

"HELL FUCKING NO YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I yelled, the familiar tremors starting again. No I was not going to lost control. I'm so fucking sick of you fucktards pissing me off. I'm sick of accidentally phasing. I'm not going to. Breathe Leah, I told myself.

"You think you can come here with your stupid jokes, and stupid apologies and think I'll forgive you?" I shrieked.

He opened his mouth to answer, but I cut him off.

"That was a rhetorical question, dumbass! Now go away!!"

"Leah…I-"

"What part of go away don't you understand?"

"I'm not going…"

"You know what fine, you stay, I'll leave. I've got fan-frickin-tastic date to get ready for any ways." I said walking past Jacob.

I wasn't expecting him to grab me.

"What the fuck, I didn't give you permission to manhandle me asshole."

"You've got a date?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah I've got a date, you fucking imbecile. You think I'm going to show up to Sam and Emily's love fest solo?"

"I didn't know you were dating again." He admitted, still holding on to my wrist.

"Yeah well I didn't know you were such a dick, I guess were both surprised today." I said struggling against his hand. I'd glare at him again, but that doesn't work.

"Why do you keep doing this?" He asked finally letting go of me.

"Stop pushing me away Leah I'm not Sam!" He yelled.

Sam? What the hell does Sam have to do with this?! My face must have betrayed me because Jacob regained himself.

"Remember when you came up to the Cullen's and apologized to me?" He quickly changed the subject.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"

"I'm apologizing!"

"You're a fucking idiot." I hissed walking towards my house.

"I know that it's your dad's birthday," Jacob said so quietly that if it wasn't for my enhanced hearring I would have missed it.

That stopped me in my tracks. No one even acknowledged that it was his birthday.

"The day he died is coming up again." He said softly coming up behind me placing a hand on my shoulder. His hand was warm against my shoulder.

"I have no idea what you must be going through…but stop punishing your self…it's not your fault."

"Don't try to analyze me!" I hissed struggling out of his grasp. I found myself cold again, the wind must have picked up I thought.

"So what if I miss my father? I have every right to! Especially because I killed him!" I yelled. I didn't mean for the last part to come out but it did, and I couldn't take it back. I've dealt with the fact that my transformation helped my father's faulty heart flat line, but I've never admitted it out loud before.

I stood their staring at Jacob in shock. Had I really just admitted to killing my father?

"Leah…" Jacob said reaching for me again.

"Don't." I flinched away from him.

I sank to the ground, and stared at the grass outside of my house I could feel the tears starting up and I'll be damned if I let Jacob Black see me cry. I can feel the rain coming down, but it doesn't faze me, the sky won't open up and pour, a few drizzles and an over cast is what will happen.

Jacob comes and sits next to me, patting my back in a way I know he thinks is comforting, a part of me wants to punch him and call him a girl, but I'm just to tired. But I will not break down. I will not be weak.

I can just imagine what some one would think if they walked past us right now. The children of two of the Elders sitting in the rain in the middle Clearwater's yard.

"Come on Leah, let's get you inside." Jacob said trying to get me up.

"Charlie is in love with my mother." I whispered walking to the porch and sitting on the steps so I could still feel the rain.

I may not have heard him say those exact words, but I saw it in his face, indescribable happiness, with just a twinge of guilt.

Jacob only nodded. He took a seat next to me. We were both sitting in the rain, at least it wasn't pouring.

"I'm the worst sister, I treat Seth like absolute crap, and he just sits there and takes it." I said sighing.

"He loves you no matter what...At least you've never tried to sell him" Jacob said laughing, remembering the way his sisters treated him.

I laughed at the thought.

"I don't remember what he smells like. I've tried for weeks to find his cologne, or even an old shirt, and I just can't remember…it just doesn't fit."

"Just don't forget him, be thankful that you have memories of the two of you together…"

"She won't admit it, but she's in love with Charlie…" I said bitterly laughing. "I can see it, she say's I'm out of my mind, but I see it."

"Leah," Jacob sighed "Will you please, tell me why you've been so angry lately? I know it's just not about your mom and Charlie.... The guys…they've been worried."

"I'm fine."

"_I've_ been worried, we thought you were going to run off again." He admitted.

"You know why I left." I snapped.

"I know, just next time-"

"I'll let you know if there will be a next time." I said getting up.

"Leah…" Jacob said my name standing up.

"I'm not going to leave again. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I'm dealing with shit, and this is how I do it."

"I know, just let someone in, you stubborn ass." He mumbled.

"I heard you, assface."

"You were supposed to," He said grinning.

"You're not going to tell me why you've been angry are you?" He questioned.

"I'm a naturally angry person Jacob." I said nonchalantly.

"Not this angry." He huffed.

"Just drop it okay?"

I begged internally that he would just drop it, and for some reason he did. The serious moment was over, and I didn't completely break down. I looked up at the sky, the rain had stopped coming down, but it didn't look like that was going to last for long.

"Come with me Leah," Jacob said holding out his hand to me.

"Where?"

"Where do you think?" He asked me.

"Come on, afraid you're going to be late for you date?" He teased.

"Or maybe you're afraid of me? You afraid of the big bad alpha wolf?" He laughed.

"I'll let you know when I find one." I laughed back at him.

"Where are we going Jake?" I questioned him.

"To confront our parents of course."

xxx

* * *

~TBC

* * *

**A/N:** [Long] Good News, you all got an update quicker than usual, and it's a nice length if I do say so myself…Bad news…I'm going to be swamped for the next couple of weeks, I'm going back to work [YUCK] my brother is graduating from high school, YAY! I'm super excited, because not only is he # 2 in his class, BUT I have family coming down for an entire week! Which will suck for my school work, but I haven't seen them since I graduated high school 3 years ago…so basically I may not update for a week.

So I never ever saw Leah yelling at Sue, but as pissed as she was I think she would've said screw it all to hell and bitched back.

I LOVE bitch Leah, I understand Leah more when she's bitchy, but I think that's she's a much more complex character, IDK if anyone caught the name of the song from Chapter 9? '_The_ _way I am_' I think it describes Leah…I don't think that she's always bitchy. I think that she thinks life hates her, and is pushing all the good away. Leah is a nice person…way, way, way underneath, but she is loyal, and she does take things to heart, I hope I've captured that, or at least started to capture it…

Jacob's an interesting character to me (which is funny because I have my Team Jacob Shirt on), he's had to grow up so fast, that even though he's older now he still doesn't know who he is, but he's probably the best friend you could ask for, and as much as he annoys Leah (Because this is from her POV) he just wants the best for her. I think he's the best person who understands her. Seth is her brother, so he's supposed to love her…But this is a chance to FINALLY develop the Jake/Leah relationship…let me know what you think about it.

Anyway enough of my rambling. I hope you all enjoyed this. I will try to get one more chapter up before I go on my mini vacation when my family is here. **THANKS** so much for reading. And I'm glad you all love it. This story has been getting some great reviews, and a lot of Story Alerts, so to everyone who's reading THANK YOU!


	11. Interlude: Sam Uley

**Sam's POV:**

**

* * *

  
**

There are three things you learn when you first meet Leah Clearwater:

1. She is beautiful, in that takes your breath away when she enters the room way.

2. She is fiercely loyal to the people she loves, meaning she will literally tear you to pieces if you even think about messing with someone she cares about.

3. She is an utter and complete bitch, in every way shape and form.

If you knew Leah before, you'd have trouble believing that the same person who organized town functions was the same person who sneers and throws things at happy people walking down the street.

Before she was Lee-lee, sweet, innocent, happy, care-free Lee-lee, and now theirs Leah, cold, bitter, mean Leah who hardly ever smiles. But lately theirs has been something else—a Leah who smiles actually reaches her eyes.

*

I got married last year, it was just as I imagined, not that I imagined my wedding, but it was perfect. My family to the right, hers to the left, everyone watching us, just like she imagined…except when everyone watched us it wasn't joy in their eyes, and it wasn't her I was saying 'I do' to, it was her cousin. Emily, is everything I could have asked for, kind, beautiful, gentle, I just wish I would have met her first.

She had accepted to be a bridesmaid on one condition, that I stay away from her, I agreed without thought to it, Emily wanted Leah a part of her wedding, and if that was what it took for it to happen I agreed. I never realized how much it would kill me to go along with it. I hadn't felt so isolated since the moment Leah left to go and protect those stupid bloodsuckers with Jacob and Seth. I forced her away, I destroyed her, and all I wanted to do was make it better for her.

The weeks leading up to the wedding Leah's face clouded my dreams. Always the same one, Leah curled up in a ball in the middle of the forest begging me not to leave her.

The night before the wedding I was too anxious to sleep, Jared's snores were clouding up his home, and I found myself in need of air. I walked around La Push, Collin and Brady were running and I didn't want to share their thoughts. I was the protector of La Push. The first one in 70 years. The forest beckoned me, it was my second home. I knew it like I knew my name and I ended up in a place I knew all too well…

A gush of wind swept past me, and I could smell her…_Lee-lee._

I whirled around looking for her, but I knew she wasn't there. This place, it held so many memories, memories I shared with Leah, and I knew she'd never come back here, I hoped, but I knew that she'd never come back, not with everything she knew now. Memories flooded back to me, most of Leah, but then the later ones…phasing…

The first time I ever phased I ended up here, when I broke Leah's heart I ended up here. And as if lightening shot right though me, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't be here anymore, phasing brought back memories I've buried deep down inside, so I ran, I ran to the ocean...I know that if you stand on the shore, the water stretches as far as you can see, to the horizon. It changes color with the light and the color of the sky, from green to blue to gray. At twilight, you can't tell the ocean from the sky. Ripples and waves continuously flow toward you, eventually break into foam, creep up to your feet, and slide back. The ocean makes a sound like water surging and retreating. Seagulls circle and cry in the sky. There is a smell of saltwater in the air, a scent like no other.

It's infinite, commanding, and freeing, just like Leah, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised to see her there; it was a second home to her. I could see the back of her head as she faced the ocean. I stared at her back, even in the dead of night I knew how beautiful she was. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I knew I shouldn't. I was downwind so I doubt she smelt me, I could just slip away, I promised to stay away from her no matter how much it hurt me, and I would give her this. I turned my back to leave but she called out to me before I could even take a step.

"You don't have to go." She sighed turning to look at me.

"Are you sure?" I asked softly. One of the things I've learned over the years is that you can't convince Leah Clearwater to do anything. Once her mind was made up its final, but something made me ask, just to be sure, it was a flutter inside me that was happy she wanted me near her again.

"I'm sick of fighting with you." She admitted looking at the ocean again.

"I'm sick of hating you for hurting me." She said more quietly.

I sat down next to her and listen to her talk, I knew that was the only reason I was permitted to stay and otherwise she would have just ignored me.

"You're getting married tomorrow." She stated

I only nodded. It had been the talk of the town, Sam Uley and Emily Young were finally getting married. Poor Leah Clearwater they would say, she would have made a beautiful bride. If this had been a normal world, it would have been us getting married tomorrow, and I hated knowing that it should have been her.

"I'm happy for you." She said smiling that same smile she's been putting on for years. I may not be in her head any more, but I knew Leah Clearwater better than any other man ever would her, and that smile she had on her face that wasn't a Leah smile. It was the same smile that gave me nightmares. "For the both of you." She whispered the last part.

"Leah…" I sigh looking at her, I know it's hard for her, but I can't stop but wish that she would be honest with me.

"Don't look at me like that," She snaps, "What else is there to say? That I'm _delighted_ to watch my first love marry my cousin, the girl who was once my best friend? You don't want to hear that, and I don't want to say it, therefore I'm saying I'm happy for you, because I know that a part of me actually is."

I just stared at her. I know how hard it must have been for her to say those words to me, and a part of me just wants to tell her how much she means to me, and how I wish she was the one I walking down the aisle to me, but I know hearing those words would just hurt her even more, the thinking about what if's and could have, and should have been is what kills her, so instead I grab her hands, and hope she understands what I'm trying to say even though I can't say those things out loud.

She's startled by the gesture, and I half expect her to pull her hand away and scream at me for invading her personal space, but instead she just stares at me with those eyes and smiles assuring me that she's okay. I can't help it as I stare into her eyes, the eyes I fell in love with, and I know I should be stronger, that I shouldn't give into temptation, but the way she is looking at me, like I've never hurt her, like I'm still Sam, and she's Lee-lee, something comes over me and I suddenly my mouth is on hers. And were kissing, I kiss her like I used to, like were two teenagers in love...

I don't know what I'm thinking about except for the fact that I love her, my hands run through her hair, just as they have before and she feels so familiar so right, that I don't ever want to let go, so I don't. It takes her a moment to react, her hands come up next to me that I think she's placing them around my neck, but instead she shoves me away from her, and slaps me.

I should say it was unexpected, but it wasn't. Her eyes are blazing and her lips are swollen, her heart is pounding so loudly I can't tell who's heart is who's, and guilt is written all over her face. She enjoyed it. I took satisfaction in knowing I still had that affect over her.

"What the fucking hell was that Sam?!" She screams at me.

I stared at her dumbfounded.

"I…I…" I don't know what to say. I have no idea what that was about.

"I'm sorry Leah." I tell her. Even though we both knew I wasn't apologizing for kissing her.

"You're _sorry_?!" She sneered. "You're always sorry Sam. You're getting married tomorrow! To my cousin! I'm a fucking bridesmaid damn it, and you're sorry!"

I look at her closely now, I can see the bags under her eyes, and the redness around her face, she's been crying, at a closer inspection I can tell that she's lost some weight, her dress won't fit her correctly, but if I know Leah it doesn't matter, she will try as hard as she can, but the dress will end up in pieces by the end of the night.

Her voice snaps me out of my inspection of her, "I wasn't going to tell you this, but recent events have made it prudent that I tell you." She says with such dignity and articulation that I just stare at her in shock, not believing that this is the same person who ten seconds ago slapped me.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." She says bluntly.

It's my turn to lose control.

"What?!"

"Don't act stupid Sam," She says with a sly smile on her lips. I know she wants to add more, say something snarky but she holds it back. "I'm leaving tomorrow_, after_ your wedding." She puts an emphases on the after.

"We wouldn't want everyone thinking I ruined your wedding."

"Lee-ah" I say catching myself before lee-lee slips out. "You would never ruin the wedding."

She stares at me with a look of distaste, and I hate myself a bit more.

"You can't leave! What about-"

"The pack? They'll be fine. And my mother has Charlie to keep her company," She says with such bitterness.

I want to ask what about me, but I already know her answer to that, she'd tell me to shove it because I have Emily, and why would she matter when I have Emily.

"You cannot leave." It comes out as an Alpha command, and Leah just stares at me laughing unaffected by anything I say.

"You're not my Alpha any more Sam. I'm not going to ruin your special day, so stop your stupid bitching."

It's not my wedding that I'm worried about I think to myself.

"I'm not telling you to get a reaction out of you, its call common curtsey, so you can tell your _wife_ when I've disappeared."

I stare stupidly at her. Jacob couldn't be letting her go, that's not possible! She can't be leaving! Why now? I didn't realize I asked the question out loud until she answered me.

"Because I know you both better than I know myself, and if I left before…well you would have just waited until I came back, and like I said I'm happy for you both." Her tone makes me believe she's never coming back.

"Are you coming back?" I ask her greedily. I want to know, I need to know.

"I don't know." She answers honestly.

She gets up and walks away from me at that moment, and it takes everything in me not to go running after her, and throw her over my shoulder and lock her away so she never leaves. But I know Leah, and she's determined to leave, and I can't do a damn thing about it but stare as she walks away from me.

*

True to her word, Leah leaves an hour after Emily and I were pronounced man and wife. It was the happiest day of my life, and through it all thoughts of Leah leaving disappeared, that is until she greeted us happily after the ceremony with her guarded eyes, and fake smile that hides her pain, and wishes us the best of luck, and a bright future, and then before I can even say anything she leaves.

After her departure finding Jacob was my main goal, but he cleverly avoided me. Finally when everyone had settled down to eat and the well wishes were thrown around I spotted him. I excused myself from my new wife, and pulled Jacob outside.

"How could you let her leave like that?!" I yell to him.

"What the hell are you talking about Sam?!" He said questioning my sanity.

"Leah!"

"What about her? She's fine Sam. She wanted to be left alone. She's getting some fresh air." He replied back.

A light bulb click on at that moment, he didn't know that she left La Push.

"She's gone Jacob." I told him.

"She's probably at home or throwing something off a cliff." He replied back at me laughing at the thought.

"She didn't tell you did she…"I said softly, "Leah's gone."

A mixture of emotion flashed across Jacob's face, surprise, confusion, fear, and then the last one, anger.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Jacob said outraged clenching his fists together.

"She told me she was leaving today…" I admitted taking a step back from him.

"That's a lie." He said harshly. "She would have told me, she would have told Seth, and Sue!"

"What the hell did you do to her Sam?!" Jacob yelled grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, and pushing me up against a tree.

I knew if I didn't calm him down soon he would phase, and rip my eyes out.

"Jacob, calm down…" I said trying to sooth him.

"Don't tell me what to do Sam." He threatened darkly his grip on me tightened.

At that moment we weren't brothers any more, he was an Alpha protecting his family, and I was an outsider. I saw the tremors start, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he fully lost control. I knew he wanted to protect her, but I couldn't figure out why he was so mad…so what if Leah left and didn't tell him, it's not as if she answers to anyone. I laughed at the thought.

"You think this is funny?" He hissed angrily slamming me harder against the tree.

"If I find out you had any hand in her leaving," Jacob said softly but darkly, "I. Will. End. You."

"Jake?"

"Sam!"

The voices of Jared, and Seth joined us. I saw Jacob's eyes search Seth's face for some sort of confirmation to what I had just told him, but Seth was the picture of innocence.

"Seth, where's your sister?" Jacob huffed releasing his grip on me. I saw his irritated look, and I silently thanked Seth and Jared for walking out when they did.

"I don't know, I was just going to ask you if you've seen her." Seth told Jacob.

"We've got to go and find her." Jacob said walking away from me grabbing Seth's arm and pulling him towards the cars.

"Why?" He asked curiously, maneuvering swiftly out of Jacob's grasp, and turning to look at me.

"What the hell did you do to my sister jackass?!" He screamed.

That surprised me. Seth was never one to swear, but when it came to protecting his sister he knew no boundaries.

"I swear, if you did something to her…I don't care if it's your wedding day." Seth threatened poking me with his finger.

"Now's not the time." Jacob said grabbing Seth again. "We've got to go."

Seth glared angrily at me as Jacob pulled him away, and deep down I knew I deserved it.

"What's going on Sam?" Jared asked. "Everything okay?"

I had completely forgotten he was there, and he had witnessed everything so I couldn't lie.

"What's going on with Leah? Is she throwing a stupid fit again?" He laughed, "I swear that girl overreacts too much."

"Shut up Jared." I ordered.

"Leah's gone." I told him.

A look of understanding came over him as he clasped me on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry man," He told me. Jared understood, he out of all my brothers knew how much power Leah still had over me, even if she didn't know it.

"But you knew it was going to happen sooner or later. You need to let go." He said a bit more quietly, pushing me back to the direction of my new wife and family.

He was right, I knew it was going to happened, I just hoped that it never had to happen.

*

Leah was gone for four months. Those four months were probably the hardest her family has ever had to endure. I knew this because I was a part of her family now. Emily was heartbroken that Leah had left, and I hated Leah for doing that to Emily, but deep down inside I knew that Leah had done this for herself.

I heard that she left a note for Seth and Sue explaining that she had left to go and find herself, but she would be back someday and that she loved them both very much. It still didn't stop Seth from coming over one night and punching me.

_'What the hell was that for?' I asked him after he had hit me. _

_Thank god Emily wasn't home, she would've heard the my jaw snapping, and me stumbling backwards on the floor breaking one of our dining chairs._

_One thing no one knew about Seth was that he had one hell of a right hook, he got that from Leah. She refused to have a brother who didn't know how to throw a punch._

_'Leah' He told me easily, 'I've wanted to do that for a long time, my sister deserves so much better than a coward like you Sam Uley." and walked out the door._

I never mentioned the fact that Seth had sucker punched me, I doubt anyone would ever believe me if I told them.

Jacob on the other hand was extremely hard to pry information out of. Leah hadn't left him a note, but being the stubborn ass that he was phased and talked to her. She had apparently decided to go along with their plan of getting out of La Push without him, and it pissed him off, I could hear his howling across town.

_Jake! You okay?_ I asked him after hearing the howling.

_Son of a bitch! It really was your fault! I can't believe you kissed her, you self fish jackass! _He yelled into my head bombarding me with his anger.

I wasn't sure what was keeping our connection so intact, it was as if we were one pack again, instead of two alphas fighting for dominance.

_Jacob it wasn't like that._ I said trying to explain my side.

_Really? Assaulting her with your tongue on the eve of your wedding to her cousin, no that doesn't sound like you at all. Jackass._

_You know I still love her._

_SO!_ He roared.

_YOU THINK IT'S ALRIGHT BECAUSE YOU STILL LOVE HER!?! YOU ARE MARRIED TO HER COUSIN. YOU BROKE HER! YOU ARE THE REASON SHE'S GONE! YOU ARE A FUCKING COWARD! _Jacob yelled punctuating every you in my mind.

_You had better hope she comes back asshole._ He screamed into my head.

_Why don't you just order her to come back, it would make this mess disappear._ I told him.

_ORDER HER?!_ He roared.

Having me tell him what to do, well that just enraged him even further. I have expected him to change direction and hunt me down.

_I will not ORDER my second in command to do anything, I am not you!_

_That's right you're not me. If you were, she would be home already!_ I yelled back at him.

_You are so lucky Leah asked me not to kill you, otherwise Emily would be a widow right now._ Jacob said threateningly, breaking our Alpha connection.

I tried to reason with him, to get him to understand that it really wasn't like that, but I knew it would be no use. He knew the truth, and he would hate me as much as she did because of it.

*

No one expected Leah to come back as soon as she did, but as I've said before she's never been one for standards. She never followed the rules others lived by, she was truly one of a kind. It was Sue's birthday. No one had really wanted to celebrate it, but Charlie had organized the whole thing behind her back, he wanted to get her mind off the fact that Leah was gone.

I knew the fact that her mother and Charlie were getting so close bothered Leah. She put on a happy face about it, even made fun of it, but I knew it was killing her that her mother had already found someone else so quickly. I had learned quickly that Charlie wasn't one for big parties, that's how I ended up sitting in the Clearwater home across from Jacob and Seth staring daggers at me, shifting uncomfortably as Emily, Paul and Rachel sat next to me, while Billy, Charlie and Sue trotted on as if nothing was awkward.

Everyone pushes their dishes away from them as they fill up on the dinner Emily had prepared. She gets up to take the dishes, but I interfere, swiping all the dishes.

"Happy Birthday Sue." I said smiling at her taking my eyes away from Seth and Jacob.

"Thank you Sam." She mumbled back half smiling as I walked into her kitchen with the plates.

I knew it had to be hard for her. Birthdays and holiday's were always Leah's favorite. People say Emily bakes and cooks the best, they only say that because Leah never shares what she creates. You aren't the daughter of Sue Clearwater without learning your way around a kitchen.

I stare at the cake, it's simple, butterscotch with chocolate frosting. Emily had insisted on making it, and no one had argued, Leah would have been the one to make it, and everyone sitting in the next room knew it.

I start the water, and attempt to do the dishes, it's only fair, Emily cooked, and I would clean, we were a team. I splash some water on the sponge and squeeze the bottle of soap, but instead of getting it on my shirt, it ends up in my eye, I curse at myself for being so absentmindedly stupid.

I hear a sound from behind me. It's a giggle. Something I haven't heard for the past 3 years, at least not from her.

_Lee-lee_.

I think her name automatically, and shut my eyes before my imagination takes over. She's gone. I tell myself over and over again. She's not here. I finally listen to myself, but her voice snaps me back into reality.

"You're gonna give yourself more brain damage by squeezing your eyes so tight you know." And she giggles again keeping her voice low.

I spin around facing the door to the living room, knowing she wouldn't be there, but half expecting that she would be. She isn't, and I sigh again, knowing that once again my brain has tricked me into believing she was here. I huff angrily at myself and turn back to the dishes.

"Over here dumbass." I turn again to see her smirking at me from the back door of her house. She leaning against the door away, wrapped in a beautiful white and blue floral dress laughing at my pure idiocy. Her hands were behind her like she was holding something, but I can't be bothered with that. Leah was here.

"Lee-Leah?" I gasp. It can't be her. It couldn't, I would have smelt her.

"That's my name don't wear it out." She laughed again winking at me like some second grader. The smile on her face, the way her eyes shone, it was _lee-lee._

She pulls a tray out from behind her. I guess that's what she was holding.

"Is it really you?" I find myself asking her.

"Who else would it be? The ghost of Christmas past?" She asked glaring at me walking further into her mother's kitchen. "What the hell is wrong with you? Can't be any more brain damaged then you were before."

I can't think of anything coherent to say so I just stare at her in shock. Have I really snapped?

I take a deep breath in, and her scent hits me like a clad of bricks. It's her, but she smells different.

"When did?…where were?...How are?..."I stuttered, apparently my brain hasn't caught up the recent events.

Leah looked up at me, annoyance crossing over her beautiful features. So it was really her. No one could ever have that look of annoyance with me that she had, although Jacob and Seth came in a close second.

"It's my mother's birthday idiot, I'm not going to miss that. This cupcake cake is for her, you think I'm going to let your wife deprive me of my fun? I've been back for a few hours. While you were over here having your little tea party, I snuck over to the Black's and baked this for her. I'm back, and yes it's me moron, so close your mouth and tell your brain to start working again because you're the first one to see me, _unfortunately_, now either help me or get the fuck out of my way." She hissed at me.

"Yeah...okay…"

I took a look at her concoction, it's a cupcake cake alright, but it isn't a bunch of little cupcake's pulled together to make it look like a cake. It was a giant cake that looked exactly like a cupcake, it's even covered in the same toppings as a regular cupcake would be, except for the 'MOM' written on the top of the frosting. Leah had really out done herself this time. I bet it was to make up for the fact that she took off without telling anyone…except for me, and that wasn't even part of her plan.

I look up at here again, she's walking around the kitchen looking for something, and she has that annoyed look on her face again.

"Are you even listening to me?" She snapped her voice still low.

"Umm…"

"Grab the stupid plates, and walk into the living room! I'll be right behind you."

I do as I'm told, I have a millions questions I want to ask her, but I know if I ruin this for Leah she would actually murder me in front of everyone, and I doubt anyone would actually stop her. Charlie would probably hand over his gun, and Billy would ask if she'd like to run me over with his wheel chair.

It isn't until I put the plates down on the table that I realize I'm alone. I spin around expecting Leah to be right behind me, but she isn't.

"Sam honey," Emily coos, smiling at me, "you forgot the cake." She makes a move to get up, but that's when Leah decides to make her entrance.

"No he didn't." She smiles happily, holding her creation out in front of her, and setting it down in front of her mother.

Everyone is shocked to see her. They stare at her, half expecting her to be some sort of hallucination. She's not, I know she isn't.

"What the hell? Say something, it's amazing right?" It's Leah who brings everyone out of their trance, and Sue is running to her daughter and hugging her like if she doesn't she'll disappear.

'You're back, you're back.' is all I hear Sue mumbling into Leah's hair.

"Happy birthday mom." Leah whispers back hugging her mom, "I missed you so much."

Then suddenly Seth is standing next to the two of them, still unsure if his sister is actually there, he reaches out to her, and engulfs both his mother into a hug.

"Leah-" His voice cracks, and there's so much emotion in his voice that their mother just bursts into tears.

"I missed you too twerp." She says hugging him tighter

I turn to see Jacob, Rachel, and to my surprise Paul, are all grinning from ear to ear, all three of them glad that she's actually back. I look over at Billy and Charlie, and I see that they're rubbing their eyes, grinning just as the others all, I know both see Leah as their own, and they are just so happy to see her. I wasn't sure what Sue told Charlie about Leah, but I knew that he knew she was hurting. As much I knew Leah hated the thought of her mother with someone else so soon, I had to admit that Charlie was good for her.

I look over to Emily expecting to see her grinning just like the rest of them, but I'm greeted with tears.

"Emily," I say softly to her squeezing her hand gently.

"She's back." Emily looks at me smiling, blinking the tears away, "She's back." She said again hugging me.

I look around as I hold Emily, happiness, pure happiness, is being emitted from everyone in the room all from the little fact that Leah is back, and I feel the smile on my face fade a little as I feel whole again, not because of the woman I'm holding in my arms, but because of the one who just walked back into my life.

*

_Leah's out on a date._

Those are the four words that literally stop my heart.

"She's WHAT?!" I scream at Paul and Jared. Both whom are easily 100 feet away from me.

I watch Jared nudge Paulo, and Paulo finally speaks.

"Well we were patrolling...and well we kinda wanted to scare Jacob and Seth…at least piss Jake off a bit…so were at the Clearwaters and Leah was leaving with a guy…and we heard Jacob ranting and raving like a crazy person about how his Beta is insane to be dating…"

"DATING? WHO THE HELL IS SHE DATING?" I scream out again.

It's Paul's turn to nudge Jared, and I'm annoyed.

"Just tell me, stop messing around." I huff.

Both freeze, not wanting to tell me. This is never good news.

"We don't know."

My fists are clenched and I can't help that this bothers me, Leah's dating. MY Leah is out dating some worthless piece of crap.

"Dude take it easy, your head's gonna explode." I hear Paul mumble.

"Shut up Paul!!"

She can't be dating, why the hell would she be dating. Who the hell is she dating. Why the hell is Jacob letting her do this? First she runs off to Canada, then she comes back and does this!

My anger has finally taken over me, and I explode into my wolf form.

Paul looks down at me, and I'm growling at him, "told you your head would explode" he says laughing. I look over at Jared and he's trying his hardest, but I his laughter has taken over him.

At that moment I realize, within my fit of anger that I am in charge of a bunch of idiots.

_King of the Idiots_, that should be my title. Maybe that's why I'm standing in the woods next to my ex-girlfriends house at 8 o'clock waiting for her to come home from her date. She was right I was a stalker.

I hear Seth, Embry, and Quil, playing a video game in the living room, and I hear the loud thumping of angry footsteps walking back and forth, someone was pacing. I get closer to the house, and I peak it, sure enough the boys are playing a video game, and Jacob is nervously glancing at the clock every 10 seconds, as he walks back and forth.

"You really need to chill out." I hear Quil yell to Jacob.

"Yeah man, it's not like she's late or anything." Embry says throwing a pillow at Jacob.

"She's out on a date!" Jacob exclaims. I hear a familiar edge to his voice.

"Come on man, just breathe!" Seth says happily. "Leah's gonna be okay."

Apparently Seth's voice of reason isn't enough to calm Jacob down, as he continues to pace.

I go back to the woods not wanting to be seen, and sure enough Leah comes home 10 minutes later, flushed mumbling off swear words even I didn't know existed with her fists clenching, as she walked into her house. I looked for a date to make an appearance, but he never did.

Five seconds later I hear her yelling at her pack.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" She screams into her house.

I hear Seth greet her, then the four of them bombard her with questions about her date.

I get closer to the house again close enough that I can see into the living room, as the four boys try to back up next to the wall in order to avoid the wrath, that is Leah Clearwater.

I laugh in my head, when she's pissed, you will never hear the end of it.

"What are you morons doing in my house?" She scream again looking at Quil and Embry this time.

Seth is the one who answers though, "Leah please don't be mad. We just—" I watched as Seth turns and stares at Jacob with pleading eyes. It's the same eyes he used to give me when I would talk him into something and Leah would find out and scream like a mad man.

So all of this was Jacob's idea, interesting.

She's still yelling at them as I make my way to the front door, it's still open, the screen door hasn't been shut, and I know if I walked in now no one would even hear me.

I catch the last part of her yelling spree as I enter the house. I'm standing right behind her, she's just admitted to having a terrible date, and wanting to be a heartless shrew for the rest of her life, and something breaks inside of me. I don't know what to say, and I know that four of the five wolves in this living room can see me, so I do the only thing I can do, I call out to her.

"Leah?"

She freezes instantly turns around to look at me, and swears under her breath, Embry says something smart to her, and she snaps again, kicking everyone out.

"Get out! All of you !" She yells. Although I know she's talking to me.

"Family my ass. You two," she turns glaring at Quil and Embry, "are a bunch of good for nothing idiots who's shared brain couldn't think of anything coherent to say, so here's a thought get your heads out of Jake's ass long enough to walk out of my door! And you," she turns back at me with her deathliest look, "just get out of my house, just the sight of you reminds me why I hate men so much."

I don't know what to say to her, she's right, she always is, but I want to disagree with her, but I know nothing I say will make her listen, she'd probably end up throwing something at me again.

She turns and says something to Seth, and storms off to her room. I know the routine, this is how Leah is. Something had pissed her off, and then something else pissed her off, so she yells for a bit, then she takes off to her room to cool down.

Before I knew it my feet were taking me to Leah's room, but before I could walk past the couch Jacob's already blocking my way.

"Going somewhere?" He sneered cocking one eyebrow up in a challenging way.

It's different to see Jacob acting this way, in full control of the situation, knowing who he is and what he has to do to protect his family. If I wasn't the one he was challenging I would say that it was about time that Jacob took up the responsibility of being a leader. But he was standing in the way, and all I wanted to do was punch him in the face and talk to Leah.

"I need to see her." I told him. "Move."

"No." Seth yelled running over to where Jacob already was followed by Quil and Embry.

"Get out of my house." Seth said acidly. "You heard her. She wants you out."

The four of them looked very threatening. It was four against one. How far would they go to stop me? The look in their eyes told me, they would go as far as it took. Leah was their family. No matter how bitchy she was to them, none of the horrible things that came out of her mouth would stop them from protecting her.

"Leave Sam." They all said in unison.

I can't argue with them. They're in sync. They are a pack, and I am an outsider. So I turn and walk out the door.

I hear Seth huff angrily, and Jacob says something and is outside of the house within seconds calling out to me.

"Sam." He says once, getting my attention.

I look up at him, asking him what he wants with me eyes. He understands.

"What are you doing here?" He asks the anger is still evident in his voice, but his curiosity has always gotten the better of him.

What do I say to him, I was just in the neighborhood? I wanted to borrow a cup of sugar? I had all the bullshit reasons at the front of my brain, and I knew he wouldn't buy any of it, so I went with the truth.

"Paul and Jared told me that Leah was out on a date." I said honestly.

"So? What's that got to do with you?"

"I wanted to speak with her."

"About what?!" He said, the irritation in his voice growing.

"That's none of your business." I snapped back at him.

"The hell is isn't" He yelled.

"Enough Jacob."

"No, Enough Sam." He mocked back. "You are not welcome here. You are not her family, you are married to her cousin. Not to her. Leah isn't yours any more. It's not your job to protect her."

"Who's job is it then?" I yelled.

"Mine." He yelled back at me. I stared at him, as confusion came over his face. He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Ours." He corrected himself.

"She's finally back home where she belongs, you were the reason she left, and she's found a reason to come home. You will not ruin this for her. We're going to do everything we can so that she's happy, trust me when I say I won't hesitate to rip you a part if you ever come near her again." He threatened and walked back in the house.

Jacob's threat stayed with me as I made my way back to my home. Emily was waiting for me in the kitchen as I walked into our home. A soft smile broke out over my face as she came into view, I embraced her and let all my thoughts of Leah disappear. Jacob was right, it wasn't my job to protect her, it was my job to protect the person who was in my arms. But a part of me wanted to protect Leah, it was self fish, but the self fish part of me won out some times over the reasoning going on in my head. So I watched Leah. Jacob wouldn't keep me away from her. Out of everyone I would think he would understand, he was the only other wolf who was in love before finding their imprint.

Although Jacob says that it's different, that his love for Bella has completely gone when he imprinted on _Renesmee_, I know he's lying. As much as his eyes shine, and the look of utter and complete happiness whenever his imprint is near, or even if she is mentioned, whenever Charlie mentions Bella, Jacob's eyes shine in the same way.

Paul deems it necessary to track Jacob's whereabouts. It seems like whenever he's not up collaborating with our sworn enemies, he's at the Clearwater house. I wonder how he knows all of this, but it's Paul, and I don't want to know some of the things he does to get his information.

I'm ready when Leah goes on another date, Tony is his name. I hear Jacob greet him at the door and invite him in. He is well dressed, tall, taller than Leah, but still shorter than Jacob, his short brown hair is gelled and his aftershave smells to strongly, he's white, and he's got that pompous look on his face like he believes that he should be the one questioning Jacob and not the other way around. I laugh to myself. At least Harry isn't here to see this, his shot gun would probably be out.

The same wave of protectiveness comes over me, and Tony sits with Jacob, and it takes everything in me not to run in to her house and rip his eyes out.

Jacob starts to integrate him, and a smile forms on my lips. He's smarter than I gave him credit for. At least this time I know Leah won't come home screaming like a mad woman again.

I get closer to her house again, and I see that she's finally walked into the living room, a smirk is playing across her face, and I see that she's not mad, she's actually amused at the ridiculousness that is Jacob Black. She greets Tony, and asks him to go and wait outside while she talks to Jacob, I see the look of satisfaction on his face, the look that knows that Jacob will be yelled at. I know that look very well, it's the same on I have on my face at that moment.

But Leah doesn't yell at him, Jacob expects her to yell, and he's in his defensive stand before she can even say anything, all she does is thank him.

What the hell is going on here. I don't know what crazy world I've stumbled in where Leah is actually thanking someone for scaring her date? She smiling again, and I hear her threatening Jacob, she says my name, but says it in a way that makes me pull back from her house, she doesn't want me around, and I know it.

I sink deeper into the forest as Leah walks out, she stops at the foot of her porch and takes a deep breath in. I know she can smell me, and she looks at the exact spot that I am at. She can't see me, but I know she knows that I am there. She smiles in my direction for a fragment of a second then walks away to her date. Life really isn't fair.

*

The next time I find myself over at the Clearwater home Tony is walking Leah to her door. I'm not sure what date this is for them, but I know that it's the same guy, and just that fact pisses me off. He has that stupid cocky look in his eyes, and I automatically know what he's thinking, he's going to kiss her. My fists clench and I know that I'm trembling, he's getting closer to her face , and I feel the blood coming out of my hands, I can't believe that I'm putting myself through this, but then again I've put Leah through worst, so I'm going to sit and deal with it.

To my utter and complete surprise Leah moves out of the way and knees him in his stomach. I hear her yelling at him about personal space, and that to never do that again unless he wants her foot in his ass. I can't contain the laughter as I walked away. It was classic Leah. You can't do anything unless she gives you permission first, clearly Tony didn't know this about her. I spent months working up the courage to kiss Leah Clearwater, and ultimately she was the one that kissed me first.

Leah creates a routine, for the next couple of weeks she has dates, not night dates, lunch dates, she's home at night, but during the day you cannot find Leah Clearwater any where in La Push. I've stopped coming around to check on her, she seems to have figured something out about her Lunch dates, they don't seem to end as badly as her dinner dates do. Her lunch dates stop as soon as she meets him.

Ethan Winters, an Elders son down with his father from the Makah reservation. Emily knows him, a little too well for my liking, but that's how it is. She's known him for most of her life, and she doesn't have anything bad to say about him, but that's Emily for you, she never has a bad thing to say about any one.

"You'll never believe what I've just witnessed." Emily said gushing. She was radiant, and I knew the news she had would be big.

"What? Were Jacob and Paul hugging?" I teased. I knew that would never happen. Paul and Rachel had made their engagement official and word around town was that Jacob was fuming.

"Oh, no." She said still smiling, "Leah, and Ethan."

I sat in silence, I wasn't expecting that.

"They were walking around town together, they were holding hands!" She continued to gush not noticing my uneasiness. "I think they're dating." she smiled. "I can't believe it. She was smiling you know. It's so wonderful. She must be so excited!" Emily said kissing me on the cheek and walking into the kitchen.

Emily comes back a moment later and asks me to run to market, she's apparently low on eggs, and flour, and would like more, so I go out, I probably should have just stayed in. Nothing could have prepared me for what I had to witness.

A smiling Leah. Not the fake smiling she's been wearing for the past three years, but an honest to god smile she was staring up at Ethan like nothing else matter, then it hits me,

She'd _imprinted_.

I couldn't hold it together anymore. It was one thing if she was dating, but she had just imprinted! I'd actually lost her.

"Sam?" I heard my name being called from behind me, it was a male's voice.

I turned my head to stare at the newcomer. A wave of concern flash across Seth's hard features. He's been so protective of Leah lately that nothing else seemed to faze him.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Your sister imprinted." I said flatly.

"On who?" I heard Seth yell.

"Him." I mumbled pointing at Ethan.

"Ethan?" Seth said laughing. "She didn't imprint on him!"

"Look at her Seth." I told him sternly looking at Leah.

"I am." He laughed again. "She didn't imprint on him. She just happy. It's hard to imagine right?"

"Are you sure?" I questioned.

"No. I've never been in her head at all, and yes she imprinted on him and didn't tell anyone." He said sarcastically. He was channeling Leah right now. It was shocking to see how much of an influence she had over him. I doubt she even noticed the change in him.

"Oh." I said. It was the only thing I could say.

"He's a good guy you know. He's making her happy." Seth said, I heard the under lying message he was emitting, _screw this up for her and I'll kill you._

"That's all I've ever wanted for her." I admitted to Seth.

"Yeah, well you have a shitty way of showing it." Seth mumbled walking away.

So she didn't imprint. She's still so happy. But he isn't her imprint. She's smiling. He's going to hurt her. He's good for her.

These crazy thoughts kept going in and out of my brain and I didn't know what to do. I can't interfere, she's happy._ Not as happy as she was with you._ A voice inside my head tells me. Of course she's not as happy. She'll never be that happy again. _She could be with you._ The voice says again, and a pain strikes through my heart. _Emily_. A new voice says._ Leah._ The other voice says again…and it's the same fight over again. _Emily. Leah. Emily. Leah. Emily._ And the voice that says Emily always wins. So I walk in the other direction off to get the groceries she asked for.

*

"Aunt Sue wants us to come over on Thursday." Emily is saying to me.

"Alright," I reply. "Anything special happening?"

"Leah's brining Ethan over." Emily giggles.

"But we already know Ethan." I huff.

"No, you know his father. You've never met him."

"I don't need to meet him." I argued back. I already don't like him. I thought to myself.

"Sam…" She says frowning.

"We're going." Emily tells me sternly. And it's her tone that gets my attention.

"Okay Emily." I agree solemnly, I'll do anything if it makes her happy.

"Lovely." She says smiling again.

So that was how I was forced into this shindig, looking around as my brothers an I await the arrival of Leah and _Ethan._

"I'm going to go outside for a bit." I tell Emily.

She nods at me happily.

I walk into the back yard and stare at the surroundings for a bit.

All my brothers are here, they are my family, I turn to hear Sue giggling like a little school girl at Charlie, and it takes a second to see where Leah's innocence and strength comes from, because if anyone knows pain and how to get through it, Sue Clearwater does.

I walk around the house, I find myself in the spot in the woods I've claimed as my own. I don't know what takes me there but something is telling me to stay so I sit, and lean against a tree and wait. Three minutes later I hear the soft steps of two people. One's laughing, and I hear the annoyance in the other person's sigh.

"Relax." I hear Ethan saying to her.

"I hope you know that I didn't have anything to do with this." Leah huffed, the annoyance in her voice evident.

I look up to see the two of them in front of her home. It's painfully obvious that Ethan is crazy about her, and Leah although a scowl is present on her face, it isn't the one I'm used to. It's clearly playful annoyance.

I see Ethan squeeze her hand.

"Okay, just remember don't listen to anything someone named Paul says, don't say anything to Embry and Quil, and for your safety do not speak to any of the women!" She tells him hastily as they walk up to her front door.

I chuckle at the thought of the women playing twenty questions with Ethan. He wouldn't know what hit him.

Before I know it they're in the house, and I need to make my way out back again. I walk around back staring up at the sky with my thoughts when Leah and Ethan step out back.

Paul and Rachel were the first ones over to Leah and Ethan. Paul had a scowl on his face like he would rather be somewhere else, and Rachel is gushing to Leah bout how cute and perfect Ethan is for her. That actually makes my face identical to Paul's. Of course Paul had to say something smart to Leah about her dating, her fists clenched so quickly I was surprised they weren't around his neck. Ethan looked at Paul, then at Leah and laughed, he laughed like a crazy person, and Paul loved it. He told Leah that it was about time she found someone with a sense of humor. I wanted to strangle Paul, I wasn't the only one.

I could see the look on her face, she was debating with herself.

"Alright" I heard her say.

"Listen up everyone." She yelled. All eyes focused on her. Everyone knew that whenever Leah had something to say she made herself heard.

"This," She said pointing to Ethan. "is Ethan, my boyfriend. Now I know you've all got stupid things to say," She glared at Paul. "but you're all here to meet him, so here you go." She then turned to Ethan and smiled sweetly, that freaked me out. "Ethan," She said squeezing his hand this time, "this is majority of the people I hate most in the world." She said laughing, and pulling him towards her mother.

I laughed. Leah sure did know how to make an entrance.

Emily stepped out shortly after Leah's little speech, I guess Leah hadn't thought to include her in that little speech.

"Ethan, it's so nice to see you." Emily said hugging him.

"Look at you Emily, you look wonderful!" Ethan told her hugging her back.

Leah glared at them, and I could see her tense up a bit. Her eyes flinched when they made contact, I wonder if she was replaying the first moment Emily and I met.

"This is my husband, Sam." Emily said introducing us. Leah flinched at the word husband, but collected herself nicely.

I nodded at Ethan. I wasn't to keen on making small talk with him, but Emily glared at me for a fraction of a second then smiled back at Ethan and Leah.

"I'm going to get something to drink, would anyone like anything?" She said sweetly, very un-Leah like.

"No thank you." We all said together.

Emily chatted with Ethan for a bit while I stood protectively over her shoulder. Soon enough she went back inside and left Ethan and I alone.

"So," Ethan said. "you're Sam."

"Yup." I replied casually.

"I've heard a lot about you." That caught my attention. Was Leah talking about me? Had she told him about me?

"Is that so." I questioned.

"Yeah, my dad just keeps talking about you, and the wonderful things you've done for La Push! He even tried to make me come up with a plan to kidnap you and bring you back home with us!" He told me back laughing.

"With all the wonderful things you've done here, I honestly am really impressed and quite honored to meet you." He told me smiling.

I couldn't help but smile. He wanted to meet me. And that smug look Jacob so often has on his face is now on mine.

Over the next couple of hours my disdain for Ethan fades, and I find myself liking him as a person.

I watch for a second time that night as Leah walks back into the house leaving Ethan in the company of everyone else, Jacob follows in shortly after her, and my curiosity spikes. I'm still outside but I can hear everything their saying, their talking about Ethan, and Leah has this uncertainty in her voice, something I have never heard, she sounds so vulnerable, and my dreams about her flash back in my head. Ethan's changed her. I can see it in her face, and I can hear it in her voice. This should make me happy, she sounds like Lee-lee again, but something makes me miss that bite and anger that she always has, and I start to feel bad for Ethan, because he doesn't know all the different sides of Leah...and he doesn't deserve to.

*

I don't know what's gotten into me. For the rest of the night I know that Leah cannot be with Ethan any more. They are not supposed to be together. He doesn't deserve her. He can't be in this world. He's not her imprint. At least those are the stories I tell myself as I call Leah the next day.

"What do you want Sam?" She asks me, I can hear the irritation in her voice.

"We need to talk…" I tell her. "About Ethan."

"What about Ethan?" Leah snaps defensively.

"I don't think it's smart for you two to be together. He's not your imprint, he's not Quileute, he doesn't know anything about our heritage, about who _we_ are. You can't really want to bring him into this world right?" I ask her.

She doesn't say anything back to me and I wonder if she's hung up, but I can hear her breathing, deep long breaths as if she's trying to calm herself.

"Well you know what Sam?" She tells me, "It's none of your damn business. Don't call here again." And with that she actually does hang up on me.

I don't give up though, I continue to call every day Sue picks up the phone mostly, she's very kind and understanding when I tell her that I have to talk to Leah, but I hear the disapproval in her voice as she tells me she'll let Leah know I called. Seth answers the phone only a couple of times, the first time he answers the phone he tells me that I'm a complete dick, and to stop bothering his sister. The second time he answers the phone, a couple of weeks since I've started to call, he tells me to grow a pair and face Leah like a man, then slams the phone down. I can't help but wonder if Leah knows how different Seth actually is.

I took Seth's advice, that night I ended up at the Clearwater house, Leah didn't look to happy to see me. I saw the smile on her face falter as she opened the door and saw that it was me. That hurt my ego a bit, I've always been so accustomed to seeing her face light up, that it stung a bit.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She screeched.

"Seth said I should come over and stop calling you." I replied back.

"Go away!" She yelled slamming the door in my face.

I stare at her front door for a moment, this isn't the first time she's slammed her front door in my face, and this wouldn't be the last, so I stood outside her door and yelled into her house, "I'll be back Leah, you're going to have to listen to me some time." and walked home.

She tried to avoid me for the next two weeks, but every once in a while she would slip and I would catch her when she wasn't expecting it. Finally one day I cornered her.

"Leah we need to talk" I told her standing in her way.

"No we don't. Go away ass face." She told me, trying to turn and walk in the other direction.

"It's about your boyfriend." I yelled out to her before she could leave, I knew she would probably keep walking, but to my surprise she stopped and turned to me with the deathliest look she could muster.

"No it's about you being a selfish insufferable good for nothing jackass. I don't want to have this conversation with you again! If you mention this one more time and I you'll be bed bound for a month!" She screamed into my face.

"What if you imprint?" I told her calmly. Because that's what it's about. What if you imprint and have to leave him, you're going to hate yourself even more.

"Enough I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you coming around and smothering me. I will tear you fucking head off if you say something about him again. You have no right. Get out of my fucking face." She told me sighing.

"Leah I'm trying to—" I started to explain, but she cut me off. She was never once for patience.

"Trying to what? Oh do finish that sentence Sam. For the first time in your life you're trying to do something! Alert the media! So tell me Sam what are you trying to do? Are you trying to annoy me to death? Or maybe trying to piss me off? Just do me a favor and stop trying, it's not like it's a new thing for you, just leave me alone." She told me acidly.

I didn't know what to say, she was right, the only time I ever did something I was messing up her life, I only wanted what was best for her, she kept making all these wrong choices, and I hated the fact that she was in so much pain, I wanted to tell her that I was sorry, sorry that everything didn't work out like it was supposed to, but I couldn't, she didn't need to hear my apologizes, she's heard them so many times, so I just stare at her for a moment, then I turn and walk away. Leah isn't stupid, she's taught herself how to protect her heart, and I needed to learn how to stop feeling guilty for that.

*

"You didn't sleep well again last night." Emily tells me one morning.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked concerned.

"Not really. I'm worried about you." She tells me lightly touching my cheek.

"There's no need to worry," I assure her, "I'm just getting too old for this wolf business." I tell her laughing.

She rolls her eyes at me smiling.

"Tonight I'll make you some hot tea before bed, that will help you sleep."

"Thank you." I tell her kissing her lightly on the lips.

That night Emily makes me some hot tea, and it helps a little, but it doesn't keep the bad dreams at bay. It's the same ones I had after I found Bella Swan or Cullen as we have to call her now, in the woods, so broken and scared, but in my dreams its not Bella I find in the woods, it's Leah, and every time I get close to her she vanishes and I wake up in a heap of sweat gasping for air. Tonight I tried extra hard not to wake Emily, I don't want her to know that I can't sleep again. I look at the time, it's the same time every night 2:16am.

I can't take these dreams. They're killing me, and I want to know how to make them stop. I want to stay in bed with Emily, I feel safe with her in my arms, but I know that the way I am feeling holding her won't make all my troubles go away, so I go to the place I think nothing can harm me.

As I approach our spot I smell her, I think it's my mind playing tricks on me again, she can't be here, she said she'd never come back here, and my mind filters back to the night before my wedding, I shut my eyes and push the thoughts away, I feel in control here, nothing's going to harm me. I hear a sigh, and I open my eyes, it's Leah, she's actually here, but I'm not sure if it's really her, so I call out to her.

She turns and looks at me, and actually acknowledges my presences. "Sam." Her eyes go glossy for a moment and I wonder what she's thinking about.

I ask her what she's doing here, she looks startled by my question but answers me. She isn't rude, and she doesn't have that look of annoyance on her face whenever I'm near. I wonder what's going on with her. I haven't seen her for nearly two months. Word around town was that she and Ethan broke up. I felt a twinge guilty for my part in it, but I knew better, I didn't convince Leah to finally break things off with Ethan. She did that on her own.

She's asking me what I'm doing here. I can read what her words are saying, so I ask her if she wants to know the truth that I came here almost every night. Something clicks inside of her, and she's Leah again, the woman who's temper is legendary, and she asks me why I come here every night. I don't have an answer for her, I never do, and that anger's her even further. She yells at me, saying that this was our spot, I know what she's thinking, she's thinking about when she found out that I used to watch her. I wonder what she would do now if she found out that I still watch her.

She's yelling at me again, calling me names, talking about Ethan and my part in their break up, and screaming about how much she hates this place. She's shaking so I get cold with her. My anger is getting the better of me when I tell her what I'm doing here. She thinks she has claim over this place, but she doesn't. She gave it up, she walked away, but I don't tell her the latter, because she didn't walk away, I was the one who did…So I tell her the truth, that this wasn't just our spot, but this was a place I've always felt safe, and she shouldn't be mad at me.

She's hurting I can tell by the look on her face. I remember that she and Ethan have broken up, so I apologize to her, because it's all I can do now. I tell her that I really did like him, and that it just wasn't fair. The word fair is what pisses her off even further, and she spits back that life isn't fair, and I should know because I taught her that.

She's so hurt, and angry, and I know it's my fault, but it's even worse now, and I don't know what to do, so I ask her why.

"Why are you always like this? I thought after you left, that being in Jacob's pack, being his Beta, you seemed happier, then when you started dating, even though they were losers, you were happy, I didn't think that you would be like this anymore…"

She snaps at me, "Like what Sam? Huh? Broken? Bitter? Piss off? I left to get away from you."

I don't know what to say. I always thought that she left to get away from me, but she never came out and told me, and wondering if something is a certain way, and actually knowing that it's a certain way is something completely different.

"I left to get out of your head," She looks up at me. "to not have to be your bitch any more. But I still am aren't I? Ethan told me he was falling in love with me. And you know what I did when he said that? I laughed. I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world!" Her voiced starts to crack but laughter is what comes out, and I'm not sure if she's laughing at the memory or at some realization. But I don't have any time to think it over because she's talking again..

"Do you want to know why I laughed?" She's asking me again. "I laughed because I couldn't love him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. Because I don't have anything to give him. You took that all away from me. So yeah I'm like _this_ and I will continue to be like this. You don't get to say anything about the way I am, because guess what? I might not hate Emily, and I might tolerate you, but don't ever think for one second think that I chose to feel this way."

She's stopped talking, and I don't know what to say. Ethan was falling in love with her. I should be happy that someone so great could actually catch Leah's eye, but that Alpha in me gets territorial and angry that someone else can claim to love Leah. I look up at her, and I know she's expecting me to say something, maybe even apologize to her again, but I know that if I apologize again she'll actually strangle me, so I change the subject.

"I never expected to see you here again." I tell her. She looks up at me, and I know she notices the subject change, so she does what she does best. She gets devious.

She mentions the leeches, and she talks about a friendship the smallest leech, the devil spawn, Jacob's imprint, and that angers me, she shouldn't be around them, they're evil, and we should have dealt with them long ago. She mentions Jacob, and a rift between the two of them. I can't imagine anything that could disturb their relationship, Jacob and Leah have never really seen eye to eye, but he understands her, and she'll never admit it but she respects him. So I ask her what happened between her and Jacob, she doesn't answer me, she tells me that it isn't any of my business, so I change the subject again.

I ask her if she remembers finding this place. She laughs at me and tells me that she does, she mentions her father, and I can hear the pain in her voice as she mentions him. She then tells me that it was a long time ago, she doesn't say it with any malice, it's just a simple fact, and I tell her that it feels like another life time, she nods at my statement, and we just sit in silence. I watch her as she closes her eyes and lies on the ground. It feels just like yesterday when we found this place, but I know it's been years. I miss her. I miss being able to have a normal conversation with her, it's been such a long time since I've been able to talk to her.

"I wish we could do this more often." I tell her. Because I really do wish we could. I've never stopped missing her, and Emily misses her as well, but something about the way I say this pisses her off and she goes into another fit of rage.

"I don't know what you think is going on here," She screams at me "but were not friends. This is a onetime deal. I don't even know why I'm talking to you. I'd say it was the drugs but I haven't had any good ones lately. Strolling down memory lane with you in the middle of the night is that last thing I want, I won't sit here with you and pretend everything is okay between us, you know better than that, you need to stop being so fucking ignorant."

I flinch at her words, their so harsh, but the truthiness of them isn't ignored.

"You shouldn't be sitting here with me, hell you shouldn't even be here anymore Sam. Go home, go back to your perfect life, and stop fucking mine up every chance you get."

She gets up and sprints away before I even have a chance to say anything to her. I hate that I keep upsetting her. Seth was right I do have a shitty way of showing that I want her to be happy. I don't know what I'm doing out here in the middle of the night while my wife is in bed wondering what's happened to me. I get up and start to walk away, but something stops me, a tree with our initials on it.

S.U. & L.C.

TLA

_True Love Always_. I stare at it. True Love Always, that's what we were supposed to have, and before I know it I'm on four paws howling at the moon as I mourn the relationship we should have had.

*

"It happened again last night." Emily tells me softly looking at her cup.

"What happened?" I questioned not looking the way she's acting.

"When you came back to bed last night you were calling out for her." She said quietly.

"Who was I calling out for?" I questioned.

Although I already knew, there was only one person I've been dreaming about at night.

Emily finally looked up at me. "Leah." She told me flatly. My face fell, so she's known all this time.

"I've been having those dreams again." I tell her honestly.

Her voice falls and she's by side in an instant.

"Oh Sam." She tells me while engulfing me in a hug. I know it's always hurt Emily a bit that Leah has always been on my mind, but she's always been the one to comfort me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks me, although she already knows the answer to this, I just look up at her and shake my head. I never want to talk about these dreams, it wasn't until Emily broke down that I told her what the dreams were about.

"I just need some fresh air." I tell her. I kiss her on the forehead and tell her that I love her and will be back soon.

I read into my pocket and pull out a folded envelope with Leah's name on it. I spent the entire night thinking of things to say to her. I knew I couldn't show up on her door step begging for her forgiveness, and I knew she would never pick up the phone if I called, so I stooped to writing her a note. In it I apologized to her and told her that I would stay away from her, I told her that I never meant for any of it to happen, and that I hope she finds someone who is actually worthy of her, because I wasn't.

I placed the envelope back into my pocket and walked into town. I wasn't sure how I was going to give it to her, but I knew she needed to get it. Luckily enough I ran into Quil, and asked him to give the note to Leah. He looked at me questioningly like he wasn't sure if he wanted to give it to her, but in the end he took my letter and told me he would give it to her.

*

"Seth wants to kill you." Jacob says as he leans over my porch railing.

"Is that so?" I questioned. It's been months since Jacob and I have had a civil conversation that has nothing to do with Leah, and I know that today won't be different. He's come over to talk about her again, and I'll listen because he's looking out for her, and for his pack, because he knows if Seth came over he'd probably go to jail for murder.

"You need to stop it Sam." He tells me, it's different this time, he's not threatening me.

"Jake…" I try to explain.

"You're killing her Sam. I mean literally killing her. She's not okay, and I'm trying everything I can think of, we all are, and you're just making it worse for her. I assume she told you what happened between her and Ethan?" He questions.

I nod, I know she didn't mean to tell me but Leah's never been one to keep things bottled up, unless it was how much pain she was in, and she could only hold so much in before she exploded, and usually when she exploded it was all anger.

"He was good for her you know." He says so casually it makes me suspect that a 'but' is coming. "But, I'm glad he's gone."

"I want her to be happy." I admit.

"I know. But what you want for her and what she wants are two completely different things, she's trying to be happy, but there's something holding her back…"

"What is it?" I question. Let's kick it's ass I think to myself.

"You." He looks at me sternly.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything!"

Jacob gives me an annoyed look, as if I'm missing something.

"You're the one holding her back. She's been trying to let you go, but you keep pulling her back in." He tells me frustrated.

I'm frustrated as well…"How the hell am I holding her back? I'm with Emily, I'm married."

Jacob rolls his eyes. "You know I'm not above kicking your ass today, you still love her, and you still want her. You're being self fish. Let her go. Leave her alone."

"I…I…"

"Exactly." He tells me.

"You claim to love her, but all you want her to do is sit and pine over you. That's a douche move Sam, even for you. She's so angry, she's been fighting with everyone…" I roll my eyes at that statement, Leah fights with everyone that's nothing new.

"She's different now you know. She's not always so angry." Jacob tells me in a thoughtful voice. "But lately, something's just been so wrong, she's snappy with Seth, she almost phased in front of Charlie."

That gets my attention.

"Is he…did she?" I wonder thinking back to when I lost control with Emily.

"No she didn't, but she almost did, and I didn't handle it well." He tells me laughing. "she threw a dart to my forehead!" He says laughing again.

A dart to the forehead? I have no idea what that means, and I'm sure the look on my face gives off what I'm thinking.

"Never mind." He says laughing. "Did you know that she actually yelled at Sue?" He told me in a serious tone. I didn't believe it, Leah would never yell at her mother. Jacob only nodded. "She claimed it was because Sue was moving on with Charlie, and she'd be damned if she's going to get Bella as a step-sister. But I know it's something else, she just won't tell me." He says sadly.

"I don't know what it could be Jake." I tell him honestly. I didn't know that their really was something that's been bothering her.

"We just got back from seeing Harry, and my mom." He tells me softly. And I remember the 16 year old version of Jacob that was so scared to phase, and unsure of himself, that he didn't think he was good enough to be the leader, or even to be loved by anyone.

And my instincts kicks in, and I want to be the protective older brother that tells him that everything will be okay, but Jacob isn't 16 anymore, he doesn't need me to tell him everything will okay, he needs me to listen to him because he knows that no matter what we are family.

"She just stared at his headstone, she was so broken earlier, she told me to go and visit my mother, but I could still hear her crying." He tells me, and I remember a broken Leah.

"I know she didn't want me to see her like that. I just don't know what to do any more." He says sadly. "She's dating again you know." He growls as he says it.

"I didn't know that."

"I want to help her, but she keeps pushing me away." He admits, and I can hear the underlying blame he lays on me.

"I'm sorry." I tell him. Because I actually am. I hate seeing him like this, and I can't bear to think of Leah so broken. "What do you need me to do?" I ask because I know Jacob, he will try to handle things himself, and right now he doesn't need me to handle the situation for him, he needs something from me.

"You need to leave her alone." He tells me sternly.

"But I've left her alone. I told her that I wouldn't bother her anymore in my note." I tell him.

"Note?" He questions me.

"The note I gave to Quil. He said he'd give it to her."

A look of understanding comes over his face. "She didn't read your note." He tells me. "She burnt it before even opening it." He says laughing.

"Leave it to Leah" I mumble.

"Just do this okay Sam." He asks me.

I tell him that I will leave her alone, because if he's willing to come to my home and talk to me I should be willing to give him this, so he nods and thanks me and walks home. I watch Jacob as he walks away and I remember Leah, I remember how much she meant to me, and how much she still means to me, and I want her to happy, I really do.

*

I've been watching her since she's arrived with her date. He doesn't look like anything special so I don't pay much attention to him, but I do watch her. She avoids me at all costs, and that's okay with me because I don't plan on making contact.

I watch as she pulls her mother aside and apologizes for her outburst. Sue just stares at her daughter, but forgives her instantly. She then pulls Charlie aside and tells him what's on her mind, she doesn't apologize for the things she said, but she does apologize for the way she's said them. She knows that Charlie is a good man, she just can't handle it.

I watch as Seth walks up to his sister and tells her that she's a stubborn bitch, but he loves her, and that he is Seth Clearwater, and she is Leah Clearwater, and that will never change, and stalks off away, leaving Leah and her date who I've learned is called Aaron with shocked expressions. Leah is smiling and telling him that her brother is truly insane, but she can't help it, it's her brother. He laughs at the thought. It's Jacob who comes over next brining Quil and Embry with him, and I get the impression he wants to scare Aaron a bit, but Jacob doesn't need Quil and Embry to scare him, all 6'7 compared to the 6 feet Aaron is scares him just fine.

Aaron's face is priceless as they say hello to Leah then turn to him and judge him. Leah and Jacob share a knowing look, and she rolls her eyes at him as if this is some outstanding joke between the two of them, and Quil and Embry hurry away leaving Jacob with Leah and Aaron. Aaron doesn't say much when Jacob is around, but I wouldn't either, Jacob is in a defensive stance that can only mean one thing, hurt her in any way and I'll kill you. He gives Aaron that look one more time before he walks away off to stand with Seth and Embry, but I can see his eyes on Leah, and more importantly Aaron.

Rachel and Paul approach them next, along with Jared and Kim, I wonder if Aaron will be like Ethan, in the way that he'd get along with Paul, that idea is quickly shot down when Paul insults Leah. I hear Jacob hiss at the other side of the yard and I watch as Rachel tells Paul off for being an ass to her friend. Aaron is so oblivious to what just happened, I wonder where Leah found him.

The night continues like this, as Emily and I thank everyone for coming to our home, and celebrating our one year anniversary with us, because it really does mean a lot to us, and what other way to thank them then throwing a big party?

I watch as Leah shoos her date away and makes her way over to Jacob, Seth and Embry. Quil is off playing with Claire, but he eventually joins them with Claire in his arms. I watch as they interact, the bond that the five of them have makes me wish my pack was like theirs. I know it's not the size that matters, because my pack could be just as small as theirs, but I know that we wouldn't have the same connection, the same united front that the five of them share. Leah is smiling again, laughing at something Embry said, and I see Jacob watching her. He's laughing because she's laughing, and I don't think he even notices that his hand is touching the small of her back, in that protective absentminded way that I hold Emily. And I know she doesn't mind it, because she's at ease right now, more so then she has been all night with Aaron next to her.

Then all of a sudden something clicks within me, and I can't control the anger that's building up.

I don't know how I've missed it, because it's been staring at me in the face this entire time, the protectiveness, the threats, the jealousy, the looks he's been giving her all night, the way he seems to react to everything she seems to do, the need for her to be happy no matter what the cost.

It all makes sense now, and I don't like it.

And before I know it, my cup's thrown out of my hands, my fists are clenched, and the next thing I know my fist is making contact with Jacob Black's face before he even has a chance to say hello.

* * *

**A/N:** There you go. 15,500 words! 35 pages on Word Doc! **WITH OUT THIS INCREDIBLE BUT LONG A/N!** Now I know it's not in Leah's POV. But I thought I'd do something differently, mostly to celebrate the fact that I actually wrote 10 chapters! The New Moon trailer seriously inspired me, and Taylor Lautner is downright sexy.

Now I'm not sure how I did capturing Sam's POV, but I think I did an okay job, this actually goes from pre-chapter 1…it's a little background story. Also it's character development. Haha. Okay before you say anything about Seth, the other chapters are from Leah's POV, and she still sees her little brother as this innocent little kid, and Seth being the great little brother that he is wants Leah to still see him that way, but he's not above some Sam ass kicking because really if you had to chance to hit the guy who broke your sister's heart wouldn't you?

I actually didn't have this chapter planned, but I had no idea where to go from last chapter, and I knew I wanted to do some sort of interlude from someone else's POV, but I didn't want to do Jacobs and have him be like 'omg I love Leah but I've imprinted on Nessie' drama. I wanted someone else to notice they connection they have, and who better than Sam? Because he's constantly screwing up Leah's life even if he doesn't mean to. I do love Sam I really do, mostly I feel sorry for him because he's torn between two women, and ultimately he has to hurt one of them and he continues to hurt the same one, even if he doesn't really want to. So therefore this chapter came to life, and I just kept typing if you haven't noticed by the extremely long chapter.

Now okay before you freak out or get all giddy, Jacob and Leah don't know what Sam knows, so therefore the next chapter will make for an interesting one..whenever I get around to writing it. I hope you all enjoy it, and like I said I'll be on a mini vacation for a bit, that's why you all got this super uber uber long chapter/mini novel. Lol. What did you think about me having Sam and Emily already married? I was going to write their wedding into this, but I kinda feel that the Sam/Emily wedding is always the climax of the story and really over played, therefore they got married, and Leah left, then came back and starting dating. IDK thoughts? Questions? Concerns?

So thank you All very much for reading and for all of those who have reviewed I'm really glad you all like this story! To those who have this on Alert, I'd love to hear what you're thinking, so please don't forget to Review. Till Next time.~


	12. Chapter 12

"Back in 1991 I wasn't having any fun  
'til my roommate said "come on" and put a brand new record on  
Had a baby on it, he was naked on it  
then I heard the chords that broke the chains I had up on me."

-Heart Songs, Weezer

* * *

Aaron was what some shallow people would call eye candy. But to me he was just someone pretty to have on my arm so I didn't feel like I epicly failed at dating. I really need to find women to hang out with. This being in boys heads all the time was starting to get to me.

"Where did your date go? Did we scare him off?" Embry said laughing at me with raised eyebrows.

"No you stupid fu-" I started to say but was interrupted by Quil.

"Claire's here to see her Aunt Leah." He says loud enough that I stop talking. It doesn't stop me from glaring at Embry though.

"Aunt Leah!" Claire says smiling at me. I smile back at her.

"Why is Aaron a brainless bag of douche?" She asks me innocently.

I stare at her in utter shock. Did she just say…? Holy hell! I'm not sure if it's Quil or me that's more shocked at the words coming out of her mouth. I stare back at the four boys surrounding me, all whom have scared expressions on their face. They think I'm going to explode, but I don't. I laugh and they're laughing with me.

Claire's pulling at my shirt trying to get my attention again.

"Who told you that?" I ask her.

"No one. I hear things." She tells me proudly. I laugh at that.

Jacob's next to me now, he's smiling and laughing just like everyone else is, but I can still see the concern underneath everything.

"I'm fine." I answer him before he can even ask. He smiles for a second, then nods.

"I know you are." He tells me putting his hand on my back.

Quil's talking to Claire again, telling her that it's not nice to say things about people she doesn't know or something stupid like that. I laugh at him, because in that moment I see how closely related we actually are.

"So seriously Leah," Embry's talking again. "Aaron's not the brightest crayon in the box..."

"No but he is the yummiest." I retort. Their shocked expression is payment enough for having to say yummiest. Sure he's great looking, but I finally understand the expression don't judge a book by its cover.

It's Seth who recovers first, "Gross Leah."

I laugh again, "It's never a fulfilling day unless those words come out of your mouth."

"So did you see Rachel telling off Paul?" Embry says laughing. "I swear Jake, your sister could put Leah to shame."

That makes everyone laugh.

Jacob's hand is still on my back, but oddly enough I'm comforted by it.

I'm in a good mood, well as good of a mood I can be on my dead father's birthday, with a moron for a date, helping to celebrate my cousin and ex-boyfriends fairy tale life, but I'm laughing with people I can almost stand and an actual smile is on my face.

Well it's on my face until Sam Uley stalks up to us, with anger in his eyes.

I'm in a defensive stand before he says anything, but Jacob's reflexes are faster, and he's thrown me behind him, and before I can even tell him to shove off, Sam's fist is flying, and it's Jacob's jaw that I can hear cracking.

Holy Shit. Sam just punched Jacob.

It takes Jacob a moment to react to what happened. Then in a blink of an eye he's lunging for Sam, and they're both on the ground. The only time these boys have the common decency to wear shirts they're throwing punches at one another.

Bones are breaking, and blood is scattered throughout the ground, and shirts shreds are being clawed off of one another. Everyone's screaming, my mother and Billy are astounded into silence as they look at Jacob and Sam unsure if it's actually the two leaders going at each other's throat. They look at the other members to break up the fight, Jared and Paul look like they want to break it up, but even Paul isn't that stupid, and all the younger guys in the pack know not to get caught in the middle.

Jacob's screaming profanities at Sam, but it's no use. Sam's so angry, the two of them lunged towards each other, throwing their fists at one another and cussing up a storm. Sam's looking at Jacob like he's a punching bag and an animalistic growl escaped his lips as Jacob jumps on him again, but Sam rears back, throwing Jacob off of him. The intensity in his eyes scares me. And Sam Uley has never scared me.

I look up in time to see that Emily's just emerged from the house, she's staring at Sam with such fear, and I remember that that she's seen that look in his eye, the anger. Her eyes are wide with horror, and I'm trying to figure out what she's remembering, but my cousin's an open book and automatically just as she realizes what's going on her eyes are on me.

She's staring at me now, and in that brief second I see my best friend again.

"Leah," She says softly. I don't know what she's going to say next because I feel everyone's eyes on me.

"What the hell?" I scream out to no one. "I'm not getting in the middle of that!"

Suddenly as if my voice was some sort of cold water, the Sam and Jacob blob has stopped, and both Sam and Jacob are breathing heavily less than 10 feet away from one another and staring at one another with such anger, that I'm angry just looking at them. They're both bleeding, but it'll stop soon.

Sam looks up at me, then he looks at Jacob a sneer is present on his face.

"No." He says flatly.

"Over my dead body." He huffs out loudly.

I don't know what he's talking about, and I'm not sure what to say. I'm about to tell him to shut the hell up, but those words aren't directed at me, he's talking to Jacob, but before I can even say anything Jacob's lunged for Sam again.

I watch as the tremors try to take over Sam, and I'm surprised that Jacob's as calm as he is. They both haven't phased, but they're surrounded by non-wolves and I doubt even in their rage they would endanger any one.

"Don't you dare phase you son of a bitch," Jacob hisses to Sam in such a low dangerous voice I doubt that anyone without super enhanced earring would've hear it. "You get your ass over here and take it like a man" He yells the last part out as another punch lands on Sam's.

Their shirts are gone now, and they really do look like animals. I'm impressed. Jacob's actually not a girl, his muscles screaming in all their masculine glory says that enough to me, but I laugh at the thought of Sam and Jacob in dresses slap fighting one another, that scene is completely different from the one that's going on right in front of me.

Jacob's growling at Sam and it has such animalistic qualities behind it that it actually made me shiver.

Seth's next to me now. I ask him what's going on, but he just shrugs, and says, "I just hope Jake beats the crap out of him." and smiles at me. That really surprises me. I always thought Seth loved Sam. I've never had so much Clearwater pride in my life, I smile back at him, and say "me too" and high-five my little brother. Because he's right. And if I get to witness Sam getting his ass kicked it is a good day. It's weird no one's even made a move to break the two of them up, but then again everyone knew this would happen sooner or later, after all there is only room for one Alpha.

People might not know what the youth of La Push do in their spare time, but they know not to mess with Sam Uley and Jacob Black. Sam Uley is the best thing to happen to La Push, everyone says so, but Jacob Black, everyone knows he'll be in charge one day, after all it is his birthright.

Sam's not in control anymore and they're moving into the forest, he has a smirk on his face, and in that same voice that he thinks is dangerous, the same voice that makes me want to punch him in the face, he says out loud, "You don't have a chance in hell."

And for some reason that's what get's Jacob to snap. I have no idea what it means, but maybe it's the fact that were away from the party, but all of sudden Jake's lunging for Sam again, and wham! Two giant horse-sized wolfs, one red the other black, are on top of each other. Sam tries to pin Jacob down, but Jacob's just too quick. They circle each other for a few seconds before Sam cocks his nose up in the air. He's looking at Jacob again, and then Jacob's nose is in the air, and I know they're speaking to one another. I inhale deeply trying to figure out what caught their panties in a bunch, and even in my human state I smell them, the imprints.

Suddenly they're off, chasing one another deeper into the forest. I momentarily curse the women again as I watch Sam and Jacob fly into the forest. Jacob's the faster of the two, but he's the one chasing after Sam now.

Jared and Paul are the first ones to phase and, Seth, Quil and Embry have followed without a second thought chasing after Jared and Paul, now the rest of Sam's pack is wondering what they should do.

"You can sit here and wait for the women to appear," I tease, "or you can come watch as my Alpha beats the living daylights out of yours." I say laughing.

I don't give any more thought to the other pack as the tremors take over my body, and I'm running after my pack.

I'm faster than all the boys, and I pass them all in my pursuit. I'm the first get to where Sam and Jacob are fighting.

They're both bleeding again, and I can't tell if the wounds have started to heal yet or not.

I feel Jacob's anger as he throws Sam into a tree.

I can hear Seth rooting Jacob on, but I tune him out easily.

Sam's up again, but his limping slightly on his right back leg, and I can't help but think that's what you get jackass.

I feel my little brother's agreement at my words, and I want to tell him to shut up, but Jake's off again in attack mode, and I get a slim glimpse of what he's thinking, _attack, kill._ And it frightens me.

But Sam's quite the faker, and he rights himself and gets his teeth into Jacob's leg.

_At least I know I'm not the only one who knows how to put on a show._ I say to myself.

_Eww…really Leah? That's just wrong._ Seth whines.

_Yeah Leah TMI._ Embry says laughing at Seth's uncomfortableness.

I watch as Sam is still biting into Jacob's leg. Jacob's smarter, and bigger than Sam so with all his strength he throws Sam into another tree, it breaks on impact, and I start to feel sorry for that tree.

_That's harsh Leah._ Quil says. _You feel sorry for the tree and not for Sam?_

_Like that's news._ I tell him with a mind shrug.

Sam rights himself, and he goes to attack Jacob again, but this time Jacob's ready. I watch as Jacob doges a kick from Sam, and takes a snap at his neck.

Jacob's annoyed right now, and I'm not sure if he's annoyed with all the talking in his head or if he's annoyed with Sam. I'm trying to get in his head without him having to listen to my thoughts about how he should just kill Sam.

And in a brief second I hear it-_Leah._ It's quite and I know if I wasn't listening intently I would have missed it, but it's there. I know I hear it.

But I'm not sure if he's saying my name because that's what Sam's saying, or because he wants me to shut up and take someone down. I go for the latter one. Jared's arrived and my teeth are bared. I leap into the air, but something knocks me out of the way.

_Seth?_ I wonder. _What the hell! _I'm yelling at him.

But Seth's thoughts are just as hard to decipher like Jacob's, but he says something that gets my attention.

_No. Mine._ He tells me.

What the hell? Has the baby brother gone insane?

I'm angry. But I'm not sure if the anger is coming from me, or if it's coming from Jacob. I know he's angry, and I feel Seth's anger, but it doesn't stop a snarl from coming out.

Paul's here now, and a part of me thinks Seth should be fighting with him, but Paul's an ass, and not even imprinting will change that fact.

He's growling at me in that challenging way and I don't need to connected to him to know what he's thinking, the sexist pig.

He lunges for me. He may be bigger, but I'm faster. I doge his feeble attempt to take me down and I sink my teeth into his neck. He's down before the adrenaline has had a chance to run through my veins. That bothers me that it was that simple but I don't think more about it I'm looking for my next victim but no one else is around.

But I still feel it. The kill instinct. And I know it's coming off of Jacob.

I don't have any time to figure out what's going on because suddenly I hear shifting in the woods behind me, and I smell her before she even emerges.

Emily's here. And Jacob's got Sam's pinned beneath him. Sam's struggling, but Jacob's not letting go. Jacob's teeth sink into Sam's neck, and I hear Sam whimper.

"Jake please, stop." Emily says softly.

It's her voice that makes Jacob snap his head up. He's looking at Emily now, I can feel that he's shocked to see her looking at him that way, but he doesn't get off of Sam. He looks at Sam again, and growls.

Jacob leans down so close to Sam that I think he's going to rip his throat out with his teeth.

Jacob says something to Sam, I can hear his thoughts whirl past me in glimpses and soon everything goes blank. I still feel his anger, but I can't hear what he's thinking any more. He's still on top of Sam, their glaring at one another again, and I know their talking. It frustrates me that I can't hear what's going on, and I want to tell them to get a room but something stops me.

Jacob's thoughts come whirling at me and I catch the end of what he's saying to Sam, _This isn't over, I meant what I said. You'd better stay away._ He says letting out a snarl. It's pretty terrifying

And just as quick Jacob suddenly gets off of Sam, he looks at me again then stalks away further into the forest.

A part of me wants to yell at Jacob and tell him to come back and finish the job, but the other part wants to go and finish the job myself.

Sam's up now and Emily's rushing back over to him, he's still breathing heavily and now he's back in his human form. I don't care that he's naked, I've seen it before. Emily's hugging him, but he's staring at me now. I can tell he' still fuming and he's glaring at me with such intensity that I glare back at him. I don't care that I'm still in my wolf form, he knows what I'm thinking

_What the hell was that about jackass?_ I scream with my eyes.

He doesn't say anything to me. He just glares. So I do what I do best, and I glare back at him.

_Whatever, you're a fucking moron any ways._ I huff walking away.

_Boys clean up this mess._ I tell them as I phase back into my human form.

I don't care that I'm naked in the forest. But I can't share my mind with anyone right now. This isn't the first time this has happened. Thankfully I'm prepared.

I find myself walking in the same direction Jacob went. I'm clothed now and my canvas bag is around my shoulder, it's empty save for some cargo shorts I stole from Seth as a just in case. I really need to start working on my anger. I walk for a while thinking about things, things I've ignored, mostly about the day I've had, my father's birthday has always been an interesting one, at least the tradition hasn't died, I laugh bitterly to myself. I approach Jacob he's still in his wolf form, but his head is in the air like he's staring the sky.

He looks up in my direction and as I approach a growl escapes his mouth.

"It's just me jackass." I say taking a seat on the floor of the forest.

He looks over at me with huge eyes. I bite the urge to say something witty to him because truth be told at this moment Jacob Black scares the shit out of me.

He slowly comes up to me and I'm half expecting him to bite me, but he uses his nose to nudge my hands out of my lap. He puts his head in my lap, and I laugh out loud. That startles him, and he's looking at me like I've lost my mind and a part of me thinks that I have.

"It's funny." I tell him.

He's still looking at me weirdly and I slap his nose out of my face. He huffs a bit, but his head goes back into my lap.

"You know as annoying as your voice usually is, this would go a lot easier if you weren't still an animal."

He looks up at me, and rolls his eyes, and I swear it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Then he smiles, and I know what he's thinking, the sly bastard.

But his heads in my lap again, and my hand is tugging on his fur.

"You seriously need a hair cut dude." I tell him.

I hear a what would be a laugh, if wolves could laugh.

"Yeah I called you dude," I snap at him. "I'll call you princess if you prefer." I say laughing.

He's pulling on my shirt now. And I'm pushing him off me, but he won't stop.

"Quit it Jake." I tell him.

But he just rolls his eyes again as if I'm missing something.

Because I am missing something-if he phases back he'll be naked.

"It's not like I've never seen you before." I tell him laughing. "But if you're that shy about your body, here you go." I telling him in the most condescending way, as I pull out the shorts I stole from Seth.

He grabs them quickly and runs behind a bush. Two minutes later a shirtless Jacob appears.

"Geeze it took you long enough." He says fixing the button.

A gash on his bicep catches my eye, and that stupid instinct kicks in.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Never better." He tells me flashing a grin. He's lying.

"Bullshit."

"Crazy Eights."

"What the hell?" I ask him confused.

"I thought we were playing the name the card game?" He says with a guilty smile.

"You're an ass."

He takes a seat next to me ignoring everything I've said, and he just stares at me. I turn my head and when I look in his eyes it's like the rest of the forest, everything, is gone, melted away. So I blink.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"Sam Uley is an ass." He says.

"Yeah well I've been telling you that for years." I laugh, "But seriously Jake…"

"I don't know." He answered me closing his eyes.

"Whatever, Sam needed a good ass kicking." I said laughing.

"You okay?" I asked after a few moments of silence, because as annoying as I'm being he's been a hundred times worse, and although I'll never admit it or even think about it, there is a part of me that cares a great deal about him.

His eyes were closed, but his head was still pointed towards the sky.

"I could've killed him." He whispered. "I wanted to kill him."

"Too bad you didn't" I mumbled.

"I can't do this anymore." He says sighing.

That statement confuses me. What's got Jacob's mind in such a bunch? I'm not sure what to say to him, I want to comfort him because my stupid maternal instincts are kicking in, but I know that anything I say would be interrupted in the wrong way, so I don't say anything back to him.

"Why did he hit you?" I ask him.

"I've never seen Sam so angry in my life." I tell him.

Jacob doesn't answer me. He just shrugs and tries to change the subject. But he's not as sly as he thinks he is, because I've been in his head.

"Cut the crap Jake." I snap at him.

"What were you two fighting about?" I ask him in a stern voice.

He doesn't answer me. And I feel my anger rising. But I will not be controlled by my anger any more.

"Jacob. Tell. Me. Now."

He looks uneasy, like he's debating internally like if it's a good idea. And there's only one reason Jacob would be afraid to tell me something…it's because of me.

"Oh." I say turning the other way. "You need to stop protecting me. I can take care of myself." I tell him angrily.

Again he doesn't say anything, but I know my suspicions are confirmed.

I half expect him to walk away but he hasn't moved and his eyes are open and he's looking at me. He's looking at me in a way that makes me forget how to breathe. He looks so vulnerable, so sad, and afraid, I wonder if this is what I looked like earlier at the cemetery. I told him to go away, but I knew he heard me as I cried clutching my father's headstone. I don't know what's possessed me to do it but I reach out for him like he did for me earlier.

He's staring at me again and his eyes are saying something, something that makes flutters inside me appear, and I'm not sure what it is but I've forgotten how to breathe.

There's a pause, while we just stare at each other. A very short pause. And then, I watch him as he leans forward and the alarms are going off in my head but before I can even process what's happening his lips are on mine and were kissing.

.

*

* * *

**A/N:** WHAM! BLACKWATER! =] So here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for! =D I've been struggling to write this chapter because I'm mean and I wanted to keep you all on suspense forever, just kidding. Writing Sam's POV was easy. The getting back to Leah's now that was difficult. So I got **27** reviews from the last chapter! W-O-W. Thank you so much. I'm glad everyone liked it. I really did have a lot of fun writing it, and I loved all the reviews. It was a nice change from having to read Leah's POV right? Because honestly Sam is a bit of a stalker. Haha. Again, Thank you all soo much!! Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

"How on earth could I be any more obvious?  
It never really did and now it's never gonna happen  
with the two of us  
I don't understand what it is that you're chasing after."

-Never Gonna Happen, Lily Allen

* * *

His lips are on mine, and my fingers have knotted themselves in his hair, and we're pulling each other closer than I ever thought possible and we're kissing, his lips so firm against mine, his tongue is in my mouth, and then mine in his mouth, and his tongue isn't doing that darting thing, it's just their mixing nicely with mine.

His hands are on my back, and I'm pushing my body up against his. The way he's kissing me I'm surprised I'm even still standing up, I don't remember the last time I kissed someone this way, and god I've never felt so wanted in my entire life.

Then my brain turns back on and I realize that Jacob Black is kissing me.

But that's not even the worse part…I like it and I don't want it to end so I pour everything I'm feeling into kissing him because I know once my senses come back I'll stop, or he'll stop, either way this will stop, and I know that a part of me doesn't want it to.

And on cue my senses come back to me and I'm shoving him away.

But he doesn't go far, and I can hear him breathing heavily, or is it me that can't seem to catch my breath?

And I can smell him, and he smells so good, his skin and his hair, and I can taste him in the air. My lips are swollen, I'm not sure if it's because of the way I was kissing him, or if its because of the way he was kissing me, but I'm licking my lips and I hear Jacob breathing and he's kissing me again just as hard…and god does it feel nice.

I'm not sure who stops it this time, but we've been out here for a while, and rains started to pour down, and the sun's finally set. How cliché is it to be kissing in the rain? I roll my eyes at the thought, and laugh a bit out loud.

He's looking up at me now. Disbelief is written all over his face, but the way he's looking at me is so un-Jacob like. It's a look I've seen before though. But it's a look that's never been directed at me.

"What the hell are you looking at you stupid ragamuffin?" I ask him stupidly.

He's smiling at me, and I'm trying my hardest, but I'm sure a smile is written all over my face.

"Leah?" He asks softly. That unsure-ness creeping into his voice. I feel like he's expecting me to hit him, it may have something to do with my clenched fists, But I'm too emotionally drained to do anything. But he doesn't know that.

"Uh…you're not gonna hit me right?" he asks softly.

_Bella._ And her punching fiasco comes to mind first, and Jacob bragging about the fact that he finally kissed her, but the dumb skank went and broke her hand on his face.

Then something else hits me. _Nessie._ The little half bread twerp I actually don't seem to mind on most days. Jacob is hers, and this wrong. So very wrong in that fucked up stealing candy from a baby way, because that's what she is, a baby who has a claim on Jacob. Because those jackasses called fate and destiny picked her out especially for him.

That angers me. Jacob's still looking at me with a worried expression. Maybe he thinks I've finally snapped.

Maybe I have.

I don't say anything I stare at him with angry eyes.

"Leah I was just kidding." He says laughing slowly cupping my face into his hands.

And I'm not sure what compels me to do it, maybe it my hormones, maybe it's the fact that I just made out with my Alpha who's imprinted on a half breed spawn, or maybe it the fact that the way he's touching me right now makes me want to melt into his arms, but I jerk away and throw a fist into his face. I'm expecting to hear the sound of Jacob's jaw breaking, but the jackass is just as strong as I am that it doesn't even hurt either of us.

"God Leah, you didn't have to hit me!" Jacob says angrily. But his eyes say something completely different, and soon he's smiling again.

"Are you brain damaged?" I ask him.

"No, but obviously you are." He replies smirking.

"I should've hit you harder!" I scream.

"Well at least this time I knew someone was punching me." He says laughing, and theirs under lying messages along with that, and it has to do with Bella. And I hate her even more for that simple fact.

"Then you shouldn't be kissing girls who don't want you to kiss them! Next time I'm not aiming for your jaw, I'll hit something that's worth a bit more to you, you son of a bitch!" I hiss, hating that I've put myself into a group with Bella Cullen.

"So you're saying there will be a next time?" Jacob asks smirking at me.

What the hell? Am I back in assward land again? I've just somewhat made out with Jacob Black, my stupid pain in the ass alpha, and he's standing here in the frickin' rain half naked asking me if there is going to be a next time?!

_At least he's no longer jail bait._ A new voice in my head said.

Holy shit! Screw assward land, I'm in hell.

"...Leah?" Jacob's hands are in my face waving me out of my shock. "You..uhh okay? If I knew this was the way to shut you up I'd of done it months ago!" He tells me smirking.

I hate that smirk. It's the look at how cute I am smirk.

My hand's in a fist before I know it, and Jacob's moving away from me.

"C'mon stop with the hitting." He tells me gently.

Theirs such kindness in his voice. I can feel my fists unclenched, but the anger is still with me.

I look up at him. He's just standing there with that stupid grin, and of course now my stupid hormones are on overdrive and I notice how amazingly hot he looks, and I feel like I'm in some end scene of a cheesy black and white movie. The rain's getting lighter and soon it's nothing more than a drizzle, but Jacob's getting closer to me, and I can't stop looking at his chest, his abs, his muscles, his-

'Damn it! What the hell is going on with me? There's no way in hell I want Jacob Black.' I mentally scold myself. NO.

I looked away from his bare chest and into his eyes…his eyes were soft and inviting, just begging me to give in, listen to what he's trying to tell me. Everything about the damn boy was calling out to my senses. His smell, his smile, his eyes. Damn it, this was going to be hard.

"You liked it and you know it." Jacob continued to grin at me, reaching out and stroking my cheek lightly with his thumb.

No. No. No!! Damn him, damn this.

"No." I say flinching away from him.

I won't do this.

"Leah." He calls out my name softly. Not a Leah, don't be like this, just my name, and flashes of him panting out my name over and over again and screaming it out in ecstasy flashed in my ears, but they were quickly quitted away.

Because he says it again, this time demanding my attention, and I have no choice but to turn and look at him. His eyes they're trying to tell me something, they're screaming at me, begging me not to say what I'm about to say, but just give in and let him even for a fraction of a second make me happy.

And that what gets me to snap. Not the fact that he kissed me, or the fact that I liked him kissing me, or even the fact that I kissed him back. Because that could all be blamed on the crazy hormones ragging on internally. But it was the simple fact that he wanted more. He wanted to give _me_ more. And that would never happen. It could never happen.

"ARE YOU INSANE?? Never! EVER! You _CANNOT_ do it!" I scream at him. Emphasizing the last part. But all he does is stare back at me. I'm shaking now, the familiar tremors taking over my body, but I'm fighting against them, against him.

I will not phase.

I will not phase.

I will NOT phase.

Except I do.

****

Thankfully hours have passed and I'm alone in my head. So I run. I run far, and I run fast because that's the only thing I am in control of, and right now I'm going to be damn if I let thoughts of Jacob Black invade my mind. So the wolf takes over me, and I feel the earth beneath my paws, and smell the soft drizzle still falling, and I'm gone.

It's taken me hours to calm down enough to phase back. I'm still shaking as I climb through my window. Ripping the screen off was the smartest thing I've done today. I'm trembling as I sit at the edge of my bed, so many thoughts are running through my head, and I hear my voice although it's shaking its saying that it was just a dream, or a lapse of judgment, that I could never ever, ever in a million years enjoy the feel of Jacob lips on mine. And the thought of him wanting more, well that's just crazy!

As rational thoughts come to me, as I remember that I cannot stand him, I only put up with him because he's the lesser of two evils, that the sheer thought of liking his tongue in my mouth was revolting. And the only reason I responded that way that I did was because I've never been kissed like that and it was wonderful to feel that wanted, that alive, because Sam never made me feel that way, and Ethan never even came close.

I know I've finally snapped! And I imagined the entire thing because I helped his mother change his diapers, I remember being propped up by so many cushions and not wanting to breath because I might drop the baby in my hands and mom and Sarah would be pissed. And as these thoughts of baby Jacob swim into my brain I know that I can't have like the fact that, that actually happened.

But it did.

And I can't help but want to curse the stars, fate and destiny; because it sucks that this has happened. Nothing will ever be the same. It could never be the same.

Jacob and Leah, Alpha and Beta, _friends_, someone outside of my family that I am actually able to trust, that has actually been their regardless of what happens. But now that's all gone, and I hate that fact. Because as much as I say that Jacob Black is not my friend, that I don't care about him, he is, and I do.

Because it was Jacob who had kissed me, if it were anyone else, Embry maybe, or even Sam I know that the feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn't be there.

Because that's what it's about. The simple fact that us together would make sense. The reason I was fighting so hard against him when he was so willing, because when it comes to who we are and what we want, there are no illusions and pretty fantasies of happily-ever-afters, we know better than that, we've been in each others heads, we've seen the darkest parts of each others soul's but still yet at the end of the day, the thought of being with each other is so simple, so _right_.

And having happiness of some sort is something fate has decided I will never be able to have, and everything about Jacob Black screams happiness, and everything about me says the opposite. And saying yes, even momentarily considering Jacob as a possibility, I can't do that to myself again. Because if I've learned anything, imprint triumphs anything else, and I won't let him try and fix me, only to have everything shatter once he leaves.

And now I'm pissed because I was never this insecure before Sam and Emily. And I'll be damned if they get to make me feel this way anymore.

A light breeze flows through my open window and I smell Seth, and I know he's on his way back home. I can't let him see me like this. I've put the kid through enough, so I push all thoughts of Sam and Emily, and Jacob to the back of my mind, in the little box marked 'do not open', because I'm not going to lose two years worth of progress in one night. And I'll be damned if Seth has to watch me have another break down...

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* * *

~TBC SOON.

A/N: I know I know. I suck. Majorly. BUT I got really, really sick last week, like hospitalization bad sick, then school started back up again (Summer B) and I had to go back to work…yeah I know excuses excuses. But I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. I just didn't know how I wanted Leah to react. At first I had her attack Jacob, and they were wolves and attacking/wrestling [well Leah was attacking, Jacob was mostly trying to calm her down], then I had another one where they just did it in the woods, but that wouldn't have been realistic, then I had another one where everyone found out and a whole bunch of drama was let loose, and god I really wasn't ready for that.

So therefore this was written several different times. And I hope it doesn't suck because it is shorter than what I've written in a while, but I just couldn't write any more. I was going to stop after she phases but then I thought that would be rather mean because you've all been waiting. So again I hope this doesn't suck.

**BTW;** I received 34 reviews for the last chapter! :D I don't really have the patience to go through and thank you all individually, but I hope that this is thanks enough, because you all are wonderful, and the fact that you're reviewing means the world to me. So thank you all! And I'm sorry I suck at updating.


	14. Chapter 14

"Well those drifters days are past me now  
Ive got so much more to think about  
Deadlines and commitments  
What to leave in, what to leave out"

-Against the Wind, Bob Seger

* * *

Normal. That's the watch word. I am _normal_. Everything's _normal_. Nothings not _normal_. I'm acting _normal. _I'm not being weird. Except I am. And I feel my mother's eyes boring into my skull. I'm afraid to look up, because she knows that I'm not normal. So I stick to looking at my breakfast, which coincidentally is shaped into a sad face.

Let's just say, it wasn't a very good morning.

With the entire town witness to the Sam and Jacob slap fest, the elders have been ever more adamant to show tribe unity. Or whatever bullshit power trip Old Quil is on, because he is _disappointed_ with how and I quote "ill behaved" the Alpha's acted.

You know what I told my mother? Boo fucking who.

She just looked at me tisked at my language and muttered something about teaching me manners or something stupid like that. As if I give a shit about what Old Quil thinks of me.

Seth stumbles through the front door, and I glance up at the clock, 8:04am, he must have gone back out last night.

"Yo." He says to me wiggling his eyebrows in some sort of suggestive way. "Why's the food sad?"

I roll my eyes at him as if this is an obvious answer, and my mother comes back into the kitchen.

"Were you out patrolling with _Jacob_ last night?" My mom hisses in his direction.

Cue awkward feeling now. No I'm not gonna be thinking about Jacob…nope not at all.

Seth looks almost as uneasy as I feel, actually he looks worse uneasy doesn't even describe the way his face looks right now, he looks absolutely petrified, but he answers slowly as if he's talking to a ticking time bomb, which right now he is, since moms is pissed, and like I've said before the wrath of Sue Clearwater isn't something you take lightly.

"No…Umm…I was with Quil. Jake asked me to patrol for him. I didn't think he wanted anyone in his head, you know after everything that happened yesterday..."

I think we all know what happened yesterday.

It was the day from hell.

With a sexy...shirtless…son of a bitch! I'm doing it again. NO thinking about this!

"Hurmph."

That sound shakes me out of my reserve because Sue Clearwater only makes that sound when she is truly pissed, not the pissed off 'my daughter is a bitch, but I love her' sound she usual makes towards me, it's the sound that says if you come near me I will murder you in your sleep. I've only ever heard that sound twice in my life and I have a feeling that the second person to ever face her wrath is in for it again.

Sucker!

I'm looking at Seth with huge eyes and a smirk, because it's about time Sam got his ass kicked by another Clearwater, but I turn only to find that he's looking back at me with an even more terrified look, if I didn't know any better I swear he just shit his pants. But he's not terrified for himself, or for me, and I know he'd never be worried about Sam. Its Jacob he's worried about because it's not only Sam that she's pissed at.

The poor unlucky bastard.

****

My mother's screaming. It's not like this is something that's uncommon in our household, but then again were not at home. Seth and I are flinching as her words come out because we both know the look of death that accompanies them, her words are harsh and intimidating, _honor, repugnant, contemptuous, disappointing,_ and I know that we are so glad to be sitting outside while she yells and screams at Jacob and Sam about their "complete disregard for the safety of the tribe."

"Remind me never to get on your mom's bad side." Embry whispers to me.

We're sitting in a circle, cards are being thrown around and money is in the center, it feels just like yesterday that we were all one pack.

Paul's muttering things about winning or Rachel kicking his ass if keeps loosing, and I can't help but picture little Rachel Black beating dumbass Paul with a stick.

I hear Billy talking now, but the things he's saying aren't the ones we want to hear. The elders are lecturing both Alpha's, and I find it completely funny because technically they are chief, well one of them is, the other is a what co-chief? But they're being scolded like they're eight years old, and not the fully grown twice their size Alpha wolf's that they are.

Old people seem to have that effect on people. Well at least my mother seems to have that affect on me, and I have the smartest mouth in the entire world.

Old Quil is talking now, and in that snotty old person 'I'm old I've seen the world so you listen to me' bull is being told to the two of them, and I wonder why they haven't asked what the fight was about.

He's muttering things about getting along, and stop being so idiotic, and I can't help but think of them being put in a time out.

_'Now you two will sit here until you've learned your lesson.'_

_'No fighting with each other'._

_'But he started it'_

_'Not uh he did'_

_'Just apologize to one another and be quite!'_

I get up and start to pace, the guys are looking at me like I've lost my mind and I tell them to shut up because I can't hear the Elders speaking any more.

The door opens slowly and Sam is the first to walk out with his head bowed down. His pack scrambles up to greet him, but he's not paying any attention to them, he's looking straight at me like it's my fault he's in this mess, and I glare at him because I didn't make him punch Jacob in the face, although it would be great if I could make Sam do anything. He opens his mouth to say something but the door bursts open and bangs the opposite wall almost taking the entire door with it and out strolls Jacob. I roll my eyes at this. Jacob Black sure knows how to make an entrance.

Every ones staring at him, and he's grinning sheepishly. Sam's scowling, and that makes me laugh. Everyone's looking at me now. And I know what they're thinking, _Leah laughing? Holy hell!_ Weirder things have happened, dumbasses. And I forget that they can't hear me, so I just settle for rolling my eyes again.

They're looking uncomfortable. It's quite entertaining. Only Jacob's looking at ease right now and he's smiling at me, and I know I'm smiling back-because this is how it's always been, always in sync, so carefree, so easy...but I snap myself out of it as I hear the grinding of teeth, and someone exhaling deeply.

Sam's staring at us, and he's pissed. I'm not in the mood for his dumbassness, so I say what the hell and go in for the kill, because no one can piss Sam Uley off like I can.

"Yo, dumbass. Why don't you stop staring at me? I know that I emulate awesomeness, but staring at me isn't gonna change your douche-bagginess! So do me a favor and stop being a creeper!"

Sam's dumbstruck and I stifle back my laughter, and instead I glare at him. Too bad that my back is to the rest of my back, because the three idiots literally roll on the floor laughing at Sam's expression. No one knows what to do, Jared and Paul are holding back their laughter, but I know it has more to do with their loyalty to their ass hole of an Alpha than anything else.

Too bad the younger ones don't know any better, and they chuckle. It quickly stops when Sam glares at them. But that only breaks my façade and soon I'm laughing with the rest of my pack.

_Ahem_.

It's Jacob who clears his throat in what I know he thinks is a discreet way, it really isn't. But we all know when to quit acting like idiots.

Sam's staring at us now, his face looks like he's in awe struck, but I just think he looks like a moron so I roll my eyes at him.

"Leah-"

"Ugh-" I can't help but letting that sound out. "I was serious about you being a douche bag. I'm not just here for comic relief!" I tell him.

"Leah-" He says my name again, and he's looking at me in that 'we need to talk' way, but I really don't care. He's not allowed to speak to me let alone say my name.

But by this time Jacob's stepped in, and telling Sam to but out, and Seth's looking quite fierce, it's actually kinda cute that they're being all protective-if it wasn't for the fact that it's annoying as hell, because I can take care of myself. Especially when it comes to Sam. I swear if Sam wasn't standing right in front of us I'd probably tell them all off, but I won't give him the satisfaction of thinking that he has the better pack.

Sam's huffing and puffing and I fight the urge to insult him again. It only last for ten seconds.

"Stop huffing and puffing, you maybe a big bad wolf, but guess what? I'm smarter and more badass than you'll ever be. So go stick it up your ass."

And with that I walk away, well stalk angrily away, but it's been months since I've gotten to walk away without phasing, and being able to walk away with a group of werewolves gawking at my awesomeness sure is a great way to boost a girls ego.

"So that was interesting." I hear Quil mumbling as I walk away.

****

"Are we ever going to talk about last week?" My mother asks sitting down next to me on the couch.

No I don't want to. But the way she's looking at me, I turn off the TV and answer.

"You think we really need to?" I ask looking up at her.

"Leah…" Her voice is filled with such sorrow, that I can't help but look down.

I hate doing this to her. I hate the fact that I'm constantly stressing her out. It's not bad enough that she has to worry about Seth, but she has to worry twice if not three times as hard for me.

"I talked to Jacob."

Jacob? I don't want to talk about Jacob. I don't want to _think _about him. _He's_ in the 'do not open' box. I can't think about him. What the hell does he have to do with anything? I've avoided him for an entire week, no way the bastard cornered my mom…I guess my face is betraying what I'm thinking because my mother answers my unasked questions.

"He's worried about you."

I can't help but roll my eyes as she says this. I swear if I had a nickel for every time someone said the phrase he's worried about you, I'd be richer than those stupid bloodsuckers.

"Yeah well tell him to stop. I don't need him." I can't help it, just as soon as it comes out I wish I hadn't said anything. My mother's face falls so quickly that my smirk goes away.

"Stop doing this." She tells me sternly.

I'm surprised at her outburst.

"Stop what?" I ask. Not because I'm being a smartass, but because I'm genuinely confused.

"Pushing him-them-us away. They love you…I love you." She tells me softly.

"Leah," She says gently, "I'm so sorry about last week." And with those simple words I know she's not talking about my tongue session with Jacob Black.

"Did you even remember?" I ask looking her in the eye.

"Of course I did." She tells me blinking back tears. "I just-" Her voice cracks, but she regains her composer quickly, "I didn't want you or your brother seeing me that way."

The way she says it, I know where my strength comes from. I know the reason I was able to pick myself up and move on when my entire world was crumbling from beneath me.

"Seth is still so young…and you, my beautiful daughter-" She says holding onto my face gently, "you're still so sad that you hide behind your anger, I just- I didn't want to burden you. So much of your life has been taken away from you…I'm just so sorry for that."

"It's not your fault." I tell her. Because it really isn't.

"I've loved your father since I was sixteen years old," She tells me softly.

"Oh he used to annoy me though, he'd always leave the toilet seat up, I'd have to wear ear plugs to bed, and the junk he would collect! I swear I was so glad when I told him I was pregnant with Seth because then he had to clear out his room and throw some of his thimbles away! The man never even picked up a needle in his life, and all he wanted was a thimble collection!" She says with a laugh.

I'm laughing along with her, because it's good to remember him. With my fears of forgetting him eating up at me it was nice to have someone to talk to.

"He would be so proud of you-of everything you've done here, he wouldn't want you blaming yourself." She says the last part as quietly as possible squeezing my hands, but I hear it. I hear everything she's saying, and everything she's not.

I look up at her, and force out a smile, and squeeze her hands back, because I know she loves me, and she doesn't blame me.

"Leah, I care about Charlie a lot." She says pulling me into her arms. "…but I don't-I don't ever want you to think that I've forgotten your father…I will never ever forget him." She says patting my head softly.

"Charlie is a good man." I whisper closing my eyes.

"I know you make each other happy, and I want that for you, I just-" My voice breaks and soon I'm fighting back the tears. But I burry myself further into my mother's arms and fight the tears.

"I miss him so much." I finally tell her. Because it's not fair. He shouldn't have been taken away. He should be here right now making fun of the stupid shows on TV with me. He should be here. It's not fair. No one else got their lives ripped up under them, no one got everything they worked for, everything they dreamed of, everything they love taken away from them. It's just not fucking fair.

And suddenly the tears are there again, pushing me to just let go and feel, because right here I'm safer than I have been in so many years. My mothers cooing softly and their isn't a doubt in the world that my mother loves me, that she'll always try to protect me…So for the first time in 5 years I cry like I've never cried before into my mother's arms.

* * *

^*^*^*^*

~TBC

A/N: Please don't be mad. I know there wasn't any Blackwater…but Leah's life doesn't revolve around a man. Can't have her going soft because Jacob finally maned up right? haha. I just felt that Leah needed to deal with some other issues before the Jake/Leah awesomeness could begin. It had to be done. I hope you all enjoyed it.

Updated: Someone asked what chapter 13's title meant [_Fate:3 Leah:0_], as in the counts: Fate: Sam, Harry Dying/ Her Phasing [although technically they are seperate things, they're grouped together in my mind since they happened around the same time] and of course Jacob.

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, they really do mean the world to me.**


	15. Chapter 15

"And everyone keeps saying  
Nothing helps but time  
Time is all I own  
The timings stop replaying over in my mind  
I watch the hours slow down"

-One of Those Days, Joshua Radin

* * *

"Are you kidding me?!? I'm drunk right? Or dreaming? Did you knock me over the head when I wasn't looking?"

I'm greeted with laughter, it's the laughter that is only present when friends are around.

"Lee come on. It's not that bad."

"No way."

"Leah—"

"No. I. Will. Not. My job description does not say _baby sitter_."

"Yeah well neither does mine!" She snaps back at me.

"It's your wedding." I try to argue, but she's got a quick reply.

"Exactly! That means you have to help!"

"Aww Man!" I groan.

"I can't believe your gonna go through with this." I whine.

"Leah, you're starting to sound just like Jake."

I pretend to take offense to this, but Rachel pays me no attention.

"Besides you can't leave me alone with _it—her_, Paul will freak!"

"And we wouldn't want to upset Paulina now would we?" I say laughing.

"He is kind of a woman…" She tells me trying to keep a straight face on, but it breaks just as I open my mouth.

And we laugh because nothing brings old friends back together like making fun of the guys in their lives.

"But I really do need your help." She tells me after the laughter has died down.

"Liar."

"Fine all we have to do is get the final fittings done. And that's where you come in. Two birds with one stone." She says smiling at me.

"If you're gonna bitch about her, why the hell is she in your wedding?"

"Because," She tells me sternly. "_Nessie_ is my stupid brother's imprint."

"Ray, you actually called her by her name, that's actually pretty cute." I say laughing at her brushing off the fact that she mentioned Jacob and imprint in the same sentence.

Rachel turns and scowls at me.

"Yeah well Jake kept blowing a fuse every time I said _it_ and he kept talking to me until I said her name. Do you know how annoying it is to have a brother who will not shut up?"

I laugh again, and roll my eyes, "No Ray, I don't know what it's like to have an annoying brother who will not shut up."

It takes her a minute to realize that I'm talking about Seth, King of the blabber mouths, and soon she's laughing along with me.

"Wanna trade?" She asks me hopeful.

"Pass." I say giggling at her.

"I'll be right back." She tells me as she remembers something. "Don't you run off, I know where you live!" She threatens before making a quite exit out the front door.

I sprawl out on the couch, it's been a while since I was last here, and it does feel nice not having to worry about stupid annoying little brothers.

I hear the thundering of his footsteps running up to the house before he opens his mouth, but soon enough Jacob Black's loud voice is hollering for his sister.

"RAACHHHEELLL!" He bellows throwing the door open.

Stupid assward land.

The moron is screaming like he owns the place, which technically he does, since it's his house.

"RAAAACCCHHH-"

"She's not here." I tell him raising my head up and letting out an irritated sigh.

"Leah?" He asks surprised.

"No. The boogie monster."

"What are you doing here?" He asks not paying any attention to my sarcasm.

"Stalking you." I say snorting in what I know my mother would call very un-lady like way.

A small smile is forming on his lips, and I say something else before I give him the wrong idea.

"I'm trying to talk your sister out of this idiotic wedding." That's a safe neutral topic.

He snorts as I say this.

"Good Luck with that. I've been trying for months."

Is it me or is this very awkward?

"So umm…how are you?" He asks unsureness present in his voice.

Nope it's extremely awkward. I guess that's my own fault. I've known we've needed to talk for two weeks now. And my avoiding him hasn't helped.

"Fine. Been busy. I swear your sister is a crazy Nazi." I tell him awkwardly.

When did things between us get so awkward? He's come further into his living room now, and he's sitting on the arm rest of his sofa, and somehow I've gotten up and backed away to the opposite corner of the couch.

"Yeah. I didn't you know were going to be here…" He says running a hand through his hair.

"Look." I start to say, but at the same time he says something.

We catch each other's eye as we say something, and then were both looking away, I don't think things have ever been this weird between us.

And what am I supposed to tell him? Yeah it's great that you tongued me and everything but let's not let our hormones get in the way of our Alpha-Beta relationship? Yeah I'm sure that would go over really well.

And I know that there's no backing out of this. It's now or never. Of course he's going to want to talk about it. I need to tell him that it was a mistake. Because that's what it was. A crazy mistake, because he wasn't looking at me that way. And because he hasn't been on my mind for the past two weeks as I'm trying to sleep prying at the very center of my brain wondering if it could possibly maybe work out in some alternate universe, and that there is a part of me that keeps saying that I don't care if he's imprinted, because he's still Jake. But that's just at night, in the mornings I vow never ever to think about him like that, because he is Jacob, and he has imprinted and nothing will change that.

"Leah?" Jacob asks uncertainly, in that voice he used with me the day he fought with Sam…the day he kissed me.

"We should talk." He tells me.

"Yeah I know."

And I know its coming before he even has a chance to say it. The '_I'm sorry_'. And I know I'll have to say it back, because it wasn't like I really pushed him off of me. And if he apologizes, I know I'll have to as well, and I hate apologizing, and Jacob's used his quota up for his lifetime.

But he doesn't apologize.

In fact he doesn't say anything, because I cut him off.

"Look, about the other day…Let's forget it ever happened." I tell him in what I think is a casual whatever sort of tone.

He looks at me strangely for a second. Then he shakes his head, and runs his left hand through his hair again. I can't take it. I've said all I've needed to say and Rachel can come find me at my house. I get up to leave but Jacob's on his feet in a flash and blocking my way.

"Leah, don't. Stay please?" He says sweetly, and I look at him with angry eyes because how dare he have that tone.

But really it's no use he's got his hand wrapped around my wrist and he's not letting me go.

Don't what? Don't lust after your imprinted Alpha? Yeah I plan not to. Don't think about the fact that two weeks ago he was looking at me in a way he shouldn't be. The same way he's looking at me now.

And a sense of déjà vu has come over me. Because I like it, but he'll never know that. And it's not fair for him to look at me like that and make me feel like this.

"Let go Jacob." I say in a deadly voice but it doesn't work his grip on me is just as strong as ever, and I wish he wasn't touching me.

"No." He says flatly, in that voice he used when he was fighting Sam.

I turn to glare at him, but he looks up at me and he's staring into my eyes, and again it's like were in the middle of the forest because I've forgotten how to breath, and nothing else seems to matter besides the fact that he's here.

But I snap myself out of it by blinking several times.

Jacob's smiling now.

He's let go of my wrist and I get the feeling that he wants to touch my face again, but I've slowly moved back.

"Leah." He says my name again, and it's not filled with any unsureness. I feel like he's making a choice.

But he doesn't have a choice. He lost that ability the day he made eye contact with her.

"_Nessie_." I say softly shaking my head and backing away again.

Jacob has the good sense not to touch me again.

He opens his mouth to say something again, but Rachel walks into the house takes one look at Jacob then at me and tells her brother to get lost while she drags me out the door.

****

"So why am I here again?" I ask.

"To amuse me of course! Now turn around." Rachel tells me laughing at my uneasiness.

"And by amuse, you mean torture?" I say looking at her through the mirror.

"You know me so well." She smiles back up at me, motioning with her finger for me to turn around again.

I roll my eyes at her.

"What do you think kid?" I ask her as she comes out of the dressing room in her little dress. She looks flawless, and a part of me is jealous, yeah she technically three, but she looks about eight or nine and I remember being that age, all awkward and gangly, but the kid is perfect.

She giggles at me, then looks down at herself and says, "You look very nice Leah."

"See! Come on Leah, you look great, at least this is the last fitting!" Rachel says to me as she goes to inspect Nessie.

"Yeah then I have to wear this ugly thing in public!" I say mocking her. Playing with the light yellow dress I am currently wearing.

It's really not that bad, but I can never pass up a chance to get Rachel all riled up.

"Oh hush! It's not ugly…is it?" Rachel asks unsure grabbing a piece of the dress and holding it up next to her.

"Of course it is Ray, it's the ugliest thing in the world." I tell her with big eyes and a pretend look of disgust as I pick at the fabric.

"Well besides your soon to be husband of course." I say grinning from ear to ear.

I hear Nessie giggling as she walks into the other room with the seamstress.

Rachel rolls her eyes and pushes me a little, then smiles. It's no secret that I don't like Paul. Hell if it wasn't for the imprint I'm sure Rachel wouldn't like Paul.

"Well if he doesn't get his crap in gear I might not marry him!"

I can't help but laugh at this. Because Rachel not marring Paul is as likely as I am to sprout wings and fly, which if I'm not careful I might actually do, so scratch that last part.

"Did the doofus finally pass a class?" I snicker.

Paul had been taking some courses at Peninsula College, probably to make up for the fact that Rachel is way smarter than him.

"All of them actually." She tells me proudly.

"Well that's what? A total of five whole classes for him. And you have your what? PhD?" I say snickering.

"Master's Degree, thank you very much. It took me two years to get it!" She huffs.

What a nerd.

It's as if she can read my mind, she rolls her eyes and says, "Am not!"

I dish out a smirk and soon enough were clutching each other and laughing.

"Why should I have to give up my dreams? Right? He should be making dreams of his own. I will not be supporting a lazy couch surfer! I've got big dreams. And he's either hopping on the train, or I'll leave his sorry ass behind." She smiles as she says this with a note of affection behind her voice.

Because we both know that if it came down to it, she'd pick Paul.

"Sure Ray, big dreams." I tell her.

I can't help but remember when she first found out about imprinting.

_"Leah Clearwater you open this door right now!" _

_Oh joy, I thought, the bastard told her._

_"Hey Rachel." I greet her after I've opened the door and she's barged into my living room looking to see if anyone else was here._

_"What's up?" I ask when her eyes have finally landed on me again._

_"WHAT'S UP?!" She screeched. "_HIM_…me!...and you, Seth, Sam…Quil, Embry and Jacob!"_

_"Yeah." I said. She knew, there was no use in pretending any more._

_"HIM!" She yelled again. "And ME!" She couldn't hide the distaste in her mouth._

_"No." She says a bit softer this time taking a seat on the couch. I sit down next to her, and she turns to face me._

_"It's over." She tells me, and the tears have started._

_"Ray…" I say softly. "Don't cry."_

_The sobs are harder now, but she tries to speak, but heart wrenching sobs are the only things that come out of her mouth. It takes her 20 minutes to calm down, but soon enough she's just hugging the throw pillow and staring off into space._

_"It's not over you know." I tell her. "It's just begun."_

_"I…I…" The words wouldn't come out, and her eyes just plead with me to understand her._

_"It's over, gone, done, caput, vanished in one look." She finally manages to get out. And understand, I really did because everything she's feeling I've felt, but she has what I didn't get._

_"But you get him." I tell her. "I know he may not be much," She laughs at this, "but I promise you'll never be happier."_

_"I don't want happiness." She says suddenly. "I want espressos, big houses with maids, fancy cars, and meaningless sex! But now I'm stuck here."_

_"Who says you still can't have all of that?" I ask her sharply. She's startled, and looks at me questioningly. _

_"Have it all Ray, it's your dreams, your wants, he's everything you need him to be. The jerk just wants you to be happy. It's happened for a reason you know," I say looking at her, "two words…personal slave."_

_She laughs as I say this. _

_"You're perfect for one another, I've seen it."_

_She rolls her eyes and snorts at me. Then she says something that makes me remember why I love her so much._

_"God now you sound like _them_! 'imprints so great.', 'he's so wonderful, anything I want', '_soul mates.'_ Come on Leah, don't bull shit me."_

_I can't help but smile at this, at least being imprinted on doesn't change you._

_"You know the legends as well as I do, and now were a part of them. True Love Ray. True, True Love. Risk-Free Happily ever after and all you have to do is say yes."_

_She looks at me for a second, then nods._

_"I wasn't kidding about the meaningless sex though." Rachel says with a smirk on her face, and we both laugh._

"He's not all the bad you know..." Rachel says knocking me out of my hike through memory lane.

I snort at this. Then look at her like she's grown two heads, which she has if she's trying to convince me that Paul is actually not the jackass I know he is.

"…in bed." She rolls out laughter as she says this, and I think it has more to do with the look of utter disgust that's written all over my face.

And soon I'm laughing with her as the seamstress comes back in with Nessie and she stares at me.

"You look very beautiful." She says smiling at me. And I can't help it but I look down and mumble a thanks. But I'm not quick enough, and Rachel catches the blush forming on my cheeks, and I don't blush.

"Told you so." She says sticking her tongue out at me.

****

"Remember when we were that age?" Rachel asks me nodding towards Nessie as we pull up to the leeches place.

"Yeah I do." I admit putting the Rabbit into park, I don't know how Rachel got Jacob's car but it beats having to beg my mom for her car.

"Things were so much easier then weren't they?"

"Yeah they were."

"Miss Leah, Miss Rachel?" Nessie's musical voice interrupts our conversation.

We both turn and look at her and Nessie in turn looks up at me expectantly and asks, "Thank you so much. I had a lot of fun today, would it be possible to do it again?"

And I can't help but smile, because as much as I might not like her _family_, or even the _idea_ of her, or even that she has this weird freaky mind power, she really hasn't done anything to me. If anything she should be mad at me. But the way she's looking up at me, makes me remember that even though she a demon spawn, she is part human, and still an innocent child that the world hasn't screwed over yet.

I look over at Rachel and she nods happily.

It's weird because earlier today it took everything Rachel had in her to actually say Nessie instead of it, and now the little spawn has won her over.

"Sure kid." I tell her assuringly.

Were out of the car now, (Nessie and I) and Nessie's bouncing happily towards the door, and I can't help but be jealous of her. She has everything any one could ask for. She has a family, she has both parents, granted they are probably the most disgusting things in the world, but still she he has them, she has grandparents and aunts and uncles who love her more than anything else, and she has Jacob.

I stop thinking about things now, because the blond leech, Rosalie, has opened the front door and she has the little spawn in her arms now. I've never paid much attention to any of the other leeches, but I remember talking to Jacob about her once.

She doesn't snarl at me, like she usually does when Jacob is present she just nods in my direction and asks the kid if she had a good time. And she's touching her face and using her freaky-ass mind power crap I won't allow her to use on me, it's either words or silence.

The leech is looking at me now, and a weird smirk is on her face as Jacob opens the door and saunters out.

"Oh, your back." He manages to get out.

"Obviously." The leech mutters.

Jacob glares at her, and then smiles at Nessie.

"Did you have fun?" He asks her.

"Yes." She answers giggling.

"Miss Leah and Miss Rachel are a lot of fun." She tells him proudly.

"Well at least you think so." He tells her happily.

And I suddenly theirs a pang in my chest, it's not sadness, its anger. I feel like I'm intruding between imprint bonding time or something like that so I make up some excuse and soon I'm turning around and heading back to the car.

"Leah-" Jacob calls out to me, but I pretend like I don't hear him, and jump into the driver seat of his car speeding back to La Push with Rachel in the passenger seat staring at me.

****

* * *

~TBC ^_^

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long. {Chances are there are a lot of spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know if you see any} And I'm not sure if this chapter makes much sense to anyone, but I promise it has a purpose. I've wanted to include Rachel into this story for a while now, and it was just harder to write than I thought. I wanted to show another side to Leah that we never see and I thought that Rachel would fit in perfectly. && Yes Nessie has finally shown up. And yes she's winning people over left and right, but like I said all this madness it has a purpose.

The Jacob and Leah scene…that was awkward to write. I didn't want Leah apologizing, and she has absolutely no idea whats going on in Jacob's head, and she has all these feelings going on in her heart that she doesn't want. And well I just saw them awkwardly talking, and trying to have a conversation but being interrupted so they have to continue being awkward around one another. Feel free to ask questions. I think I've gotten better at responding to reviews. haha

**But as always Thank you all so much for reading and to those of you who have reviewed thank you thank you thank you!**

BTW; I think you should all read _'The Three Men I admire Most'_ by **ZuXy.Q** (or actually anything by her) it's basically my inspiration for writing this story.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hello, tell me you know  
Yeah, you figured me out  
Something gave it away  
It would be such a beautiful moment  
To see the look on your face  
To know that I know that you know now"

-If It Kills Me, Jason Mraz

* * *

I don't need enhanced wolf senses to feel Rachel staring at me as we pass the border into La Push. But I know better, so my hands don't leave the steering wheel and my eyes don't leave the road.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Rachel finally asks as the houses come into view.

"Nothing. The vamp smell was bugging me." I tell her.

She looks at me skeptically, and I hope over and over again that she can't sense how uncomfortable I am. But since she's Rachel, and I'm Leah she takes my word for it. Although it doesn't stop a knowing look that comes over her.

She doesn't take her eyes off of me as we get to her house, and that same look is present on her face, the one that's dying to know what's really going on.

But it isn't until were out of the car she's asks the question I knows been on her mind.

"Leah…"She says my name, and there goes my quick exit.

But my eyes roll faster than she can even say anything else, and soon she's glaring at me.

"What's going on with you and Jacob?"

Way to go Ray. She's never been one with the small talk.

But what am I supposed to say to that? Your 20 year old brother tongued me two weeks ago, after giving my ex-boyfriend the biggest beat down of his life, which now I can't stop thinking about because it was incredibly hot, and I can't stop thinking about him because the way he was looking at me gives me major goose bumps every time I think about it, and it was definitely the best feeling in the entire world. And now we can't look each other in the eye, because every time were in the same room with one another things get super weird, i.e. this morning, or because when I look into his eyes I can't remember how to breath, but no there's nothing going on with us because I can't look at him without getting these urges, and you really don't want to know about the thoughts going on in my head, not because he's your little brother but because he's _imprinted_, and a part of me likes the fact that he makes me feel this way because a part of me feels alive whenever he's near, and it's a good thing because I've never felt this wanted in my entire life, but it really doesn't matter because I don't even have you on my side because you've even fallen under his little spawns spell. But really nothing besides the fact that I think I want to bone your little brother.

But I really can't tell her that. So instead I say, "Pack stuff, don't worry about it."

She doesn't believe me. But then again I wouldn't believe me either.

But since she's Rachel, and our friendship goes beyond words and gossip, she lets it go. But she has a look in her eye, like she's trying to figure something out. But I stop paying attention because the wind has shifted, and I feel someone phasing back.

I hear the rustling of leaves, and I turn around expecting to see a half naked Jacob walking out of the bushes buttoning his cut-offs, but it's worse.

It's _Paul_.

He's cursing about the hitchhikers that are stuck in his hair, but it stops as soon as he sees that were outside.

He doesn't even acknowledge my presence because he only has eyes for Rachel and usually that would annoy me, but it's Paul, and the less contact I have with him the better.

But Rachel's worse, because as much as I think she hasn't changed. I know deep down she has. Because underneath everything, she is still one of them. And imprint triumphs anything.

They're smiling at one another and I get that feeling again, like I'm intruding on some precious imprint time, but it's not the same feeling I got with Jacob and Nessie.

But I don't get any time to think about these ridiculous feelings, because Paul's big mouth has opened, and he's decided to speak to me. JOY.

"Umm…Hey Leah…?" It comes out more like a question then a greeting. Automatically my eyes narrow at him in suspicion.

We're never nice to each other. Ever.

The tone of his voice is so suspicious Rachel is eyeing him curiously.

"What's up?"

Holy crap, I'm in assward land again right? He hasn't insulted me yet, and he's even being civil.

It's weird.

And I'm feeling even more awkward then I was earlier with Jacob, but in a completely different way.

"What's going on?" Rachel asks suspiciously.

After years and years of trying, she's finally accepted the fact that Paul and I will never get along. Ever. Not for lack of trying, but just because two hot heads will make an even bigger explosion, and I don't need physical strength to cut him down, I've been in the deepest part of his mind, so he knows when to keep his mouth shut.

"Nothing babe." Paul says to Rachel kissing her quickly on the cheek.

Yeah nothing besides my lunch making its way up my throat.

But Rachel isn't that easily pacified.

"Why are you being so nice?"

"I'm always nice." He smiles at her, and I hold back my laughter, because the words Paul and nice are never used together.

She doesn't believe him either. And Paul notices straight away.

Her eyes are narrowed and she's in her defensive stance.

It's funny because Paul notices the change quickly and his arms are at his side and he's smiling uneasily at Rachel.

"Babe…"

"Paul."

"It's just that…" He stammers. "Well Sam said—"

I growl at the mention of Sam. He is the last person I want to see.

But Rachel waits patiently for Paul to continue.

It takes Paul a while but he finally blurts it out at me. "Samjustsaidhewantedtotalktoyou."

I'm about to say something to Paul, but Rachel interrupts me.

"No! No! NO! You tell that bastard to leave Leah alone or so help me I will kick his ass myself."

Its times like these I remember how much I actually love her.

"Babe…" Paul's trying to coo her, but Rachel's not having any of it.

"He's _married._" She hisses. "This needs to stop!"

"It's not like that." He argues.

"Fine, let's go and see what Emily thinks then."

"NO!" Paul yells stepping in front of her.

I suddenly feel like I'm missing something.

"Rachel?" I say her name, and she turns to look at me.

Her face falls just a bit, but she's an even better actress than I thought.

"Don't worry Lee. Paul was just _leaving._"

"Aww don't be like that. It's not my fault. He told us—"

"IMPRINT!" She yells pointing to herself. "I triumph your stupid _Alpha_ remember?" She hisses the last part out.

Paul looks defeated, and it takes everything I have not to laugh at the fact that Rachel just burned Paul in the biggest way ever. The boy was so whipped.

It's because I'm thinking about Paul and his girlish tendencies that I didn't notice the entrance of someone else.

"What the hell is going on here?" Jacob says defensively looking at a very pissed off Rachel and a guilty Paul.

I wonder how much of their conversation he actually heard.

But more importantly what the hell is _he_ doing here?! I left to get the hell away from him. Is he stalking me now? Shit. I really shouldn't have put that idea into his head.

But neither Rachel or Paul are paying attention of Jacob.

"Leave Paul! And find somewhere else to sleep tonight!" Rachel yells.

And it's those words that gets Jacob's attention. He's dumbfounded. But a snide smile forms on his lips. I bet he's been waiting years to hear those words come out of Rachel's mouth.

But Paul's not giving up that easily.

"Aww…Babe come on!"

Jacob's muttering things under his breath, but it's too low for Rachel to hear it, but Paul and I do, and Paul hisses at Jacob, but all that does is send Rachel into another yelling spree and I know that's what Jacob intended.

If all imprinted couples were this entertaining I doubt I'd hate them so much.

Alright that's a lie. I have my own issues with _imprints._

But I can't help but wonder what the hell they were talking about.

My patience is warring thin, so I turn to Jacob because he's supposedly the Alpha, and this is his sister's stupid _fiancé _fault, so I do what I do best, I tell him to handle this while I drag Rachel into the house.

But Paul's still outside with Jacob, and I can still hear what their saying.

"…smartest thing my sisters ever done."

"Shut up."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jacob said with no hint of humor in his voice.

I heard Paul huff, and I could only imagine him rolling his eyes at Jacob in a duh fashion, obviously there is only one reason Paul is over here, and she's not talking to him right now.

"What did you do to my sister?" Jacob hissed again.

"NOTHING!" Paul yelled exhausted.

And I can see Jacob rolling his eyes at Paul.

"Whatever, I was talking to LEAH then Rachel went all ballistic."

Jacob growled.

"Your sister's crazy whenever she's near."

"No. It's only whenever you come around."

"That's not what she said last night." Paul snickered.

Jacob snarled, and I heard his footsteps stalk closer to Paul.

I waited for the sounds of bone crunching, but no Jacob spoke instead.

"That's my sister you son of a bitch!"

"Man take it easy. It was a joke."

"My _sister_, ass hole."

"Anyways Sam—"

"_Sam?"_ Jacob snarled. It was funny to hear the disgust and annoyance in his name. I'm usually the only one with that tone. "And you seriously wonder why my sister is pissed? I'm surprised Leah didn't rip your balls off herself."

"Yeah me too." Paul muttered.

"Well let's go see what your precious _Sam_ wants." Jacob said and by the sounds that I heard I think it's safe to assume that Jacob literally dragged Paul along with him.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" I finally ask Rachel when I heard the boys leave.

She's sitting in Jacob's room, her old room, on the bed staring up at the ceiling.

"Are _you_ going to tell me what the hell is going on with you and Jacob?" She replies back sitting up on the bed.

"I told you—"

"And I'm telling _you." _She says cutting me off. "It's a two way street." She smiles evilly at me.

"You suck you know that."

"You love me." She replies smiling up at me.

And just like that Rachel is Ray again, and it's as if nothing happened. Weird.

****

"We're _not_ getting married."

Alright of all the things I would have thought could come out of Charlie Swan's mouth…that was not it.

It's three days later when my mother and Charlie sat me down, I thought for sure they were going tell me they were getting married.

They didn't.

My mother _excused_ herself, with some lame crap about forgetting something at Billy's and left me to talk to Charlie.

Whoop die do.

And I was all ready for the cemetery repeat, but no. He goes and says this nonsense.

Daddy-of-a-leech-say-what?

Charlie Swan is not a needy man. In fact he maybe one of the most laid back type of guys one could ever meet.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped glaring at Charlie.

So what now my mother's not _good_ enough for him. No way.

"Leah…" He says calmly, and it's that calm façade, that Sam always has, and that's enough for me to see red.

But I push the anger away because obviously Charlie needs to say this, and he and my mother think I need to hear it.

"We've—that is your mother and I, we've gone about this all wrong."

My eyes have narrowed, and Charlie's shifting uncomfortably.

"Leah, I care so much about you, and Seth, and your mom so much…I just—"

He's fumbling with words, and my patience is warring thin.

I like Charlie. He is a good guy. I shouldn't hold the fact that his daughter is a moron, maybe she takes after her flaky mother, but at least his granddaughter came out with brains and some personality.

"I am sorry."

"I know you are." I snapped.

Great now I'm snapping at Charlie again, mom's gonna freak. I bet she's outside the door listening to everything were saying, or maybe Seth is…speaking of Seth where the hell is he?! He should be having this awkward conversation with Charlie to. The little bastard.

"Look Leah. I'm going to be straight with you. I care about your mom a lot. But I care about you and Seth a lot too. So if this—everything with your mom is a problem tell me and I'll do everything I can not to make it a problem anymore."

I'm shocked. We've _never_ had this conversation. Charlie looks so determined so sincere.

And I know it's not the fact that it's Charlie she's moved on with, but the fact that it's so soon. I never expected my mom to sit and grieve over my dad, but would it kill her to wait a few years. Maybe even ten?

But then I know its self fish of me to wish for that. Wasn't it just a week ago I was telling my mom that I know how happy she is with Charlie? And that Charlie is a good man? So why is it that I can't just sit here and be happy for them? I want to be. I should be.

And here is Charlie, basically telling me if I really have a problem with him and mom he'd actually end their relationship? What the hell? Guys don't really say this to their girlfriend's_ daughters_ they usually ignore them or whatever. I wonder if Charlie's been reading one of those self help books? Ha. I would pay money for that.

But I know that I'm not self fish enough to wish loneliness on my mom, or on Charlie. I've seen how happy they are, that's a plus right?

"Leah?" Charlie's speaking again, "Please say something."

I guess I didn't notice that I hadn't said anything. And I'm staring down at my hands, I guess Charlie thinks that I've lost my mind. But what they hell am I supposed to say? No go ahead and have your way with my mother? Ugh.

"Charlie—" I say his name, but he interrupts me.

So much for saying something.

"Leah, I want you to know that I would never try to replace your father. Your dad was my best friend. A good man. I would never—this was never planned. I promise you that. It's just—"

"You love her." I finish for him.

He looks up at me, and I see the little bit of guilt on his face, and he nods.

"I miss him—my dad." I whisper so low that I doubt he hears it.

I'm not a sharing type of person, but I remember after dad's funeral when things were still so hectic and his twat of a daughter ran off with the fortune-telling bloodsucker, how torn up Charlie was, but when he saw me, when I finally calmed down long enough to change back, Charlie's eyes didn't hold the same kind of pity everyone else's did. He looked like he wanted to hug me, but not because I needed it but because he needed it. He didn't hug me or anything, he just sat next to me as I stared out into the woods on our porch and told me that he loved my dad, and although it wasn't the same way I did, that he would miss him. Then he proceed to tell me that if he could do anything for me or Seth he would, I wanted to tell him to bring my dad back, but I knew he couldn't. He left with apologies but he said something to me that at the time thought was a load of crap, but now I can't seem to forget it.

_"You were the best thing that ever happened to him. He's going to be so pissed that he's missing you guys grow up."_

But it isn't until this moment that I realize how self fish I'm being. I wasn't the only one to lose a parent.

But am I really that self fish that I would let someone else be as miserable as I am? I did it to the pack. I did it to them because I couldn't handle their adoring thoughts towards Sam and Emily, about how perfect they were together. Because that wasn't always true. Sam and Emily weren't always perfect and I couldn't handle Sam's thoughts about Emily, or about me. So I spread misery throughout the pack.

That was years ago. Things are different now…aren't they? Because that was a completely different lifetime, a different me.

I look up at Charlie, he's squirming in his seat, and he honestly looks like a little kid in trouble. His eyes are glancing at the door, probably wondering when mom's gonna be back.

So I decided to put the sucker at ease. Because I'm not a heartless shrew, but I'm not completely accepting this.

"You really make her happy." I tell him, because it's the truth.

Charlie smiles a little at this.

"Isn't this weird though? I mean just a little bit? She is your best friend's wife—widow." I ask Charlie because this has been on my mind.

It's weird, and disturbing, and I can't help but wonder what Charlie thinks of all of this, yeah he just said it was never planned, but it happened, it's happening and I don't think that I'll ever be okay with this thing between the two of them unless I know what's really going on in his head.

He looks uneasy again, but the look on his face tells me that this is something he's thought about. That's comforting, at least he's thought about the fact that she was his best friend's wife.

"Do you believe in Destiny Leah? Or even Fate?"

I don't have to believe in it for it to bitch slap me several times over.

But I don't say that to Charlie. It's still a raw subject that has nothing to do with my boyfriend/fiancé-ish liar who told me he would marry me leaving me for my cousin, or even my stupid Alpha who wants to defy everything his instincts are telling him.

But instead of saying all of this to Charlie I just nod. Because it doesn't matter if I believe in Fate or Destiny because it still exists.

"Well I don't."

That's news to me. Looks like Charlie and I have more in common than I though.

"I don't think that your mom and I being together was planned. That she had to be with your father, and now she _has_ to be with me. It just happened and yeah it's a bit weird I'm not gonna lie to you. But like I said I care about your mom a lot and about you and Seth, you guys have been my family for as long as I can remember, and I doubt that fate would come up with something as crazy as this." Charlie says laughing.

And I can't help but laugh, because I should probably tell him about the arrangement between his daughter, grand-daughter and Jacob.

"Your dad was my best friend." He says again.

And I nod, because I know this, the pictures in our house, and the stories everyone tells backs up everything Charlie says.

"It's okay." I tell him.

But he looks at me skeptically like I'm not entirely being truthful.

"Leah—"

"Charlie, look here's the thing. I highly doubt I'll ever be completely okay with this situation, because I think it's fucked up." He winces as I cuss but I pay him no attention, if he wants to date my mom it comes with Seth and me, and my smart mouth. "_But_ I've seen the way her eyes light up whenever you're near, and she's been so happy, and you've been so happy, I won't take that away from you guys. I might not be completely okay with it but maybe someday I will be."

It takes a moment for the words to sink in but eventually Charlie speaks, "I appreciate you being honest with me Leah."

I nod and get up and start to walk to my room, but Charlie says something that stops me in my tracks,

"He was lucky to have you as a daughter. He would be so proud of you. I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you too Leah."

I don't turn to look at him, but I mumble thanks, and walk to my room with such speed that I practically run to my room, shut the door, and sink to the floor.

It isn't until Seth comes home and knocks on my door do I get up from where I've been sitting on the floor and open my door.

"Hey sis, whatcha doing?" He asks smiling at me.

And I smile back at him, because no one should ever be this incredibly happy, and the fact that we're related still baffles my mind.

"Thinking kid. Where the hell have you been?" I ask him.

"At the Cullen's. I was kicking Emmett's ass at his new Wii game."

Figures, boys and their stupid video games. Why couldn't it be something cool like a new island or something, which I don't doubt the leeches have somewhere.

"Charlie was here." I tell him accusingly.

He has the good sense to look ashamed.

"Yeah how did that go? You didn't kill him right?" He asks looking around for a body.

"Funny kid." I tell say shoving him.

"Everything alright?" He asks uneasy.

"It's fine. Never again. You hear me?"

"Jacob—?"

"Is on my shit list. I don't want to talk to him." I snap at him.

"No it's Jacob. Leah, turn around."

Ugh apparently this day could get worse, because stupid Jacob Black is standing outside of my window smiling from ear to ear.

****

~TBC

* * *

A/N: It's 3 am and this isn't where I wanted to end. [So if you see grammar/spelling etc, please let me know]

But I wanted to bring Jacob back for the next chapter. I'm so glad everyone loved Rachel. I wrote the first part of this chapter because everyone really liked her/ wanted to see a bit more of her, and because I love her so much.

Now about this Charlie scene—got questions? Ask away. But before you do: I hope I've developed a little Leah from Chapter 9, when she freaks out on Charlie the cemetery…Remember she's been dealing with a lot, and she doesn't tell Charlie that everything is fine and dandy, she tells him what she's feeling. I hope I wrote that out right.

This has really sprung into a life of its own, and I have you all to thank for that, so **thank you so so so much for all your wonderful reviews! You are all so incredibly amazing.**

I'm determined to be better at updating. I promise I'm trying.

So until next time!~


	17. Chapter 17

"Breathe in deep, let it out slow  
Did you hear it's all my fault again  
I know why no one else knows  
Why I am all alone again."

-Every Night's Another Story, The Early November

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snarled.

"Hello to you to Beta dearest."

"You know there's this thing called a door right?"

"Well where's the fun in that?" He replies tapping on the glass.

"I'm not letting you in."

And I look to Seth to let him know that _he _will not be letting Jacob in either, but I turn just in time to catch the little shit slipping down the hall.

"Did you plan this you little conniving—"

A smell hits me before I can say anything thing else. Something sweet, but not the sickly bleach smell her _parents_ smell like.

It's the little spawn.

_Nessie._

She's sitting in the living room, and her eyes light up as she sees me. Great. I've got a fan club. She's smiling at me as I inch my way slowly into the living room.

Two seconds later Jacob walks in my front door.

"You could've knocked." I snap.

"You already knew I was here!" He argued back.

I turn to glare at him as he sits down on the couch next to the kid. I don't have to be saying anything for him to know what's going on in my head.

"Language Leah!" I glare even harder, but like I've said before Jacob Black is immune to the glare.

"What are you doing here?" I snap again, but it's not at the kid, it's at the dumbass next to her.

"Nessie wanted to see you." He says blinking up at me. "You kinda ran off so quickly the other day—" He trails off lost in his own world

My eyes narrow as he says this, who the hell cares if I ran off the other day. The bastard probably even knows why I ran off. If not daddy leech probably told him.

Now Nessie is looking up at me again. But her hand is on Jacob's face. That bugs me. I know that it shouldn't but it does. She's doing her freaky mind sharing thing, but she's looking at me. Ugh.

"Alright kid, you know the rules. Share with the class."

Jacob looks pleased as I say this and all he does is nod encouragingly at her.

"Jacob is taking me to the beach, come with us? Please?"

And it's her freaky pleading eyes that do me in. Because she really wants me to come. I can't tell her no....right? Or can I? I'm sure Jacob would have a field day with this, I wonder how much he paid the little spawn to ask me this. Damn it she looks just like Seth, no wonder Jacob never tells Seth no. Ugh.

"You said we would hang out again…" Her little voice says again. Damn technicalities.

"Please?"

I turn to look at Jacob asks she says this. He is the picture of innocence, or he would be if I didn't know him any better. If he was Seth he could get away with it, but I know Jacob, I know how his mind works, and this screams Jacob Black.

But the kid's not letting go so easily, "Jacob said that Rachel is very busy with the wedding, but that maybe if I asked nicely you would come with us?"

So I was her _second_ choice? Whatever. It's not like that's news to me.

As if Jacob can read my mind he says, "_I_ didn't think it would be a good idea to ask you at first, because I know how busy you are and everything, but Nessie really wants you to come with us." He mumbles.

Well at least he's smart enough to pick up the fact that I've been avoiding him. Looks like he's not as hopeless as I though.

"Leah will you come with us?" Nessie asks again, and her eyes are wide with such innocence and hopefulness that I can't help but say yes.

****

Surprise, surprise, Seth doesn't come with us. He flat out refused to go, even when Nessie did her little eye trick on him, I guess because he pulls the same stunt he's immune to it, bastard.

"Come in the water Leah!" Nessie is screaming at me from the shallow part of the ocean with Jacob, while I sit on the shore watching them.

I really do love the ocean. Even though it rains almost every day at no fail, I don't think I could live anywhere else. I'm staring into the ocean as I remember the time I spent away from home. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I wanted to leave. It's funny because it was Jacob that gave me the idea. He ran when it got to be too much, but he came back, just like I did. I don't know why I came back, but I just went where my paws took me and soon enough I ended back here. I really can't imagine a more beautiful place, I ran off to Canada to escape what was here, but once there I realized I couldn't keep running, so I turned around and came back, after all La Push is my home.

"You okay?" A deep voice asks me.

I look up from the ocean to see a smiling face standing above me.

"Fine." I mumble back.

He sits down next to me.

Leave it to Jacob Black to find a way to talk to me. The sneaky bastard.

"Leah—"

"Really Jacob, is this the best you've got? I've said all I've needed to say now deal with it."

His response? He rolls his eyes. The jackass.

"What do you want?"

"What do _I_ want?" His breath tickles my face, and I feel the heat coming off from him, and for some reason that sends me into a state of shivers. I resist the urge to close my eyes and _feel._ Instead I stare at him, up at his long eyelashes and mentally curse the heavens for wasting eyelashes like those and a mere male—even if he _is _the definition of a perfect male specimen.

Holy shit. Did I just think that _he _was perfect? Not good. I repeat NOT GOOD. I quickly scoot back, anxious to get away from him, trying to hush the pounding of my blood, trying to get my rational bitchy thoughts back in order. But he just stares and grins up at me—he knows exactly what he is doing to me. The bastard.

"What is it exactly that _you_ want?" He snaps back at me.

Besides my old life back? To be married, to be able to have a family, to not be able to turn into a giant fucking wolf whenever I can't control my temper, for Sam to never have imprinted on my cousin, for my father to still be alive! Or maybe you want to know what I want lately? How about you to not look at me that way because you have fucking imprinted on the little demon spawn that's giggling happily in the water down there.

But I don't get the chance to say that you him because he's talking again.

"You wanna pretend that _it_ never happened? That you didn't feel anything? That the fact that we haven't spoken in the last _three_ weeks is because you've been so busy? You can _pretend_ all you like Leah. But it _did_ happen. And if you don't want to talk about it then _fine._ Out of sight out of mind right?" He snarls.

And I have to admit it is pretty hot. Getting Jacob all riled up is pretty much how I get my kicks, but the intenseness in his voice, the edge of hurt, I feel that twinge in my stomach again, but I don't know what to say.

I look at the water, at the little girl making the perfect sandcastle just at the edge of the water. I wonder if she can hear us. I don't doubt it, she is part leech.

"Wait just a minute you're not seriously mad at me! You—You!" I shout not really sure of what I'm going to say. But I hear Nessie giggling, and it just comes to me.

"You see that little girl right there?" I hiss at him pointing at Nessie. "_She's_ the reason Jake—because in four or five years or whenever the hell she's fully grown you'll want to pretend that _it_ never happened, you won't look at me that way anymore, hell you won't even be in La Push, you'll be gone—so don't you dare ask me what I want, because _I _still have a choice. _I _don't have to decide _anything!_"

I get up to leave but Jacob pulls me back down. Damn I wish he wasn't so strong.

"Sit down Leah. You don't get to walk away from me this time." Jacob grumbles as he gets up.

He looks so angry. I've only ever see him this pissed a couple of times, and nothing good every came of it.

"I've been trying _anything_ and _everything_ I can think of to get you to talk to me, to get you to listen to me, hell I can't even get you in the same room with me for more than a few minutes before you go and bolt like a damn crazy person. But then again it's not like you'd even listen to anything I have to say you've already decided what's going to happen. _So fine_ Leah. You can sit here and be this self fish person because damn it all to hell if you ever gave a damn about what someone else is fee—"

"Leah!"

"Jacob!"

But he doesn't get to finish because Nessie's screaming for our attention.

So we walk over to where she's playing in the sand. We don't walk side by side, I follow a couple of steps behind. When we're next to her she smiles brightly up at us.

It's a perfect freaking sandcastle.

"Do you like it?" She asks innocently.

I nod. She really did do a wonderful job.

"Good job kid." I mumble.

And Jacob nods in agreement, but he adds his own praise to her creation.

"Alright you ready for some ice cream?" He asks her.

Her face scrunches up in such distaste, the I can't help but laugh.

"You don't like ice cream?" I wonder.

She shakes her head and makes the attempt to extend her little hand, but thinks better of it at the last second.

"Peanut butter is weird."

And I can't help but laugh again, what kid doesn't like peanut butter? Or even peanut butter and jelly? Oh right, one that likes blood.

"Well there are a million different flavors, you shouldn't not like it, just because you don't like peanut butter." I say to her, and suddenly I feel like I'm a part of a PBS commercial.

Nessie smiles as I say this, and asks me if I want some ice cream, but Jacob interrupts her.

"Leah needs to leave."

And just like that I'm dismissed. I look at him and feel an inexplicably hurtful twinge in my guts. I look at him, and the worst anger I've ever experienced seeps through my insides, my veins, my heart – my everything.

I swear if it wasn't for the 15 other people on the beach, I would've hit Jacob Black. So instead I turn to glare at him. But Jacob doesn't pay any more attention to me, instead his eyes are on Nessie, and the tantrum I'm sure she's about to throw.

But I underestimate the kid, instead of yelling and screaming, like a normal 8/9 year old would do, she just looks at me then at Jacob, then the space between us. She's clearly upset, but she doesn't need to scream instead she uses her weird power on Jacob, and I hope she's telling him off.

It doesn't bother him.

That upsets Nessie, and she tries to use her _eye _trick on me, but I tell her that I can't stay, and I say it with such bitterness and spite that she doesn't try to get me to stay any more.

"This has been fun kid. I'll see _you _soon." And I turn and walk away, I don't give a second glance to Jacob. If this is how he wants it _fine! _It's not like I give a damn about what he thinks, stupid bastard.

So much for not walking away from him.

****

"Well if you ask me—"

I cut it off, "Ididn't _ask _you."

Arrogant, self centered, spiteful—

Those are three of the reasons why I'm here tonight. Pacing back and forth as the stupid blond blood sucker stares at me like I've lost my mind.

Which I have.

Because I cannot stop thinking about Jacob Black—and how I want to kill him.

How I could kill him, strangle him with my bare hands, throw the body into the ocean, no one would even miss him.

I know I wouldn't.

And they say denial is a girl's best friend – next to diamonds. Well, I certainly have no diamonds but denial I possess in spades.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm building a moat by pacing! Don't you bloodsuckers have any brains?" I snap.

Apparently I'm ranting like a crazy person because all the stupid blood sucker does is roll its eyes at me.

Freaky.

"It's quite rude to ignore someone standing next to you."

"_Rude?"_ I blanch. The stupid bloodsucker was _not_ giving me etiquette lessons.

"It's rude of _you_ to intrude your presence on someone who obviously doesn't want you here."

"I couldn't help it." _It_ says. "Your scent is all over the place, and by the way you're pacing I figure you got something on your mind."

I roll my eyes. I'm obvious to a bloodsucker, great. At least it's not daddy leech himself, he'd know what was on my mind in an instant.

I feel the edges of my mouth turn up. Something comes to mind. The term if you can't beat them join them comes to mind. And this bloodsucker is an interesting one, as far as bloodsuckers could go without being incredibly annoying.

I'm smirking. I'm no longer feeling as agitated as I was earlier. I glare at the leech.

"So tell me leech," I say smirking. He looks like he wants to say something but decides against it.

"Are you here to give me words of wisdom?"

He smirks as I ask. And I feel overwhelmingly satisfied.

Then it hits me, this isn't the stupid mind-rapist, this is worst it's the emotion fucker. The_ empath. _Great. I've trained myself not to think certain things because I've learned when you let your thoughts run wild you get bit in the ass over and over again. But the fact is that I've always hid behind my anger, because if you're angry and bitchy no one can see how much you're hurting…but there's only so much anger one can produce in a day, unless you're me and anger is the only emotion you know.

"You're not happy." He muses.

"Don't fucking touch my emotions!" I sneer.

"I would never dream of it." He drawls smoothly.

"Whatever you say leech." I say through gritted teeth. It's taking everything within me not to rip his head off, I could take him who cares if he was some military man with fighting experience.

"I have a name—"

"Really? And here I just called you Private Pain."

"I was a Major." He replies smoothly.

I can't contain the laughter. "Alright then _Major _Pain."

To his credit, he chuckles.

"Alright Major—"

"Jasper." He corrects me.

I think I prefer Leech. But for some reason (toxic air I suppose?) I humor him.

"_Jasper._" I say.

"Leah Clearwater." He nods at me.

"Don't do that." I snap at him.

He looks at me with a quizzical look. So I do what I do best roll my eyes and explain.

"Say my name like that. Like were friends or something."

"After everything that's happen, I do not understand why you still hate us. We're not enemies."

I snort. Of course we're enemies. You're the reason I'm like this. The reason my life is this complete idiotic mess that it is.

"Yes we are." I tell him curtly.

He looks like he want to disagree but smartly he doesn't disagree.

"Go. Away."

I turn to pace again but I feel eyes on me, I turn to see amber eyes staring straight back at me.

"Why are you still here?" I scream.

"I'm trying to figure you out." He replies calmly.

"There's nothing to figure out!"

"You're emotions are all over the place. What exactly are you thinking about?"

Jacob. And how I want to murder him. And the different ways I could rip you apart you stupid leech.

My eyes narrow and a smirk appears on my lips, "Why exactly are you _here?_ The little Mrs. Kick your ass again?"

"You know…" He pauses to think for a moment, completely ignoring my question, this is probably a part of his human façade, because it is clearly over exaggerated, "Its one thing to hide your face. It's something else entirely to parade around as someone or something that you clearly are not, presenting an illusion as reality."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snap.

He doesn't smirk this time. He just stares blankly at me like I'm an actually playing dumb. So I roll my eyes.

He cocks his head a little and raises an eyebrow. I look past him. "You know . . ." He states, "it's been my experience that those who live the most openly tend to have the biggest secrets. Perhaps you're overcompensating for something?"

My eyes narrow at him, and I glare as hard as I possibly can.

"And it's been _my_ experience," I counter shrewdly, eyes narrowed, and hands clenched, "that the quiet ones are the people who have more to say. Maybe you're holding yourself back? What exactly is it that _you're_ hiding from?"

I smirk in success.

"I'm not hiding from anything…but you are…How was your day with Nessie?"

I'm sure my face drops. Because right now I'm replaying everything that happened today, everything I've been feeling from Jacob's bitch fest, to Nessie's hurt expression, to even my talk with Charlie.

But I push that to the back of my head and I stop feeling. I try to feel numb. I _am_ Leah Clearwater. My temper is legendary. And a bloodsucker is not going to get the better of me.

His face drops. "Touché."

"Well stop reading _my_ emotions! Mind your own fucking damn business!" I screeched at him. "All people ever want to do is screw around with my life! I just want you all to leave me _alone_!"

I turn on my heels and attempt to walk away but his smooth musical voice stops me before the trees start.

"I'm sorry Leah."

I've can't even count how many times I've heard those words being uttered. But for some reason they made me stop. Because the tone of his voice—the way he was apologizing, the way the sorry rolled off his tongue filled with pity and understanding, the way Sam apologized, and that's what it comes down to, because when I'm not pretending to think, when my mind is free to roam it always returns back to Sam, always Sam. He's the reason my temper is so legendary, the reason I can't seem to let anyone in, the reason I'm so angry. I see him sometimes and all I can see is anger, and I hate that because Sam doesn't deserve anything from me. I know one day I'll get over him, and I want that day to be soon, to be able to forgive and forget, mostly forget, but I know that day won't come until I apologize for being such a bitch, and I can't do that, not yet, I'm not ready.

"Yeah, well at least someone is." I snap walking away. I had to stay angry. After all anger was the only safe emotion.

* * *

A/N: **I'm so sorry for the delay!!!** If you're still reading this, thank you so much. You all are really great and I appreciate the reviews, alerts, and favorites more than you'll ever know.


	18. Chapter 18

"I've gave into this for long enough  
I have lost, and I have loved  
Sleep has stolen far too much  
So don't close your eyes, not just yet  
Sleep is just a cousin of death"

-Diamond's Aren't Forever, Bring me the Horizon

* * *

When I was little my parent's used to say that forgiving and forgetting go hand and hand. That once you forgive, you should forget.

You should be able to _forget_ all the pain, all the many tears, and all the hurt that they caused. You should be able to forget that burning in your throat when you first heard that they were together. You should _forget_ that you loved him first, but due to a technicality, a glitch in the system, she got him. You should forget that you'll never be able to look at her the same way because of what she did. You need to forget the burning, aching feeling in your heart when you saw him kiss her. You should forget how he hurt you when he told you that he'd never regret her, because although he loves you, he just loves her more. You shouldn't bear them any ill will, because you'd want them to forgive you and you'd want them to forget.

I can't though.

I can't forget the images burned into the very fiber of my being of him holding her, of him kissing her. I can't ever forget how I felt like my world was shattered when she came up to me trying to hide the pure happiness written all over her face and told me that she loved him, that he loved her.

I'll never be able to forget that.

I'll never be able to.

I'll never be able to let go of this pain.

Until now, _maybe_.

I'm sure it'll come slowly... And I'm sure that there'll be flashes and there'll be moments that I'll hate her, despise her and want her to disappear. I think I've come a long way in the past few years. I was at their wedding. I was a bridesmaid, but it still doesn't stop me from feeling this way, like I want to drag her through the mud like she dragged me. I'll want to make her hurt the same way that she made me hurt. I'll want to show her how she's hurt me and make her feel the horror that I've been living with for the past few years.

But I won't. Because I tried my hardest to forgive her, I'm trying my hardest to forget her, she is family...and now... I'm moving on.

Because I can't live like this anymore. I can't go through life like this. I just can't.

And that's probably how I ended up here.

I never thought I'd be so desperate that I would be here. At _their_ house. Standing in front of the door to their precious home. I can't help but roll my eyes at it because how many times did I have to drag myself up those stupid steps and force myself to smile and not scream 'Mine! Mine! Mine!' all over their porch. But yet here I am staring at the stupid welcome mat that couldn't be more cliché because it says 'wipe your paws', I'm sure that gets loads of laughs.

I'm not sure if I should knock or not. It's not like Sam ever knocks when he comes over. But then again this is also _her _home.

I always get this feeling when I'm here. Like I'm tainting the preciousness of the scarred imprint. The epitome of true love.

Great I think I just gagged in my mouth.

I'm staring at the door. I won't just barge right in. My mother has taught me some manners. But that not the entire truth.

Something stopping me. Fear? No. I'm not afraid of it, seeing the life I should've had? No…At least that's what I tell myself over and over again. And I'm not pinning over Sam. That ships long gone. But it still sucks seeing as how the asshole is married to my cousin who I want to hate with every fiber of my being, but just can't seem to hate because she is my cousin, alright that's another lie, just because she's my cousin doesn't mean that I have to like her, but before Sam she was my best friend, and that didn't stop just because I got fucked over. Alright it did stop, but I did miss it, and her.

But it's been months since we've last had a real conversation, and it's not like showing up unannounced on someone's doorstep will make up for years of dirty looks and sarcastic comments.

But since luck is never on my side the door opens and Sam saunters out before I can even think about hiding. Except the jackass isn't looking forward and literally rams into me.

"Leah?" He asks.

Obviously he isn't who I want to see. But I've decided to play nice. Because I really don't care what Sam has to say.

"Hey," I mutter, "Emily here?"

I don't give him much time to react because I know Sam and I know he wants to talk and all that stupid crap, I push around him and walk into the house in search for Emily.

"Emily?" I call out as I walk into the kitchen. I have an 80 percent chance of her being there.

But like I said luck is never on my side.

She's walking out of the bathroom as I step into the living room.

She's startled as she sees that it's me in her living room. But she smiles brightly at me. I stared up at her, my cousin, my best friend, my eyes went directly to the half of her face that was mauled. I felt a twinge of satisfaction at the fact that those scars were on her face, but just as soon as the satisfaction comes guilt washed over me. What the hell was I doing? I felt happy that my cousin got half her face destroyed by the same man that had destroyed me? The others were right, I was a heartless bitch.

But when Emily smiles, its times like these that you don't really see the half of her face that's not actually there anymore. Emily wears her heart on her sleeve, so to say, I guess I'm just full of sayings today, but then again that's who she is.

She must be ecstatic to see me because she's practically beaming, but her face falters a little, and my eyebrows fro together in what I'm sure is a 'what's wrong' look, and I look up to see Sam staring at me like I was the ghost of bloody Christmas past.

I forgot that the idiot wanted to talk to me. I hoped he got over that, but then again I'm usually wrong.

"I wanted to see you." I say to Emily paying no attention to Sam.

Emily beams at the statement and she ushers Sam out the door. I hear him try to protest but she shushes him before anything worth mentioning comes out of his mouth.

As soon as Sam's gone Emily sits next to me.

"How are you Leah?" She asks.

"I'm fine." I mumble. That's far from the truth but whatever.

"That's good to hear. Are you hungry? Is everything okay?" She asks concerned.

Things between us are awkward. I see it in the way she's looking at me, and I fight the urge to get up and leave.

"I'm good Em."

She looks doubtful.

"What are you doing here Leah?" She asks, after I've accepted a cup of tea and taken a seat in the kitchen.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you," She continues fumbling with the dishtowel in her lap. "Because I'm always glad to see you, but you've never showed up here unless you had to."

Wow. I forgot how well she knew me. There was a bond that not even all this craziness with werewolves could change. She knows that I would never come here. Well…unless I was forced to.

I smile sheepishly up at her. This is my cousin, this was my best friend and there is a reason why I'm here.

"I have a problem." I tell her slowly.

"I know." She says solemnly.

She knows? How does she know?

Maybe I'm an open book because she answers my question before I even ask.

"I saw them fighting."

Oh. Yeah, I guess that could be a reason. That fight—that was a long time ago. I look up at the calendar and see the date, it's been over a month since that happened.

"Yeah sorry about that. My mom wasn't happy about that happening either….at least they didn't phase in front of any one."

She looks confused at what I say.

"The fight…you know between Sam and Jacob? The night of your party?"

It's like a light bulb went off because her confused face slips away. I stop myself from rolling my eyes, but I'm not that great, a glare comes out instead.

"Yeah…" She answers slowly.

My cousin might know me better than I thought, but I know her just as well, and everything from my brain to my instincts are screaming that she knows something.

"You know something." I say voicing my thoughts.

She has the good sense to look ashamed.

"He still loves you…you know?"

I'm sure my eyes are probably the size of watermelons because that statement was _not _what I was expecting to come out of her mouth.

I open my mouth to say something to her, but she cuts me off.

"I know that's not what you want to hear…but…he does."

That's not really something I want to hear,_ ever._ And I know she knows this because her next words are rushed.

"And there is a part of me that hates you because of it, because you were his choice, and we never really talk about it because I know how much it hurts you, but I just wanted to tell you that and that I hope you don't hate me, because I love you so much, and I never really apologized—"

It's my turn to cut her off. Yeah she never really apologized, but that was because I didn't really blame her, well at least I couldn't have blamed her, she's my family, _he _wasn't.

"It's not really your fault." I tell her.

"Yes. It. Is."

"No."

"Leah listen—I am so sorry for everything."

And for once I'm left speechless. Because this isn't a mushy scene where everything falls into place, where Emily apologizes, and then I apologize, and we laugh and cry and talk about the good old days when we were best friends, and that maybe someday with a little push we could be best friends again.

Because that isn't the case now. Emily and I—we'll never be able to go back. Once upon a time she may have been my best friend, but that isn't how it is now. She rode off into the sunset with her prince and happily ever after and left me behind.

But it doesn't make the fact that she apologized any less meaningful.

"Thank you Emily."

I want to talk to her like we used to. I want to tell her how confused I've been. And how much everything just seems to suck, how much I miss my dad, and how much I missed her, I even want to mention Jacob…but I don't.

I sit in silence until she says something.

"I think it's wonderful that you've been dating." She whispers wrapping her arms around herself.

_Dating_. That's where everything started from. I ran off because she got married, because I didn't want to stick around, no that's a lie. I was moving past it. I left because I wanted a reason to stay, and I didn't have one. But once I was gone I didn't have a reason to stay gone so I came home. I was pushing forward. _Dating_ morons. But still dating.

I'm not even dating any more. I thought that if I could find someone that I could connect with that it would make everything not matter anymore. Maybe that was my problem.

I hate that I'm this person. The I'm so insecure, so unsure that I question myself constantly. When did I become this person?

I'm taking deep breaths, but it's not because I need to stay calm it's because I can't breathe. I'm this horrible person I never wanted to be, and here is my cousin who I want to hate, who has given me every single reason to hate, opening her arms out to me, and I want to shove them aside and hit her, but I can't because just touching her with even an eighth of my strength would kill her.

"I appreciate your apology Emily," I tell her through gritted teeth, "but I didn't come here to discuss my love life."

She's taken back by the tone of my voice. I've always held that tone especially for Sam, but tonight, these past couple of weeks, they've been weeks of realization.

"Leah," She gasps. "You were never… like this… before."

"You mean I wasn't a bitch before?" My eyebrow quirked up. "You can say it, Emily. I am, you know. Everyone else knows it."

"Leah…" She tries to argue with me, but I won't let her. I hold up a hand to silence her. I've held back enough from her. To protect her, because Emily—delicate, perfect, sweet kind Emily needs protection from the big bad wolf bitch.

"I have to go." I tell her hurriedly getting up and walking quickly towards the door. "I can't do this. Not yet."

"Can we ever go back to the way we were?" She asks in a little voice, hopeful.

I shake my head before she even finished. "No. I've changed. You've changed. We've had to grow up, face certain things…it'll never be the same Emily. Not ever."

My words were harsh but true. Things could never be the same, we could never go back. Because, you know, in the end, when it comes down to it, things never end up the way you'd expected them to, take my life, for example.

* * *

A/N: It's shorter than usual, but Emily and Leah just needed a chapter to themselves, at least thats what I think. Although they haven't work through their issues it's a step…(btw this happens about a week after last chapter)… I wanted to post something because I really do suck at updating, and this came to mind while I was writing Ch.17, therefore I wanted to post asap. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. I am glad that everyone's enjoying this story, because I'm making it up as I go along. So thank you for reviewing/alerting/favorite this story. You all are really amazing.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Simonebruneau (my 100th reviewer), xXuSaGikiXx (my 200th reviewer) and Kei Kat Jones (my 300th reviewer).

* * *

"I'm a troublemaker  
Never been a faker  
Doin' things my own way  
And never giving up"

-Trouble Maker, Weezer

* * *

"Surprise!"

"Happy Birthday Leah!"

The smiling faces of my family and pack members greet me as I walk through the door.

Confusion washes over my face.

"It's not my birthday." I voice.

It's Seth that walks up to me laughing, "No it's not, _but _we knew you'd ruin the surprise, therefore were celebrating early."

His laughter has died down, but he's still smiling, "It's only two days Leah, surely you're not that surprised."

Is it already November? It can't be.

It's not my birthday.

"She forgot her birthday!" A booming voice yells through the house. I turn to see Jacob laughing whole heartedly at my expense.

Looks like I did forget my birthday. I am now twenty-three years old. And the greatest thing I've accomplished was being the fastest wolf. Big achievement, I know.

I talk with the guys for a while. Jacob is nowhere to be seen. Emily is here. Surprisingly, since last week I basically told her that things wouldn't ever be the same between us, that I could never look at her without seeing the person who broke my heart for a guy.

And speaking of that guy, he's here to, and he's looking at me. He catches my eyes and smiles. I roll my eyes and look in the other direction.

I'm really not in the mood for this.

I push past the boys and go further into the living room.

I glance around the room and see Rachel talking with Paul. But something stops me as I glance over the room. The girl talking to Paul isn't Rachel. She's wearing Rachel's clothing, she looks like Rachel, but she doesn't smell like Rachel.

"Rebecca?!"

She looks around for searching for the person who called out to her, and she sees me.

"Leah!"

She runs over to me, and suddenly we're on the floor laughing.

"When the hell did you get back?"

"This morning. I've been over here helping out. I was supposed to bring out your cake but this one," She says nodding to Paul, "Stopped me. Probably thought I was Rachel." She whispers the last part, but Paul hears her.

At least he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut. Imprint or not, Rachel would kick his ass if he pissed Rebecca off. A pissed off Rachel is bad, but that's nothing compared to a pissed of Rebecca.

Instead he walks away leaving Rebecca and me to talk.

"How long are you here for?" I ask excitedly.

"Two weeks. I'm here to help with the last minute details, then the wedding. I leave three days after it." She says, and I think I even detect a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Well then," I say mischievously, "How much trouble can we get into while you're here? Mom's dating Charlie, you know what that means?"

"No jail time?" She offers smiling.

"Exactly!"

"I missed you." She says to me.

"I missed you too Bex. I'm glad you're back."

I'm about to say something else when a voice calls out to me.

"Hey Leah!"

"Wha—" I turn my head just in time to see a handful of vanilla cake being shoved in my face.

"I told you I'd get you back." Seth chuckles turning his back to me.

Rookie mistake number one, never turn your back on someone you just pranked.

I smirk at Rebecca as I get up whipping the cake off my face, she already knows what's on my mind. Grabbing the first thing I can get my hands on—a bowl of mashed potatoes—I calmly stroll behind Seth.

He's talking to Embry and Jacob. Embry spots me before anyone else does and he's smiling up at me because he knows what I'm about to do. It's weird, because at first I hated the fact that these boys knew so much about me, they knew things I never wanted any one to know, and now after all these years we can read each other like a book, I guess that does come in handy when battling an army of newborn vamps, or taking on leech _royalty._ But almost four years have passed since I first phased, and as much as they annoy me I couldn't imagine not hearing them…Oh crap now I'm getting sentimental. Stupid Birthdays.

But Embry's smiling at me, he has this glint in his eyes, and I know he knows what I'm about to do—but apparently so does Seth.

I have to hand it to him, I guess we really are related—maybe speed is in our blood, because by the time the potatoes are out of the bowl—he's already ducked his head, and they go flying into Jacob.

Everything lands on his face—in his hair.

Holy crap.

Last time we were this close he was screaming at me….oops.

Before I can say anything he's in my face, and everything that was on him is now on me.

"Happy Birthday." He says huskily. I don't remember his voice being this deep. I look up in time to see him smiling up at me. I'm sure I'm grinning back. I'm not sure why I am though.

Jacob Black you son of a bitch.

He's here. He's smiling at me.

What. The. Hell.

He's still smiling at me, and it's at that moment that I remember that I still have a bowl in my hands…so I throw it at him.

I try to glare at him. He doesn't seem to notice, and that pisses me off. The impact didn't do him any harm, of course, but it always helps to throw things.

I want to do something call him names, throw something else at him, _anything _but when I look up at him again he's still smiling, and I get this feeling—the same one I've been getting for weeks now—the one that keeps telling me that it's alright—it's telling me that I need him. I want him—I want this.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!?!" It's my mother's voice that snaps me out of my train of through.

"Huh?" I dumbly ask.

"You're _covered _in food! It's all over my living room! My couch!" She looks between us, and her eyes land on Jacob who's smiling sheepishly.

"Jacob Black don't think I won't ground you for getting food in my living room, don't you forget that I used to change your diapers!"

I didn't think it would be possible for Jacob to get any redder, but he has, and I can't help but smirk as my mom threatens to ground Jacob. But like I said —luck is never on my side because she rounds on me next.

"Don't you think you'll get off that easily? It's not _really_ your birthday and I don't care if you are twenty-three years old. You're still my daughter…"

I tend to tune her out after she goes into the you're my daughter, I'm still your mother, I gave you life rant…which she tends to do a lot more these days.

"Aww…don't worry Mrs. C." Jacob says laughing and smiling.

The slick bastard is gonna try to flatter his way back into my mom's good graces. He knows that my mom's always in a better mood when he gets all polite and well mannered—and not like the barbarian he really is.

"Leah and I will clean it up. It was only a little fun. We can't have Leah getting all_ mature_ on us. No harm done—I promise."

She looks at him for a second them responds, "With you in her life Jacob, she'll never be mature."

And that ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a Mom burn.

****

It's the next morning when I go over to the Black's house. I was prepared to get dolled up, to be screamed at, to basically be Rachel's bitch. What I wasn't prepared for was to be two teamed for the damn twins from hell.

"Holy crap! Do you like my brother?"

That's the first thing I hear as I walk into the house.

Great. Just fucking great.

Damn. Alright Leah—Game face on.

"NO!" I scream—trying to put the disgust into my tone.

But she sees right through it.

"Leah! Really?! He's my little brother. _Our _little brother. Eww. That's wrong. Just wrong." She sounds grossed out, but I see the smile forming on her face.

"I don't like your brother!" I yell.

"Stop lying." A new voice says. It's Rachel. She's smiling at me in that 'I told you so' way.

I glare at them both. Their smiling faces—stupid identical twins.

We've known each other all our lives. Emily was _like _a sister to me, but these two, they _were_ my sisters—and I know that I'm trapped, because anything I say now is going to be twisted around until they hear what they want to hear. Good to know that no one really grows up.

They're smiling at me. So I return their smiles with a scowl.

I'm trying to think up all the different ways I could actually kill them when a cold hand touches my arms. It's not as cold as I think the bloodsuckers would be like, because I haven't let any of them touch me, but she's cold to me, because it's not a 108 degree temperature, it's a normal 98.6 degree temperature, a normal human temperature.

It's Rachel who has her hand on my arm—and she has this look on her face, it screams_ I'm sorry. _Because she a part of a world that Rebecca isn't.

But before I can pull away she grabs my hand and holds on as tight as she can. I can easily break loose of her hold but I don't. The fact that she held on to me made me stay in place.

"I was kidding you know." Rebecca says.

"It's great—I think. You'll really be my sister, I've needed one."

"Hey!" Rachel interjects. "What the hell am I?! Chop liver?"

"Pretty much. You!" Rebecca says pointing to her sister. "You're even worse. Really Leah—you can't get any worse than this one."

"I mean _really_?!" She continues. "Marrying someone your little brother's age! Talk about robbing the cradle!"

I laugh as she says this. Rachel maybe the one who understands the supernatural world that we were both forced into—but Rebecca, she understands everything regardless of what she actually knows.

Laughing gets me noticed because Rebecca turns on me again.

"So Leah—"

"NO."

"Come on!"

"No!"

"Just please tell me you guys aren't doing it! Right? Because the thought of Jake doing it with anyone—well I just threw up in my mouth."

"First off—I am NOT doing _anything_ with him, and secondly I DO NOT like him!"

"Really?" Rebecca asks with raised eyebrows.

"Because the way he was looking at you last night would suggest otherwise." She says smirking.

I turn to Rachel, but she doesn't say anything.

"Ray?" I ask looking at her.

She shrugs her shoulders, so I turn to Rebecca questioningly.

"That," She says thoughtfully. "and the way that Sam was looking at him—it makes it pretty obvious you guys have a thing going on."

Now I'm really confused.

"Jacob was looking at you all night, even before you attacked him the potatoes." She states.

I knew that was true. While talking with Rebecca I caught him looking at me.

"And Sam," She continues, "was shooting daggers at Jake all night. Especially when he saw that you were looking at Jake too—don't deny it I saw you, but holy crap you should've seen his face after you attacked Jake with the potatoes, I swear he nearly tore off your porch!"

Are you kidding me?

"Alright stalker—why the hell were you looking at me all night?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. Just felt like it."

I don't buy it, and neither does Rachel. We look at her questioningly till she cracks.

"Fine! If you have to know, I was watching Emily, and you guys…well you were what she was watching."

That wasn't what I was expecting.

"What? Why? Why were you watching her?" I ask.

"Leah," She says softly, in that stupid tone my mother uses when she thinks I'm gonna cry.

"Last time I checked you were supposed to be her…you were supposed to be Mrs. Sam Uley."

Rachel blanches, and I'm sure my eyes have rolled out of its sockets.

Mrs. Sam Uley—Mr. and Mrs. Sam and Leah Uley. Mrs. Leah Uley. _Leah_ Uley—no that's not right. It's Emily Uley.

Rebecca's looking at me. I think she's waiting for me to say something—but what do you say to that? Yeah I was supposed to be Leah Uley—but because fate seems to hate me they decided that Emily was better. But it's okay because I've moved on from the two people who broke me just in time to be broken by someone else. Someone you happen to share blood with.

"Leah? Lee—" It's Rachel who says my name.

"You okay?" She asks quietly.

"Yeah I'm fine." I mumble.

"I'm sorry." Rebecca apologizes. "It's just—something happened, you guys were in love. He was absolutely crazy about you. He talked about marrying you, kids—hell he even got you a rin—"

"Becca!" Rachel hisses.

But it's too late. I've heard it.

"A ring?" I ask gulping looking between both Rachel and Rebecca.

They look at one another, then finally at me, and nod together in unison.

I don't remember what happens next—but somehow the next thing I see around me are the trees, and I feel my paws digging into the ground, and I'm pushing myself faster and harder than I ever have.

Everything's replaying in my mind—the fight between Sam and Jacob, kissing Jacob, the awkward morning, the day at the beach, my talk with Emily—Nessie, Rachel—and Sam. Everything I've ever given up for him—for him to be happy with her. The fact that watching them killed me. Especially because it should have been me. I always knew that it should've been me. He used to talk about marrying me—but a ring? I never knew how close I actually was.

DAMN IT!!

Every single fucking time I try to move on—every time something just seems to suck me back into this stupid black hole I have to call life.

Why can't I just be happy? I couldn't be happy with Sam, he had a damn ring for me, and Jacob, damn it, he has an imprint! Why the hell is this happening? What the hell did I ever do?

_It's not your fault. You never did anything._

A voice in my head startles me. I didn't feel anyone phasing.

_I was phased when you phased._

Oh. I probably should've looked into that.

_Why are you out here by yourself! _ I snap, trying to change the subject.

_Chill out Leah_—_I'm 18, not 15!_

_I don't care. You're not supposed to be out here gallivanting_—

_I was patrolling._

_GALLIVANTING! By yourself!_

_Okay MOM!_

_Shut up._

We run in silence for a while before Seth says anything.

_Alright see you later. _He thinks at me.

_Where are you going? _ I wonder.

_To kill Jacob._ He replies innocently.

_WHAT?!?_

_Jacob_—_I'm gonna kill him_—_then you can be Alpha or whatever you like, but I'm going to kill him._

I'm not sure if he's being serious or not.

_Oh I am._ Seth answers.

_Now why are you going to go and murder your dear, dear Alpha? _ I ask.

Images of Jacob and kissing, him smiling at me—the awkward morning, the dismissal at the beach.

Oh.

_You deserve better Leah. You deserve to be with someone_—_a person who will love you, who won't hurt you_—_someone who isn't a wolf._

I'm touched by what he said.

_Seth…_

_I know I know…Stop being such a girl. _He thinks at me.

_Thanks kid._

_You're my sister. You maybe a bitch_—_but I still love you. Now I'm gonna go kick his ass._

_STOP!_

_What?!?!_

_Seth, he's squash you. You're not that big._

_I'm very intimidating, _Seth protests.

_Sure kid._

It's at that moment a sandy blur jumps over the bushes and trods over to me smiling.

He towers over me, and he has a smirk on his face.

_Now what were you talking about shorty?_ He thinks amusingly.

_I can still kick your ass._

_Oh please._

I bare my teeth at him, and for a second Seth flinches.

_Told you._

_I can't help it! _He protests. _You'd flinch to, if you were me._

_Yeah probably. _I admit.

_I am very intimidating._ I mock.

_Shut up. I can't believe you kissed Jacob. Jacob! Really Leah? Jacob? I guess that does make sense._

_No. No. No. No Jacob._

_Don't do it. _Seth warns.

_Shut the hell up._

_Leah_—

_Seth, it just happened. It's not happening again._

Something I said makes Seth lose his mind block, and I see flashes of Bella and Jake fighting, but as soon as I see it, it's gone.

_When was that? _I ask.

_Last week._ He admits.

_What were they fighting about?_

_I'm not sure, but I heard Jake say that to Bella._

Bella, ugh.

_She's not that bad, really Leah. _He says protectively.

_Chill Seth, I could care less._

But that's far from the truth. I feel the anger rising within me. Bella—perfect Bella. Stupid Bella who couldn't get over her stupid vamp, who brought the damn army of newborns to Forks. All her stupid fault, the damn vamps, the stupid demon spawn—ugh.

_You like him!_

_WHAT?_

_You like him! _Seth accuses.

_I can see it—holy crap!—no Leah, no! You can't!_

_I haven't done anything Seth! _I growl.

_He has an imprint._

_I know Seth._

_I'm gonna kill him! He has an imprint, and he_—

At this point Seth lets out a bunch of profanities even I didn't know existed.

_Seth! Where did you learn that?_

_You're my sister, Jacob's the Alpha—you'd think I wouldn't pick up on something?_

Eh, kid's got a point.

_Leah…_ Seth whines. _You can't. Please say that I'm wrong._

_You're wrong. Wouldn't be the first time._

_I don't want you to get hurt again. _He grumbles.

_I'm not broken._

_Not yet._

The thought is out before he can stop it—and I feel Seth flinch back again.

_Sorry, I didn't mean_—

_Yeah you did. I can take care of myself._

_Leah…I know, I just…_

_I know Seth._

_Alright come one lets go. I wanna go home. _I tell him.

_Kay, I have to stop off somewhere first._

Flashes of Jacob come to mind, and I see Seth punching him. Damn it.

_SETH CLEARWATER. HOME. NOW! _ I roared. The 'Beta' command must get to him because he stalks away mumbling profanities at me again.

_I hope you know you sounded just like mom then. _He tells me.

_Yeah I know. Let's just go before I actually turn into her._ I say running to catch up to him.

* * *

~TBC

* * *

A/N: So Seth knows! And what he does with the information, well that's up in the air…any suggestions? Haha. I'm sorry for the delay. Classes have started up again, and I've been busier than I thought I would be. Good news, I think I've finally figured out how things are going to play out in the story. Bad news, I think updates are going to take a bit longer than usual. Sorry!! I can't believe that this story has gotten over 300 reviews! Thank you all so much, it really warms my heart that you all love this. Thank you for all your kind reviews, and for all your thoughts, believe me when I say I take everything you all say into consideration when writing this, I think that's probably the reason why it takes me so long to update. You all rock. Thanks again!


	20. Chapter 20

_"I was nurtured I was sheltered  
I was curious and young  
I was searching for that something  
Trying to find it on the run." _

_-In this Life, Delta Goodrem_

* * *

"Why is Seth here?"

Because if I let him out of my sight he's gonna attack your dumbass brother.

"No reason—he's babysitting…and I'm babysitting him."

"I don't need a babysitter!" He protests.

I glare at him, and he shrinks away mumblings things about over protective sisters—well I wouldn't have to be so over protective if he wasn't such a damn idiot.

Nessie strolls over to us now, she's smiling her little freak baby smile, and I want to glare, but I can't help but smile back. Damn it.

I haven't seen her in weeks, and Rebecca wanted to meet Bella's _daughter. _

"Kid meet Rebecca—"

"You are Rachel's twin—"She says cutting me off.

"Jacob's other sister. Jacob is my best friend." She declares with an affectionate smile.

"It is lovely to finally meet your acquaintance, Jacob talks about you often."

The last bit of her declaration, because that's what it is, makes Rebecca smile.

"You smell peculiar." Its Nessie continues.

And the alarms start to go off in my head. The kid's never been that blunt. She's been around humans before.

She takes another step closer to Rebecca with her nose out first sniffing the air around her, when Seth snaps her away.

I have to hand it to him. It only took him three seconds to grab her.

I can hear him scolding Nessie—but she's not saying anything back, well out loud at least. Her hand is on his face.

My eyes squint in frustration. God I hate it when she does that.

"So that's the kid huh?"

"The one that's got my brother up at the Cullen's all the time."

I nod, not taking my eyes off of Nessie and Seth.

"I don't get it!" Rebecca declares tiredly.

"How is she Bella's _daughter_?"

"Adopted." I correct, playing into the web of lies the damn blood suckers have come up with.

"She's the husband's niece, her parents died in some car crash, and he's her last living relative."

"Didn't they get just get married a couple of years ago?"

"Something like that." I mumble.

"I still don't get it. Everyone on the Rez is supposed to hate the Cullen's. So why the hell is Jake always up there? And why the hell is Seth babysitting for them?!"

It's times like this when wish that I could explain things to her…well explain things without leaving the important things out, like the fact that yonder half-breed over there actually came out of Bella…_literally_...well she chewed her way out, but that's a different story.

I can't tell her the whole story so I go for the semi-truth.

"You know Seth, he can make friends with _anything._ And Jake and Bella are friends I guess."

She seems to accept this, but I'm sure tomorrow the same questions will be coming out of her mouth.

"So listen—"

And here is where Rachel and Rebecca differ, where Rachel is straight and to the point—Rebecca tends to take the long annoying path.

"She's cute." Rebecca finishes.

"She kinda reminds me of Bella—god she was such an awkward kid."

I laugh at this—if she only knew.

"Bex, why the hell are we out here?" I ask gesturing around to the playground.

"I wanted to meet Nessie."

"You could've met her at the wedding."

"Nah, too many faces. What if I wanted to stuff her in my suitcase or something? Better this way, fewer witnesses." She says laughing.

"Geeze Bex, you've been back for a week, and already up to felony charges—impressive Bex, really it is."

She laughs as I say this.

"I'm sorry you know." She says softly.

I don't need the words spelt out. I know what she's apologizing for. It's what everyone apologizes for.

"Yeah I know."

She takes a deep breath, and smiles.

"God I missed this place."

"I know what you mean."

She looks at me questioningly.

"I went away for a while—four months—but when I left, it was amazing, but when I got back, I completely forgot why I wanted to leave in the first place.

"Why did you leave?" She wonders out loud.

"I had to." I tell her leaving no room for questions.

She drops the question, but comes up with another one.

"What made you come back?" She asks sadly.

"I left because I had nothing here," I admit.

"I came back, because I there was nothing out there for me."

"Why are you still here Leah?"

I wished she wouldn't ask me that. It's not like I can be honest and tell her that I _have _to stay here. That I have no choice in the matter. Because our stupid ancestors decided make me a _protector._ Fucking Jackasses. I'm sure they were all men, because no way in hell would a woman ever do this to another one.

"Do you know what some people say about you? I had to be held back the other day at Sharky's! Stupid Alexa Crooks couldn't keep her mouth shut. The cock sucking whore."

I laugh as she says this.

"Don't hold back Becca tell us how you really feel."

"People around here say such awful things about you, and you just take it."

"Well people suck."

"That's an understatement. God I wanted to kill her, stupid bitch kept making jokes about how easy you were, how you're always coming out of the woods with the guys with barely anything on. I swear if Jacob wasn't there I would've attacked her. She acts like she's so much better than us. Damn whore got knocked up while we were still in high school. It's like she doesn't know who we are! We are daughters of Elders! You'd think they'd show some respect!"

Wow, someone actually defending me. It's been a while since that's last happened, and Rebecca is the last person I thought would be defending me, mostly because I didn't think that I would ever see her again.

"Don't worry about it. Alexa's just pissed because I called her kid a worthless piece of shit. Then I'm sure I called her big gaping hole, well actually I called her a washing machine." I tell Rebecca laughing.

And she can't help but laugh with me. I'm used to the shit everyone says about me. It's not like I can change it. They're gonna talk regardless, as long as I'm not Sam's pathetic ex, were fine. If I get that title again I'm sure I'm gonna go on a killing spree around town, probably during a full moon too, just for dramatic effect.

"Well at least you said something tame to her. God I swear I heard snarls while I was yelling at her. Didn't help that her stupid drug addict boyfriend was there eyeing Jake. It's a good thing the kids like 7 ft. tall."

That and because no one's gonna dare mess with Jacob Black after word got around town about the throw down in Sam's back yard.

"…mouths just like yours geeze."

She's laughing as she says this. Whatever, I'll take this over her telling me that I like her stupid brother.

"Do you miss it?" I ask her.

"Miss what?"

"Here. Being home." I wonder if she does miss being here.

"Home is where the heart is." She says winking at me.

"Bull shit."

She laughs as I say this.

"I missed this." she says smiling up at me. "Talking with you, being around family—feeling safe."

"God Rebecca! Don't get all sentimental on me!" I half screech.

We can't help but laugh. It's a different laugh then when I'm with Rachel--we laugh because we have to. But with Rebecca we laugh because it's just that natural.

"Can't help it—Rachel's gone nuts with this whole wedding crap."

"You could stay." I offer.

I would love it if she was here. An actual person who I could talk to, that was imprinted, that wasn't privy to every thought in my head.

"No I can't." She says and I hear the sadness in her voice.

We hear the giggling. Seth's got Nessie on his shoulders, her arms are stretched out and he's running around as fast as he possibly can. Nessie's laughing like a crazy person, and it's actually pretty cute.

"Your brother is an idiot."

"Brothers are idiots." I say smirking.

"Hey now!" A voice protest.

It's Jacob. He's coming out of the woods, buttoning up his cut offs.

"I happen to know that sisters aren't peaches."

I roll my eyes as he comes up to us.

"What the hell Jake! There are kids here! Put a damn shirt on!"

"Don't hate on my awesomeness."

Shoot me now.

It's not like today is any different than any other day. I've seen Jacob without his shirt on, actually I've seen Jacob with nothing on, but that's besides the point.

They're bantering. And I can't help but see the irony in everything. Jacob's always been where I'm sitting—watching Seth and I argue over anything and everything, at least now I can hold something else over his head.

I watch them for a minute, so similar not only in looks but in personality, but yet so very different.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask turning to look at Jacob.

"Nice to see you to Leah." He says nodding at me.

So I stick my tongue out and roll my eyes.

"I'm here to grab Nessie. Rachel threw me out of the house so I could came and get her. Stupid wedding, who cares about final _final _fittings, she should just tell Paul to get lost and call this whole damn wedding off!"

He's trying to be funny, but I'm not gonna laugh at his stupid joke.

It's at that moment Nessie runs over to us and jumps into Jacob's arms. They're smiling at one another, but it's weird, this time I don't feel uncomfortable. She's so tiny in his arms. She's as indestructible as they come, but yet at this moment she looks so vulnerable.

Seth's scowling up at Jacob, but Jacob's so oblivious to anything and everything around him that he doesn't see it.

"Seth…" I warn.

Seth turns away from Jacob and looks me in the eye.

"_FINE." _He hisses and walks away.

"What the hell was that all about?" Rebecca asks.

I shrug.

"What can I tell you, little brothers suck."

"Don't I know it." She says motioning towards Jacob.

He scowls at her. But he turns to me and smiles.

"It's only because of our god awful sisters."

"Whatever you say, Alpha." I drop my voice and spit out the 'Alpha'.

Jacob looks at me and laughs, he laughs so hard his entire body shakes,

"You know life is grander than titles and rankings."

"Says the one in charge." I mumble, but it only makes Jacob laugh harder.

"Jacob!!" Nessie says pulling on Jacob's arm.

"Leah and Rebecca are really nice!" She says defending us.

And I laugh. Probably more than I ever have. Because Jacob's face is priceless, his mouth is open, and he actually looks like someone club him over the head.

"Great Leah, turn her against me."

"Well at least she has good taste." I tease.

"Let's go Ness, before Leah turns you against me completely."

They turn away and leave, but not before Nessie literally jumps out of Jacob's arms and says her thanks.

She's such a weird kid.

I'm watching them as they leave, and apparently Rebecca has this thing where she just has to watch people because her voice surprises me.

"Aww, don't be like that." Rebecca scolds.

"Scowling isn't good."

I'm about to say something bitchy when I hear it.

It's faint but it's there.

Two heartbeats.

My mouth opens before any thought actually comes to my brain and I find myself asking,

"Holy shit Becca are you _pregnant_?!"

She blanches, then slowly nods.

"I'm 5 weeks along….How did you know?" She asked—her voice shaking.

Because I can hear you little brats heart beating.

"Lucky guess." I say shrugging.

"Why haven't you said anything?" I demand.

We're supposed to be friends.

"I didn't want to tell anyone yet. I just found out—and Ray's getting married—I didn't want to take anything away from her, it's her special day."

"Every day is Rachel's day." I mumble.

But it's not as soft as I think it is because Rebecca hears me and laughs.

She knows I'm right.

"So cut the crap. Why haven't you told anyone?"

She glares at me.

It's times like these that I realized who I perfected my glare against.

"Pitiful." She spats.

So I glare back at her. Six years away made her go soft, or maybe 4 years of life shitting on me made me grow stronger.

So she backs down.

"I'm not telling until I leave." She says, and I understand.

I don't know who wanted out more--Rebecca or Rachel, maybe both equally, but in different ways.

When we were younger I never understood the reason they wanted to leave so badly—I understood what the elders were saying—do good in school, get a scholarship, get an education, _do _something with your life, for your tribe, then come home, and marry red.

I had that plan. Rachel is living proof of that plan, but Rebecca she's more than that plan.

"I never thought about having kids." She admits.

Well neither did I until I found out that I couldn't.

"Getting married at _eighteen_ sure stopped all those rumors." I snark at her.

"You know, if you think the rumors about me are bad, you should've heard half the crap everyone was saying about you! They all thought you got knocked up!"

"Nah," She replies smiling, "Just in love."

"Billy's gonna freak."

That's what has her on the floor laughing.

"I highly doubt that. If he can deal with Paul as a son-in-law. He'll deal with being Grandpa Billy."

I forget sometimes that Rebecca doesn't actually know some of the things that go on in this little town. That Billy, although an Elder, doesn't get a say in who Rachel married, at least not when she and Paul looked at one another. He's just glad that she's home, or that's what he's been telling mom.

I wonder if he secretly hopes that one of the younger wolves would imprint on Rebecca…talk about another fucked up situation.

But that's besides the point. Rebecca is going to be a mother.

Fuck.

"Whatever," She muses, "It's not like the kids gonna grow up to be chief or something, yours a Jacob's probably will though."

Oh Great. It's this conversation _again_.

"Is that how annoying I am when I'm sarcastic?" I muse changing the subject.

She ignores me and continues.

"Come on Leah, you can't honestly tell me that there is _nothing _going on between you and Jacob! I've never seen Seth so pissed off in my entire life, well his entire life."

"Nothing is going on." I say through gritted teeth.

"Whatever you say." She says in her sing song voice.

I've never wanted hit something more in my life, unless you count Sam, but no one really does any more.

"When you guys get together I hope you know I have a big I told you so song."

"Well you're gonna have to save it for someone else, because it's not gonna happen."

She huffs a little.

"Can't we talk about something else? How about the fact that your dumbass got yourself knocked up."

Her eyes narrow at me and I can't help but laugh it's almost like I'm a teenager again, except this time I'm not hurting. Well – of course you still hurt, sometimes, but this is what I needed. Boys didn't understand this type of communication, a type of condolence without words or thoughts, and I wish that Rebecca would stay because days like this are rare and far between.

Her phone rings right before she says anything. I can hear the other person talking—it's Rachel.

The conversation isn't important, it's mostly yelling and screaming about how her sister and best friend isn't there to help her, and how she's actually stuck with Paul's mother who feels the need to change everything around—I'd almost feel sorry for her, but then I remember that Rachel can handle herself.

"So should we go and save her?" Rebecca offers.

"Nah, wanna go to the beach?" I ask smiling.

"Glad to know that you can still read my mind." Rebecca says smiling.

* * *

A/N: I apologize if you think this is crap. I know that this is supposed to be someone else's POV, but it was giving me such a hard time that I needed to write something else. So here is an update. I'm not going to lie it is a bunch of randomness, but it'll have a purpose, hopefully.

For those of you who already reviewed this chapter [because I deleted my random Author's Note] if you want to review this you can go ahead but don't log in. :)

As always thanks for reading! And I loved the feedback I got from my 'Moments' excerpt. [If you haven't read it, 'Moments' is a OS between Rachel and Rebecca from last chapter right after Leah runs off. Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing and reading, I'm glad to know that I have such great readers.

Be on the lookout for the next chapter! It should be out by next week at the latest!


	21. Interlude: Seth Clearwater

**Seth's POV:**

**

* * *

  
**

My sister is an amazing person. She is an over bearing condescending annoying bitch, but she is my sister. I've watched as her whole world crumbled beneath her. And I've seen her rise from the ashes, and sink back below them.

No one can ever say Leah Clearwater is boring. She is that in your face, blunt person that tells you things you know but don't want to hear.

Leah hasn't always been such a hot head. She was actually my best friend, before all the werewolf stuff happened.

Leah's heart is really big, so much bigger than any one has ever given her credit for. I doubt that anyone but me, well maybe mom would ever associate Leah and big heart together unless talking about her 'lack of one'. I know my sister probably better than anyone else ever would. She is my sister after all, and pretty much the best friend any one could ever ask for.

She has an amazing heart, she just doesn't let anyone see it. I know that she was just tired of listening to it, and following it because for some reason every time she listened to it, she'd end up battered and even more broken then before.

So after a while she just stopped caring, stopped loving, kept everyone at a distance—well until he came along.

She actually looks happy today. Maybe it's because Rebecca's back. Or maybe it's because Paul's actually not giving her shit today, he's too busy basking in the joys of marital bliss. Or maybe he's just thanking the gods that Rachel actually married him.

Alright maybe I'm laying it on the guy to much, because some times, and I mean this in as little way possible, Paul's actually not a bad guy, and I can see why him and Rachel make sense. But that's besides the point. Leah is smiling. Her date's not really a bad guy. Yeah she brought a date, it was smart of her. Her exact words were "why the hell am I going to waste a perfectly good date on a _wedding._"

It's not like she really had a choice in the matter. It was either bring a date, or be badgered relentlessly by Rebecca. So in the end she gave in, and brought a date to the wedding.

But then again it I think a good part of it had more to do with the guy standing next to me than anything else.

That and her stubbornness.

"Stop looking at her like that." I growl.

He looks up at me, and has the good sense to look somewhat ashamed.

"Sorry."

"Whatever. Just stop looking at her like that—"

He looks at me questioningly.

"Like you've seen her naked." I hiss at him.

Again he looks ashamed.

"God Ethan! I don't want to know if you've seen her naked!!!"

And that's the truth. Half the guys at this stupid wedding have seen my sister naked, _multiple_ times. And that stupid married to my cousin Alpha jackass is someone who has actually seen her naked because she wanted them to, I would know I've seen it in his head when he thought no one was around.

Gross.

Leah naked, that was something I could've gone my whole life without seeing.

Unfortunately that's something else that was taken away from me.

"She looks beautiful." Ethan says sighing.

Great, now I get to hear my stupid sister's ex boyfriend go on and on about how beautiful he thinks my sister is, or how much he misses her, or how happy she looks, while my stupid Alpha watches Nessie and Claire playing with Quil and pretends like he can't hear us.

This is my life.

I thought the drama was bad before when we all first phased, but damn it's increased ten folds within the past few years.

Leah's come over now.

She's smiling up at Ethan.

I roll my eyes.

Great Leah, just egg the guy on some more.

"Would you…umm…like to dance?" Ethan asks my sister.

She nods, and soon they're on the dance floor.

I can hear everything they're saying. They're close enough that my enhanced ears can hear everything.

"You look wonderful." Ethan's telling her.

Leah's trying not to blush, but Ethan always seem to bring things out in Leah we rarely saw.

"How are you?" She asks him timidly. That's a shocker. Leah shy?

"Never been better. Dancing at a friend's wedding with a beautiful girl in my arms, nothing could make this better."

Alright gag. Cliché. I hope Leah's not buying this shit. But then again she already is. Maybe it's because no one's been that nice to her in years.

But she's eating up everything he says.

But the worse part about it all, Ethan means everything coming out of his mouth. She broke up with him what two ? three months ago? And after all this time he's still crazy about her!

She's tried not to think about him, actually she hasn't been thinking about him, the last time I was in her head…well there are worse things than seeing your sister naked…

She's actually smiling. It's nice seeing her happy. Five years is a big gap between siblings. And we've never really had much in common until the whole turning into animals happened.

But I love my sister none the less. She besides my parents, is probably the only other person in the world who has always had my back. Regardless of anything. We've had this relationship for the longest time, she always protecting me, and me trying to protect her but always getting turned away, because Leah Clearwater can take care of herself.

There's this thing about Leah that just strikes fear through you. She's not a big bitch like everyone thinks she is. She's just hiding behind a wall.

I remember when she left. That sucked. No lie, mom cried for weeks. And it was only because I punched the daylights out of Sam that I actually didn't go chasing after her. Alright that's a lie, because when I phased she told me to get lost, and I had to listen to her. So I went and blamed the person I knew fault it would be—Sam's.

I know he thinks I sucker punched him, but I didn't. It's not like he didn't know it was coming. The bastard broke my sister's heart, basically turned her into a bitter shrew, and then marries our cousin! Yeah okay so he imprinted on Emily, and he still loves Leah, blah, blah, blah, there were so many things he could have done differently. But he didn't. Then Leah takes off on the day he gets married! That's not a coincidence. Therefore I punched him, and he took it.

"Seth—"

"What?" I ask looking up at the person who's decided to speak to me.

"Stop scowling."

It's my mom who's speaking to me. She's scolding me. I always hated being at this end.

It was fun watching Leah get scolded, not so much fun when it's me.

"We're at a wedding, smile honey." She tells me cheerfully.

"Yeah okay mom." I say forcing myself to smile back at her.

Most of the time I would never have to fake a smile. It's a craft. Leah tends to hold everything in, well until she can't any more. Me? Personally, I love the saying ignorance is bliss.

But today I just can't stop thinking about Jacob. And his stupid hard headed dumbass.

It's no secret that Leah was my shadow for the past week, but slyly I slipped away from her annoying grasps one morning and headed over to Jacob's.

She thought that I was going to kick Jacob's ass. Well she had every right to, because that's what I planned to do, but then stupid Jacob went and told me something I really didn't want to know.

_*Flashback*_

_"Hey Seth!" It's Rebecca who sees me first she's smiling at me, and there's a part of me who almost feels a little bad for what I'm about to do_—_but not so much, because if the roles were reversed I know damn well Jacob would have his foot shoved so far up my ass._

_"Is Jacob around?" I all but snarl at her._

_If she's taken back by my attitude she doesn't show it._

_"Yeah he's in his room sleeping_—_he had a rough night."_

_Rough night? Why was he trying to make another move on my sister?!?_

_"You want something to drink?"_

_"Yeah sure."_

_She goes into the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water and all but throws it into my hands. I mutter thanks as I stalk off into his room._

_I get a sense of déjà vu as I approach his bedroom door, it wouldn't be the first time I hit someone who's kissed my sister._

_I take a deep breath before reaching for the door knob, its different punching your sisters ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be your new cousin, but it's a completely different story when you're about to punch your Alpha._

_I'm about to reach for the door knob when a soft voice stops me._

_"Seth..."_

_It sounds just like Rebecca's but it's laced with something else, understanding._

_Rachel._

_"Hey Rachel." I say faking some happiness. Although with an imprint happiness is not hard to fake._

_"How are you? Ready to be a Mrs.?"_

_She smiles at this._

_"You're gonna be a beautiful bride."_

_"Oh Seth you're too kind."_

_"It's the truth."_

_"Thanks." She mutters._

_"Hey well gotta see Jake now gotta drag his lazy ass out of bed." I tell her cheerfully._

_She's reluctant to let me go. She grabs a hold of my arm, and stares at me face before she actually lets me go._

_I throw open the door, just in time to see Jacob sleeping soundly. He's even snoring._

_Sleep is good. It's something we all crave_—_but it's something we as wolves have shut off from our bodies._

_"Jacob."_

_"Jake."_

_Damn it why the hell isn't he awake!!_

_I know it's wrong but I just can't help it. It's in my hand for a reason right? I mean Rebecca wouldn't have just given it to me unless she wanted me to use it, granted I could just drink it, but damn it all to hell._

_So I think I may have been channeling old bitchy mean Leah, but damn the rush I felt doing it, was amazing. I don't think even turning into a wolf made this feeling of excitement, or wrong doing so great, maybe that's why Leah was like this for a while, the rush she felt, damn it was good._

_The screaming wasn't._

_Actually the screaming I could deal with, the cussing I could also deal with, the fear that Jacob would actually phase and rip my eyes out, yeah not so much._

_"WHAT THE FUCK!"_

_"Fucking Hell!"_

_"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??"_

_"SETH!??"_

_"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!"_

_It's usually funny when he's screaming at Leah, or Embry, even Quil, and honestly it's quite entertaining now. _

_But like I've said I was channeling Leah, so I glared at him, didn't even utter a single word. I put the cup on the table, cross my arms and just glared at him while the profanities came out of his mouth and echoed throughout the house._

_Although Jacob was screaming, I swear I could hear laughing in the living room._

_"Damn it Seth!" Jacob finally said sitting back on the bed._

_"What the fuck was that all about?"_

_This time I did break, I smiled up at him innocently and said, "Nothing," _

_"So, Jake what's up?", and damn did his face drop._

_His mouth opened a couple times and I swear he wasn't sure if he was actually dreaming. It sucks sometimes being treated like a child, but still at the same time this innocent act everyone seems to buy into tends to work out for me some times._

_"Ummm—"_

_"So Leah was in the forest the other day…" I tell him leaning against the door, "And you know how Leah when she's upset and thinks no one is around…she tends to let her mind wonder…and well you know me being me and Leah being who she is, well she didn't pay attention, but damn did I find some things out. You wanna know what I found out?" I asked smiling at him._

_If it was possible Jacob turned as white as one of the Cullen's._

_I smirked up at him._

_"Well I see I've gotten your attention."_

_He looks down and nods, but still doesn't say anything._

_"So this is what's going to happen—"_

_"Seth—"_

_"NO!" I screamed._

_"Right now you are not my Alpha." I hissed, "You're the jackass that thinks its okay to mess with my sister!"  
_

_"You are going to listen to me." I snarled._

_"I don't know what the hell is going on in that head of yours, but you will not mess with my sister. I don't give a damn if you're bigger than me, or if you are my Alpha, but damn it! You need to stay the fuck away from her."_

_"Seth it's not—" I could hear him trying to reason with me._

_"She's my sister Jacob." I said with what I hoped was my deadliest tone._

_"But Seth I—"_

_"You have an imprint." I hissed._

_"I know. But will you let me explain?" He asked hopefully._

_"NO!! I won't let you do this to her."_

_And here's where things got interesting. Like I said if the roles were reversed Jacob would do everything in his power to protect his sisters. But here's where things actually differ between me and Jacob, he's the Alpha. But me? I'm the kid that seems to like everyone, but really really loves his sister so he's gonna get his ass kicked by someone he's looked up to his entire life. _

_Jacob's never took anything sitting still. He's always spoken his mind, always made his opinions loud and clear, so why would today be any different?_

_It wasn't._

_But I'm not gonna lie it was pretty entertaining._

_"Damn it! I'm in love with her." He blurted out._

_Now it was my turn to be shocked._

_"Love?" I choked out._

_"Yeah you ass. I love her."_

_"Oh fuck."_

_"Tell me about it." Jacob muttered._

And that was it. My whole threatening my Alpha, finally being able to _actually_ defend my sister, thwarted because he was in love with her.

"How long till Jake goes over there?" That's what catches my attention.

I didn't hear them come and sit next to me, but here they were, talking like nothing really mattered.

I knew they were watching, hell everyone's watching! But what the hell does it have to do with Jake?

"Not long, look at him he looks like he's ready to go now." Quil responds.

What. The. Hell.

"Guys?" I ask, and I'm sure the 'what the hell are you talking about' look is present on my face.

They don't acknowledge what I'm saying. To them I will always be little Seth Clearwater. No matter how old I get, I will still be 'the kid' to them. The kid they can make fun of or ignore, not like it really matters to me, because they've always been family to me.

Phasing was probably the worst and yet best time of my life. Worst, well for obvious reasons, dad having a heart attack, and Leah transforming, but best, because I got brothers. Big brothers, who looked out for me in a way that Leah could never. Brothers who I could talk to, without too many insults slipped in.

When Leah changed I felt that this would bring us closer together. It did for a while, mostly because she felt like she needed to protect me, or maybe mom made her do it. I'm still not sure.

When Leah and Sam broke up, things between us never really seemed to get back on track. They probably would of if she knew that dad and I had conspired to kill Sam, and throw his body into the ocean. We would've gotten off scott free, you know with Charlie Swan being my dad's best friend.

It's weird to think of Charlie , because he's no longer my father's best friend, he's my mother's _boyfriend _if that's not a sickening word, but he's no longer 'uncle' Charlie as Leah and I used to call him, he's the guy that's screwing my mother. Which they'll probably get married soon then he'll be step-father Charlie.

Man Leah's head will explode when that happens.

"He'll be there when the song ends." Quil muses.

"Oh yee of little faith. He won't move unless they get into a fight. Or unless Leah looks like she wants to get away." Embry says laughing.

"Care to bet?"

"Always."

"Seth?"

Damn it. You two are not really making bets on my sister and our Alpha! Wait what?

"We know." Quil says solemnly.

Embry just nods in agreement.

How? _What_? When?

"Kid, we've known for months. We're his best friends. We haven't seen him this fueled up over someone since Bella."

"You know?" I gasp, I'm sure I'll get teased till the end of time for actually gasping.

How the hell do _they_ know?! The only reason I know is because I caught Leah thinking about it. Then the stupid moron had to tell me that he was in love with her before I could actually hit him.

"But he imprinted." I sputter.

They're making tisking noises at me, so I scowl at them.

"Kid," It's Quil who tisks at me this time. "We're not idiots."

I snorted. That's the biggest understatement of the year.

But that's when Jacob's decided to make his move. The songs ended and Leah's standing at a table alone. Jacob's slowly walking near Leah.

"Told you he'd go over there." Quil said laughing.

"But Ethan's not around. Therefore I win."

"GUYS!" I all but scream.

"What?" They ask finally looking over at me.

"How do you know?" I wonder.

"Chill kid, we just do." Embry says.

"It's not like they're that great of actors." Quil pipes in matter-o-factly.

"Ugh." It's the only thing I can say. How the hell do they know!

I can't believe that they know!

"Hey look at what Rebecca's doing." Quil says nudging me in the arm.

I look up time to see Rebecca pulling Jacob up to where Leah is standing.

Damn they look uncomfortable.

She's saying something to them. She's speaking really fast, but the look on her face says everything, she's not going away.

"What the hell Rebecca." Jacob says grabbing his arm out of Rebecca's grasps.

"Jacob, I'm not sure if your head is on correctly, but this is Leah, she looks beautiful tonight, don't you think?"

Jacob just rolls his eyes at his sister, but answers, "Yes she does."

This time it's Leah who rolls her eyes.

"Becca, what the hell?"

"I think you should dance." She tells them both smiling.

They both look at her like she's lost her mind then belt out a 'NO!' before trying to walk away.

But Rebecca's quicker than the two of them and she's got a hand on both of their arms. It's not like they couldn't break out of her grasp, but for some reason they don't.

"Jacob you should dance with Leah." She says turning to her brother.

"Leah you should dance with Jacob." She says looking at Leah this time smirking.

They're both protesting, but something happens, I highly doubt that they're scared of her. Two wolves against one human female, there is no doubt who would win, but Rebecca is persuasive and persistent, that the next thing I see Jacob and Leah are dancing.

I'm sure my mouth is hanging open, and my eyes have literally bulged out of their sockets.

"Guys?" I ask

But they don't pay any attention to me, they're looking at what's happening on the dance floor.

Jacob and Leah are dancing.

Embry and Quil are laughing, I can hear them, but I can't tear my eyes off of the two people dancing on the floor.

They're not fighting, she's not trying to strangle him, and she's not even trying to run away!

Holy Fuck.

I'm watching them as they twirl around the room. Jacob's said something to Leah and she's smiling at him, a fricking genuine smile.

She's saying something back at him, but her face isn't scrunching up in the way that it usually does when she's insulting someone.

"You're a terrible dancer." Leah says to Jacob.

"Says the girl with two left feet." Jacob says smirking.

"At least I have two feet." Leah says stepping on Jacob's left foot.

He grimaces, then says through gritted teeth, "That didn't hurt."

If his stubbornness pisses her off she doesn't show it.

Leah smiles then says, "It wasn't supposed to."

Then, Jacob smiles at her.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Leah asks accusingly.

"Doing what?" Jacob asks innocently.

"Smiling at me, being so nice to me. We haven't had a real conversation since…and last time—"

"I told you to get lost." He finishes still smiling down at her.

"Yeah…" Leah mumbles, "What gives?"

The way she asks him isn't filled with any accusation, it's just simple curiosity.

"You know why Leah. Even if you don't want to hear it, you know why." Jacob replies simply.

"You're important to me Leah, you always have been and you always will be, there is no doubt about that."

Leah actually looks up at Jacob and smiles again, it's a look I've seen before, Leah hasn't had that look on her face since—

Holy Hell.

This can't be the moment when they see that they actually care about one another right?

No, this can't be the time.

I guess I was right because soon enough the songs ended and they've let go of one another and turned and walked off in different directions.

"Damn."

I look around for the source of the sound. Ethan's standing next to me and he has a look of disappointment on his face.

Now I'm really confused.

"They're really stubborn."

"Thank God someone else noticed!" Another voice says tiredly.

Rebecca sits down next to me and looks up at Ethan and smiles.

What. The. Hell!

Rebecca is saying something to Ethan, I catch only a few words, "Leah", "Jacob", "Morons".

"What are you guys talking about?"

Ethan looks ashamed again and looks away but Rebecca takes a look at me, and then says, "Your sister and my brother are idiots."

I'm sure the 'what the fuck look' is present on my face because Rebecca continues,

"I know you know. Don't act stupid." She says an smacks me on the side of my head.

Aww man.

This can't be happening.

Everyone knows! How the hell did I miss all of this? How does EVERYONE know?!

I don't get the chance to ask because Rebecca's gone again, and I hear Rachel's voice screaming for all the single girls to go on the dance floor.

"Come on Leah!" Rebecca says dragging Leah on the dance floor.

"What are you doing?" Leah protests.

"We're gonna catch the bouquet!" Rebecca says smiling.

"But you're married!" Leah yells.

And no one can fault her logic, but try telling Rebecca that she can't do whatever she wants.

"So? It's all just for fun! I won't even catch the damn thing."

"Reebbeeccccaaaa" Leah whines.

"Shut up! And let's go." Rebecca says pulling Leah harder.

"Fine." Leah says huffing.

It's hilarious to see Leah being bullied into something.

But Leah is nothing if not stubborn. As everyone is crowding to the front Leah's back is turned to them and she's facing the crowd of anxious men with crossed arms a sneer on her face.

Well that is until the bouquet goes flying into her arms.

"Fuck!" Leah hisses.

And I swear laughter is heard throughout the hall. I even hear my mom saying something.

"My baby's getting married!"

"Whoo, go Leah!"

I don't know who's more surprised, Leah who's holding the bouquet as far away from her as she possibly can, or the man holding the garter like its vampire poison.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW THAT AT ME YOU DUMBASS!" He yells.

"THAT'S JUST WRONG!!!"

"THAT WAS TOUCHING MY SISTERS THIGH!!!"

"GOD YOU FUCKING RETARD, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE MARRIED YOU!"

"Shut up Jacob!" Rachel yells.

Nothing like older sisters who think they can tell you what to do. Jacob's mumbling under his breath about stupid sisters, and I can say whole heartedly that I agree with everything he's saying.

Everyone's cheering now, because they know what's going to happen next.

"I'm not putting that in my mouth." Jacob protests.

"That's not going on my leg." Leah says at the same time.

"The damn thing is still wet!" Jacob says flashing the garter like he wants to throw it away, which I wouldn't doubt.

"It's tradition!" Rachel snaps.

"No it's not!" Both Leah and Jacob yell at the same time.

"Well it's my wedding and what I say goes!" Rachel huffs.

And I laugh.

Because it's funny.

But mostly because both Rachel and Rebecca have this way of making Jacob and Leah do whatever they want.

And that's possibly why I along with the rest of the town got to witness Jacob Black putting his sister's garter on _my _sister's thigh with his teeth.

And I thought having the guys replay seeing my sister naked was bad.

This is worse.

"Hands to yourself Black." Leah hisses.

Jacob rolls his eyes and hisses back with the garter still in his mouth, "Yeah Leah because my hands are really going to make a difference right now."

Leah only hits him on the head.

It's actually entertaining, you know if it wasn't my sister and Alpha up there.

Or if I didn't know what I do.

They're struggling against each other.

Leah's telling Jacob what to do, and Jacob's telling her to shut up and hold still.

Basically another day on the job.

It wouldn't be normal if they weren't fighting.

But it's different somehow.

They way that they're fighting isn't normal. Something about it is off.

They're still calling each other stupid, and struggling away from one another, but it's almost as if it's a game, like they're having fun...

No.

No.

NO.

"Ta da!" Jacob says standing up and bowing to everyone.

He's got the garter on Leah's thigh, not like you can see it with her dress in the way, he could've stopped at her leg and no one would've even noticed.

"About damn time." Leah huffs.

"Shut up and get your fat ass up." Jacob says holding a hand out to Leah.

She pushes it away and gets up on her own, then pushes Jacob down on the floor and leans over and whispers something to him then turns away.

I don't know what she says but the way Jacob's face turns red I can only imagine.

"You have to dance now." It's Paul's voice who speaks on the microphone.

That makes Leah stop and turn around.

I'm sure the nastiest look is present on her face, something I'm sure Paul is used to.

But Paul's let go of the mic and Rachel's got it now.

"Yeah Leah, you and Jake have to dance." She says grinning evilly.

The crowd of _awe's_ is probably the only thing that stops Leah from exploding.

Because she is red.

"We already danced." Jacob huffs.

Because no one hates dancing more than Jacob Black, and if you didn't get that, it was dripped with sarcasm.

"Just shut up and dance with me." Leah says holding her hand out to Jacob.

He's a little apprehensive at first, but he takes it just as the music starts.

This time when they dance it's not earlier.

I maybe a creep for watching, but at least I know that I'm not the only one.

I scan around the room, almost every pair of eyes is on them, and the only difference is the expressions on everyone's face.

One in particular.

He looks like he wants to murder someone. Jacob particularly.

The tremors aren't there, but I can tell that he's fighting with everything he has not to phase.

I would feel sorry for the guy, but then I remember everything he did to Leah, and I look away.

Jacob and Leah are still dancing, but they're not the only ones on the dance floor right now. Paul and Rachel have joined them, so have mom and Charlie, and a lot of the imprinted couples.

Leah's head is resting on Jacob's chest, and he's holding her close. They're talking but it's so low that I can't catch anything they're saying. But something that Leah says makes Jacob freeze.

She backs away from him with a questioning look on her face, she doesn't know what the hell happened either. But Jacob backs away slowly without saying a word and walks out the door.

I don't know what pisses me off more, the fact that Jacob freaked out and left or the fact that Leah is left on the dance floor looking confused and hurt because he left. I'm about to go to her when I feel two pairs of arms grab hold of me.

"We need to talk." They say pulling me into the corner of the room.

I watch as Leah walks out the other door unable to do anything for my sister because of my _brothers_.

"What!" I hiss.

"You're upset."

You're damn right I'm upset. Were you not watching what the hell just happened! That's my sister. That's our Alpha. This—

I realize I'm ranting in my head because Quil and Embry are still waiting for me to answer.

"So?" I sneer.

"And hello Leah's bitchy gene." Embry says.

"Obviously girls are bitches, but that's besides the point." Quil tells Embry.

Now what the hell does this have to do with me?

I don't really care, but as I try to get up, they both push me down.

"Sit."

"Listen."

"Yes we know." Embry starts.

"Yes we've been watching." Quil continues.

"It's not like it's that big of a deal." Embry says shrugging, but Quil punches him in the arm.

"It's a big deal Embry." Quil hisses.

"Alright it's a big deal." Embry tells me.

"But were okay with it." Embry says looking at Quil for a sign of agreement.

Quil nods.

"And you need to be too." They say turning to me.

What?

"Are you kidding me? You're both out of your minds right? My _sister_—Leah! And Jacob! Jacob, our Alpha who has an imprint!"

"Yes." The nod.

I want to knock their heads together like coconuts to see if anything would actually happen. They cannot be okay with this! Quil has an imprint. He cannot be okay with the fact that someone with an imprint wants someone else!

But the look on their faces tells me something completely different from what I am feeling.

"It's Jacob, Seth." Quil says shrugging.

"You like Jacob."

"Not with my sister." I mumble.

"He's not Sam." Embry says and I detect a bit of bitterness in his voice.

"He's still going to hurt her." I argue.

"Not as much as she's gonna hurt him." Quil says encouragingly.

If that was supposed to be a pep talk, they both failed.

"You can't say that they don't make sense." Embry says.

And that's when I know what he's saying is true. Jacob with Leah does make sense. I even thought that when I first found out, but still the protective genes don't turn off automatically.

"Whatever." I growl.

They both smile at me.

"That's the spirit!" Quil says.

"It doesn't mean I like it."

"You don't have to like it, you just have to accept it." Embry offers.

"Fine. But if he hurts her I'll kill him." I threaten.

I'm not sure if I said it menacingly, but this time instead of laughing me off, they both turn and nod at me in agreement.

"Don't worry," Quil says placing a hand on my shoulder.

"We'll help." Embry finishes placing his hand on my other shoulder.

With that they both let go of me and I get up and scan the room.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for but something tells me to go outside, go out the door that Leah went out of, maybe its instinct, or brother's intuition, but I follow it.

I expected many things, a shredded dress, ripped shoe, some claw marks, even some howling, what I didn't expect was to find Sam Uley embracing my sister.

* * *

~TBC

* * *

A/N: Like Jacob said: Ta-da! 21 pages on Word Document! Not as long as Sam's but way longer than a regular chapter. Yay for Interludes! Did any one guess that it was gonna be from Seths POV? I hope you all like it because its almost 6am, and Seth has been giving me such a had time mostly because I felt like he was too OOC, but thanks to ZuXy.Q she made me realize that this is exactly how Seth would react (OOC) to whats happening to his sister and his Alpha, you know since he loves them both. I know it doesn't give much about Seth, but it's another view of Jacob/Leah, and who doesn't love Blackwater? But I hope you all liked it. Because I really wanted to do something to celebrate my 21st chapter, mostly because it's my 21st Birthday on Saturday [09.26] and I've been working really hard on this chapter

Please please please let me know what you think. If you think it sucks or brillant, see mistakes, have ideas on where you want this story to go, let me know! :-D

**This is dedicated to my constant reviewers, there are so many of you, and I hope you know how much I really appreciate everything you say in your reviews and how glad I am that you all have stuck with this story, it truly means the world to me**


	22. Chapter 22

"And I'll never see those days again  
And things will never be that way again  
But that's just how it goes  
People change, but I know  
I won't forget you."  
-Where Are You Now, Honor Society  


* * *

Have you ever gotten that feeling around a certain someone?

You know what I mean. The one that wells up until you feel like you're going to explode into a million tiny pieces. The one that gets under your skin and stays there, begging to break free. The one that you can't control that makes you feel powerless, but love it all the same.

Sam Uley gave that feeling to me.

At least, I thought he did.

You know, sometimes we do things we don't understand, just because we're not in control of ourselves. That we've just been pushed passed a certain border. Got somehow further than the average limit. Supposedly it's like when a woman gives birth to a new life, not like I'll ever know this, but supposedly those are called illusive, marvelous affairs. You're not just ecstatic – you're so ecstatic you feel like... like you can carry the whole world, and I know what it feels like to have the whole world placed on my shoulders. But then again it also works the other way round.

Not only does love bring us to that place. But rage, the source behind almost everything I've done, tends to instigate the same mental derangement. Perhaps not in the same style, but sometimes emotions take us so far we can't control them anymore.

Which brings us to this moment.

I've mentioned that my temper is legendary right? I've mentioned the reason that my temper is the way that it is. This moronic boy— _man_ in front of me.

This moment in which I, lift a foot, and walk towards Sam Uley, with my heart jumping out of my chest and blood rushing to my face in anger, ball up my fists and start hitting him.

With my adrenaline racing through my veins, and my super inhuman werewolf strength, I whack my fist against his frame, each time harder and harder, with everything I've got, not like it could actually hurt him, but I hear the crunching of something, and I can't help but hit harder.

And, the funny thing is, I know it's not just this stupid fight.

Its pent-up frustration canalized in this one breakdown, projected on this one insufferable moron who just happens to be the source of all my problems.

"Lee!"

"Leah!"

"LEAH!!"

"WHAT?" I snap backing away.

"You think you could control yourself."

That stupid tone. The I'm so in control tone. The I'm so much better than you tone. That stupid tone only fueled my rage and I began hitting him again, harder and faster giving him no time to react.

"Stop! Please Stop!"

"What the hell do you want?" I hiss.

Hit first, ask questions later.

"Why the hell are you hitting me?" He snaps.

"Gee golly Sam, I have no idea why I would ever want to hit you." I say mockingly.

He responds by rolling his eyes.

"Funny."

"What can I say, my life is a joke after all." I say bitterly.

"Lee—"

"Don't."

"What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be off doing married stuff with your wife?" I say kicking him in the shin.

"I came to see if you were alright." He grimaces.

Of course he did. He can't stop finding reasons to check up on me.

"I'm fine Sam." I say through gritted teeth.

"You don't look fine."

I'm not sure what made me start hitting him, but just seeing his face set me off. Stupid Jacob and his inability to have a conversation that he isn't in control of. Stupid Sam for being here. Stupid men. Ugh!

My eyes narrow at him, and soon my fists are flying at his face, again.

Who the hell is he to tell me how I look. If I say I'm fine he damn well better take my word for it.

"Stop hitting me!" He yells grabbing hold of my wrists.

This doesn't feel right, him—touching me.

"Why?" I snap pulling away from him. "Why the hell shouldn't I hit you? I have every right to hit you. I have every single reason you hate you!"

"But you don't." He says simply.

And that pisses me off. Because he's right. I don't hate him. I have every single right to hate him I've wanted to hate him. I've tried to convince myself that I hate him, but underneath everything, a part of me still loves him, and I hate him for that.

"Whatever. I don't like you."

"I know." he relies solemnly.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine." I snap.

"Yeah Leah because you look like you're about to skip your happy ass down a cliff."

That gets me to smile. I remember this Sam. The sarcastic, smartass Sam that he used to be.

He smiles a little at me, then it falters when he looks at my face.

"What?" I ask.

He looks like he wants to say something, but he decides against it. Instead he holds out his hand.

"Would you like to dance?"

"With you?" I ask making a face.

He nods. The music isn't that loud, but we can both hear it. It's not an upbeat song, but it's another slow one…great.

"Where's the booze then? Or even some champagne? Really Sam, I need some sort of alcoholic beverage, actually the entire bar would do just fine."

Instead of saying something condescending back at me he just smiles and holds his hand out further.

I look down at his hand, and then up at his face. He's kidding right? But the way he's looking at me makes me realize that he's not kidding.

But I don't take his hand. I look at his had again, because something's not right. It's his left hand, and I realize that it's not right because something's missing.

His wedding band.

"Where is your ring?" I ask staring at his hand.

He looks down at his hand and smiles just a little.

"I don't wear one." He tells me simply.

I guess what he says is makes sense. I guess none of us could actually wear a ring...one pissed off day and then poof it would be gone.

It's not like it would really make a difference if he wears one or not. He belongs to Emily. Everyone knows it, he doesn't need a stupid wedding ring to prove it.

"I'm not gonna dance with you Sam." I say shaking my head and backing away from him.

His face falters, and as he put his hand down he says, "I didn't think you would, I had to ask though."

"Why are you really out here?"

"I told you—" He starts to protest

"Don't make me hit you again." I threaten.

"Like you could hurt me." He mumbles.

"Watch it." I snap.

"Sorry." He apologizes.

I nod at him and take a seat on the bench. It may be close to freezing, but it I think feels nice.

"I think we need to talk…" He says after a few moments of silence, taking a step closer to me.

"About what?"

"Jacob." He says simply.

He wants to talk about Jacob? Is he out of his mind? I don't want to talk about Jacob. I don't want to think about his stupid dumbass any more. God! Why does he want to talk about _him!_ What the hell is up with the two of them wanting to talk about each other? Ugh.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now." Sam says calmly.

"What about Jacob?" I ask, hoping that I've hidden the anxiety in my voice.

"The reasons we fought."

"I know." I tell him.

Me. Everything points back to me. That's the reason why everyone looked to me to do something, because everyone knew that they were fighting because of me, they thought that it was something I had done to Sam, and Jacob was just being a good Alpha and having my back…but if they only knew.

"You're an ass."

"Leah…" He says exhaustedly.

I roll my eyes at him.

"Gezze Sam, just chill out, Jacobs already told me."

He's shocked at what I just said.

He looks like he's about to explode, but instead he recoils back a little then steps forward again and says, "No Leah. I forbid it."

He forbids it? I laugh as those words come out of his mouth. Who the hell does he think he is forbidding _me _to do something? Like he has any say in the matter, besides what the hell is he forbidding me to do?

"_Forbid?!" _ I say laughing.

"What are you forbidding me to do Sam? Are you forbidding me to listen to my Alpha? Tough shit because guess what? He's the Alpha!"

He looks at me for a second, and the smirk on his face falters a little bit. He doesn't have that aura of control all around him anymore. He's taking deep breaths and squeezing his hands into fists.

It takes him a few moments but he finally speaks.

"You love him!" He says accusingly.

"You can't Leah! He's imprinted!"

Where the hell did that come from? More importantly, what the hell is he talking about? I love him? I _love_ him. That's not possible. I don't know what to say. I can't love Jacob. It's not possible. That's just me setting myself up for another let down.

And the fact that it was _Sam _who's standing their telling me that _I _love Jacob. HA.

I do _not_ love Jacob Black.

"Sam—" I warn.

"It's not like that Sam. I don't—"

"He loves you Leah, and you—you love him!"

"That's not possible, Sam. Like you said, he's imprinted. He can't love me."

"And I don't love him."

He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

"You were fighting with Jacob because you _think_ that he's in love with me?!" I shriek the last part out.

Sam cowers a little in his seat, but nods.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Leah—"

"SAM!"

"I've seen it!" He yells back at me.

"I've seen the way he looks at you Leah, the way you look at him! You two—I don't know how it's possible, but damn it Leah! This isn't how it's supposed to be."

"No shit Sam." I snap.

"That doesn't mean—"

"It means you need to mind your own business, because I'm not in love with Jacob Black!"

"You should stop lying to yourself."

"Don't do that Sam. You can't feed me bogus shit about how Jacob's imprinted, and how I'm going to get hurt again, then tell me that I'm in love with him. You can't play devil's advocate here. You can't say that you want me to be happy, but then say that I'm making the wrong choices. It doesn't work that way. You don't get to chose for me anymore. You don't get to protect me. I'm a big girl I can make my own choices, and who ever I chose to be happy with will be _my _choice."

"That's not—Leah it's not what—God!" He says shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, the same way that Jacob does when he's nervous.

I laugh at this, Sam and Jacob are so a like, but yet so different.

Is that why I can't stop thinking about Jacob?

No.

Sam and Jacob are two different people.

There is Sam Uley, no their was Sam, my Sam, now theirs Emily's husband, the _other _Alpha.

Then there's Jacob Black, who's never been mine, who's been Bella's, who _is _Nessie's who's telling me things that I don't want to hear, that he shouldn't be saying, but he's saying these things to me and I can't help but _feel_ everything he's saying.

No. I can't. It's Jacob. Jacob Black. Who is my Alpha. Jacob Black who used to come to my house for cookies. Jacob Black who brought me beer when Sam broke up with me.

Jacob is not Sam.

But he's still not mine.

"Leah I just—"

"What Sam? What is it that you want? I've only want you to be happy. I've given everything up so that _you _can be happy. That you can have everything you've ever wanted. I don't have anything else to give. I'm trying. I've been trying! Why the hell isn't that enough? Why am I never enough?! You can't keep doing this to me!"

"I know Leah. I know." He replies tiredly.

I don't know why he does it, but his hand extends out just a little bit, then soon his hand is stretched out and it looks like its waiting for something...for my hand.

Maybe because I've drained myself, or maybe it's because I've said everything I've needed to say to him, but I extend my hand slowly, and give it to him. Our fingers interlock, and he smiles at the gesture, it's taken a lot for me to get this close to him without wanting something more.

I'm not sure who does it, but soon we're hugging.

It's not the same as before when we use to touch. I don't feel electricity flying through me, and I don't have that sense of longing like I used to. But being in his arms is just as I remember it, but something isn't right.

When I used to dream about being in Sam's arms I always got this feeling--it was like coming home after being away for a long period of time but now being in his arms, it felt different, it still felt nice, mostly because underneath everything I still want to be held an protected, but it wasn't like I thought it was going to be. I didn't get that feeling--the one I used to get.

"Don't ever think that you weren't enough. It was never about _you._" He whispers looking at me, and this time I actually think that he means it.

It's at this very moment, I find myself wishing that I never loved Sam Uley. I've been in the deepest parts of his mind I've seen everything he has ever felt, but it's the way that he says those words that breaks my heart all over again. Soon enough I find myself in tears, because as much as I want to hate him, as much as it still hurts I know that he still loves me.

"Sam." I choke out trying to pull away.

But he doesn't let me. His grip loosens a little, but were still holding hands.

"Leah." he doesn't say anything else besides my name and I know that that's enough.

And this is when it gets me, everything—dating, Ethan, Sam, birthdays, cemeteries, friends, family, and Jacob.

He pulls me into his full embrace and I know if it wasn't for my werewolf strength I would be dead right now, but right now at this very moment for the first time in years Sam Uley isn't thinking with his head he's feeling with his heart.

His hand is on my face right now, and I know he wants to say something, but he's holding himself back.

"I want you to be happy again, I really do," He says pulling me back into his arms, "It's just harder than I thought it was going to be. It just can't be Jacob Leah, it just can't."

"Sam—" I start to say but I'm cut off by someone screaming.

"WHAT THE HELL!!"

Seth?

I look up to see Seth red faced, teeth crunched, fist balled, and I swear steam would be coming out of his ears if it was possible.

I've jumped away from Sam, actually I've pushed him down to the ground.

"Hey kid, what's up?" I ask innocently.

But he doesn't buy it.

"Sam." Seth nods curtly in Sam's direction.

Sam's scrambling off the ground and the look on his face is priceless.

But the look on Seth's isn't. He looks like he wants to strangle Sam.

"Seth…" I say looking at him and this must be the first time he's taken a good look at me because his entire face has fallen and he looks worried.

Great I must actually look like shit now.

But the worried look isn't their long, or if it is something else has covered it now, because boy is Seth pissed.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER NOW ULEY?! I SWEAR TO GOD—" Seth yells marching over to Sam with fists clenched and in his attack mode.

"Seth!!" I yell at him grabbing him by the collar and pulling him away from Sam.

"This isn't what you think!" I hiss standing in front of him.

"He made you cry _again_!" He shrieks.

"I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU EVER—" Seth yells at Sam trying to move me out of the way. I feel like he's clawing for Sam, but the only thing on my mind right now is when the hell did he get so big? It's taking everything I have to hold him back and I'm sure Seth's holding himself back right now because mom's inside.

"SETH!" I yell.

"CUT IT OUT!" I scream literally tackling him to the ground and sitting on him.

He's yelling at me now. I knew this would work. It always worked when we were younger.

"Leah! Get off of me!"

"Not until you calm down."

"LEE-AH!"

"NO!"

"Stupid sister!"

I'm about to say something back at him when we're interrupted by laughter.

I look up to see Sam literally on the ground laughing. And Seth must realize it too because his not screaming at me to get off of him, his teeth are gritted, and he's trying to get up.

"Can I hit him now?" Seth says through gritted teeth.

"Let me up so I can hit him!"

I look down at Seth, and he's grinning, evilly. That look on his face matches the same one on mine. So I let him up.

We both get up and glare at Sam.

What the hell has gotten into him? He really does look like a crazy person.

"So can I hit him?" Seth asks eagerly.

I want to say yes. A part of me wants to say yes, but then there's that part of me that knows that Seth really shouldn't be hitting people. So I shake my head.

"Come on!" He whines.

Still I shake my head.

"Fine!" Seth huffs. "What the hell is wrong with him though?"

It's at that moment Sam stops laughing. He's looking up at us now with a wave of awe, and I want to kick him in the stomach, but I stop myself, because I'm in control, because yes Sam Uley is a dick, but he has his moments.

Sam's gotten up, and he's dusting himself off. He looks ashamed. He has every right to look ashamed.

"You alright there Crazy McGee?"

He sticks his tongue out at me, and I laugh.

"Sorry. Déjà vu. Just like old times."

Seth and I roll our eyes at this.

"I need to talk to you Leah." Seth says turning to me.

His tone implies that he wants to talk to me alone.

Sam walks up to us and looks down at me, he smiles for a bit and reaches out to squeeze my hand then walks away.

When Sam is inside Seth turns to me.

"Tell me that isn't what I think it was." He spits.

"It wasn't." I tell him simply, because whatever Seth may think was happening, really wasn't.

"Why the hell were you—and him! God! Why the hell are you so crazy? Can't I just have a normal sister?"

I glare at him.

He smartly backs away from me slowly.

"That's not what I mean." He says apologetically.

"It's just—Ugh I'm going to kill them!" He mumbles.

"Kill who?" I ask curiously.

His eyes widen at my curiosity, but he doesn't say anything.

"Sethhh…." I say smiling.

He gulps.

"Sethy."

His eyes widen again and blanches. He knows he's in trouble.

That's probably why he's blurts out, "QuilandEmbry."

That's when I tune him out. Embry and Quil don't bug me…much.

It's not like I mind them most days, it's just because they're Embry and Quil. The bastard and the pedophile, although I probably should stop calling him that Claire's probably gonna start asking what that means, and damn will her mom will freak. God it's not like the kid won't have enough questions to ask when she's older. Damn Nessie probably has been asking a whole bunch, with her stupid mind invading touchingness.

I doubt Bella's even gathered enough courage to tell her kid that Jacob used to be in love with her. That before Jacob was Nessie's, he was Bella's. God that makes me sick. Jacob kissed Bella. Jacob has kissed me. Yeah I think I'm going to puke.

"..so that's what they said, and it's not like it bugs me much, but yeah that's it."

Say what? Seth was talking but I blacked out. I'm sure it wasn't that important. But the way he's looking at me makes me think otherwise.

"Okay…" I say slowly, mostly because I don't know what else to say.

This seems to brighten Seth's day because he hugs me.

"I just want you to be happy again." He whispers into my ear, and I smile at him.

Seth really is a great brother.

"Listen dweeb, I am happy."

He opens his mouth to call me out on my lie, but I say something else before he gets the chance.

"Yeah alright, I'm happy sometimes, like when I'm insulting people, but I'm okay. Really I am."

He smiles at me.

"Do you know where Jacob went?" He asks quietly.

My face falters a little bit.

I have no idea where Jacob went, or why he even took off like that. We were just talking, like we used to, before all this stupid feelings shit came along, and it was nice. Because for the first time I actually felt something more than anger, being in his arms I actually felt scared. I felt vulnerable, and I don't know what made me feel that way but I did and I told him.

Then the fucking bastard runs away like a scared little boy. That'll teach me to ever open up to someone ever again.

Yeah that's probably the reason I started to pummel Sam when he came out after me, you know seeing as how he's the reason I'm so insecure about everything.

"No," I say quietly. "I have no idea where he went."

"You okay?" Seth asks slinking his arm around my shoulders.

"Fine." I mumble.

"What were you and Sam talking about?" Seth asks.

"I'm not going to hit him!" He says hurriedly.

"We were just talking." I say sighing.

"Everything with Sam is exhausting. I can't do it anymore. Don't worry I wasn't begging him to leave Emily and run off with me on some wild road trip across America. Even I'm not _that_ crazy."

He smiles at me.

"I know. You're way better than him any ways."

"Thanks."

"I hit him you know, while you were gone. I hit him and boy did he fall."

I fight the urge to smile because I knew teaching him how to hit was a good idea, although violence is supposedly never the answer, it sure makes being wrong feel okay.

"Well that makes two of us Seth."

"Good!" He says smiling and grabbing hold of my hand.

"Alright so let's get back inside steal the rest of the food and go home and watch a movie!" Seth says excitedly pulling me towards the door.

"Can it be just the two of us?" I ask suddenly, and that makes Seth stop and look at me.

"You sure you're okay?" He asks again, not really sure if my head was on straight.

"Of course idiot!" I say slapping him on his head.

"Yeah you're fine." He mumbles rubbing the spot where I just hit him.

"I just don't want the stupid disposals eating all the food! You take up enough in the first place." I say smirking.

"You should really be nice to me Leah." Seth says.

And I have a feeling that he's right.

"Why?"

He grins evilly at me then says, "Because I know how to avoid Rebecca."

Damn it.

"Fine." I grumble. "But if she gets a hold of me again I swear I'm gonna show the baby pictures of you dressed up as a cowboy."

His eyes narrow at me, "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh wouldn't I?" I smirk.

Of course I would, and he knows it.

"Fine."

"Fine." I say following him through the door back to the music and dancing and the life that I'll never really be a part of.

But right now it doesn't bug me as much as it used to, because Seth's here, and right now he's all I really need.

* * *

A/N: Firstly; Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. **You all rock**. I had an amazing birthday but now it's back to writing. I really can't believe so many people like this story, it really blows my mind that so many people have taken the time to read this. I was really happy with the response I got from the last chapter, everyone's review literally made me squeal when I saw the notification, so thank you a million hundred thousand times from the bottom of my heart.

Secondly; I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with this chapter, but I hope that I'm taking it in a good direction, please let me know what you think. :D


	23. Chapter 23

"Cuz I, I don't wanna be one, one of the boys.  
I just wanna be one of the girls.  
So pretty in pearls.  
Not one of the boys."

-One of the Boys, Katy Perry

* * *

"So I told them." Rebecca says tossing a pillow at me.

"Told who?" I wonder sitting down next to her on the bench.

It's a beautiful day, well as beautiful as it can be here in hell. The sky hasn't opened up yet, but it will, it always does.

"Everyone. Dad, Rachel, Paul and Jake." She says calmly.

"I told them last night, well I told dad last night, then the rest this morning."

"How'd they take it?" I ask cautiously.

"They were so happy." Rebecca says smiling and patting her stomach. But the twinkle that's usually present in her eyes isn't there.

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

Rebecca smiles at me, and then frowns a little.

"After all these years, you still know me that well huh?" She says biting her lower lip.

I roll my eyes and give her a duh look.

"You haven't changed." I say shrugging.

"They want me to move back, they—Jake—he actually demanded that I move back." She says snorting, "as if _he_ could make me do anything."

I laugh at the thought. I can picture Jake's face going redder than usually, his face hard, jaw clenched, and fists balled up, demanding that Rebecca move back to La Push. I'm sure he even used his Alpha voice.

I would've paid good money to see that.

"Are you going to?" I ask hopefully.

I don't know what I'm thinking about, because Rebecca can't move back here. What's going to happen to her kid? If it's a boy then it'll have to go through what we did, and if it's a girl, I shudder to think about what could happen to her. Would she end up like me? Or would she one of the chosen one's baby bride? Ugh. Rebecca was lucky enough to get away, escape from everything. And now they want to force her back? Jacob of all people knows what it's like to _have_ to get away, to be away.

But her smile falters just a little bit more and she shakes her head in regret.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

And I know she really means it.

"I don't want you to go." I mutter softly turning away from her.

I can't see it, but I know what she's doing behind my back, her hand is reaching ever so slightly to grab a hold of mine.

"I can't stay Leah, you know that."

And there it is. I know she can't stay. She isn't supposed to stay here. She _wasn't_ chosen to carry the burden of our ancestors, she wasn't chosen to be the _soul mate_ of the protectors. She was free to go as she pleased, she was lucky because only someone that sick and twisted would trap Rebecca here with the rest of us.

At least the world isn't as fucked up as I thought it was.

"Will you try and visit more?" I say turning to her and putting on a smile.

She smiles a little at me and nods her head. But we both know this won't happen. Tickets from Hawaii aren't cheap, and when the kid comes it won't get any easier. But I'll sit here and pretend like things won't suck again when she leaves, but they will. Then in the six or ten years, whenever we see each other again, we'll pretend like were kids again, like we haven't aged, only next time I really won't have aged.

"It's a two way street Clearwater." She scolds.

I force a smile out. If only she knew.

"I'll call. I'll Facebook, hell I'll even Skype!" I say mockingly, and she lets out a laugh.

"Well you better do something." She mutters.

"I hate that you live so damn far away!"

"The things we do for love." She says dreamily.

I can't help it. I roll my eyes. And she swats me on the arm.

"Its paradise Leah, it can't get any better than that."

And that's the truth. I wouldn't want Rebecca to be a part of this supernatural world I was forced into. I wanted her to be happy. I want someone to at least have true love without the sting of being forced.

"I'll be back for the wedding though." She says smiling.

What wedding?

"What the hell is your pregnant ass talking about? Who's getting married now?!"

She laughs at me.

"You're wedding dumbass."

What the hell.

"I'm not getting married."

"Not yet." She replies smugly. "But when it happens I'll be back, and the 'I told you so' dance will be extra long."

"I'm not marring your brother." I say sharply.

"Oh but you will."

I stick my tongue out at her. Now she's planning my wedding! Ugh, could this get any worse? I cannot marry Jacob. I will not marry him. Hell I can't even talk to him without something going wrong.

Boys are idiots.

"What are we going to do now?" I ask.

She shrugs, then says, "Get Rachel and go get piss ass drunk?"

"You're pregnant dumbass."

"Obviously." She says rolling her eyes at me. "I mean the two of you can go get drunk, while I grab my camera and take pictures of the two of you getting plastered off your asses, for blackmail."

Of course she would.

"Wanna see who can get Rachel the drunkest then send her back to puke on Paul?" I say grinning evilly.

"It's like you read my mind."

***

It's hard looking in the mirror. Seeing my reflection. I'm a shell of the person that I used to be. I used to look different. Hell I was different. But that's not the case anymore. I've changed. Maybe it was because of Sam, of the breakup, but it was because of the way they used to look at me—the way they still look at me.

The way he still looks at me, like I'm about to break.

Like I'm so uncontrollable that I'll go on a killing spree. I've heard it all before, seen it all before from the things they couldn't keep completely out of their minds, the thoughts they buried so deep beneath their other secrets, I've heard it all.

That's when I stopped caring, or at least when I tried to.

That was the moment I stopped being Lee-lee.

Because I knew that if they hated me, then no one could feel sorry for me. And that was enough.

Well it used to be.

It was enough to pretend like nothing could ever bother me.

Because delighting in someone else's pain, was a lot better than having to feel your own.

But then there are times when it gets to be too much, when your mind just seems to over think, and you find yourself wanting to drown in your own misery.

"I'm drunk!!" It's Rachel's squeals that catch my attention.

It's Rebecca's last night in town, and were sitting around a camp fire in 40 degree weather drowning out sorrows in cheap liquor. Well I am, Rebecca's sipping on hot chocolate, while Rachel's dancing around the fire reminding me of those stupid stereo-types about the Natives

I wish I was drunk. I'm as drunk as I'm ever going to get. In thirty seconds my liver will eat away at the alcohol. But there is a silver lining to being a wolf, I'm a much better actress. I know what it feels like to be drunk, I know the signs, the things to do, so I'll pretend, because Rebecca needs a show, and Rachel's too drunk to do anything else.

"Lee!" Rachel screams running over to me.

Her breath reeks of liquor or maybe that's beer, even I can't tell any more.

"I'm drunk!" She squeals into my ear, while hugging me.

I hug her back. The alcohol has burned through my system and I'm sure I'm sober again, but Rebecca doesn't know that.

But right now were bonding. The last time we were together like this, things were actually normal, I was normal. So I guess for just one more night, I can pretend that I'm not some freaky she-wolf. That I don't actually hate everything and everyone around me, but instead that I'm a normal girl hanging out with the girls who were actually my sisters, the ones who have always had my back regardless of how I've treated them.

"Lee," Rachel whispers taking another swig of her beer.

"Hmm?" I ask looking up at her.

"I miss this." She says sighing wistfully.

I fight the urge to say something smart back to her, because I miss this too. I miss being able to let loose. I miss being a girl. I miss being happy.

"God you're wasted." I say laughing.

"Save it for the honeymoon Ray, you're leaving tomorrow."

She laughs at me.

Who would've thought that this would be the most natural and random conversation I've had with anyone in a long time. I've had conversations, serious ones, bitchy ones, but just random conversations with a drunken friend, the simple joy of having a conversation about something other than painful innermost feelings and thoughts.

Something so _normal_.

And more than anything, I want to be normal.

Rebecca comes and stands in front of us with her camera dangling from her wrist.

"Smile, my darling sisters."

I stick my tongue out at her as she presses the button.

"That was hot Leah." Someone says laughing at me.

There goes our moment of bonding.

Rachel's gotten up and made her way to over to where Paul is.

A horde of people are here, all whom I don't like.

You'd think that the chance of hyperthermia would scare them off, but I'd be wishing for too much when that happens.

"Aren't you cold Leah?" Rebecca asks looking down at me.

I look up at her and shrug as I throw the empty bottle of whisky at her feet.

"I'm warm enough." I say smiling.

It's the truth, and it gets me away from talking about why I'm not freezing my ass off like she is.

"Drinking isn't that answer to everything." She says calmly placing a hand on my forearm.

I shrug. It's not the answer to anything, but it sure helps.

"Not really in the mood for a lecture Becca."

I just want to try and get drunk.

"I wasn't going to give one." She says smirking and patting my head as she gets up.

Whatever you say Bex. It's not I haven't heard it before, _drinking isn't a way to deal with your problems._

Eh. Whatever. It's just another night.

"Mind if I sit next to you?" A voice says in the darkness.

But I know who it is before he even opened his mouth, I can thank my enhanced senses for that.

"It's a free country."

"That it is." He says laughing back.

"How long did it take you to finish that?" He asks pointing to the empty bottle.

"Less than a minute."

"At least get a buzz off of it?" He asks.

I stare up at him. My eyes narrow. Why the hell is he sitting here?

"What the hell do you want Jared?"

If he shocked at my hostile attitude he doesn't show it. It's just another day to him.

He shrugs a little then says, "Nothing, just wanted to talk."

Bull shit. Something smells funny.

"You're not getting anything out of me unless you brought more booze." I say shortly.

He laughs and holds up an unopened bottle of tequila and hands it over to me.

This is unexpected.

I reach out and grab the bottle. It's the cheap stuff, it'll burn going down, but it'll do its job.

I unscrew the lid and take a swig of it, I was right it does burn as the liquid goes down my throat.

After a couple of swigs, I put the lid back on and look at Jared.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

He chuckles. And I feel like I'm missing something.

"Same old Leah. Always so impatient."

I roll my eyes at him. I'm only impatient because people are idiots. I don't have patience for morons.

I take another drink, I'm half way through the bottle now, I don't even bother putting the lid back on.

"We haven't talked in years." I say shortly.

The effects of the cheap tequila are taking effect now, but that'll pass in a couple of seconds. God I just wish for once that I could get drunk without robbing a liquor store.

"We were friends once."

"Once."

"Yeah…" He replies. I guess he realizes that I'm in no mood to go down memory lane.

Of course we were friends once. That's the thing about growing up as the Elder's kid. Everyone wants to be your friend. But Jared's right, before everything, before wolves, and vamps, and even before puberty we were friends.

"What has that got to do with anything?" I snap drinking some more.

"I was just thinking that's all."

Alright, at this moment I have two options, I can bitch Jared out because he doesn't honestly believe that I'm buying the pile of horse shit that's coming out of his mouth, or I can actually believe that he really came over here to talk.

I think it has more to do with the fact that he brought my liquor that I settle for an in between. I don't send him away, instead I finish drinking the bottle, glare at him, and tell him that I think he's full of shit.

He replies with a laugh and holds out his flask.

"Here." He says tossing it to me.

"What's in it? Poison?" I ask sniffing it.

It's a combination of smells. I'm not sure what's in it, but just a whiff of it makes my mouth water.

"If that's what you think, sure."

I frown at him.

"It's a special blend. Think of it as a sign of friendship. Not everyone hates you like you think Leah."

I don't know if I should laugh out of happiness, or because I'm pissed. Is he serious? Instead I do what I do best, I go on the defense.

"Are you trying to get me drunk? I highly doubt Kimmy would appreciate that."

"Kimmy?" He says mockingly, but the twinkle of indescribable happiness is written all over his face, "Oh that's good. She'll hate that for sure."

He's laughing with me? Is he the one that's drunk?

I take a swig out of the flask and ponder the scene that's unfolding in front of me.

"Did you really come over here to have a random conversation?" I ask not caring how it comes out.

Jared shrugs then looks up at me then says, "Pretty much."

Now I know he's really full of shit.

"I'm not a child." I snap at him.

"Tell Sam I said I'm fine, and to stop sending you to do check up on me." I growl.

Jared's face pales a little, so I know that I'm right.

"Leah it's not—"

"Try again next time Jared." I say throwing his flask back at him as I get up.

"Were you're family Leah." I hear him say as I walk away.

I walk more towards the fire, it's where everyone that doesn't run a 108 degree temperature is.

It's the last place that I should be but I'm here, and I sit next close enough that it looks like I'm trying to warm up, but just far enough that the fire doesn't affect me.

I probably should've stayed where I was because the person that sits next to me isn't someone I'm particularly fond of.

"Hey Leah," She says softly sitting down next to me.

"Hello." I say curtly, after all my mother has taught me some manners.

"You having fun?" She asks.

I was until you showed up.

"Yes I am thank you for asking." I reply back.

I know I'm being rude, but really I don't feel like dealing with her. Her stupid _husband _is probably stalking us and listening to everything we're saying.

"Are you okay?" She wonders lightly touching my arm.

I jerk away, it was a reflex, her hands were cold.

"I'm fine. What are you still doing out here Emily? You're freezing!"

"I'm fine." She replies.

I roll my eyes subconsciously. That's one of the things Emily and I have in common. We're both stubborn.

"I'm surprised Sam hasn't brought you home already, the parties getting kind of wild." I say exaggerating.

Her eyes narrow at me and she asks, "Are you drunk?"

I laugh at the thought. No Emily, I'm a freaking werewolf, we don't get drunk, regardless of how many bottles of liquor I drink.

"Nope." I tell her popping the p.

"How much have you had to drink?" She wonders.

"Not enough for this conversation to happen." I tell her truthfully.

Hurt washes over her face, and I find myself regretting saying that so bluntly.

But I'm me and Emily knows that I won't take it back so she pushes past it.

"You looked really beautiful at the wedding." She says easing her way into another topic.

She probably thinks that complimenting me will make me stop being such a bitch. News flash; it won't.

"Thanks." I mumble.

It's an awkward feeling. We used to talk non-stop about things that never even mattered, but now everything that comes out of her mouth is laced with guilt and pity, and I see that she has to think about everything she says before she even says it.

God I hate this.

"You and Jacob looked like you were having a lot of fun."

Of course she goes and sticks her foot in her mouth, you'd think she would just stop talking to me.

"Yes Emily, we were having a lot of fun."

"That's nice." She says ignoring my hostility.

Only Emily would be able to do that. I could be standing here screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs and she would still sit there.

"You look nice together." She says again.

Wait what?

My eyes narrow at her.

"Emily…" I say slowly.

"Yes?" She asks chipper.

"Why do you say that?" I ask cautiously.

"Oh no reason."

It's at that moment, I feel like I'm missing something. But it's not like I'm really missing something because I know what she's talking about but I'm not going to acknowledge it.

"He's a very good person." She says matter-o-factly.

God. Why the hell am I always around morons in the praise Jacob Black fan club? If it's not Charlie going on and on about how wonderful Jacob is, then it's usually Seth, well no so much anymore, but damn, Emily to!

"Lee?"

"Yeah Em?" I say automatically.

Emily's face practically glows as those words come out of my mouth. What she doesn't know is that I wasn't thinking. But I'll let her have her little moment.

"I know you said that we could never go back…" I look up at her, I remember that day precisely, I don't know what I was thinking going over to their house, I actually thought that I needed to talk to her, that I could actually tell her that I forgive her.

"Yeah I said that."

"I don't want to go back either," She tells me.

I'm confused.

"You were right," She says softly. "Things between us can never be the same, mostly because we're not the same."

I'm sure I look dumbfounded, because these are things I've been trying to tell her for years.

"But we can be better. I know we can." She says hopefully.

I don't know why I don't tell her no right then and there. It's the way that she's looking at me, she looks so hopeful, and I feel like if I don't say yes then things between us will always be this way.

"I—"

"Just listen Leah," She says cutting me off. "I know, okay I know. I understand how hard this is for you. But please just think about it. I know you've got a lot on your mind, but I want to help you. I want to be there for you again, I want to be better. I don't want you to hate me anymore."

"I don't hate you." I blurt out.

Emily smiles a little and nods, "But you still can't look at me without feeling disgusted."

I look down, because she's right. I've forgiven her a long time ago, but I haven't been able to look at her without all the anger.

"I love you Leah, regardless." She says smiling softly. She doesn't touch me again, but she does get up, and move closer to the fire.

I don't pay any more attention to the party, instead I find myself walking along the beach alone.

I stare out at the ocean and think about everything that's been going on. I watch as the waves crush against the rocks. I want to block it all out, forget about it all. But I can't. I'm thinking about it, about her, about them, and about him for a reason, and I'll be damned if I say it out loud.

Thinking about it is one thing, but once everyone knows it, it's real.

Feelings are funny things, they're unreliable and unpredictable.

_And who really needs them?_

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N:** An update! :) It's been a while I know. I'm sorry for that. School's been crazy, and I had a completely different chapter written out, and I was all set to post it, then I re-read it and hated it. Thanks so much for your amazing reviews last chapter. I'm glad most of you liked the Sam/Leah time, and I'm glad that everyone liked the Seth/Leah bonding time. That was my favorite to write. Jacob will be back soon I promise! He just needs to stop being such a stubborn ass. Haha. Thanks again for the wonderful reviews! I look forward to hearing what you think about this chapter.


	24. Chapter 24

_"Ready for a heart heart heartbreak,  
I'm gonna gonna turn around and walk away,  
Don't say you love me, don't even"_

-Heart Heart Heartbreak, Boys Like Girls

* * *

I don't know how I got back to my house that night. All I remember is thinking about what Emily said. She wants to "be there" for me again. Who the hell says that shit? That's the crap the stupid writers in Hollywood say when things are so far down the crapper that you've got no way out besides kissing someone ass.

It's not as if I don't miss Emily, because I do. And with Rebecca gone now and Rachel gone off into her honeymoon bliss, I'm back to hanging out with stupid pre-pubescent wolves who still laugh at the word _doodie_.

Maybe that's how I found myself standing out here, in my backyard with my long forgotten dart game. It's been a little over a month since I've last seen this…it was my dad's birthday, the night Sam and Jacob fought, the night—I don't even want to think about it.

But as I throw the dart to the bull's eye it's all I can do not to break it in half. I don't even bother looking at the names that I should be destroying. All I can do just think all the damn time. Even when I run. When I feel my legs pulsing and the adrenalin running through my veins and the 'whoosh' of the wind, that is the only time when I ever feel like me, but even then these thoughts keep coming back to haunt me.

_Sam_, and his idiotic need to be the ultimate protector, I get the fact that he has things that he needs to make up for but I've proven that I am not a damn damsel in distress. I don't need a white knight to come rushing in on a white horse to save the day, I can take care of myself. I'm not as broken as he thinks I am. It's only when he feels the need to barge in on my life when it really becomes chaos.

_Emily_, and her need to make everything right. As if I haven't given here everything I have. The one thing I would've given her freely is the only thing I have left. She sees the way that I can't look her in the eye, but what she doesn't see is that fact that it's her that can't really look me in the eyes, because her words are laced with guilt and pity, and at night when she's curled up against Sam, when he's holding her tight and telling her that everything's alright, she knows that it's really not, and there really isn't anything she can do about it, not because she isn't trying, but because nothing she will ever be able to do will make it right again.

_Seth_, and his need to be the best that he can be. His need to please everyone and everything. He once told me that he's always happy because he needs to be happy, because if he's not happy then—well that's when things got awkward and he left. I guess he's like me in that sense when he doesn't like to show weakness. What he doesn't get yet is the fact that he doesn't need to please everyone, that by just being himself is enough, that I should be the one that protects him from everything that he shouldn't have to be trapped in the craziness that I have to call my life.

And _Jacob_, I don't want to think about Jacob. I don't want to think about him and what it actually means, what everyone has been saying, what they have been dropping simple hints about. The fact that he has an imprint should be enough. He has this sign that just says 'DO NOT' it doesn't even have to say what you do not do, Jacob Black is completely off limits, in that do no category that things like forest fires, and electronics in the bath tub are in, things that you just don't even consider thinking about, because he's your kid brothers hero. He is your Alpha, although an annoying one, but still, one cannot even think about having feelings for him. Emotions get you nowhere, all they do is hurt you, and that's what he'll do in the end, regardless. Because the way that he looked at me, the way his eyes shone, the way he held me, the things that he said it won't last, not when the little brat gets older.

That's what gets me to phase back and come to find this game. Embry and Seth worked hard on it, and now that I think about this morning I do feel bad about what I did, but it's not as if he didn't ask for it.

We're a pack, a family, it's what we do to one another, it's what's natural to us.

_**Flashback**_

"You wake her up."

"No you wake her up."

"I'm not waking her up! I'm not gonna get my ass kicked. You wake her up."

"I'm not waking her up."

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

"I'm not doing it!"

They've been at this for 15 minutes, three idiots in my living room, trying to decide who's going to be the one that wakes me up. As if I can't hear what they're saying, but at least it's good to know that I still inflect fear into their veins.

"Fine! I'll do you damn chickens, it's just Leah."

Just Leah huh.

I hear his footsteps coming near my door. It's a good thing I don't lock my door anymore because that would make this more difficult.

He doesn't knock, instead my door flies open—then the bucket of water falls on his face.

"Leah!!"

"You should've listened to Seth. He knows not to come into my room."

"UGH!"

"That's why you shouldn't have come into my room without knocking, that'll teach you." I tell him laughing.

His face is red, it's not from being embarrassed it's probably because he's pissed.

"Chill Embry, there's a towel, not like you need it, go grab some of Seth's clothes you moron."

All I get from him is a huff, and a bunch of mumblings, basically I'm a bitch. Tell me something I don't already know.

"God!" Embry screams, "I'm out of here!"

He's not as quite as he thinks because I can still hear everything that's being said in the living room,

"I'm leaving, your sister is a bitch! Who the hell has a bucket of water above their door! What are we five! UGH!!"

It's probably because Embry's bitching as loud as he possibly can, or maybe Quil and Seth laughing so loudly as they run out of the house chasing after Embry, or maybe I'm laughing to loudly, because I don't hear the person at my doorway.

"You know you should really stop being so mean to them." A deep voice says.

Great. It's too early in the morning for me to deal with this.

"Especially Embry, he's just trying to help."

I roll my eyes. I don't even have to look at my door way to know who's there.

He's always here.

"Get out of my house jackass." I say looking at him.

But as I look up, I feel the change. Something's changed. About us. About our relationship.

"You're feisty in the mornings." He says mocking me.

I don't waste any time, the pillows out of my hand, and soon it's flying at him.

But the bastards reflexes are probably the best in the entire pack, and he's caught the pillow before it can inflict any pain, not like a cotton pillow would infect any pain, on that stupid pain in the ass.

"What the hell do you want? Come back to run away again?" I sneer.

He doesn't flinch as I say this.

"No I just wanted to tell you to get your ass out of bed. Everyone's waiting for you." He says nonchalantly.

Ugh.

"Don't care."

"That doesn't surprise me." He mumbles.

Jackass.

"You stupid piece of shit! How fucking dare you! You—you took off, not me. _You _need to get the hell out of my room before I rip that stupid smirk off your face."

"I need to talk to you about that."

"Get out!"

"Leah—"

By this time I've actually gotten out of bed, and I am fuming. My finger is out and I poking Jacob.

"What."

Poke.

"Jackass."

Poke.

"You ran away_._"

I don't know why it upsets me so much. Who care if Jacob ran away when we were dancing, it's not like I really expected him to say anything to what I was saying, or even care, but still, the fact that he took off like that makes me want to keep poking him in the chest, even though his stupid chest is doing more damage to my finger than I am doing to him.

"Let me explain." He says quickly.

"No!"

Poke.

"We _finally _talk, and your fucking dumbass takes off! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

poke.

poke.

Slap.

He should've known better. _I _should've known better. Who the hell listens to their stupid heart in the first place? _Just talk to him, tell him how you're feeling._ So I did, and guess what. The fucking cocksucker bolts.

"LEAH!" He screams grabbing my wrist and pinning me to the wall.

And he's using his entire strength because I can't move. My legs are dangling of the ground, which is sort of a nice feeling.

Jacob has a surprised look on his face, I'm not sure who's more surprised, me or him.

But he's got my full attention, seeing as how the son of a bitch has got me pinned beneath him.

"Listen," He breaths, his face is so close to mine the I can literally feel the breaths he's taking.

"I am really, really sorry." He sighs, and he actually looks like he means it.

"I just freaked out a little its ju—"

"Shut up. I don't care." I hiss cutting him off.

He looks at me.

"You are so stubborn."

"Really? I must get it from you." I hiss.

Instead of saying something smart back to me like I think he is. If it's even possible, he leans in closer.

"Leah," He whispers, and his smell is over powering me.

He smells like rain.

Warm, summer rain.

"I'm sorry. I am truly sorry."

Of course he's sorry, everyone's always sorry. I hate apologies. Say something else.

"Not stop being a bitch and realize that I mean it."

There it is. The thing I've been waiting for. I'm so sick of apologies, and he knows it. My eyes have widened. Makes her look at him, not through him. My head cocks to the side a little, and all the anger has gone. I am a bitch.

His blunt honesty is one of the things I've always like about him. If there was anything to like about him in the first place. He tells things like they are. Doesn't sugarcoat anything. Some people find that kind of thing unnerving, but it's something that I've always admired about him.

He's still an idiot either way, but that's one of the things that I've appreciated about him.

He's taking slow deep breaths, and I notice that were breathing in sync.

He puts me on the ground, but still has me pinned up against the wall.

"I'm gonna kiss you," He says raggedly staring into my eyes.

"If you have a problem with it, you can hit me again."

He's let go of my wrists, but before I can register what's going on his lips are on mine.

I don't know what to think, so I don't think—I kiss him back.

And holy crap it's better than it was before.

But I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. It's like I'm not in control of myself, because my leg have wrapped around Jacob's waist and I'm literally on him. My back is still up against the wall but the only the holding me up is Jacob, and damn.

The way that he's kissing me, or maybe it's the way that I'm kissing him, I feel like I don't even know my own name.

God I want him. I want this. I want other things too. I want to keep feeling this way.

"Leah..." Jacob breaths kissing my neck.

And that snaps me out of whatever trance I've put myself under.

"Jake." I say breathless.

"Stop." I protest, but my brain is screaming at me to stop talking and let him do whatever he's doing.

But because Jacob is who he is he stops what he's doing that lets me down.

He goes to sit on my bed, and I can't help but notice how much it actually feel complete with him sitting there.

"Sorry," He mumbles looking down.

His face is read he's blushing, and it's really cute.

"Yeah. Uh...me too?" I say, but it comes out more of a question rather than an actual statement.

"Should we uh...talk about this?" He asks.

"No?" I say again more like a question.

What the hell is going on with me? Why the hell are my words coming out confused instead of rude, and bitter? This isn't me.

"I knew there would be a next time." He says wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up." I say throwing a magazine at his face.

"Well at least you didn't hit me this time."

"I'm still considering it." I mumble.

He smiles at me.

I catch a glimpse of my face in my mirror and theirs red on my face.

Am I blushing?

Holy shit I'm blushing? I do not blush.

At least I don't blush any more.

I'm freaking' Leah Clearwater

And I _do __**not**_ blush.

But it's at that moment Jacob's decided to take charge.

"We need to talk about this." He says deciding.

—or we can just say we did and never talk about it anymore.

"Not right now." I say a little bit more forcefully.

"Lea—" He starts to protest.

"No."

"Damn it Leah!" He screams.

"What the hell do you want from me Jacob? _I _try to talk to you. But your dumbass ran away. What the hell was that all about?"

"Leah, I am sorry. You just freaked me out and I know I shouldn't have taken off like that, but damn it! You _ignore_ me for a month! You _avoid_ me. You run out of a room whenever you hear me _coming_! Then all of a sudden were dancing, and you looked so—so gorgeous, so breath taking beautiful, then you were looking at me that way, and you're saying things, and then it's just that I've been feeling—ugh, just it freaked me out. And I'm sorry for running away."

"I came back you know."

Wait. What?

"You came back?"

"Yeah I did, and I heard you and Sam talking."

Of course you did.

"I can't believe he actually made you cry."

What the hell?

"And I tired looking for you last night, but you were talking to Jared, and then Emily, and you were drinking, I just didn't—"

"How much did you see?" I ask cutting him off, I don't care about the party.

"Enough."

"How much?"

"I saw you two getting cozy." He says bitterly.

"Jealous?" I ask smirking.

"No." He huffs.

"Why the hell would I be jealous of him? Look at me!"

I roll my eyes at him. Of course he would go there. The stupid cocky bastard. But that's when I look at him. And I don't know what it is but it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. The day at the beach I thought the he was the definition of perfect male, and now looking at him right now the way his jaw is clenching, and the way his chest is rising with every breath that he takes, I knew that I was right. Damn it the only time I'm ever right and it's about this. Ugh.

The damn bastard is perfect. But I'll never tell him that.

"Go to hell." I snap.

"Is that the best you got? Leah you're slipping."

Ugh. Now he's insulting me!!

"You're a good for nothing cock sucking lying _coward_!" I screamed.

He doesn't react at anything I say.

"Still not as good as usual."

"Go fuck a baby. Ass hole."

"Lame." He retorts.

"I hate you." I finally spit out.

That greats a reaction out of him.

"You should stop lying to yourself."

Of course that would be the thing that he says. Sam said that. Now Jacob's saying it. These stupid boys.

"Leah," Jacob says, a bit softly.

It's my turn to run my hands through my hair. It's longer than it has been in a while, past my ears, I think I might let it grow out, it's about time I actual felt like a girl.

"Just tell me why Jake."

"Why what?" He wonders.

"Me. Why now? Just why?" I ask throwing my hands in the air.

"You know why Leah."

"No." I argue.

"You're not thinking straight." I offer.

But Jacob only shakes his head and smiles at me.

"For someone with such a smart mouth, you'd think your brain would just as good." He says grinning.

"Because Leah—just because, but if you need an answer I can't give you one, all I know is that you make me angrier than anyone else can, because you say the meanest things that just pops in your mind, because you would literally kill for Seth, not to mention the fact that you are loyal as fuck, you have no problem calling me out on my bullshit, let alone laugh at me when I shove my foot in my mouth, because you love taking charge of any situation, because you want everyone to be happy even though you're miserable, because you're so independent, but yet underneath everything, underneath that stupid bitch exterior you put on, you still crave the approval from everyone, but mostly because of everything's that's ever happened to you, Sam and Emily, your dad, phasing, dating, you still manage not to let it destroy you. You don't let anything get to you, because you're stronger than anyone I have ever known regardless of your size," He says smiling, "Besides you're still hot as fuck even in your old age."

How is it that he just managed to make all my bad qualities sounds so good? But of course he had to go and make a joke. Twenty years old and he still can't seem to have a serious conversation.

"Leah," Jacob says softly, "I've been trying to tell you this for a really long time, I think—well actually I know, well that's besides the point, Leah I—I love you."

You what?

"I love you. I'm in love with you." He says again with conviction in his voice. Its same way he said my name, like it was his choice, like I was his choice.

I'm shaking my head, trying wrap my brain around what he is saying.

He loves me?

He's in love with me?

That's not possible.

"Leah," Jacob says reaching for me, but I'm recoiling back.

"I love you Leah."

That's when I bolted out of the room. I literally ran out the door before Jacob could say anything else.

He loved me? Jacob Black loved me, he was in love with me?

And those words, everything that he said it really never sounded so beautiful before. The emotions that flooded through his words through his expression were overwhelming, and they were all just from hearing how he said my name. He was _in love_ with me, and I was too scared shitless to do anything but run.

* * *

A/N: Don't hate me. There's a reason she ran away. I promise. Jacob's back. :) I've also posted a OS call '_The Talk_', its another excerpt, but it's the one almost EVERYONE asked for. It's what happens during Chapter 16, when Paul and Jacob go to see Sam. Let me know what you think.


	25. Chapter 25

_"Said I used to have a life once  
He said I used to like your smile once  
Singing silence to the world  
But the stars kept marching__"_

-More for Me, Tegan & Sara

* * *

I'm running— it's what I do best. I've started off on two legs, and suddenly I'm on four. I knew this would happen, you can only go so fast on two legs. I highly doubt that the speed of light could define how fast I'm going.

Well you can only push your body so much before it's screaming at you to stop—I am still somewhat human.

That's probably why I ended up climbing through my bedroom window and flopping on my bed ready to pass out from exhaustion.

Throwing darts at my board can only let out so must frustration before you start to get frustrated with it and fists start flying.

I haven't pushed myself this hard in years.

The last time I ran this much, when I pushed myself to the brink of passing out—when the stupid red headed leech came and brought the damn horde of newborns.

I remember Sam pushing and poking and prodding—being the annoying as hell person I know he is.

That was about the time he started to abuse the Alpha command.

I always thought he'd use the command on me first—_keep your thoughts to yourself Leah, be serious, this is life and death, think about your people, it's your _duty_, Leah, look out for your brothers, Leah—_although now that I think about it I probably should've been the one the command was first used on—he probably never really did it because I'm a fragile little girl. The jackass.

"Leah? You in here?"

There's a knock on my door that follows my name being called, and slowly the door is creaking open.

Seth's head is poling in through my door, and I turn my head to look at him.

"Hey." He calls out to me smiling. "You're back."

"Yeah," I reply sitting up, "What's up?"

"Jacob called while you were out." He says carefully, "I told him you were out running."

Oh. Guess I'm not that sneaky.

"What did he want?" I ask carefully.

It's no secret that Jacob isn't Seth's favorite person right now, and the sheer fact that Seth is saying his name without a face is quite an accomplishment.

"I don't know." He says shrugging, but the way he shrugs makes me know that he knows exactly why Jacob called. "He said he just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh." Well I don't want to talk to him.

"What's going on?" He asks, far more interested than I would like.

"Nothing."

"Leah—" He says softly. He looks torn, like wants to say something, but doesn't know how I'll react, or like he shouldn't say something but he's dying to tell me.

"He's in love with you." Seth blurts out.

I look up at him with a shocked expression. _How the fuck does he know?_

"He told me?" He says answering my unasked question.

"Jacob is in love with you and—" He says, this time with more conviction and sureness. "And you have feelings for him too—you're probably in love with him too, but you're too scared or probably too stupid to even realize it!"

I'm speechless. What the hell.

"Everyone knows Leah! Quil and Embry know! Rebecca even knew! Fuck even Sam and Ethan know!" He says screaming at me now.

I'm about to protest but he cuts me off before I can even open my mouth.

"This isn't easy for us—for me. I don't know how to feel about imprinting, because I've seen how great it can be, but at the same time, I've seen how it can destroy someone. I've seen it destroy you, and hell Leah, I don't want you to ever have to go through that again, I don't want you to ever feel that way again, but I've seen how happy you've been, how different things have been—he's not Sam, Leah. Jacob isn't Sam and Nessie isn't Emily."

That's when I look up at him. He has this look on his face, this stern look that makes him look like the older sibling, he's dating me to disagree with him, but I can't because he's right.

"I just want you to be happy, and I think Jacob could make you happy."

Way to be corny Seth. I roll my eyes at him and he laughs at me, then smiles sadly.

"Things that are worth it don't come easy." He says with an aura of quoting.

I smile as he says this—because I'm taken back to a time when I was ten and my dad took Seth and I fishing—just the three of us. Remember being so frustrated because nothing wasbiting my line, but Seth had already caught and released his fish because he didn't want to hurt it, he couldn't stop comparing them to the tropical fish at the pet store.

I remember pouting and being so mad at Seth because he was so damn good at it, and I wasn't.

_"Ugh, this sucks!" I screamed._

_"Leah," My father said softly._

_"Daddy! The fish aren't biting! Why does Seth keep getting them and not me?!" I whined._

_"Honey," He said amused. "The fish know that you're impatient."_

_"It's not fair!"_

_"Relax Lee-ah" Seth said, "You want my pole?"_

_Even at five Seth was the most giving kid in the entire world._

_But I shook my head and refused it._

_"It's not supposed to be fair." My dad says, "Life isn't always fair sweetie, but really you both will find out that the things that are worth it, won't come easy, you're going to have to fight like hell_—_don't tell your mother I said that_—_but if it's worth it, that's all that matters. At least you'll always have each other."_

Apparently my family is just fully of corny lines, but I come out of my memory to find Seth looking up at me.

"Dad said that." I say calmly.

"I know. He was a smart man."

"Yeah he was." I agree.

"I just want you to be happy again."

I look at Seth now, I'm not really sure when it happened but the person pacing up and down my tiny little room isn't my dweeb of a brother, this _man, _because that's what he is, he's no longer just my little dork of a brother, he's a man now.

"If I could give you anything in the entire world I would give you your smile back. If I didn't think you'd laugh in my face I would build a time machine for you, but I can't do any of those things—well I never tried but I'm sure I'd fail." He says smiling.

"Maybe things are supposed to be this way." He says shrugging. "Sam was never good enough for you. But maybe Jake is…"

I hear the underlining sense of guilt.

"I hate that he has an imprint. I hate that Nessie is his imprint, but there's always a reason right? I mean he's still Jake, he's not some mindless love zombie, he's still the guy we've always known, and that's got to count for something right?"

I'm not sure. Maybe Seth is right. He's still Jake, somewhere inside I know that what Seth is saying makes sense.

But it still doesn't explain the lump in my throat or even the reason why I ran.

The reason that I keep running…

"You look like hell. You need to get some sleep." He says getting up.

"Call Jacob, talk to him."

I'm hesitant to agree, and Seth sees it.

"If you won't do it for yourself, please do it for me." He says quietly.

"You're gonna kill us Leah, if you avoid this—you'll destroy him, you'll destroy us, but you'll destroy yourself. I have this feeling that you'll leave again, and you just can't leave again!" He says the last part with his voice rising and breaking.

When his voice breaks I feel my heart breaking.

"I don't ask you for much, I try not to ask much from you, but please Leah, I'm asking you for this, don't be stupid about this. Listen to me for once."

Is it that simple?

Talk to him?

I know that Jacob isn't Sam. This time I actually know that he has an imprint.

I mean, I'm not in _love_ with the boy, for crying out loud. If you're in love with someone, you write their name everywhere on your notebooks. You start idolizing them, washing away their faults in your head, mistaking them to be perfect. And let me tell you Jacob Black is a lot of things, but perfect is not one of them.

" 'Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven,'"

My eyebrows rise in protest but Seth just smiles and continues, "Luke 6:37."

"The Bible? You're quoting from the stupid Bible!" I screech hitting his forehead!

"It's something I heard Carlisle tell Edward. It made me think of you."

"It all starts with you Leah and what you want, and you may still see me as this kid who knows nothing about the world, but I know more than you think. I know you've wanted to protect me, but I'm not fourteen years old anymore…"

"Yeah you're a big boy now!" I say mockingly.

He rolls his eyes in a way that makes me know for sure that we're related.

"Stop being so afraid Leah." He says it with such ease and I'm pretty much dumbfounded.

I am _not_ afraid.

I've never been a coward.

So why is it that he's right? Why am I'm so fucking scared right now?

I don't run away. I've _never_ ran away from a problem—that's just not who I am—who I've ever been, but I find myself scared shitless of being anywhere near him anymore.

But that's not who I am.

I am not a coward.

"It's not that easy Seth," I tell him.

With that said, I turn on to my bed dismissing Seth with a glare so icy it could've frozen a blast furnace, and I tell him to leave.

He doesn't speak a word, just stands there like a gaping fish. As soon as he's gotten a hold of himself he walks out the door and slams the door behind himself. I know he only used a fraction of his strength because with the look he had on his face I'm sure he would have had no problem ripping the door off its hinges with one finger.

I've always been a magnificent liar.

Especially to myself.

***

* * *

A/N: I suck I know. I'm so sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews from last chapter. I loved them all. I'm not sure if this chapter is disappointing but I felt like I needed to write this chapter. This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer but Seth can only say so much before Leah smacks him upside the head.

Next chapter Leah and Jake WILL talk, it'll be the big climatic moment that you all been waiting for, the one I've strung you along for the past 25 chapters for. And I'm asking for your opinion, for those of you who have read "The Talk" did you like Jakes POV, and would you like an intro into the next chapter from his POV? I was going to write it from his POV, but I think I'll save that for another time.

BTW; "The three men I admired the most » by ZuXy.Q" is finally complete. It's one of my absolute favorite fics, if you haven't read it yet you're seriously missing out, it's been the inspiration for my story and you should all go read and review it's amazingness.

_Thoughts? Questions? Opinions?_


	26. Chapter 26

"I need to be bold  
Need to jump in the cold water  
Need to grow older with a girl like you  
Finally see you are naturally  
The one to make it so easy  
When you show me the truth  
Yeah, I'd rather be with you  
Say you want the same thing too  
Say you feel the way I do"

-I'd Rather be with You, Joshua Radin

* * *

**Jacob's POV:**

When you're little night time is scary because you think there are monsters hiding in the closet—who knew that when you finally stopped being afraid of the monsters you'd turn into one?

When you get older—the monster are different, they're not out to kidnap you from your warm bed, they're the ones that'll eat you alive—self doubt, loneliness, regret.

But although you're older and wiser you still find yourself still scared shitless of the unknown.

I'm not sure how I got here.

How I became this person.

One day I'm a normal kid who had a love of working on cars, I was pretty much in love with the chief of police's daughter, the next thing I know I'm a fricking werewolf, all of my friends are werewolves, I find out that all the damn legends I've heard all of my life are actually true. Then a damn army of vampires are coming to Forks to kill Bella, Bella, the girl I'm in love with! Then she's picking the damn bloodsucker and getting married, and then she's pregnant and her child is killing her. I become Alpha and break off forming my own pack. Then I've imprinted on Bella's child, Renesmee, Nessie as I like to call her, then the damn vamp royalty mob or whatever crap, is coming to for her, then they leave and all is happy go lucky.

My life went on, I had a somewhat purpose again protecting Nessie, making sure she was happy and safe. Bella got her happy ending, basically because her end will never come, and then everyone went on with their lives—I went on with my life.

And now three years later, somehow I've fallen in love with Leah Clearwater—a couple of intense make out sessions, giving Sam and huge beat down, and getting water thrown on me along with tricky conniving sisters, I've told her that I'm in love with her.

I'm a fucking idiot.

There is one thing that everyone knows you don't do when it comes to Leah Clearwater. You just _don't._ You don't piss her off, you don't think about Sam around her, you don't ever mention Harry, you don't think about the fact that you've seen her naked and how fucking incredibly hot she is, and you definitely don't fall in love with her, especially if you have an imprint. Yeah, those are things you _don't _do. But guess what? I did it all. FML has nothing on me.

So I finally got up the courage to tell her. Months of self doubt, fights between all my brothers and almost every single one of the Cullen's didn't even prepare me for this.

Yeah I manned up and told her. I think Rebecca's exact words were "reach down and grow a fucking pair and tell her you love her."

Sisters. What can you do? And of course with my luck I got two of them.

As I walk into the house my dad's voice pulls me further into the living room before I can sulk off and die in my room.

"Hey son!" He says smiling happily.

As I look up at him his smile falters.

"You told her didn't you?"

Stupid old man, I can't keep anything from him.

"So did she punch you in the face too?" He says laughing.

"No." I snap at him. All she did was run away, _again._

"Ha ha," He booms, "Yeah I doubt she just stop with one punch."

Great at least someone's laughing.

"Whatever I'm gonna go wallow in my room if you don't mind."

"Aww son," He says rolling next to me, blocking my path, his face serious, "Leah Clearwater is a tough girl. You've known that your entire life. She's gonna fight you and cuss you out more times than you can even imagine, but if you love her the way you say you do, well more power to you, because if she doesn't kill you, hell you'll be the talk of the town."

"I told her that I was in love with her." I say turning to look at him.

My dad doesn't say anything, he looks at me in that way, that way that makes me know that he wants to say something, but at the same time doesn't.

"Idiot!" He finally says smacking himself on the forehead.

Wait. Am I the idiot? Or is he?

"My son is an idiot." He mumbles. "No sense what so ever."

"I can hear you."

My eyebrow are raised and I'm wondering what the hell is going on in his head when he finally looks at me.

"I know you can hear me, I mean for you to hear me. What the hell is going on in that thick skull of yours?"

What the hell!

"First you're laughing because you _think _I've told her, then I tell you that I _have _told her and you call me an idiot. What kind of meds are you on now old man?"

"The kind that can still kick your ass."

Bring it old man.

But I don't say that of course because I may have the upper strength, but he is my father after all.

"So I shouldn't have told her?" I ask out loud.

That seems to snap him out of his monologue because he looks at me and rolls his eyes.

Okay my track record with women isn't spectacular, theirs Bella who's happily married to her leech, then there's Nessie, who is a half-vampire _child_, then theirs Leah, who let's face it scares the crap out of me but that's for different reasons besides her bitchiness.

But there's this thing about Leah that I can't really describe.

She's stubborn, there's no denying that, so stubborn that sometimes I just stop taking so that she'll shut the hell up. But she never gives up, maybe that's the part that's still in love with Sam. I'm not a fool. I know that there is a part of her that still loves him, that part of her would never let things go.

But she is the toughest girl I've ever met.

If there was ever a girl that I would be afraid of, it's her. But behind her rough façade Leah is a sentimental person. Leah could never hurt Seth, no matter how pissed off she is. I've heard her thoughts before when things have slipped, and maybe that's what made me fall in love with her, once you peel back the layers you'll find that she's a girl just like any other.

Leah has always been companion even when she was a bitch, a friend that I could always turn to, because she understood, it didn't matter what the situation was, somehow even though she never said the right thing she understood.

I've always questioned imprinting, at least the part when it had actually happened.

I never wanted to imprint. It's not like I had a choice in the matter. I remember trying to imprint on Bella, that didn't turn out so well.

There's this part of me that just hates that there was that stupid pull, the one with the wires that made Nessie my everything. She was still young, but still she never saw me as anything other than Jacob, the werewolf that would always protect her. But maybe that's all Bella's fault. If she didn't _need _me in her life, if she didn't beg me—but I can't think about that any more, Bella is part of the past.

The women in my life were completely impossible. Nothing I could do would ever make them happy or satisfied. This was something I knew first hand from playing tug-of-war over my heart with Bella.

"Son," He says sighing, and I know what's next.

So I hold up my hand and shake my head, he just laughs and turns away.

"Where are you going?" I call as he wheels himself into the kitchen.

"To call your sister. I owe her twenty bucks." He yells, and as he rolls away I swear I can hear him muttering _just one more day._

***

* * *

**Leah's POV:**

I hate doors.

Okay, I hate other people's doors. I never understood how everyone could just walk through my door without a thought but somehow I always end up staring at the damn thing. Stupid manners. Well at least I have some common decency.

"You gonna knock or are you just going to stare at it?" A voice says chuckling.

A second person joins in the laughter with him and I turn around to see both Billy and Jacob laughing.

"It's just a door. It won't hurt you." Billy continues.

Great. Glad to be the root of the jokes.

"Actually, I was practicing telekinesis." I snap.

"Well you suck at it." Billy says laughing.

"I can't be perfect all the time." I tell him.

He laughs.

"My my, Leah Clearwater admitting that she isn't perfect. Has hell finally frozen over?" He booms.

I roll my eyes, this is where Jacob gets his corny lines from.

He laughs.

"You here to see this knuckle head?" He asks gesturing to Jacob.

I shrug then say, "Yeah unless you're _dying_ to talk to me?"

"More like I'd die if I talked to you." He joked. And I smile.

But then he says, "Nah Charlie's coming to get me, then we're headed over to your house."

My house? Oh yeah mom mentioned something about that, it was somewhere in between the 'don't forget to take the trash out' and the 'damn it I have to go and talk to Jacob' ramblings.

"Oh." I say stupidly.

"Well open the door and help me in." He tells me.

So I do what I'm told and I follow them into the house.

Jake looks at him for a second them turns away.

I'm sure he's wondering what the hell I'm doing here. Hell I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here.

This morning I woke up, okay fine it was an hour ago but then my feet took here.

Billy's shouting from the kitchen asking if I want anything to drink, I tell him no as I sit on the couch. He comes back throwing a coke in my lap, smiling slyly in Jacob's direction. He wheels himself out of the room just as Jacob sits down in the arm chair across from me.

We stare at each other for what feels like a life time before Charlie's wheeling Billy out the door.

"Have a good time kids." He chuckles as Charlie closes the door.

I take a look at him, and I wonder if he's going to say anything.

Three years ago Jake had been this long, lankly brat, that I had been forced to hang out with because of the stupid tribe's damn hierarchy, which they will deny till the end of time, but it's there. Now he's nearly seven feet tall, with his damn perfect body, and the fact that he's always shirtless with his damn chiseled muscles. I can't even look down on him any more unless he was sitting and I was standing.

But ultimately I'm the one that says something first.

"I'm here to talk, no more running, no more being awkward around one another, I'm here."

"I noticed you didn't say anything about hitting." He says smugly.

I roll my eyes, that's because hitting him is still on the table. I smugly remind him of this. He just laughs.

"So you're laughing now?" I say slowly. He shrugs and nods.

This boy is a one man freak show of emotions.

"So we gonna talk?" I ask him.

Still he doesn't say anything. I have half a mind to punch him in the face again.

"Are you gonna say anything?" I snap.

"If I say anything you're just gonna freak and bolt again—so I'm just gonna sit and let you talk. You know how I feel and just the fact that you're here. That's a damn miracle. So no Leah, I'm not gonna say anything. You're here. You obviously have something you wanna say to me. So go ahead I'm just gonna listen."

Cranky much?

Silence meets us. If I'm a stubborn ass—then he's the mother who taught me how to be this way.

"So you love me?" I say, but as per usual it comes out as a question.

He smirks, but doesn't say anything, he just nods.

"Seth and I talked last night—he told me some things"

"Seth's a pretty smart kid." Jacob says interrupting me.

I knew he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut for long.

"About_ some_ things." I say sharply.

He smiles sheepishly like a kid caught in the cookie jar.

"I thought I was talking?" I snap.

He rolls his eyes at me but he just smiles.

"Rebecca thinks we're gonna get married. Sam wants to rip your face off, Emily wants me to talk to her about you. Rachel is in denial, your dad just smiles at me all creepy like all the time, and Seth—well the dumbass just thinks I'm in love with you."

If it's possible his grin goes wider.

"No smiling!" I growl.

"Alright Leah," He says, "you've talked about everyone, and what they think or feel or want to do to me—for the record Sam Uley can bring it—"

I fight the urge to smile then.

"What is it that you feel?" He says huskily.

"I—I." and just like that day in the woods I've forgotten how to breathe, and all I can see is his eyes and how he's looking at him.

Then it clicks—that look he gave me in the woods, the looks he's giving me now—it's the look that Charlie gives my mother, the one I used to give Sam. Damn he really does love me.

"I don't know." I tell him honestly. Because that's the truth he might know exactly how he feels about me, but I can't say the same thing.

"Do you care about me?" He asks softly, and I hear the insecurity in his voice. The person who's speaking right now isn't the twenty year old cocky Alpha Jacob, it's the sixteen year old who thinks he's not good enough.

And maybe it's for that exact reason, but I blurt out, "Of course I do, dumbass." because I can't help but add in an insult. It seems to snap him out of it because he looks up at and smiles.

"We've known each other for a long time Leah."

I nod in agreement. We've known each other for most, if not all of our lives. But I don't understand what that has to do with anything.

"I know you." He says simply.

"And you know me. I don't have to be inside your head to know what you're thinking. You're scared. It's written all over your face."

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of people telling me what I feel.

"You're damn right I'm scared!" I snap. "You have an imprint Jake, and it's not just anyone. Your imprint, it's Bella's fricking _daughter_, she's a half vampire! She's supposed to be your soul mate. The one should in the entire world that you _cannot_ live without. So yeah you're saying these things now, you think that you feel a certain way right now, but what about in four years? When she's eighteen, or seven, or how ever years old? When she's fully grown and beautiful and wants to be with you? What then? You say all these things now Jake, but what about then? Then you'll want _her_ you'll _need _to be with her, because she's gorgeous and you adore her, and then you'll get married and have your _happily ever after_."

I spit the last words out letting them hang in the air. By the end of my rant I was panting and out of breath from my tirade and I look up to Jacob, I wanted him mad, I wanted him to stop looking at me in that stupid way that he is, but Jacob did not look mad.

He looked wholly amused.

It was weird being so open about something she wanted to bury at the bottom of the ocean.

"I won't be a notch on your stupid Alpha belt Jacob Black." I spit at him.

He only smiles.

"That's why you're the most important part of my life, Leah."

Did he just say that _I _was the most important part of his life?

But I don't have any time to think about what he says because he's talking again.

"It's because no one forced me to love you. Because I'm not standing here with you now not because some fucking tribal tradition told me to, but because I _want _to be here. It's all me, no freaky werewolf hocus pocus magic. _My_ choice, I have a choice and it means more than imprinting ever could because I chose to be with _you_. Leah." He says my name in a sentence of its own, not quite like it's added on as an afterthought, but intentionally there for emphasis.

"Are you going to say anything?" Jacob asked, repeating his earlier words. "Or just slap me, or something? 'Cause if you are, could you please get it over with?"

I fight the twinge on the corners of my lips, but instead something else breaks.

And what I was afraid of saying comes flying to the forefront of my brain. I did love him. And I couldn't it was like a best friend love, but so much more, much more than I can even imagine. I can't really describe it, but it always seems to happen whenever I was near Jacob, or even thinking about him, it felt like my heart was pulsating at the bottom of my stomach, it isn't those stupid butterflies everyone talks about, it was more than that.

I take a deep shaky breath to steady myself. I _will not cry,_ I _cannot _cry_._ He may think he loves me, but that's just not possible "I'm not... you don't get it. I'm _broken. _You can't possibly...There's something _wrong _with me." Then I'm back to anger again.

What exactly was the point? The world is a terrible place. People die before their time, they leave their children to fend for themselves—their loved ones scrambling to move on in their lives.

What's the point in trying to find happiness? It makes absolutely no sense!

Jacob walks forward and soon his hand have circled around my waist, the heat coming off of him burned my skin through my shirt. I want to push him off of him, break his hand for even thinking that he could touch me let alone the fact that he is actually touching me. I want to say something smart, something that would make him snap out of whatever trance he's under, but I couldn't say anything. This was not a good time for words to fail me.

I blink at him, lips parted slightly, he presses his mouth on mine pulling me closer to him. This time I don't fight it, my mouth presses fervently on his and I feel him smile again my lips.

This time it isn't all hormones and lust. It's simple but it still made me forget how to breathe. When we finally broke away I took in a gasp of air and inhale the scent of him. Without thinking I press my nose into his cheek, and just stand there, hoping that this time my fight or flight instincts don't take over my feet or my fists.

"You're anything but broken Leah." He says into my hair.

And slowly I relax into him, and I let him hold me, it just felt right, it felt so incredibly good just to be held, to feel protected in someone else's arms for the first time in such a long time.

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A/N: Here it is. I hope I didn't disappoint. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, you all seriously rock. There is more to come. Let me know what you think!


	27. Interlude: Embry Call

**Embry's POV:**

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_"GOD I HATE YOU!"_

_"Trust me, the feeling is mutual."_

Great. They're fighting,_ again._ It's not like this is new, but come on! Give a guy a break. I just want a couple of minutes of silence, but no, it's just another day in paradise.

Seth's sitting next to me his fingers are balled up into fists and I can tell that he's fighting the urge to scream himself.

But he's not the only one that's been acting strange. Ever since Leah and Jacob—Well let's just say them screaming about how much they hate each other is cake compared to everything else—everyone's been on edge.

Crash.

"UGH!" Seth screams throwing the pillow out of his hands and jumping up.

"What's eating you kid?"

He glares at me, and honestly the glare that he's giving me could put Leah's to shame.

"They're at it AGAIN!" He cries, "What the hell happened to them getting together? To them _loving_ each other? All they do is fight! And when they're not screaming at each other I'm sure they're trying to kill each other!"

Poor kid. It was tough convincing him not to go and kill Jake, when he first found out about their _feelings_, but now…

Crash.

"I'm gonna kill him." Seth growls.

And I honestly think it means it.

"Chill out Seth."

And there he goes with the glaring again. I swear is it an unwritten tribe rule, that a Clearwater _always _has to be pissed off? It's usually Leah, but lately, damn Sue and Seth have been taking care of that.

"I can't take it anymore!" He screams.

"I'll either kill him, or her, and I can't kill her, or mom will freak, so I'll just kill him, the tribe will freak out for a few months, but then it'll all go back to normal, yeah it will…"

Holy shit. He's finally snapped.

"Seth…" I say easily.

What's the thing about crazy people? No sudden movement's right?

I sit him down slowly and with pressure to let him know that this really isn't up for discussion.

"You know you really can't right?" I ask uneasily.

"Obviously I can't kill Jake." He snaps.

Well at least he's come to his senses.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to _hate _each other!!" He says pounding his hands to his head.

I hear everything that he's said, and everything that he didn't say.

He's right. This isn't how it was supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to end up hating each other. We all knew that Leah would probably flip a shit when she found out that Jake was in love with her. But_ damn_ and I say this with all the love in the world, that girl is crazy.

It's not like we expected her to go running to his arms professing her undying love for him, but we all knew she felt _something _for him.

Seth told us that he had urged her into talking to Jake. Not that he could ever make Leah do anything, but I think he mentioned something about making her feel bad about it…the sneak. I swear he's getting more and more like Leah every day, and it's honestly scaring the fuck out of me.

And yet that was almost _four _weeks ago.

We sat excepting something to happen. Actually I knew exactly what was going to happen. A pissed off Leah was going to come bursting through the door, bitching about how much Jacob Black was a complete jackass and Jacob would be hot on her heels. Or Leah would've gone off on another "run", while Jacob would be mopey and denying that anything had actually happen.

_'I don't have feelings for her.'_

_'Are you insane? It's LEAH!'_

And he would lie to himself and try to convince us, his best friends…his _family_ that everything was okay.

But then again we're all a bunch of liars in our own right.

I don't know what to say to Seth. We're all pretty much in the same boat, except for the fact that Leah and Jacob seem to fight the most here, with in his ear shot.

I asked him once, why he didn't just get lost whenever they were in one of their moods, which is always, he just replied back saying that he couldn't leave, especially because if he did, one of them would end up dead.

He really is the best of us.

Not like I'll ever tell him that. I have to share a mind with the dolt, no way in hell am I going to give him ammo to us on me.

"They just need time." I finally say. Because that's the truth, well sort of. Time heals all wounds right? But that's a saying about love. Or maybe it's about physical wounds? Yeah probably that makes more sense.

God my head hurts.

Stupid Leah and Jacob. Why the hell couldn't they have just gotten it right the first time? I'd much rather them be making googgly eyes at one another, rather than them fighting constantly. Actually I take that back.

Although they've been fighting round the clock, they aren't actually fighting about anything important, just about how much they hate each other. It's gotten to the point where the entire tribe knows how much Leah and Jake, _hate_ each other. Which is funny seeing as how she's his second in command.

They've actually been professional about it, actually no that's a lie, no one is allowed to phase with them. It was Jacob's idea, to "spare us", he said, and that just started Leah out on another rampage about how much of a dick he is, and well we just phased out of that, and haven't dared to phase when they're supposed to on patrol together.

We caught her once storming into her house in a huff, reeking of Jacob, and I'm talking about her smelling _like _Jacob to the point where we thought he had come in with her. Of course he wasn't. We didn't know what to think. So bravely Seth asked her, basically we told him he had to be the one to ask her because no matter how pissed off she is, Leah would never do anything to Seth, to us on the other hand, well we both like the use of our limbs.

So he asked, and we weren't ready for what she said.

_"Because dweeb, I just murdered Jacob Black. His sorry ass is probably dying in his room as we speak."_

Then she left to shower.

But before the door shut, she shouted, "You might want to tell Dumbass One and Two that their best friend is dead and I'm in charge."

We didn't know what to think. I'm sure all of our mouths were open.

I looked to Seth and asked, "Do you really think she did it?"

I think he was too shocked to answer because the next thing we knew he was running out of the house, and we were right on his tail.

By the time we reached Jake house the smell, was so intense we stop right outside of his door.

Seth looked up at me, and asked, "She really couldn't have killed him right? I mean Leah's a bitch and everything, and I know she has a temper, but she couldn't have actually killed him right?"

I didn't know what to say.

Luckily I didn't have to say anything, because the door opened, and there was Jacob.

She didn't actually kill him. We don't know what happened, all Jacob would say was that he was okay. Which he clearly wasn't. He couldn't stop blushing either, which probably meant that Leah really kicked his ass.

But then again that was the last time anything like that ever happened.

They _always _fought. It wasn't a onetime thing, when he would say something, she always had something smart to say, and then _both _their tempers would flair, and let me tell you it wasn't a pretty sight.

But whenever they weren't around one another, I swear they were both pleasant, well Jake's always been cool, but Leah, she's actually been smiling or smirking, I can't really tell the difference any more.

But when they're together. I don't know what the hell we were thinking, but they just can't stop fighting.

Three weeks ago it was Thanksgiving, not like _we _actually celebrate it. It's just an excuse to get drunk and eat lots and lots of food.

Yeah well getting drunk was the excuse Leah and Jake should've used when they started screaming bloody murder to one another.

It could've been worse—they could've started punching the living daylights out of one another, then phase into wolves and then start biting the crap out of one another, but maybe that's just a Sam and Jacob thing.

At least it happened out of ear shot of both their parents.

Actually it started off in the woods, but Leah's so eloquent when she screams that we heard everything they said to one another, but that's probably because of the damn wolf hearing.

Everyone groaned. I think the only person that left with a smile on their face was Sam.

I swear I even caught the bastard skipping!

But that was weeks ago. You'd think they'd both calm down and stop bitching at one another. They're not bitching about anything important, just about how much they hate each other and how annoying they are to one another.

News flash guys; you're annoying to _everyone_.

But before I can say anything out loud I realize something, it's quite.

Extremely quite.

To the point where I think that they either left, or they're both dead.

"Seth…" I whisper.

"What?" He snaps back at me.

"It's quite."

"About damn time." He says turning back to the TV.

"SETH!" I hiss louder, "It's _quite!"_

This time I emphasize the fact that's it's quite.

Then he gets it.

"Holy shit." He finally hisses out.

"You think they've finally killed each other?"

I'm not sure.

But we don't have much time to think about it, because two seconds later, Sue walks through the door arms full of groceries. She looks over at us with our scared as fuck expressions and asks us to help her bring the rest in.

It's only after she tells us to grab the other bags does she realize how quite her house is.

"Is your sister out?" She asks Seth.

Seth has never been a good liar. His goes bug eyed and tongue twisted, and today's no exception. He doesn't know where Leah is either.

"Uhh…I don't know. Jake was here…" He lets his last words trail.

Sue knows what it means when anyone says that Jacob and Leah have been in the same room…._chaos_.

"Oh." She muses. She smiles a little, then goes back to questioning, "So where are they?"

"I don't know!" Seth grumbles, "One minute their screaming at each other and the next it's quite. Maybe they've finally killed each other, and we'll walk outside to a mass murder scene."

It's Sue's turn to go bug eyed. I don't think she's really comprehended that _that _just came out of Seth's mouth. And I've got 10 that says Seth hasn't even realized that he's said that out loud.

But Sue's always been quick on her feet, maybe that's who Leah gets it from, and she swats Seth on his head.

"Ouch!" He gasps. "What was that for?"

"That was a terrible thing for you to say Seth Clearwater. Now you better go and find your sister, and pray that she _hasn't_ been brutally murdered, or that she hasn't murdered Jacob. She _cannot_ be Alpha, you hear me?"

And I want to laugh at this, but I hold it back, because if I've learned anything from the Clearwater's it's that you should _never _laugh when they're being serious, and Sue's dead serious on the fact that her daughter cannot be in charge.

I think she probably knows that within the first couple of minutes that Leah is Alpha she will kill Sam.

"Put these away," Sue says gesturing to the massive groceries, "then go and find your sister."

As she starts to walk out of the kitchen she turns to me and says, "Help him, please." Then walks quickly out of the room.

And I quickly oblige.

Seth's mumbling insults, they're not really directed at his mother, most of them are towards Leah, even though when push comes to shove Seth will be one that attacks anyone if they have something to say about his sister.

But damn, is Leah is the mayor of crazy town, Seth has now become president.

Once every things put away Seth turns to me and says, "Either way were screwed right?"

And this time I actually laugh, because he's right. Either way we're screwed.

So instead of hurrying to find Leah and Jacob, because we've convinced ourselves that they're probably just fighting off the anger in their wolf form, we sit in front of the TV and try to find something good to watch. When we finally can't find anything, we pop in a movie.

Half way through it Seth stares at me and says, "What the hell are we watching?"

"Beats me kid." I tell him.

"Should we go and look for them?"

He doesn't need to say who the _them _are. I know who he's talking about. So I just nod, and we get up, and head out the back door towards the woods.

There wasn't any blood, so I knew that they hadn't really killed each other. I heard Seth let out a sigh of relief.

"Together or Alone?" I found myself asking.

"Together." He replied.

He was right there really wasn't a reason we should go alone.

"Where should we start?" I wonder out loud.

Seth just shrugs. "We're wolves, we should probably use our noses?"

I laugh.

"Let's just start at Jake's house. Maybe Billy knows where his son is."

"Okay." He agrees.

On our walk over to Jake house Seth comes up with the craziest ideas. I swear he must really think his sister would kill Jacob, and the more he talks the more I start to convince myself that he's actually right. Damn.

But as we get to the house we hear voices, it's muffled and low, and I can't make out what they're saying, I look at Seth, but all he does is shrug.

I shake my head in that direction signaling that we should 'investigate', but Seth knows that all I really want to do eavesdrop. He does too, that's something we both have in common.

But what's the saying? Curiosity killed the cat? It should've been Paul and Rachel out back still in their stupid marital bliss, but instead, I swear I was dreaming, but it was Jacob and Leah.

His hand was on her face, and I swear to anyone that will listen to me that Leah was smiling!

But that's not even the worst of it. Their faces were inching together, then they were kissing!

It's a good thing that I was the one that peaked around the corner of the house, because Seth would've flipped, but apparently the world was out to scar the kid for life, because he ended up peaking out above me.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!" Seth screamed.

Jacob and Leah jumped 20 feet into the air, and far away from one another that you'd think that they were cats.

I'm sure Seth and I wore identical expressions.

Jacob and Leah however wore identical expressions of guilt.

"Good job moron." She hissed at Jacob.

"What the HELL is going on here? You two hate each other!" Seth screamed.

And again they only looked guilty.

Poor Seth Clearwater, the world really did hate him.

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**A/N:** Sorry I've been gone forever, but finals literally kicked me in the butt, and haven't really had time to sit down and write, then when I finally had time to write I had no idea where the hell I wanted to go. Therefore this interlude was created. At first I wasn't sure who's POV it was in, but as I kept writing, I realized that it was in Embry's POV even though his name is never mentioned.

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, put this on alert, and even those of you who have favorited this! It really means a lot to me. And I'm really sorry that I've kept you all waiting, good news, it is Winter Break, and the next chapter is already being written!

BTW; I've uploaded an excerpt called "Feelings" Requested by Ravenwhitlock33 who wanted to see the fight between Jacob and Bella…and well check it out when you've got time.

Thanks again!!


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: This is dedicated to ItsCuzOfTheFame, Kei Kat Jones, Jacobleah, laurazuleta18,your amazing reviews warm my cold heart, truly thank you.

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_"Cradling stones hold fire bright  
As crickets call out to the moonlight  
As you lean in to steal a kiss  
I'll never need more than this."_

-_More than This, _Vanessa Carlton

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I wonder if we spend our whole lives wandering around, getting to know other people in order for us to learn something about ourselves. I wonder if, when we are someday lying on our deathbed, we even then truly know ourselves, or only know what other people tell us. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

"This way we don't really have to explain our selves." I tell Jacob.

He only looks hurt.

"I want to _explain_...I want to tell people Leah!" He argues back.

I didn't know what to tell him. We've been arguing about this for a month now. I think that's where our "fights" actually spring from...Jacob wanting to tell everyone about—us. If there even was an us to tell anyone about. I wasn't sure what the hell was going on—only that I was having fun, and I didn't want anyone to ruin it.

Because that's the thing about secrets once it's out you can't ever take it back.

"Jake..." I say uneasily.

"I don't want to do this anymore." He says grumbling.

"I'm sick of sneaking around. We're not doing anything wrong!"

I can't help but laugh, he actually looks pretty damn adorable when he's angry.

But I all I can do is remember the day, _that day,_ the one where I let my guard down and let Jacob in;

I'm calm. This isn't normal, but right now it's all I know. My eyes open and straight away I realize where I am, but more importantly who's holding me, actually I'm holding on to him.

We're sitting on the couch again, it's the same ratty old couch I've sat on millions of times. The same couch I cried my eyes out on when Sam picked Emily over me.

Wow, I can actually say their names together without that stupid pain in my chest.

Jacob's rubbing my shoulders in a very soothing way, normally I'd say something smart and smack his arms away, but this time, I don't. This time I feel _safe._

"You're okay Leah." He whispers to me.

And I know that he's right, but I can't bring myself to say anything out loud so I shut my eyes and try not to think.

"I just kissed you," Jacob confirmed. "Am I really that good that it's sent you into a catatonic state? 'Cause that's awesome." He pauses. "Unless you're gonna stay like that, then that would suck."

And somehow Jacob knows the right things to say, which is strange because he's Jacob and I'm Leah, he doesn't comfort people, and I sure as hell don't need to be comforted.

I'm strong, not just physically but I've always needed to be strong emotionally.

But somehow that was the right thing to say, because I the corners of my mouth turning up.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, everything about him has changed, he's grown up so quickly that I've missed it. Maybe it was around the time that Seth grew up too.

And I sort of love him for not assuming that just because I'm _Leah _that I need to be strong_._ That I don't always need to be, even though the guys seem to do that most of the time, as if nothing fazes me. Which, well, most things _don't—_but this? _Him? _This...does.

"I know I'm okay." I snap sitting up and leaning away from him.

Jacob only smiles at me.

Great, if he's just gonna smile at me I think I'll suffocate him with a pillow now.

But instead he surprises me and says, "It's just nice to know that you won't change."

"Especially because you looove me." He teases.

And I can't help but smile.

"It helped you got kind of hot, after you became a werewolf." I tell him matter-of-factly.

"I was always smoking, what are you talking about?" Jacob says laughing.

And I laugh along with him—stupid pain in the ass.

Minutes, or hours or days later, however long, I'm back to where we are in the present, laying outside his back yard in the grass and I'm listening to his heart beat underneath me.

He's tracing a pattern around on my back and breathing heavily.

"You always this tired after sex or is it just with me?" I ask, mostly because I can't help it.

"Seeing as how you're the only person I've slept with, you tell me." He muses back.

I'm about to say something witty back. But he interrupts me.

"I don't want to be your dirty little secret Leah! I can't."

"Are you ashamed of me?" He asks getting up, seriousness evident in his voice. I won't be able to laugh my way out of this one.

"No! Of course not." I tell him.

"Are you sure? Because you act like it. We've been together for a month! And yet no one knows, and every time I try to talk to you about it—you..." He stops and just blushes.

"I never asked you to care about me." I say quietly.

"That doesn't mean I don't!" He yells losing his temper.

It's cute. Because I've corrupted Jacob black.

But he quickly regains his train of thought.

"It's not just about sex. I love you. I want to be that corny guy that shouts it from the roof tops, the one that can actually hold your hand in public without the fear someone seeing us and saying something! I want to tell Nessie, and the rest of the Cullen's. I want to tell my dad and your mom and brother, I want to rub it in Sam Uley's stupid arrogant face over and over again. I want to tell Embry and Quil. But I need to tell Nessie, Leah. She'd want to know."

I guess I should've seen this coming. Jacob is sort of--the honorable type of guy.

And of course he'd want to tell Nessie, she is his imprint after all.

His imprint.

Damn.

"Leah—Lee!" He screams grabbing hold of my attention.

"I want to tell people." He huffs.

I just roll my eyes.

"I want to be able to do this," he says holding my hand and swinging it from side to side,

"You can." I tell him smugly.

"I know, but I can't do this in public—" he says shrugging letting my hand go.

"Or this," he says kissing me along my jaw line.

I can't help it, but I let out a giggle.

"But," he says huskily, "especially this" he says looking at me with hungry eyes and I know what's gonna happen next.

His hand is on my face and then, He kisses me, and it isn't soft and sweet, it's romantic and passionate, and lustful, and I can feel him pouring everything into it.

"Jake—"

He only replies with a 'humph.'

"Ja—"

"Shut up Leah." He orders kissing me again.

So I do what I'm told.

But I should've known to keep my guard up.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!" I hear Seth scream.

I jump at the sound of Seth's voice.

That's not right.

He's not supposed to be here.

Of great and Embry's with him.

Fuck.

"Good job moron." I hiss at Jacob.

I knew it was a bad idea to come outside. We should've stayed inside.

"What the HELL is going on here? You two hate each other!" Seth screams.

Well it could be Worse he could have been here twenty minutes ago...

"Why the hell are you guys kissing?"

"April fools?" I say. But that doesn't work so instead I just glare at my brother. He can be so daft sometimes.

It's not like he didn't know that this was gonna happen, I mean he practically threw me at Jacob..."Talk to him, for me, please"

I just didn't mention the fact that we've actually been getting along, quite well actually.

Embry manages to mutter out something coherent...

"Are you guys…uh...together?" He chocks out the last word like its fricking vampire poison.

I'm about to tell him that it's none of his damn business when Jacob eagerly says, "Yeah we are."

I turn to glare at him. That was definitely NOT supposed to happen.

No one likes an eager beaver, jackass.

But Jacob attention isn't on me. It's on Seth.

Crap.

"Seth..." Jacob says slowly walking towards him.

Seth's fists are balled, and before anyone can react, his fist makes contact with Jacob's face.

I'm sure my eyes have grown 100 times its normal size because there is absolutely no possible way that my baby brother just did that.

Because Seth is the good one between us. He doesn't resort to violence.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Seth's staring at me now, he's breathing heavily, but he still hasn't moved.

I'm looking back at him now.

I can hear Jacob muttering to himself about his nose.

I can smell the blood that's come out and I want to tell him to Suck it up, but I know now's not the time.

"Seth..." It's me this time who says his name.

He glares at me. His expression is cold, but I can still see the hurt.

"He deserved that." He tells me shortly. "I'm not sorry."

"I don't expect you to be." I tell him.

Embry's gone inside, to hopefully grab Jacob a towel or something to clean up the blood.

That leaves me to tend to Seth.

Crap.

Why the hell does he have to be my _brother_!

"You lied to us! You lied to _me_!" He yells.

"How could you?"

"Do you know what you—god Leah! How could you?"

"I've been so worried! I blamed my—damn it! I'm such an idiot!"

And I know there's no excuse for it, and nothings gonna make him feel better so I listen to him yell.

"I'm sorry." I finally tell him after he's stopped yelling.

He doesn't say anything for a while. His glare only depends.

"I don't care anymore." He finally says and turns and walks away.

I call after him but he doesn't stop, if anything it makes him walk faster. I'm about to take off after him, when someone's arm around my waist stops me.

I don't even have to look up to know that it's Jacob. We've become so in tune with one another that it's just common knowledge.

"Don't." He says softly stopping me in my tracks.

This time I actually look up at him. He's good as new, except for the little trace of blood on his chest.

"Let me." He says softly.

I want to protest, but the way he says it makes me know he was going to go regardless, so instead I just keep my mouth shut.

He kisses me quickly on my forehead as I only nod, and takes off after Seth.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!

"That could've gone better." Embry says from behind me.

I forgot that he was even there.

But I turn and smirk at him and say, "You think? You have the worst timing."

He only laughs at me.

"He'll be okay." Embry offers.

I forget sometimes that Embry Is pretty smart, but that's once in a blue moon.

"Let's go inside." He tells me, "that's probably gonna be a while."

So I follow him. He doesn't say anything as we walk to the front door.

He even holds open the door for me. But before I can step through the threshold he stops me and asks, "so you and Jake huh?" And does that stupid annoying thing guys do and quirks up an eyebrow.

I roll my eyes at him. How long did he stare at himself in the mirror to perfect it?

I laugh at it. And wait for him to step aside.

He finally does, and that's when I answer him, surprising not only him, but also myself.

"Yeah me and Jake, what of it douche bag?" And walk into the house.

* * *

~TBC

* * *

**A/N:** Yes they are together! And yes they've been hiding it. You didn't think I'd have her run off again did you?...(well you probably did..haha but I just couldn't do that to you all anymore) I adored the response from last chapter. I'm glad that you all liked Embry. I hope I did him justice. These interludes sort of bring me back to writing, so hence forth, here is the next chapter.

To my reviewers; Thank you for all your amazing responses. They made me actually want to sit down and write, so thank you. You're all so wonderful!

I'll try to update before Christmas, but in case I don't have a Happy/Merry Christmas all! :D


	29. Chapter 29

_"The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead  
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life."_

_-__Broken, Lifehouse_

* * *

_Time is relative. _

I know I'm not the first person to realize this, and I'm far from the most famous, it has absolutely nothing to do with energy or mass, or the speed of light or anything Einstein might have postulated, Hey don't look like that, I actually paid attention in Physics. But mostly it had to do with the drag of hours that I waited for Jacob and Seth to return.

"You really shouldn't have hid it." Embry says breaking the silence.

I roll my eyes and groan. I much preferred the whole sitting in silence thing to him talking.

Lecture, blah, blah, blah. Who the hell really cares if I've been seeing Jacob?

"At least," He says thoughtfully, "You shouldn't have lied."

I'm not really in the mood for this.

"It really hurt him you know." Embry says softly.

I know he's referring to Seth, so I don't say anything. I know I hurt Seth. I saw the look in his eyes. I don't need a damn reminder douche bag.

"So why'd you guys lie? Why put on that show?" Embry asks.

We're sitting in the living room—it's the closest room to the door.

"It wasn't your business." I snap.

"Yeah it was." He argued.

I'm not in the mood for this. My brother, and Jake are along in the forest talking about god _knows_ what, and I get to sit here, with the dumbass, and talk about when I decided I wanted to start doing his best friend.

"Just in case you didn't know, he loves you a lot." Embry says quietly.

I know that Seth loves me. He's probably one of the only few people in the world that I haven't scared off. I'm about to tell this to Embry when I take a look at his face.

The way that he's looking at me makes me realize that's he's not talking about Seth.

"How the hell do you know _that_?" I say accusingly.

He just shrugs.

"I've known for a long time, we've all known—It was just getting the two of you realize—well let's just say that you've got some competition when it comes to complete stubbornness."

"How long have you known?" I ask.

"Probably before it happened. Although for the past month, I swear I never even saw this coming, you guys sure know how to convince people that you hate each other." He say chuckling.

At least I know my acting skills are up to par.

I hear Embry laughing in his seat. I turn to glare at him.

"What's to funny jackass?"

"This." He says laughing.

"You. And. Jacob!" He chokes out between the laughter.

"The town is going to flip!"

Damn it.

"They're not gonna find out." I tell him threateningly.

He doesn't seem to get the hint because he only laughs harder.

"What the hell?" I scream. "What's so damn funny?"

"You think Jacob's not going to tell everyone now that Seth and I know?" He challenges.

"Hell, he practically jumped for joy when he said you guys were together, and I know Jake quite well, the boy's been _dying _to tell someone."

He's right. Damn it.

"You're a big pain in the ass." I tell Embry.

He snorts in response. ,"Well you're no picnic either sunshine."

"Just—" He starts, I can tell that he's trying to figure out how to word it. It takes him a minute, but he finally gets it, "Can I be there when Sam finds out?"

Then he burst into a fit of laughter.

I will forever be surrounded by teenage boys.

Ugh.

Now he's talking about Sam.

Damn it.

Damn it all to hell.

"How about you go run over to Sam's place and tell him right _now._" I offer.

Embry gulps.

"I think I'll pass. Or at least wait till Jacob's back. Damn, "He says snapping his fingers, "This is gonna be better than their last party."

Now he looks like a 10-year-old boy.

"God, go away." I grumble putting my hand on my forehead. He's giving me a headache.

"Sorry dearest Beta, but I'm here till our all-mighty Alpha returns with your wayward crazy brother."

I don't say anything in response to him, maybe if I ignore him he'll get the hint and leave.

No, I'm not that lucky, hello assward land, it's been far too long.

Embry surprises me by standing directly in front of me.

"What now?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything, but he has a serious expression on his face.

He asks point blank, "Do you love him?"

I'm stunned, Embry's always been the level headed out of the three of them, and here he is asking me questions I don't want to give the answer to.

He seems to realize my reluctance, so instead he says, "Jacob is a good guy Leah."

Guess Seth isn't the only one with a man-crush on him.

"He loves you, god help him, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna do whatever it takes to keep you. He not a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy."

He doesn't say it, but I know what he means. He's talking about the imprint. About little Renesmee Cullen, who adores him.

I'm almost afraid to ask, but it's out before I even have the chance.

"You think so?"

I know he knows what I'm asking about.

"I'd bet everything that I have that Jacob would be the _one_ person that would break the imprint." He says almost in a whisper.

I'm about to argue back, say something witty, or intimidating, about how it doesn't really matter, because I don't expect anything from Jacob, that were just having fun, that I'm not thinking about the fact that he could very well leave me for his child-bride in a few short years, because those are things that I try not to think about, no one wants to be the girl that keeps getting dumped by the guys they love.

Embry seems to pick up on the change in atmosphere because he starts to say something, but he's interrupted by the door bursting open and banging into the opposite wall. Good thing I didn't lock it, not like it's my door to be locking, but just the sheer fact that, that is the exact way Jacob Black opens a door makes everyone seem to forget to put the lock on. He does like to make an entrance, the stupid drama queen.

He comes strolling in, he looks tired, but he quickly takes a seat next to me.

"Well?" I ask.

"Well what?" He snaps back.

I could kill him.

He knows damn well what I'm asking about, yet the jackass seems to get some pleasure in holding out information from me. Stupid cocky bastard.

My arms are crossed, and I'm about to tell him the _many_ ways I could possibly shove my foot up his ass, when Embry asks, "Jake, where's Seth?"

And the stupid bastard answers the other bastard.

Jacob lets out a breath, and I know what's coming next. _Seth hates me_. I've finally succeeded in pushing the only good thing in my life away.

Jacob seems to have notice me tense up because he quickly look at me. "He's okay." He tells me shortly. "He's not in the best place right now, but he's okay."

"Should I—" I find myself asking, should I what? Go after him? Hunt his ass down and make him listen to me?

"No. Probably not." Jacob says answering my unfinished question.

"He just needs to clear his head."

Which means he doesn't want to see you.

I don't know why that bugged me so much. I've spend most of my life trying to get Seth out of my hair, while at the same time protecting him, and the fact that it's really my fault. Damn, this really sucks.

"Did you hear me Leah?" It's Jacob who's asking me a question.

"Hmm? What did you say?" I ask.

"He said that he would talk to you later, once he's cooled off. He was really upset."

"Oh." I say unexpectedly.

I guess he doesn't hate me. That should make me happy, right? But I hear the trace of 'I told you so' that Jacob has laced in that statement, and it makes me want to slap him.

"Stop looking like that Leah." Jacob says. "It's not like he punched _you._"

Well he probably should've.

"He shouldn't have punched you either." Jacob says.

I hate his ability to read my mind.

In response I stick my tongue out to him, and he replies by winking at me.

I hear someone coughing in the background. Then he clears his throat.

"Umm…guys, I hate to break up your umm…love fest crap. But we kinda need to talk."

"Fuck you." I reply automatically.

Embry just smiles then says, "Nah, I'll pass, I don't want the Alpha to go all territorial on me."

And instead of backing me up and telling him where to shove it, Jacob laughs along with him.

"As if I could own her." He replies back to his friend.

I respond by throwing the remote at his head, but his reflexes are so fast that he catches it and places it down slowly on the table.

"Just kidding Leah." He says smiling.

Jerk face.

It should've pissed me off, but somehow I ended up letting out a small chuckle. I was laughing with them, even though I really should've been completely pissed, they were my family, and it was either love them, or murder them while they slept. For now I choose to love them, in small amounts of course.

"So…" Embry says calmly, "The two of you huh?"

And Jacob breaks into his stupid grin, and nods energetically.

He's like the stupid stray puppy that followed you home and would never leave.

"You both suck for hiding it from us."

And that's about the time I had it with Embry talking.

"Get out. Go find Seth, and go bitch with him about this. I'm sick of hearing your voice."

"I—"

"Actually go and find the other half of your brain, and go bitch to him, don't influence my brother."

"So I can tell Quil?" Embry says jumping up just as eager as Jacob was earlier.

Fuck.

Jacob just laughs.

"Get. Out." I threaten.

And Embry does as he's told. At least I haven't lost that yet.

But before he leaves he turns to Jacob and says, "Geeze, and I thought getting laid was supposed to mellow out a chick. Apparently you're not doing it right." and runs out the door before either one of us and throw something at his face.

"I hate your friends." I say turning to Jacob.

The smile on his face is gone now.

"You okay?" I ask quietly sitting next to him.

"I'm fine." Jacob says softly, but I know that he's lying.

I sigh loudly.

Jacob doesn't flinch.

My patience starts to wear thin, and I finally say, "Just tell me already."

"I love you, you know that right?"

That wasn't what I was expecting.

"Yeah…" I say worriedly. I know he loves me.

"And you feel the same way?" He asks hopeful.

"Of course I do." I answer with no hesitation.

That seems to be what Jacob wants to hear, because he relaxes.

"What did Seth say?" I ask.

"Just the usual, how pissed he was, and how if I break your heart he's gonna break my face." Jacob replies nonchalant, but I don't buy it.

But I don't press on it.

Eventually we sit in silence, but it's not that awkward silence, it's a calming one. Which is strange because I seem to be calm a lot these days, it probably has to do with _him _sitting next to me.

"What are you doing tonight?" Jacob suddenly asks.

I look at him questioningly.

That's when he responds with, "For dinner I mean."

Again I look at him questioningly. Is he asking me out? Like on a _date_?

So I ask him, and he laughs at me.

"Yeah Leah, like a _date._"

"Aren't we a little bit past that?"

He laughs and grabs my hand then says dreamily, "Yeah so what if we are? You gonna let me take you out tonight or what?"

And I laugh. That's another thing I've been doing a lot of recently. _Laughing_. God I really hope I'm not going soft.

What the hell though we're way past dating, but that's where it all started from right?

"Fine." I tell him smiling. "You can take me out tonight."

"We can even hide in the shadows, and I'll drop you off a block from your house, if that'll make you feel better."

"You're such a dweeb."

"What time should I pick you up? Do I even get to meet your mom?" He teases.

Great, it's just like being back in high school.

"Hmm…" I say pretending to be lost in thought, "I think my mom might be busy tonight, you know since she's dating the police _CHIEF," I_ emphasize the word, not like it really matters, because it's just Charlie.

But Jacob knows I'm just joking, and plays along with me.

"The police chief huh?" He muses. "I guess I have to be a complete gentleman then."

I shake my head to nod, but then think better of it, instead I lean in close, and whisper, "Maybe if you're luck I'll let you get to second base."

***

Okay this is kind of exciting. I haven't been on a date in a while, well unless you count Paul and Rachel's wedding, but that doesn't really count, I just dragged, what's his face there just so I didn't have to hear Rebecca blabbering on about how cute I would be with her baby brother.

Oh yes, don't even remind me of the fact that I'm not dating/sleeping, etc, with my best friends little brother. Because I like to suppress those thoughts.

But by the time I get home Seth's sitting out on the porch waiting for me. I really wish this 'talk' didn't have to happen. At least he looks a lot calmer than he was earlier.

As I approach he looks up. He stares at me until I'm right in front of him.

"Sit." He commands.

And I have half a mind to tell him that he has absolutely _no _right to order me what to do, then I think better of it. The simple fact that he's actually talking to me right now is a miracle.

"You shouldn't have lied." He says point blank.

"I hate that you lied."

"I—" I start to say, but Seth cuts me off.

"You don't get to talk right now."

Touché.

Is this how annoying I sound when I'm talking?

"I blamed myself. I _believed _that you were miserable. That you and Jacob somehow threw your chance of happiness away. Then come to find out you guys were sneaking around behind _ALL _of our backs."

"It sucks that you did that. It pisses me the fuck off that you did that. What the hell were you thinking? It's not like we didn't want the two of you together. It's not like I didn't push you to and talk to him! Damn it Leah, he's been in love with you for a _long _time, and we were all waiting for you to realize that you had feelings for him. What the hell is going on in your crazy head that actually makes you _believe_--and I say believe because there is no possible way that you actually think that anyone would care _that _much—that any of us would have a problem with it?"

He takes a breath, and I think he wants me to talk, so I start to say his name but he cuts me off again.

"It's still _not _your turn to talk." He hisses.

God I hate bitchy Seth.

"We all knew, Leah! We _all_ wantedit to happen."

That's a lie, I can think of at least _two_ people who would disagree.

"You're an idiot for lying. A complete idiot." His hands are on his face.

I hate that I've done this to him.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" He says softly.

He looks up from his hands and directly at me. This time he actually looks like he wants me to answer.

"Because…" I say slowly, not sure if he's gonna cut me off again, "I can't lie to you as well as I can lie to myself."

That doesn't seem to be good enough for him.

"I was scared—that it was too good to be true. He has an _imprint_, I'm not under any delusions about it, but still, I just didn't want to be disappointed when it goes badly. I can't be the pathetic ex-girlfriend again."

"You have to have a little faith Leah," He says tiredly, "Not everyone you love is going to leave you."

"I know that now."

"You are my one and only sister, and you can _always_ confide in me. You are bound to me, in blood and in heart, and there are few things in this world closer than that."

That actually made me smile.

He really was a good brother. A little strange sometimes, but I can't complain, especially when he's been the only one that's really been there. My own personal cheerleader I guess.

***

By the time mom comes home Seth and I have reconciled, basically I told him I'd do his chores for a week, if he'd just get over it. He agreed. That boy is probably one of the easiest people to please.

We're sitting in front of the TV playing a violent game, when she enters the house. She looks at us in the living room, and says loudly, "Look Charlie, my children are actually behaving themselves today."

Seth and I look at each other and snort, then proceed to shove each other.

Mom huffs about ill-bread children, and we go back to laughing.

"Are you gonna tell her? Or are you going to wait till Jacob gets here?"

Stupid Brother.

I completely forgot about that.

I get up, but I make sure to make lots of noise by banging my feet, and announcing my presence…I really don't need a repeat of old people courting.

"Mom?" I call out sauntering into the kitchen.

Charlie's sitting at the kitchen table smiling at my mother.

They're actually pretty cute together.

I'm not sure where to start, usually she's out with Charlie, but of course, tonight of all nights, she's here.

"Hey honey." She greets me.

Charlie smiles in my direction and waves.

I'm really not sure what I'm gonna say. Oh by the way, tonight I'm going out with Jacob Black, you know our Alpha, the one who _imprinted_ on your boyfriend's half-vampire _granddaughter_? That's hardly kitchen talk. But instead I go with the basics.

"I've...umm…got a date tonight." Smooth Leah.

My mom smiles up at me.

"That's nice honey. Any one we know."

"Uhh…yeah kind of." I mumble.

And I swear Seth is laughing in the living room. I think I liked it better when he wasn't talking to me.

"Should I leave?" Charlie asks, and I can tell that he can tell that I'm extremely uncomfortable.

"No, sit." I hurriedly tell him.

He's actually gonna save me from the glare of death that's soon gonna come.

Mom's always on her best behavior when Charlie's around.

"Well, who is it?" My mom asks.

Apparently she's caught on to the tension in the room.

"Jacob." I blurt out.

I'm waiting for the reaction now. The throwing down of the pan and forbidding me to see him.

Surprisingly it's Charlie who says something first.

"Jacob? Jacob Black?"

I restrain myself from snapping at Charlie.

Of course it's Jacob Black! How many other Jacob's do you know?

"Yeah, Jacob Black…"

I'm still waiting for my mom's reply, I'm waiting for her head to explode actually. There really is no way, she's gonna be calm about this. I mean really? I'm pretty sure that the _entire_ town knows that Jacob and I don't get along.

But she surprises me and says, "That's nice honey. He's such a nice boy."

I'm pretty sure my head just exploded. That's all? '_That's nice honey. He's such a nice boy?'_ That cannot be everything she has to say! Right? I'm watching her, looking for any indication that she means 'When Charlie's gone I'm gonna kill you'. But no, it actually looks like she's happy.

The only person who's on edge is Charlie. He looks like he's ready to explode with excitement.

"Hey Seth?" Charlie calls.

"Yeah?" Seth says bouncing happily as ever into the kitchen.

"What day is it?"

What the hell? Who cares what day it is?

"The twenty-third." Seth says smiling.

Damn kid has way too much happiness for his own good.

Charlie looks like a kid on crack. He's bouncing as happily as Seth is.

"What's so special about today?"

"I win!" He says excitedly.

"I knew it was going to happen before Christmas!"

I look over to my mom, and she's reaching in her purse, she pulls out a ten-dollar bill, and hands it over to Charlie.

"Mom?" I say in disbelief.

She only rolls her eyes at me.

"Really Leah? Don't look so shocked. It took you guys _this _long. I was sure the two of you would've given into the sexual tension a long time ago."

_Sexual tension? _Did that really just come out of her mouth?

Its official, I'm back in assward land.

I look over at Seth. There is no way in hell he knew anything about this, especially because he just threw a _huge _hissy fit.

At least something is constant in my life, because Seth looks as dumbfounded as me.

"Sorry honey, but we all knew it was coming."

Damn it.

***

Getting ready took less time than I thought. Jeans and a nice top, casual, but still sexy. I throw on some mascara, and even some lip-gloss.

God I feel like an idiot.

I mean it's not like he hasn't seen me _naked _before. But I mean this is different right? We're _dating…_we're going out in public. I'm not ashamed to be with him…

I'm just scared as fuck.

Fifteen minutes later I hear someone knocking on the front door. That actually is the thing that surprises me. _No one_ ever knocks any more. Especially Jacob. He usually has something smart to say to me, so he just strolls on in like he owns the place, or he breaks down the door.

But tonight's different. He's not my Alpha—well I mean he _is. _But he's actually the guy that I'm _dating_. He's kind of my boyfriend. We haven't really discusses labels, but I doubt he'd care if he was referred to as my _boyfriend_. I'm pretty sure he's called me his girlfriend behind my back to his imaginary friends.

By the time I come down stairs, Jacob's sitting in the kitchen talking with my mother and Charlie. That's actually weird. None of my dates have done that…but then again none of my dates used to get their diapers changed by my mother.

And the whole Charlie thing—don't even get me started apparently, Jacob's number-one fan at the moment. He's usually number-two, but I think considering the circumstances Charlie's got Seth beat.

Jacob stands up when I walk into the kitchen. Which is very gentlemanly of him, which I need to make a mental note to tease him about later.

But one look at him makes me forget about the fact that I need to tease him, because he looks hot. I mean, _hot._ He's smoking only wearing _only _his cutoffs, but damn. He's actually wearing jeans, jeans that go down to his feet, and long sleeved button-up shirt. He looks _hot._

_"_You look really nice Leah," He says kind of blushing.

And he's smiling at me. He's at my side before my brain starts to work again, and he's holding out a flower. It's not a rose, or a lily, or something stupid like that. It's a tiny purple flower, that actually looks like it came off a weed, but it doesn't matter to me. It's cute. And he's cute, and everything seems perfect.

Well as perfect as it can be with your mom and her boyfriend 'awing' in the background.

"Have fun!" My mom calls out, as we're leaving.

I smile. I actually feel _normal_, and it's nice.

* * *

A/N: **Merry Christmas!** This is my Christmas present to all of you. Because you've been so amazing with your constant support and amazing responses to my chapters. I don't think I can say this enough, but thank you so much from the bottom of my heart fro being such great reviewers.

I couldn't stop writing after my last update, and this chapter came out. This is longer than I've written in a long time. I think I'm spoiling you with all these updates. When classes start up again you all are going to hate me. But I can't help it—I'm just as excited as you all that they're _finally_ together…now who wants to see Sam flip out again? Haha.

I got some mixed views on how Seth reacted, but over all I believe Seth would've reacted that way, especially because they were making him go crazy. He was bound to flip out. But underneath everything he's still Seth, and he still loves his sister more than anything in the entire world.

Happy Holiday's all. :) And please Be Safe!...~Till next time.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Violent Pixi, as a thank you for being the first one that nominated this story in the Two Sides Of Twilight Forum.

* * *

"Well I like the way your hair falls in your face  
you got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face, oh,  
I've never been so wrapped up,  
honey, I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted"

-_Jump then Fall, _Taylor Swift

* * *

"Where are we going?" I ask when were outside.

"Not really sure." Jacob says as he climbs into the driver's side of his Rabbit. I get in, too.

"Are you in the mood to give people heart attacks?" I say laughing, "If so, we should totally eat on the Rez."

He laughs with me, but shakes his head.

"I want—" He says slowly, blushing, "I want to take you somewhere special."

I feel my cheeks turning red.

He is the sweetest guy I've ever meet.

Somehow we end up in Forks, you know the dinning capital of the world, but it's not like it really matters to me, sitting in his front yard eating a TV dinner would've made me happy.

Over dinner we sit and talk. We make polite conversation. It doesn't take us long to finish eating, wolf metabolism and all, and he's paid and were leaving the restaurant when he asks if I want to go for a walk. I figure we'd end up hitting the nearest fast food restaurant, seeing as how if I was hungry, he definitely was hungry.

"Why are you so quite?" He asks.

"Is it—? Was this—?"

I hear the uncertainty in his voice. I never really noticed that about him before. How he seems so unsure all the time. I've always seen _Jacob_, big bad tough in your face Jacob, never this side of him…well until recently that is.

And it's sort of comforting to know that he's nervous too. That I'm not the only one freaking out about everything that's going on between us.

His heart is racing faster, I think it's because I haven't said anything to him. It's kinda adorable.

"Jacob." I say his name looking at him. For some reason he won't meet my eyes, so I say his name again, demanding his attention. He hears the change in my voice and looks up at me.

"This was probably the best date I've ever been on." I tell him honestly.

Because it is. Sure we didn't talk much, and I didn't insult him every five seconds like I normally would do, but honestly tonight, I've never felt more normal.

"I'm going over to Charlie's the day after tomorrow…" He says slowly.

When he mentions Charlie I remember what happened in my kitchen earlier, so I cut Jacob off and tell him what happened. This probably would've been better over the dinner talk, but Jacob is laughing so hard that I think it was worth forgetting for a moment.

By the time he recovers he looks at me and tells me about Billy, and how Billy made a bet like that with one of his sisters, which would probably be Rebecca, she tends to be a sneak like that.

I laugh, and he laughs with me, and were back to being Jacob and Leah.

"Will you come with me?" He asks once we've stopped laughing.

What? I'm not really sure what he's talking about. Go with him where?

I'm sure my face is betraying everything I'm feeling because he smiles and says, "Bella's taking Nessie over to Charlie's on Christmas, and I well Charlie invited me over, and you'll already be there, but I mean, I want you to go with me. As my girlfriend."

"I—" I'm not really sure what to say.

"I know you didn't want to blurt it out to the world, but look, everyone that's important to you is going to be there, and well everyone important to me is going to be there too."

He's right.

Except for the fact that his child-bride is gonna be there, and she has absolutely no idea what's going on between us.

"What about Nessie?" I find myself asking. I hope he can't hear the trembling in my voice.

We haven't talked about her much, even though we really should have.

I think he can sense my hesitation, because he suddenly gets really close to me, grabs my hands and says, "I'm going up to the Cullen's tomorrow. Come with me. I have no doubt that Nessie's going to be thrilled, you'll see."

I'm skeptical. I highly doubt his imprint is going to be _thrilled_. She might even go for the jugular. Actually that'll probably be Bella.

"Me with a house full of leeches? I'll pass." I say nonchalantly.

"They're not so bad you know." He argues. "Jasper was just asking about you the other day..." Jacob lets the last words hang in the air.

_Jasper._ It seems like years since I was stalking the treaty line ready to kill Jacob, and here I am, actually out on a date with him. He wasn't so bad. Remembering that day, it actually seemed like he maybe even just a little bit, _cared_, about what I was feeling.

_'After everything that's happen, I do not understand why you still hate us. We're not enemies.'_

Would he still feel the same way after hearing that I'm ruining his niece's happiness? Would he be the one helping Bella rip my heart out?

_'I'm trying to figure you out.'_

He was genuinely curious, not the curious I'm gonna use this little bit of information to rub it in your face later on, but the I want to help you but just don't know how.

"Come with me Leah." I hear Jacob pleading.

"I want—I need you there." His eyes are pleading with me, and his grip on my hands has gotten a little bit tighter. There really is no way out of this. So I give in.

Jacob smiles out of triumph.

Jackass.

"You can take me home now." I tell him. That wipes the smiles off his face.

"But--?" Jacob asks confused letting me go.

That'll teach him to play those puppy dog eyes on me. But maybe it's because I'm going soft, but I smile seductively and say, "I told you only second-base."

And he gets the hint. The smile on his face comes back, and we walk holding hands back to his car.

***

If there was one leech I would be friends with, it'd probably be this one standing in front of me. No it's not stupid Edward blissed out of my mind perfect can't do no wrong leech Cullen, or the muscle for brains what's-his-face.

It's Major Pain.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's the fact that he can control emotions. He would really be addicting for someone like me who experiences emotions on both ends of the scale. He has this aura of understanding about him.

Not really sure why. Not that I would _ever _consider being friends with a leech, but just saying.

People think that I would be friends with the other blonde one. _Rosalie._

Yeah so fucking what if she's bitchy and bitter, and sarcastic, I don't think I could ever just sit down and have a real conversation with her, regardless of her being a leech. Because I've actually had a conversation with her, believe it or not, and probably if she wasn't a leech we would've been friends, maybe.

I mean everyone thinks she beautiful, and I guess she is, and hell I'm not jealous of her or anything It's probably because of her stupid oaf of a boyfriend, who is basically at her beck and call. The jackass follows her around like a lovesick bag of douche, and that quite frankly makes me want to hurl.

It's not as bad as seeing the moronic couple together. The whole, "I left to protect you" bullshit the mind rapist told the idiot when he left, well that's utter and complete bull shit. Although I can't help feeling sorry for her, because no girl really wants to be left behind by the guy she loves, only to find out that he left you because he's a fricking _shapeshifter_, and has imprinted on your cousin, who just happens to be his soul mate, yeah so I'm projecting, it's not like that's new.

I caught Jacob once, comparing me to Bella. It was a _long _ass time ago, back when the things that go bump in the night weren't actually real, when I wasn't one of those things that scared little kids into eating their veggies. It was when they first started to hang out with Jacob, and god let me tell you that she looked like utter and complete _shit._ And I don't know, maybe if she wasn't so fucking annoying, or if everyone wasn't fussing over her, maybe, and I mean _maybe _I would've extended out an olive branch.

Alright that's a complete lie. The bitch was a fucking zombie for _four_ months. Just because the damn leech picked up and left. Again, no one wants to wake up one day and realize that the guy they love doesn't love you back, but I mean really?

She basically curled up inside herself and _died_ and everyone fussed over her like she was this fragile little thing that couldn't take care of herself. She was pathetic. Bella Swan was pathetic, not that a part of her still isn't. But still, I wanted to curl up in a ball and die, but that's because my douche bag of a boyfriend left me for my _cousin._ But I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to. It's not like I wanted any one's pity. I hated those stupid looks everyone gave me. It's not like I didn't know for myself that my damn cousin and my ex-boyfriend were playing house together. And it's not like I didn't hear the damn whispers about how perfect they were for each other and poor me because I was such a _nice_ girl and I deserved such happiness. And it's not like I didn't 'accidentally' flush all the baked goods she sent down the toilet, or was somehow _always_ out whenever it was Emily on the phone calling for me. Hell, I even left a burning bag of dog crap on his front yard.

Yeah that wasn't a happy time. But that's not the point, the point is that I didn't just crawl up and wait for the world to kill me. I _had _to push through. I wasn't allowed to sit and mope and feel sorry for myself. And maybe that was for the better. I just remember seeing her with Jacob, and wanting to slap the living shit out of her, because she pissed me off so much. Because she was this moppey, annoying brat who needed a wakeup call. But still everyone fussed over her, and bitched at me to move on! _God _she bugged the crap out of me.

Well at least I can honestly say, it isn't because she a vampire that I want to phase and rip her eyes out. That feeling's always been there.

Great. Now I've got Captain Douche Bag himself glaring daggers at me. It's not my fault his wife is a fucking retard.

_I've told you before to get the fuck out of my head._

He just responds by rolling his eyes at me.

"Hey is Nessie around?" Jacob asks Edward.

If it's possible Edward stiffens even more. God he must be so uncomfortable with that stick shoved up his ass.

Edward turns to me and growls. I smirk. That'll teach him.

"They're on their way right now Jacob." Edward replies smoothly getting up to leave.

Jasper on the other hand shifts his eyes to me, and unquestionably asks if I'm alright.

I guess even he can sense the tension in the room that growing.

Speak of the devil, not even thirty seconds later the damn happy family comes strolling in through the doors.

Jacob goes to greet them. Actually he just nods at Bella and smiles at Nessie as he picks her up and throws her in his back. With her on Jacob's back she actually looks her age, her _real_ age, not that fake half-vampire bullshit that's going on with her.

With her on Jacob's back she's laughing like a crazy person. It's kind of cute, you know if she didn't suck blood and orphan woodland creatures on a daily basis.

Again Edward glares at me. This is getting old really fast.

Edward sighs in recognition. Bella is next to him now, and she's gone all goo goo eyed at him, he goes in to kiss him. Yuck. Cold dead vampire PDA is gross. I picture myself throwing up on them, and Edward stiffens and leans away from Bella.

I should feel bad about ruining their moment. But I don't.

They make me sick. I'm not afraid to admit it.

"Lets go for a walk." Jacob says gesturing me outside.

He probably can sense the tension. Or the fact that I've found a way to piss Edward Cullen off like no one else can.

I smirk in my triumph. But I look at Jacob and nod.

Nessie is off his back and she's holding out her hand, like she wants me to take it or something. It's a little weird, but hey whatever. The kids not _that_ creepy. Which is funny seeing as how her parents, well seeing as how _they're _her parents.

As we walk outside I'm struck with a sense of déjà vu. Last time I was here I was running for dear life away from this place, and away from Jacob. I have no idea how I ended up here. My date with Jacob, our _first _date; that was perfect. I thought my date with Ethan was perfect, but I still remember feeling uncomfortable and anxious, and still nervous about him pissing me off, or maybe saying something about how much I ate, or me not having enough to eat, but with Jacob—We made polite conversation. And let me tell you…it was freaky. I've had conversations with Jacob Black, but they've never been so _formal_.

And for some reason it really didn't bug me. For one night, I actually felt normal. And I know what you're thinking 'who the hell wants to be normal?' Well I'll tell you something, _I do._ It's been a long time since I could sit in silence with someone and not want to kill them.

I didn't feel like I was eating too much or that I had to watch everything I said.

I mean it's not like we were lost in our own little world or anything. Hell the stupid bimbo of a waitress couldn't keep her damn eyes off of Jacob. She was a fricking welcome mat…that is until I told her to get lost. I think my exact words were 'get your fake boobs out of his face, or I'll shove this fork in your eye.'

Jacob enjoyed that.

Hell I enjoyed that more than I should have. Really apparently the wait staff at that restaurant had no respect. Whatever, it's not like it really mattered, we ate, and got the hell out of there. Too bad it wasn't fast enough.

Jacob somehow shanghaied me into coming over to the blood suckers place, to entertain his dearly beloved imprint.

I am going soft.

I can thank Jacob Black for that. A nice talk, and some puppy eyes, and bam he's got me eating out of the palm of his hand.

"Ness, honey I need to talk to you about something important." Jacob says weakly.

The kid's got him eating out of the palm of her hand and she doesn't even know it!

But she's not really paying attention to him. She's looking at me in the weirdest way. Almost as if she knows what he's about to say. Almost as if she knew that this was going to happen.

She catches my eye and smiles.

Then leans over to Jacob and touches his face. His eyes go blank and he looks dazed for a couple of minutes, but then he blinks and smiles.

"I hate that you're so smart." He finally tells her smiling.

She practically beams.

These are one of those moments when I seriously hate them. Where my insecurities come to the surface, and I have to fight everything in me not to scream and yell. Because after all, she is only a four year old little girl, even though she doesn't look like it.

She finally looks at me and says, "Are you happy?"

She doesn't wait for me to answer, instead she says something else, "You look happy. You're smiling."

Apparently she's right. I feel the corners of my mouth upwards.

"You're pretty smart, seeing how how your mom's Bella." I tell her smiling.

She knows that I'm not kidding, but the fact that I'm still smiling, well I like to think that, that's enough for her, because she smiles back at me.

"People think that a good match is someone who's like you, but that's not it at all," She declared. "A good match is someone who understands you, someone who loves you for exactly who you are, even if—" and here, surprisingly, she looks up at me and blushes. "Even if you are a bit of a nag sometimes."

Jacob looks me at smiling, then turns to Nessie and says, "You're such a romantic," he accused her playfully.

She giggles at him.

Then Jacob says playfully, "You're not the only one," He tells her winking. "Leah's a romantic at heart."

"Say that again and I'll knock you down," I quipped.

They both laugh.

Then I find myself laughing along with them.

It takes him a couple of minutes, but suddenly Jacob looks serious. Then he turns to me and holds out his hand. I take it with no hesitation. Jacob smiles, then looks at Nessie. She's looking down at our intertwined hands.

"Nothing's gonna change between you guys." I find myself saying.

She looks up at the two of us, she's smiling, but then she nods.

"Of course I know that Aunt Leah. I know that you would never let that happen."

Apparently Seth's gotten to the little twerp, because she's guilt tripping me.

"You okay with this?" I ask her, because after all _I _have no right to be doing this. Technically Jacob is her soul mate. She's his imprint.

I'm waiting for her answer. This time she's not smiling. She's looking at me in this all too familiar way. It's the look that I've given countless times. The rolling of the eyes, the crossing of arms, that should signify the fact that you should know the answer to this question.

I smirk at the thought of me actually teaching her something. I wonder if Bella actually saw this side of her, she'd probably flip.

Secretly I hope that Nessie shows this side of herself to Bella, and that I get to be there. Bella as a human throwing a temper tantrum, that was usually the highlight of my days, but that was seeing is second hand through Jacob's or even Seth's thoughts, but seeing it first hand, hell that would make my _year_.

Jacob sees this look between the two of us, and he laughs. I don't know why, but I don't hit him like I should. I just roll my eyes.

Maybe Christmas with the spawn won't be too bad.

***

I was right, Christmas with Nessie wasn't too bad. I think it probably had something to do with the fact that Nessie was the happiest kid in the entire world. So oblivious to anything the 'grown ups' are doing.

That's probably why she didn't even realize the daggers her mother was shooting me the entire time we were over at Charlie's.

Christmas with _everyone_. That was not on my list of things to do. Actually I probably could've gone a lifetime without having to endure it.

Although my mother couldn't have been happier. I guess that makes up for it…kind of.

My mother better realize how much I love her.

But that's besides the point. Bella knows.

I heard she threw a hissy fit about it. Actually Jacob wouldn't tell me the details but I can pretty much picture her arms flying in the air, and her eyes blazing. The only thing that sucks is the fact that I wasn't there.

The only satisfaction I got from Christmas was knowing that she knew and the fact that she was pissed and could do absolutely nothing about it.

But then again Christmas was cake compared to New Years.

Things can only get worse.

New Years was spent at Paul and Rachel's. That should've been the indicator right there. I mean really _Paul_? That just screams crap on a stick.

But of course Jacob wanted to go.

_"Why the hell not?"_

That was his answer.

I had two words for him: Sam Uley.

Not like I would've said it out loud. Sam is taboo around Jacob. Well technically Sam is just taboo in general.

I'm not ashamed of Jacob. I think I've made that perfectly clear. I just don't want to hear the shit that everyone thinks their entitled to share.

But then again, I should've known I always have a way of ending back in assward land.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I've just been trying to keep warm. When you live in Florida, and all of a sudden its 20 degrees for two weeks, well that tends to freak people out. But I am glad that everyone loved the last couple of chapters. I had a lot of fun writing the, I just need to find that surge of inspiration again. Thank you all of you who nominated me. I made it to the finals! I am really excited about this, so please go and vote, it would really make my year!

**To Vote:**

Best Leah x Jacob: http://forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/69076/21492756/1/

Best Wolfpack story: http://forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/69076/20925553/1/

Replacing the (dot) with actual periods again of course. Or if these links don't work, I've added the links on my profile. The polls are open until **MARCH 15****th****, **so you've got loads of time to vote, but just please do!! Thanks again. :D


	31. Interlude: Jacob Black

**Jacob's POV:**

* * *

So you think fighting an army of newborn vampires is rough?

What about being the so called leader of an entire tribe? Or the Alpha who has imprinted on his best friend's daughter…did I mention that said imprint is half-vampire?

Yeah okay so these are sort of hard things, but let me tell you, they're cake compared to Leah Clearwater. She makes all of these things worthless.

Now I'm sure you've heard of Leah Clearwater. La Push's resident bitch? Oh and did I mention that she's my Beta, oh and probably the hottest girl on the planet. Yeah that Leah. Oh and she just happens to be my girlfriend.

I tend to call her that from time to time, although she says she hates labels, I know she secretly loves it when I call her my girlfriend, although I tend to make sure that all the sharp objects, or any detachable objects are out of her reach when I call her that.

New Years Eve, is the end of the year. And the next day, January 1st is the day to start fresh. New Year's Eve is supposed to be special and beautiful. A night to spend with friends and family. Pushing away all the crap that happened last year, and starting fresh again. Some people usually go out with friends or invite them to meet at home and have a delicious meal.

What no one seems to realize that her on the Rez, everyone is family. Everyone gets together on December 31st, and then when the old timers go to bed the kids go to the beach to watch the fireworks at midnight. Well that's not all that they do, but that's about all I'm comfortable saying.

It wasn't hard convincing Leah to go to the party. After all I did convince her to go up to the Cullen's to see Nessie, and to deal with Edward and Bella, mostly Bella. I think Edward was secretly thrilled that I was finally getting out of his hair. But Bella she was a different story. I don't really know how to make her happy. I don't think I ever did. She tried to kill me when she found out about the imprint between me and Nessie, she claimed that I had basically stolen her daughter away from her, and now I'm not sure what to think.

Last time we talked about Leah I had left her sitting outside gaping at my back as I stormed into her house looking for Nessie, just so I wouldn't say anything to her that I would later regret.

I learned early in life that sometimes you just have to stop caring. You have to turn off all emotion and feeling, to protect yourself from getting hurt.

You have to think with your head and look for the facts. Sometimes you have to hide it all, not let anyone know how you feel or what you think. You got to put a smile on and pretend everything is fine, even when it's not. Sometimes that's the only way to save yourself from a broken heart.

And a broken heart was what I got from her.

When I first imprinted I wasn't sure if I wanted to be thrilled, or if I wanted to throw myself under a rock. What I felt for Bella was gone. Just disappeared, I never understood how that happened, because I've seen Sam's thoughts, I've seen his thoughts about Leah, and I never understood how my feelings for Bella could just disappear, when his for Leah were still there.

After a while I just stopped thinking about it. It wasn't until years later when Leah mentioned it that I realized why my feelings for Bella had disappeared when Sam's feelings for Leah had still been there.

**Flashback**

_"Does it ever get any easier?" Leah asks sitting down next to me._

_"Some days are better than others." I tell her. There's no use pretending that I don't know what she's talking about. And today of all days, I don't want to do anything that'll set her off. _

_"Today's a really hard day." She admits playing with the bouquet of flowers in her hands._

_"Where did you go?" She wonders out loud._

_"When you found out _they_ were getting married?" She emphasizes the word they so I know that she's not talking about Sam and Emily._

_"Not really sure. I didn't think, I just went." I try to explain to her._

_"It helped. I didn't have to think or feel, I just let the wolf take over me."_

_"I remember. It was nice."_

_It's difficult watching Leah act this way. She looks like the perfect bridesmaid. She's smiling on the outside, but I know how difficult it is for her._

_Since they set a date she refused to phase whenever anyone else was in their wolf form. _

_I couldn't blame her though._

_"You know the part when the priest goes 'does anyone here object to this marriage' that's when you step in and remind the world what a big douche bag Sam is." I tell her smiling remember how that was my plan when they got married._

_She smiles a little, then proceeds to tell me that stuff like that doesn't happen in real life._

_"Besides," She says softly, "I am happy for them…for him, but mostly for her."_

_In that moment I realized how strong she actually was. She was fighting it, fighting to keep her sanity, fighting to keep the only thing that was actually hers, hers. She was fighting her eyes not to cry, because Leah Clearwater doesn't cry, and it would be a cold day in hell before she let anyone, even Sam and Emily get to her._

_But then she could always be like me and let the wolf take over her, let the wolf instincts guide her to her perfect other._

_Something about that topic made me uneasy, Leah had always said she wanted to imprint, but she hadn't. I was the one so against it, but in the end I caved in just like everyone else._

_"You're an idiot."_

_"I know." She mutters._

_And it's something about her tone that catches my attention._

_"Leah? You umm, you're not gonna do something stupid right?" I ask not sure if I really want to know the answer._

_She doesn't answer me right away, but when she does I find myself exhaling a breath I didn't know I was holding._

_"No. I won't."_

_"Good. Cause your mom would kick my ass if anything happened to you."_

_This makes her laugh._

_"Your right, she'd murder your ass and get off scot free." _

_"You ready?" I ask her standing up and offering my hand out to her._

_"Not really." She admits, but she takes my hand anyway._

_The music's started and everyone else has come out of the dressing room. Leah has this glass look in her eye and I know she's planning something._

_"Come on Beta. I've got your back." I tell her pulling her up._

_She smiles at me, then shakes her head and blinks back tears._

_"Let's get this crap over with." She whispers to me._

_And soon it's our turn and were walking towards the alter where Sam is waiting. But to her credit, her breathing is easy, and a smile is present on her face. I'm wondering if she's gonna grab my arm and squeeze it till it turns purple, but I under estimate Leah, and she walks easily to the left while I make my way to the right. _

_Her eyes never look at Sam. They're always on Emily. When Emily walks into view they catch each other's eye, and they smile at one another. Then Leah looks out towards the water._

_The wedding breezes by, Sam and Emily are kissing and we're all clapping. They're the first to tie to knot. But I know they won't be the last._

_I take a hold of Leah's arm as were walking again. She doesn't say anything to me, she just smiles._

_It's not a real smile. But it's not her sarcastic smirk she usual has when she's thinking of doing something evil. It's a thoughtful smile. But it has me shivering._

_"You okay?" I ask. Because there is no easy way to ask, and because after something that significant she's bound to be a bit confused. _

_"Super." She tells me rolling her eyes._

_"Right dumb question." I mumble._

_"Really dumb." She retorts._

_"Well whatever. You wanna find Seth and avoid the happy couple?" I ask hopefully. I don't want her to have to face them alone._

_"Thanks kid." She tells me, and I know she knows that I'm trying to protect her in some weird way. "But I think I'm gonna go get some air, or maybe throw something off a cliff." She says with a small smile._

_"Leah…"_

_"I'm fine." She tells me, but I know she's lying. "I'm gonna go talk to them, then I might run, if you can't find me I'm probably out keying his car." She says with an evil smirk._

_I reluctantly let her go, it's not as if I ever had a choice, she was going to go where ever she wanted, and I wasn't going to make her stay anywhere. But I watched her go up to Sam, and congratulate him, then she turns to Emily and smiles half heartedly and hugs her, then walks away, and I know that the pretty dress she's in is going to be in shreds in seconds._

**End Flashback**

It was after she left that I realized that the day Bella had changed--she had actually died, and I had given up on her. When I wanted to kill Nessie, I had given up on ever seeing Bella ever again. I didn't think that the vampire venom would help her, I thought she was lost for good. But then again I was wrong, somewhat. Bella wasn't gone, but she was dead, but I had given up on her.

I had forgotten about her and focused on Nessie.

Then suddenly things started to change. Not things between Nessie and me, because they stayed the same, she needed nothing and only wanted me to be happy. But still somewhere deep down inside things changed for me.

I've known Leah my entire life. That usually happens when your families are as close as ours. I've never really given her much thought, alright that's a complete lie. She was the girl who was best friends with my sisters, she would come over while and 'help', and I say help, because my sisters tortured the crap out of me, when our parents would go on their stupid "adult time". She's always been Leah. Beautiful Leah Clearwater who would always be on the phone with my sisters, or not paying any attention to me.

That changed when she phased.

She wasn't Leah any more.

I know that phasing was the toughest time in her life, with her dad dying, her being the only female wolf, having to share a mind with Sam, that would be enough to send anyone on a killing spree. I'm actually surprised that she didn't do that. There were times where we all believed that someone had pissed Leah off to her breaking point and that when we went to bed, none of us would wake in the morning, but then again during that time we always thought the worst of her.

Me especially. I was dealing with my own grief that I didn't even think that Leah was trying to deal with her grief, and that all she wanted was someone to care.

She had it the worst of us, everything was exposed, not only her mind and her feelings, but also her body. Which thinking back I did feel bad for that because although I will admit that I took a few glimpses, I wouldn't have wanted to trade places with her.

I'm not really sure when I fell in love with her. I mean it's not like I woke up one morning and thought to myself "Hey I'm in love with Leah Clearwater." Maybe it happened over time, or maybe I did just wake up one morning in love with her. I do remember thinking about her before falling asleep, wondering if she was okay, if she was still alive.

Maybe it was after the only conversation she'd let me have with her when she was gone.

**Flashback**

_Hypocrite. _Leah thinks at me.

_Am not._ I argue back.

_Is that so? When the stupid bloodsucker invited you to _their_ wedding what did you do? You took off._ She tells me replaying those moments three summers ago when I left.

_We talked about leaving._ She tells me. And I remember our conversation about leaving, getting out of La Push, away from it all. _I'm just leaving without you. You've got a reason to stay…I don't._ She thinks at me.

I picture Seth's face when he read the note, trying to give her a reason to come back.

_Don't do that._ She snarls at me.

_Don't you dare do that!_

_I thought you were okay._ I tell her remember our conversation at the wedding.

_You said you were fine._

_I was fine._ She tells me.

_I meant everything I said. I'm happy for them. I just can't stay there anymore._

_Leah…_

_Don't you "Leah" me._ She snaps. And I'm not sure if it's the fact that I've irritated her enough, but she lets something slip, and the real reason behind her leaving is clear to me.

_He kissed you?!_ I screamed mentally. She cringed a bit, but regained her composure.

_Easy killer._

_But_—

_Sam Uley is a big bag of douche, that's old news Jacob._

And I can't help it but I remember when Bella kissed me, when she told me to come back to her, although that really doesn't hut as much as it once did, it still sucked at the time.

_Oh please spare me your mellow dramatics. Bella this_—_Bella that. Bella Swan can suck it but apparently she already ha_—_._

_Shut up Leah._

But to my surprise she laughs at me.

_Listen kid,_ I growl at the fact that she called me 'kid', but she ignores me. _You've got two choices here. Either order me to come back, or deal with the fact that I _need _this that I've left._

I'm spouting of random things, but Leah knows that she's won. She always wins. I hear the smugness in her voice, and I roll my eyes at her.

_I'll be back._ She tells me.

_When?_ I ask.

_Someday. _

_Wow Leah way to be one of those fricking mysteriously annoying tarot card readers._

She laughs as I say this, but her only response is_, Don't you dare give my position to someone else. I'll kill you and take your position as Alpha._

This makes me laugh, because that's her way of promising that she'll be back.

_Of course I'll be back, moron…Just not right now. Take care of mom and Seth, and don't go killing Sam. He's really not worth it._

_Party pooper._ I muttered.

But she just laughs. I guess all this time away is doing her some good.

_Of course it is. I'm away from all you losers._ She says. But there's a note of affection behind it, and I can tell she actually misses us.

_Come home soon. _I tell her and phase back.

**End Flashback**

I just remember being so pissed off at her because she had specifically asked me not to kill Sam. Then finally when I got to beat the living day lights out of him, I found that it was for a completely different reason. Well not a completely different reason, additional reasons, but more specifically it was for someone, for her.

I'm not sure what possessed me to do it. I think he was his taunting, or the fact that maybe a part of me believed that he was right, that Leah would never love me, and because she would always be his…I put those stupid thoughts to shame that day.

But it still doesn't stop all that anger from building up in me when I see him.

Sam is my brother. He will always be my brother. We are two Alphas', but still when it comes down to it, if he were in trouble, I know without a trace of doubt that I would be there, and so would Leah. Maybe that's what bugs me so much--the fact that even after all this time, he still has a bit of her that he clings to.

Then again the same could be said about Bella.

But that's not the point.

I knew he was going to be here tonight--that _everyone_ was going to be here tonight, and the fact that Leah had finally agreed that people could know, not like she had a choice after Seth and Embry found out, but I was excited.

I was literally a kid hopped up on way too much sugar.

I was expecting the gawks and gasps, even the pointing as Leah and I walk. What I wasn't expecting was my sister to mouth to me "it's about time" before walking away to greet someone else.

From what I heard she was the one that was hesitant about Leah and me. I think it had more to do with the fact that she had been imprinted on, and that if she had a choice, she wouldn't have wanted to be imprinted on, but she loves Paul regardless of the imprint, so she understands both sides. At least that's what she told me. She was after all my big sister, and I like to believe that she cares about me and my happiness. She is still Rachel _Black_, no matter who her husband is, and I know that even Paul knows that.

The whisperings came first. It had to, with Leah and me walking hand in hand into the house. No one knew what to say, because after all until a few days ago everyone had believed the we had hated one another, well not everyone apparently, Sue, Charlie, and my dad had some kind of bet going on with Old Quil about when we would finally get together. Charlie won, which made no sense to me, because if they had known when we really gotten together Sue would've won, hands down. She knows her daughter better than anyone, and Leah's mood swings aren't as legendary as Sue Clearwater's.

When we got far enough into the house when Paul stopped us. He took a look at are intertwined hands and laughed.

"You're kidding right?" He says laughing harder.

Leah and I look at one another, not really sure who he's talking to, when he looks at me again, "Really Jake?"

And I feel it before it even happens. When I say that Leah's mood swings aren't as legendary as Sue's it's only because they've happened so many times, when Sue's happen once every 7 years, Leah's happen every other week, but it doesn't make Leah's any less painful to the person she's screaming at.

But maybe it's Paul's lucky day, because Rachel comes strolling along, and suddenly she's linked arms with Paul. She knows Leah well, and I can tell by the flicker in her eyes that she knows that her stupid husband has put his foot in his mouth, _again_.

She's choosing to ignore the tension that's built up between the two of them, and she smiles sweetly at Leah and says, "I can't believe you're sleeping with my brother."

And if that's not enough of a kick in the balls, every single wolf in the place, which is all of them, has just heard my sister confirm that I'm with Leah.

Now I'll either be murdered, or congratulated.

* * *

~~TBC

* * *

A/N: Sorry I've just been caught up with school. School comes before anything. But this semester is seems to suck far worse than the others. But thank you all for your inspirational reviews. I'll try to be better.


	32. Chapter 32

"When I believe that nothing lasts forever  
You stay with me, keeping us together  
And make me feel like I never, ever wanna give you up  
'Til now, I've always been a quitter  
I've always been a quitter."

-_Quitter, _Carrie Underwood

* * *

Jacob told me once, that it was possible to love two people at the same time. That it was possible to be _in _love with two people. I don't think he knew what he was talking about. Or maybe in his own weird way, he wanted to make me feel better. Because at that time, that's all I wanted. I would have given anything to know that Sam was still in love with me. But then again, that was before he imprinted and forgot about Bella.

I remember telling him how weird it was that all of a sudden he loved Nessie. That he could just forget about Bella. Not like I really cared if he forgot about her, because she was a worthless piece of crap and the world, or at least my world would have been way better if she had never come to Forks.

It would've saved everyone a whole lot of trouble. But then Jacob probably thought I was being a vindictive bitch, and wanted to hurt him, maybe I was. But then again at the time I was confused. I wanted to know. Granted I probably wanted to hurt him, just a bit, but at the same time—

Now that I think about it, I don't think he knew what he was talking about. Maybe deep down he actually believed that it was possible to love more than one person at a time. I think that it is possible, I love my mom, and I love Seth. But being in love with more than one person at a time. That's not possible.

At least looking at this man I front of me, I know that it's not possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I know it's possible to love more than one person, because I love—even though I would deny it till the end of time—but I love this man I front of me. I've loved him for most of my life. But right now, looking at him, watching him walk over to me, my heart doesn't do that flutter thing, it's not beating faster and faster, I know that when he says my name it won't mean as much to me as it used to.

But I know that he is someone that will always have the ability to make me smile.

"Hi Sam." I say to him.

"Hi Leah." He says smiling at me, and I smile back.

"You look good." He tells me.

This isn't what I was expecting. After Rachel's outing Jacob and me, I expected more from Sam. At least a tremor or two.

But then again Sam Uley always had a way of surprising me.

"You look happy." He says.

This time I smile at him. I am happy. And he knows it.

"Can we talk?" He asks me.

I can see from the corner of my eye Jacobs's unhappy face. Of course Sam would make an appearance after Jacob left my side. We talked about this, and I told Jacob that he shouldn't interfere, that this—whatever it was between Sam and me, now days—it needed to finally be resolved. Jacob understood, but he didn't like it. I had to literally throw something at him. But he came around.

I nod at Sam and I walk outside. He follows me. We both know that the things we need to say to one another are things that no one else needs to hear.

But Jacob has other things on his mind. He catches up to me right when I try to open the back door.

"Leah!" He hisses grabbing a hold of my arm.

I shake him off. But he's stronger than I am.

"Let go of me Jacob."

"Lee—"

I roll my eyes at this.

"We talked about this Jacob."

His eyes flash. And I get it. Regardless of the fact that we talked about this, well I talked and he listened. He's jealous. And I get it. If the situation was reversed, and it was Bella that Jacob was talking to alone, I'd rip her head. I almost did during Christmas, but seeing her so angry, that was enough for me.

"Jake—" I say a little bit softer. "Let go. I'll be fine."

It takes him a moment, but he gets it. An only shakes his head, he gives me that look, the one that tells me that if I need anything, I better tell him.

By the time were alone, Sam's smiling.

It's not the smile that was on his face earlier. It's a smug smile.

"Don't be a douche bag." I threaten. "Or I'll kick your ass myself."

His smile changes then. It's no longer the smug one he was wearing a couple of minutes ago, it looks like an actual one.

"At least he hasn't changed you." Sam mumbles, laughing quietly.

I don't know if that was supposed to make me angry, or if it was supposed to turn me into a stupid girl that giggles and laughs, but I do what I do best and roll my eyes at him.

I continue to walk until were at the edge of the yard. No one worth worrying about was around to hear anything we said.

It's at this point where I turn and round on him.

"Well let's hear it." I tell him flatly. I know what's coming next and its better if he gets it over with here, now so I can kick his ass away from his beloved imprint.

But Sam is as leveled headed as ever, he looks at me and says, "What is it exactly that you want to hear Leah?"

And honestly it takes everything within me not too punch him. But I don't, because I know that if I do that Jacob will be out here in a second, and right now, this isn't between Jacob and Sam, it's between Sam and me.

"Sam." I tell him warningly.

He laughs.

"What else do you want me to tell you Leah?" He laughs again, but this time it's a pained sort of laugh.

"At the wedding I forbade you to do it, but you have. I could tell you what a complete mistake you're making. Or I could tell you that Jacob Black is all wrong for you. But you know all of this already. It's not about what _I _want to say Leah. It's about what you want to hear."

That's not true.

"I know you Leah. At least I used to. And I think that a part you still knows this, and that's why you're out here talking to me. Deep down you want my approval."

I don't want his approval. I don't need _his_ approval. Why would I need his approval?

It was probably in this moment that I realized that I wasn't in love with Sam Uley anymore. I mean I've known for years that whatever it was that we once shared was gone. But it's different when you actually know when it's gone.

Jacob said that it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time. He told me he knew because of Sam. Because he knew that Sam—my Sam, was still in love with me, or at least who I used to be.

But me—I'm not as complicated as that.

I don't remember a time where I didn't love Sam Uley. And I know that a part of me still does, because you really just can't know someone your entire life, then be within a relationship with said someone for four years, and not love them—because even before this, I loved Jacob.

But this isn't about Jacob right now. Or is it? I can't help but wonder if the only reason that Sam is here right now, if the reason that he is so calm, is because of Jacob.

"Did Jacob say something to you?" I ask him curiously.

He doesn't blush or fiddle with his fingers like he would usually do if he were nervous, he is right about one thing, he does know me, or who I used to be, but the thing is, I know him just as well.

"No." He tells me seriously.

And I believe him. Because this time he isn't being demanding or condescending, he's not being Alpha _Sam_ he's just being Sam.

"If I told you that I was happy what would you do?" I ask cautiously.

The fact that he is calm right now, doesn't mean that his mood can't change. That is one of the main things I learned when first phasing, tempers seem to flare, and there really is nothing you can do about it besides breathe, and hope that you don't accidentally phase in front of someone who doesn't have super fast, in human healing abilities.

"All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy." He says quietly.

And the way he says it, I feel it in my bones.

The person that is talking to me is Sam. Is my Sam. And it takes everything that I have not to run into his arms, because although this person in front of me was the man that my fifteen year old self fell in love with, I am not that little girl anymore. And he is not that man that I'm in love with, at least not any more.

He reverts sometimes, back to his old self. Pre-imprinting Sam, the Sam who didn't care what anyone else thought, the one that would sneak into my room just to hold me at night.

"Sam..." I try to say, because he can't keep saying stuff like that to me. Because there is always a different meaning behind it. He's always wanted me to be happy, I know that. He's always wanted me to be happy _with him _and that's just not possible any more. Not when our hearts belong to other people.

I wonder sometimes how he could just run his back on us. How he could just give in so freely, when here is Jacob who is fighting against everything he knows, and everything he has ever been told, for me. So he can be with me.

Most days I don't like to think about the fact that there is a real chance that he would leave me. That he can still leave me for Nessie. And although she doesn't seem to want him now, I know that there is a real possibility that she could wake up one morning and decide that she wants to be with Jacob. And although Jacob tires to convince me otherwise, it's still something that I've been trying to bury deep down inside, because he's fighting. I can see how hard this is for him, and how sometimes all he wants to do is talk about Nessie, and the cute thing she did today, but he stops himself, for me, because of me.

And it's difficult because what if Sam had done that. What makes Jacob so different that he was able to overcome the imprint and fall in love with me? Sam was already in love with me before he imprinted. Does that mean his love for me wasn't as strong as Jacob's?

It's not a nice thought to think about. But it happens, _a lot._

Maybe that's what makes me ask him, I mean after all this years I've never really known why. Why he didn't fight for me like he was supposed to. Why he just gave up. Why I wasn't enough for him. At the wedding he told me that it wasn't about me. That I shouldn't have thought that I wasn't enough for him. But really? What else was I supposed to think? He left me. He left me for my cousin. And now, I've _finally_ found someone who makes me _feel_ again, and he wants to take that away from me.

"Why didn't you fight for me Sam?" I whisper.

Sam blanches. That probably wasn't what he was expecting me to ask, but I have to ask. I have to know. We've been dancing this stupid dance for four years now, and I'm tired of it. I don't want it to continue any more. I want to be free of this. Of this hold he seems to have on me, and I want him to be free of me. I want him and Emily to live the life fate and destiny decided that they would have.

"I—" He stammers.

"I just want to know why? You said that it was never about me. You say that you want me to be happy. But every single time I try to be happy, you always pull me back in. I can't do it anymore Sam. I just can't. So I need to know, why? Why didn't you fight for me?"

"I don't know why. I just couldn't do it. I was fighting for everything Leah. I was fighting for my humanity, I was fighting to keep you safe. I wanted to keep you safe. I _still_ want you to be safe. I never wanted to do this to you. I never wanted to break your heart—to break _you._" He whispers the last part out.

I know he never meant to do any of it. But it still happened. I remember watching him break up with me. I remember seeing our relationship through his eyes, and how much he loved me, and how hard it was. But it still doesn't answer my question. Why didn't he fight for me?

"We were supposed to get married." I tell him pulling out the ring he made for me.

I hold it out for him to take. He doesn't open his hand, so I moved forward and give it to him.

"You still have this?" He says with disbelief.

Of course I still have it. It was probably the thing that's been keeping me tied to him for so long.

"I do." I say.

"Do you remember what you told me when you gave that to me?" I ask.

He nods, and then says, "I know this isn't much, but it's all I can give you right now without your father killing me. But I swear when I have the money I'll get you a real one, with diamonds that blind people. I love you Lee-lee. I promise you that we're gonna be together forever."

It wasn't exactly what he said, but it was close enough.

I nod. When he first gave it to me I didn't care that it was something that he had made, I didn't care that it wasn't filled with diamonds. I wore it all the time, at least until he put a real one on Emily.

"I didn't fight for you because I didn't think I could do it anymore." He says quietly. "I spent weeks in front of the council begging them to find a way, anything that could get rid of it. Because how could I want to devote my entire life to someone I barely knew? Especially when I had already pledged myself to someone else. No one knew what to do. No one could say anything. You don't understand, I tried—but I just couldn't do it."

His voice breaks at the end, and I feel it inside of me. He sounds so broken, and I could only imagine what he must have been feeling. I remember how I felt just before he broke up with me. I was hurt that he was so secretive, I was angry that he couldn't trust me. I was feeling so many different things, that when he actually broke up with me I couldn't feel anything anymore because I ran myself dry.

"But Jacob did it." I say not looking at him. I don't mean for my words to come out harsh, but I know they do. I don't need to look at him to see the hurt that's all over his face.

"Yeah, Jacob did it." He says back at me.

We stand in silence not looking at each other before I break the silence. I look up at him and ask.

"If you could break it now—would you?"

I don't know what makes me ask it, but I do. He knows I'm asking about the imprint. I'm not sure if I really want to hear his answer. Because what would I do with it? There is a part of me that hopes he'll say yes. That he'd tell me that he loves me and that if he could break the imprint he would. But then there is the other part of me that wants him to say no, because I love Jacob, and I would only be putting Sam through an immense amount of pain.

Sam opens his mouth to answer, but I cut him off.

"Don't answer that." I say quietly.

"That wasn't fair of me to ask. I wouldn't want you to break the imprint for me, not anymore at least." I say looking up at him.

He gives me a small smile, then nods.

"I love him Sam. I don't know when it happened, or how it happened, but I love him. He makes me happy. I don't feel like I'm at a constant battle with myself when I'm with him. I don't have to pretend to be something that I'm not. I don't feel broken when I'm with him."

I don't look at him when I say this, because I honestly don't want to hurt him. But I know that I have. He told me how hard it was for him—letting go. But this time it's different. This time it's really good-bye.

But Sam surprises me again.

"I know you love him. I was the one that told you remember?" He says forcing out a smile.

"He loves me too." I find myself telling him.

Sam only nods.

"He mentioned something about that." He says laughing.

That's when it hits me. Maybe deep down inside I did want his approval. I wanted him to acknowledge the fact that it was actually over between the two of us.

"This is goodbye then? Our ending." I say.

He doesn't argue with me. I can tell that he wants to tell me that things have been over between the two of us for a while, but he knows that he would be lying. Things have never _really_ been over between the two of us. At least not until now.

"Just be happy." He says through gritted teeth.

I never realized how hard it really was for him.

"That really is all I have ever wanted for you."

"I know Sam."

"I'm glad that you're happy again." He says reaching around to pat me on the shoulder.

But something doesn't seem right, here he is telling me that he wants me to be happy again, that he's glad that I'm happy again, and it's what I want to hear, but somehow the fact that he's saying this to me, it doesn't sit well inside. I'm not sure if it's because I don't believe him, or if it's because Sam has always been against it, against Jacob, and just against me every being happy.

He must see the look on my fact, because he says, "You don't believe me?"

I can see the hurt on his face, and I'm not really sure what to do say. I don't believe that he is happy about this, but he's saying it and I want to hear it, but it's always been different between us and now standing here with him—finally being free, it's not what I thought it was going to be.

"I'm not sure." I admit. I'm not sure if I believe him or not. He's never really given me anything but disappointment recently.

"I think I expected something bigger, more dramatic." I say laughing.

And Sam laughs along with me.

"I did too." He tells me sighing. "Everything with you has always been dramatic or non-existent and I used to hate fighting with you, but then there are days where I just miss having you scream at me for being an idiot." He says laughing.

And I find myself laughing with him. Those days where I would just yell at him, it felt good to scream at someone, and he would just sit and take it, it was different then. I was fueled by so much anger at anything and everyone, but I can't yell at fate and destiny, unless I wanted to yell at the sky, and there is only so much yelling at a headstone can do for a person—but then there way Sam. Sam who I could yell at because it was his fault, at least that's what I used to think, that I could blame him for everything that went wrong in my life because it started to happen about he broke my heart.

But like yelling at a headstone there is only so much someone can do before it gets tiring yelling at someone who won't yell at you back.

That's probably why it's so different with Jacob he doesn't mind yelling back at me. He'll say what's on his mind and then yell some more if he feels like it.

But then again maybe that's why Jacob was able to do something Sam wasn't.

"It's funny," I say laughing, "I always thought this would be harder."

Sam nods in understanding.

"Maybe this is how it's supposed to be?" He offers.

I frown at him. How is this—whatever it is that's going on with us, or was going on—how is this supposed to happen? I highly doubt fate and destiny planned for _all_ of this to happen.

But then I understand what he means. It wasn't about what had happened between us, but what is going to happen between us. Someone decided long ago that Sam Uley was going to be a part of my life, they never said which way he was supposed to be, but our lives were intertwined since the beginning. But maybe now I can actually look at him and not want to pick up a rock and bash his face in.

But instead of picking a fight with him I shrug and say, "Maybe."

"Are you happy Leah?" Sam asks. I hear the curiosity in his voice, he's been saying that he hopes that I'm happy, but I think that he actually wants to hear it. He actually wants to know if I am happy, so I tell him smiling, "Yeah Sam, I'm really happy."

"Happier with him?" He wonders.

"Yes." I tell him honestly. It's not because I want to hurt him, but he needs to hear it.

"Then I'm glad." He finally says.

He reaches out, and grabs a hold of my hands. He gives them a tight squeeze, let's go, and walks away.

I'm left looking back at him. He doesn't look back at me, but I find myself waving to his back.

This isn't the first time that Sam Uley has walked away from me, but unlike the last time, I'm know that I'm not the one who's heart just broke.

* * *

A/N: Surprised? I am too. For those of you who are still reading, I hope you weren't too mad with the lack of Sam smack down. Haha, but thank you all for your kind reviews, you're all really wonderful. I can't wait to hear what you all think.


	33. Chapter 33

"And I know that our love can grow  
But this damn river needs to flow  
I will try to break through but you know that its up to you."

-_Breakthrough, _Colbie Caillat

* * *

It doesn't take Jacob long to come and find me. He's by my side within ten minutes of Sam's departure.

He doesn't say anything, he just puts his arms around me and holds me. It's nice being in his arms.

Saying goodbye to Sam—to my Sam—was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure. Sure I knew that it wasn't my heart that was breaking, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.

I'm sighing when he finally decides to say something.

"Did your talk go well?" He asks innocently, but I know Jacob well.

I snort.

"As if you weren't listening the whole time."

He chuckles.

"I wasn't listening, the _whole_ time."

"How much did you hear?" I ask.

"Not as much as you think. I only listened for the first couple of minutes, just to make sure that he wasn't going to be jackass, and then I stopped listening."

"You mean Rachel caught you listening."

He rolls his eyes at me.

"Yeah that too." He mumbles.

I laugh.

"It's okay. We had an interesting talk." I tell him timidly and he smiles at me.

There's something about the way he's looking at me, the way that he smiles it makes me forget everything. It probably has to do with the fact that he has this was of making me forget how to breathe, and I have to breathe.

"You okay there?" He asks pulling me up.

I hate the feeling I get after he lets me go. He runs at such a higher temperature than me that I always feel cold when he lets go of me.

"Let's get out of here," he whispered leading me away from the house.

I was in such a daze that I didn't realize that we weren't headed back to my house or even his. I couldn't even protest to the fact that Rachel would be pissed that I wasn't saying goodbye. But she'd get over it. She always did.

Jacob leads us down to the beach.

He leads me to a broken down log and plops me on it. I don't say anything to him. I get the feeling that he wants to ask me what Sam and I talked about, but he knows I'll kick his ass if he asks.

But honestly, I'm not sure what to say.

But luckily Jacob is better at this than I am.

"It was here that I first fell in love with Bella." He says solemnly.

_Bella_. She's the last person I want to be talking about now.

But Jacob shakes his head as if asking me to let him continue.

"I know it's not the same—but I did love her, at least I thought I did."

He really sucks at this. So I tell him this.

"The point is," he says loudly ignoring my comment. "Letting go of her was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. I know you wonder about how things between us ended and I'm sorry that I've never shared it with you, but I'm going to tell you with the hopes that you tell me what happened between you and Sam."

I take a moment to consider this, it's only fair. So I tell him this and he says,

"So you remember after Bella changed, how she attacked me, after finding out that I imprinted, and nicknamed her daughter _Nessie_?"

I roll my eyes at him how could I forget, the stupid tart almost ripped Seth's shoulder off, and one of the bloodsuckers had to hold me back because I was about to kick Bella's stupid ass.

"Well yeah a couple days after that we sort of talked. We went into the woods and she showed me her cottage, and I told her that a part of me still loved her. She was kinda shocked at first but I think she understood, you remember me telling you how I realized that someone could be in love with two people?"

I nod at him.

"Well I wasn't in love with Nessie, and I kinda wasn't in love with her. Maybe it was the imprint that took all the hurt away, but underneath it all I was still me, and I could still feel that part of me who loved her. But I wasn't in love with her."

"Get to the point Jacob." I snap.

"The point is," Jacob says, "When Bella and I talked, when we finally got down to the nitty gritty stuff, well it sucked, and I didn't like it."

He's being confusing.

"I just know how hard it was for you, and I wasn't trying to be an over possessive boyfriend, I just wanted you not have to hurt like this..."He says sighing.

"But I know that you guys needed talk."

"Yeah," I find myself whispering, "we did."

Jacob smiles reassuringly, "Did he give you his blessing?"

I snort at the thought. As if I need his blessing.

"I'll take that as a no." He says laughing.

"He just said he wants me to be happy." I tell him.

"That's what we all want." Jacob says back smiling.

I smile. But something comes to mind,

"What did Bella say to you when you told her about me?"

He frowns.

I take that as a sign. Bella Swan/ Cullen, whatever were supposed to, is still a self fish bitch regardless of what she is now.

"What?" I laugh. "She wasn't thrilled? I had no idea." I say sarcastically.

He laughs.

"But Bella's different." He says smoothly.

"She's special." I tease.

"Haha," he says, "she's stubborn. But she'll get over it. She has to." He replies just as stubbornly.

"Well Sam's not as special as Bella." I offer, "But I think that we've come to an understanding."

Jacob looks at me with disbelief.

"That's hard to believe." He mutters.

"I'm sorry." I tell him softly. I know how hard it must have been to not come bursting in screaming at Sam to leave me alone. He was probably waiting for me to scream at him so he could barge outside and kick Sam's ass again.

He looks at me funny, "You're sorry? What are you sorry about?"

I laugh, apparently he has changed me.

"For loads of things." I say shrugging.

He comes up behind me and kisses me.

"My, my Leah Clearwater apologizing to me, _again. _I never thought I'd see the day."

I stick my tongue out at him.

Then slowly I ask, "Do you really want to know what we talked about? I mean I appreciate you telling me about what you and Bella _kinda _talked about, but--"

"I just want to know if you're gonna go running back into Sam's arms, if he tries to break the imprint."

I frown. He can't have just asked me _that._ I mean really? Is he out of his mind? Or just stupid? Maybe a little bit of both. Does he really think that I'm gonna go running back into Sam's arms, just like that? After all this time, after _everything_ we've been through. After what Jacob and I have been through.

My eyes narrow and I can't help the frustration that's growing inside of me.

"REALLY JACOB?!" I scream.

He looks a little bit scared, but he stands his ground. Stupid Alpha wolf. But I don't care.

"No, _Jacob._" I hiss him name out. "I won't go running back to Sam, you stupid arrogant moron. What the hell gives you the right to say shit like that to me?"

He's about to answer when I cut him off.

"I didn't say you could talk."

He shuts his mouth.

"What part about I love you, don't you get? How many times do I have to tell you that? So I talked to Sam, for what? Twenty fricking minutes, now all of a sudden I'm gonna go and run off with him! Are you _insane??_ Or really just _that_ thick-headed?"

I wait for him to answer.

"Well?" I snap.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it." Jacob mumbles.

I roll my eyes, I'm not convinced. This is a talk that's been a long time coming, I just didn't think that it would happen on the same night I said goodbye to Sam.

"Obviously you meant it." I spit.

I don't mean for it to come out rude or even bitchy, but it does despite what I want my voice always has this way of sounding bitchy.

"Leah," Jacob says softly inching towards me. But I hold out my hand and he stops. I learned long ago that you can't push things deep down inside until they spill out.

Even if it's not the right time, we actually need to talk about this.

"I don't love Sam anymore." I tell him my voice coming out hoarsely, "At least not like that anymore. If you think that a part of me is still in love with him then you're wrong. I don't like the fact that I was once in love with him, but that's how it is. You were in love with Bella once upon a time too, and you don't see me bitching about it, or the fact that you've imprint on her _daughter_. I don't want to talk about this again. This is the only time I'm going to say this, so you can either drop it, or you can never talk to me again. I love you. I want to be with you, and don't you ever say something like that to me or I will claw your eye balls out and feed it to you."

He gulps, and then nods.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that." He says quietly.

I know what he means. I mean me of all people know how words can get twisted around.

"I love you." He says grabbing a hold of my hands and squeezing it. "I love you so much it scares the crap out of me."

I smile. Usually I would tease him about being a girl, but this time, I think I'll let it slide.

"The feeling's mutual." I tell him.

And he kisses me. It's not the first time we've kissed, but every time he kisses me it feels like it's the first time all over again.

"Look Jacob," I say to him after a couple of minutes. "Whatever is going on with you and Sam, it's not about me anymore. It can't be about me. I'm out. I've chosen you. Now whatever is going on between the two of you, you need to work through it."

"Kinda like you and Emily?" He says smugly.

This time I don't roll my eyes, but I want to. But I know I can't because deep down a part of me knows it's true.

"The reason I feel this way, isn't just because of Sam." He tells me wearily. "You're still so angry with her, and it's hard for me not to think that it's not just because of Sam, that somewhere deep down a part of you still wants him, and that's why you're still so angry, because she has him, and you can't do anything about it."

"Jake—"I try to reason with him.

"I know, I know. I'm being stupid. But hey I am after all thick-headed."

I smile at him, he always has this knack of making uncomfortable things laughable.

"You should probably make up with her."

This time I actually roll my eyes.

"I don't want to." I groan.

"If you talk to Emily, I'll talk to Sam." He offers.

"I still don't want to. You and Sam can go on having your pissing contest. I'm out."

"Leah..." He groans.

"What? It's not because I want Sam. I just can't. I don't know why, it's easy forgiving Sam, he didn't have a choice. He _had _to leave me. He had to break up with me. But she _didn't._ She had a choice. And I've forgiven her a long time ago for taking Sam, but it's not _just_ because she took Sam, it's because she chose to hurt me. She chose him over me, and I don't know how to forgive that."

He looks at me for a while then pulls me into his arms.

"You should probably try." He whispers in my ear.

In the far distance I hear the countdown to the New Year begin.

"10…9…8…"

"I don't want to—"

"…5…4…"

"Shut up Leah."

"…2…1…"

"Happy New Year." He says kissing me, and that's all I remember.

* * *

A/N: This story has over 700 Reviews! WOW. I never ever in a million years thought that so many people would enjoy reading this. But you all are truly wonderful. I ust wanted to take the time to thank you all so much for the amazingly wonderful reviews. They really are my inspiration for writing. So to all who are reviewing,** thank you from the bottom of my heart**, and to those of you who are just reading, thanks to you too.

Side Note: I'm glad that you all got where I was coming from with the whole Sam/Leah thing. I thought it was time for them to grow up and just accept things. I've sort of been in the fluff mode. But I missed writing Blackwater scenes, it just makes me happy to see the two of them together.


	34. Chapter 34

"I made a promise never to settle  
Why didn't I keep it?  
'Cause I hated the heartbreak  
Crying and cheating, the fooling around."

-_I'm not missing you, _Stacie Orrico

* * *

There is only so much you can give a person before you realize that you just can't be around them without being physically ill.

Emily makes me ill.

It's not because of the things she tries to do. I think it's just who is she. She's still Emily. Perfect Emily that can do no wrong.

What no one seems to get is that I have a right to be mad at her. I have a right to hate my own cousin. But somehow every one decides that I don't get this right.

I was called mean and vindictive and bitchy and maybe I was all of those things, but Emily, she was worse.

I don't like Bella. That much is obvious. So hearing that my cousin and Bella had started to be friends, I wanted to be the one that pushed her off the cliff.

I'm not really sure about which girl I'm talking about, but it doesn't matter. Within this past year things have happened that I didn't ever imagine happening. I mean really who would have guessed it I would fall in love with Jacob Black? Not me. And definitely not him.

But just because things are good now doesn't mean that I don't miss how things used to be.

I ended up in front of her--of their home months ago, because I wanted to talk to her, because I needed someone to talk to about what I was feeling and I thought--I think deep down a part of me hoped that we could move on.

I mean because if we can't work out our issues on our own, then we can't work out our issues.

And of course no one knows me better than me. And no one knows her better than her.

We have some gigantic issues that I don't even know if we can work through.

I know that we won't work through them in a few weeks, or a few months, or even a few years. Honestly I'm not even sure if I want to work through these issues, because I know that they're gonna take a life time to work through.

But somehow I find myself standing here, five years later, but still I'm here.

No one's home. I know this because I can't hear anyone prattling around the kitchen, or smell anyone within a 100 feet radius.

That's probably the best thing about their home. The seclusion.

I don't know why this is so hard for me. I don't know why I just can't suck it up and forgive her. I forgave Sam. And Nessie forgave me, well she didn't really forgive me seeing as how she never believed that I did anything wrong.

_"I love Jacob. He has been wonderful to me, he's given me anything I could ever want, but it's not me who makes him happy. It's you."_

Her words rang in my ears. Three days after New Years I headed over to the Cullen's place and talked to her by myself. I couldn't stop this nagging feeling that somehow I needed to talk to her on my own, without Jacob and his hovering.

**Flashback**

_"Mother's not happy with you." Nessie says evilly._

_"Well that's nothing new." I say shrugging. Figuring I should be nice, since I am in the presence of a child, I won't degrade her mother, even though she so desperately needs it._

_"She thinks that you're a bad influence on me."_

_I grin at her. That's because I am a bad influence period. At least Bella isn't as stupid as she seems._

_"Is there a specific reason you wanted to speak to me?" She questions._

_Like I said the kid is pretty much the smartest thing out there. She doesn't need to play it safe, she gets right to the point._

_"I wanted to talk to you about Jacob."_

_She raises an eyebrow._

_"Me and Jacob specifically." _

_She smiles, her evil creepy spawn like smile that makes me think she's debating whether or not to eat me. I wonder sometimes if that's the look I get when I'm about to tell someone off._

_I've stopped calling her spawn, at least when her daddy is in sight, he probably can hear everything I'm thinking now, but whatever he's not here to sternly look at me. Ha._

_"Aunt Leah," She says quietly._

_"I'm not really your aunt you know." I tell her._

_She only smiles, "I know that, but my other aunt's and uncles aren't really my aunts and uncles at least not in the way that people usually are."_

_I smile at her._

_"Are you really okay with everything? I know I've asked you this already, but you really haven't said anything, and I need to know if you aren't, because if you aren't you should tell me."_

_She smiles, and then says, "I know you don't want me to show you things, but I think that you should let me, at least this time."_

_She holds her hand out to me, and I don't know what I'm thinking, maybe it's the drugs, or maybe even the adrenaline that's pumping through my veins right now, but maybe just maybe it's the fact that my curiosity has gotten the better of me, so I lean in._

_In a flash I'm hit with a bunch of images. _

_Jacob smiling, I hear my name coming out of his lips._

_Bella and Jacob fighting, they're talking about me, and Nessie._

_A sad Jacob being comforted by Nessie in the suite he wore to Sam and Emily's wedding._

_Jacob picking Nessie up and spinning her around, proclaiming "Leah's back!"_

_Jacob and me staring at one another as I drop Nessie off after the final dress fitting._

_Jacob and I dancing at the wedding. We both look so happy. I remember that moment._

_And finally I see the flash of the two of us, holding hands and smiling at each other. He's looking at me in that way that makes me smile, and I can see my face I'm smiling, I'm actually happy._

_Nessie pulls away from me and smiles._

_"I love Jacob." She says smiling, "He has been wonderful to me, he's given me anything I could ever want, but it's not me who makes him happy. It's you."_

_"You make each other so happy and I want that for Jacob. I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy too."_

_"You really are amazing." I tell her in awe._

_"I just want to see the two of you happy." She replies smiling._

**End Flashback**

It was so simple with her. All she had wanted was for Jacob to be happy, and she had wanted me to be happy as well.

She was barely four years old and there she was giving me life lessons.

I couldn't understand why things between Emily and I couldn't be as simple as things between Nessie and me. Hadn't I done the exact thing to Nessie that Emily had done to me so many years ago?

I wanted to believe that. I wanted to believe that things could go back to the way that they used to be. But something just wouldn't let me.

I think deep down inside I knew that things could never go back. I told Emily that once. When we were sitting in her kitchen, she was asking me to be friends again. I could shot her down and told her that we would never be friends.

There is a difference between what happened between Jacob and me, than what happened between Emily and Sam.

Nessie wasn't my cousin, my best friend all my life who I told my deepest darkest secrets to.

And even at four years old, Nessie knew the meaning of loyalty.

I told Jacob that the reason I couldn't forgive Emily was because she had betrayed me. They both had betrayed me. But the fact that I could move past things with Sam and not Emily, what does that say about me?

I want to believe that I am a better person. I know that I am a good person, at least deep down inside.

I say bitchy things without thinking, but it doesn't mean that I don't care.

I'm still staring at their home willing myself to get over it and say something I feel arms around me.

It's Jacob. I don't need to see him to know that it's him.

"You know it doesn't count if you stand in the shadows." He says laughing into my neck.

I turn to face him and try to force a smile out.

"Still not ready?" He says taking a good look at me.

I let out a sigh, he knows me too well.

"I'm standing here trying. I'm telling myself that I'm crazy for still feeling this way. That I'm not better than her. But my feet won't move. This is as far as I get, and I only come here when I know that no one is home."

Jacob frowns.

"You and Emily aren't the same." He says sternly. "What happened between us isn't the same as what happened between you three."

I smile slightly.

"Is it really that different though? Why even after we got together, and Nessie said that she was fine with everything did I not feel right? You imprinted on her. That means something."

Jacob rolls his eyes, this is a conversation we've had many times. "It does mean something Leah. It means that I'm always going to be there for her. But my heart," He says putting my right hand on his care chest, "it's yours. Now please don't break it."

I laugh at him, and push him slightly, breaking his heart is the last thing I ever want to do.

It's taken a lot for me to get to this place. A place where I am actually happy. I don't think I can remember a time when something wasn't worrying me, or pissing me off, but like I said it's taken a lot for me to get here.

I learnt a long time ago that no one should be the center of your world. No one should have the ability to have such control over you, that you forget who you are. Maybe that's one of the things that made me come here today. Not because _he _made me, not because he asked me to, but because somewhere deep down inside I wanted to be here.

I know that I want to make things right with Emily, its only right because she can't be the _only _person I've made amends with.

Or can she?

I quickly push that thought away, because there is always Bella.

One day maybe things will actually be put in their right place.

***

Jacob lets me sulk in front of their home for only five more minutes, because he then kisses me passionately and I'm turned into a big pile of mush. He then decides to drag me away from their home, I think he knew that it would take longer for me to make my way to the front door.

He walks me home, and I'm smiling the whole way. It's such a different feeling being able to walk hand in hand through La Push.

He walks me to my door and kisses me sweetly on the cheek.

To say that I was confused is an understatement. Usually Jacob would have walked through the front door and headed to the kitchen. This is unusual for him.

"Where are you going?" I wonder. Because the only explanation could be that he had other plans.

"I was going home. I have to shower." He says and shrugs.

"Want company?" I suggest.

He laughs and shakes his head.

Alright this isn't cool.

Is he really turning me down?

I'm frowning, and Jacob is still laughing.

"Lee, we got plans tonight remember?"

I shake my head. Plans for tonight? The only plan I had for tonight was slowly walking away from me.

"What plans?" I snap.

Jacob looks confused.

"It's Valentine's Day. I told you about these plans weeks ago!"

Valentine's Day. I groan. There is no way that he really wants to celebrate this washed up make believe holiday right?

Apparently he does.

"Jake!" I groan. "Valentine's day isn't even real! It's a made up holiday that the greeting card company made up make single people feel like absolute crap for being alone, and people in relationship go overboard because they think it's the 'most romantic day of the year'."

He only laughs at me.

"Is that what you told yourself all those years you were alone?"

I kick him in this shin and he groans.

"Kidding!" He yells defensively.

He makes it sound like I'm some old maid. _Years Alone?_ Jerk.

"We're going out tonight. No ifs ands or buts about it. And I'm not gonna buy the fact that you suddenly got sick. I'll be back at 6:30. Be ready or I'll dress you myself." He threatens.

It's cute that he can pretend like he's actually the one in charge.

Technically he is, but that's only because I'm saving my ammo for the big stuff. When the big guns come out, he'll be running scared.

He kisses me one more time, but this time it's a proper one. Not one of those pop kisses that you give your old aunt that smells like cat food.

He's stumbling as he walks away and I find myself smiling as he trips over his own feet.

Graceful has never been a word I'd use to describe Jacob, but today it doesn't matter to me.

I glance up at the clock as I pass the kitchen, it's only 4 o'clock, I still have loads of time to get ready, and so I lounge on the sofa until I come up with the brilliant idea of a bath.

It's been so long since I've taken a bath, it's usually a run through the river and I'm clean. It's about time that I feel like a bath.

I find the sea salts right where I left them.

The vanilla is the first one I pull out. I smile at this. I love the smell of vanilla, although I am a chocolate ice cream sort of girl.

When the bath is drawn I get in and soak. It's been a long time since I've had time to myself that I'm not really sure what to do.

I find myself thinking about things that I shouldn't be thinking about. Things I promised myself that I would never think about. But when you've got nothing to do, your mind tends to wander, and it's not always the best thing.

I think about Charlie and my mom. They've been "together" for about two years now. And I know that I haven't been the sweetest to their relationship, I know that they're happy together. I wonder if they're gonna get married soon. That's the most logical step right? You meet someone, you fall in love, you get married then pop out a few rug rats, and then you die. I mean you don't die right after, but that tends to be the way things go. There really isn't a guide to what happens when you husband dies unexpectedly and you fall in love with his best friend, but mom seems to be doing fine.

I think I would be okay with them getting married. At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

My mind wanders to the Cullen's, and what's going to happen to them now? Jacob was one of the reasons they stuck around in Forks. And Charlie. What was going to happen now?

Then I start to think about Emily, and just the fact that I just can't do it. I just can't go up to her and say "I forgive you." Because I would be lying and the other half of her scared face would be so happy, that it would eat at me, and I don't want that kind of guilt on my conscious.

I don't know if I could ever forgive her. The fact that she didn't even have the guts to tell me about Sam, that still stings in ways I didn't even think possible.

How do you go from best friend to girl I can't stand to look at because I will smirk at the scars that cover half your face.

I don't want to think those thoughts. Because then I would really be a vindictive bitter bitch who loves to cause misery. I don't want to be that girl any more. But I'm still not sure how to let go of all this anger.

I can't smile and pretend like none of it ever happened, because that'll destroy one of us, and with my temper chances are it'll be her.

I am not Emily's biggest fan, and I can't think of any possible reason that I should even try to make amends with her.

Except for the fact that she's my cousin. She's blood.

I sit and think about these things till Seth comes pounding on the door.

"Come on Leah you've been in there for almost two hours! Get out!"

Two _hours?_

Crap.

I hurry and wash the crap off of me. Jacob would be back in half an hour and I doubt he'd be impressed to find me locked in the bathroom.

I'm dressed by the time Jacob arrives. He's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and holding a blanket and what looks like two picnic baskets.

He smiles as I make my way to the front door. Seth's got him talking about the newest dweeb game that's just come out on Xbox, and I have to fight the urge to tell him to go away.

He frowns when he sees that I've arrived.

"Glad to see you too baby bro." I laugh.

He scowls.

"Leah you ruin everything!" Then he huffs away.

Alright that was weird.

"Did you not want to kiss him hello?" I joke with Jacob.

He tuts at me, but doesn't answer.

"Are we having a valentine's picnic?" I ask.

If it was possible Jacob grin broadens.

"If that's what you wanna call it, sure." He says leading me out the door.

I call out a goodbye to Seth and tell him not to wait up as I close the door.

But Jacob has other ideas. He's put both picnic baskets down, and is fishing in his pockets for something.

"What are you doing?" I wonder looking at the ridiculous sight in front of me.

"Looking for something." Jacob all but duhs at me.

"Found it!" Jacob says pulling a small box out of his pocket.

"A present?" I say happily.

"A present." He says back just as happily.

He gives the box to me and I pull out a long silver chain with two little charms on it. One is a tiny russet wolf, and the other is a gray wolf. It's us.

I'm speechless. Jacob smiles as if he knows that I automatically love the present.

"Still think Valentine's Day is a load of crap?" He whispers taking the chain away from me and putting it around my neck. It's beautiful. I find myself in awe.

"But I didn't get you anything!" I protest.

He shakes his head. "You don't have to get me anything. Valentine's Day isn't even a real holiday, it's just another day of the year where I get to tell you how much I love you, and it's just that today you get a present."

I'm holding the russet wolf in my right hand when I look up at him.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"Any time." He says winking at me.

"I love you." I say letting go of the charm and putting a hand on his face. "Please don't let me regret it."

"I won't." Jacob replies huskily kissing me making me forget all the troubles and all my worries, and just glad to be here with him.

* * *

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day. Or Single Awareness Day, which ever you celebrate. I couldn't have Leah go right to talking to Emily. It just didn't seem possible to me. Thank you all for your reviews, and please don't hate me for this chapter.


	35. Chapter 35

"You said it again my heart's in motion  
Every word feels like a shooting star  
I'm at the edge of my emotions  
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,  
And I'm in love and I'm terrified.  
For the first time in the last time  
In my only life."

-Terrified, Katharine McPhee

* * *

I want to tell you that I've got everything figured out, that my life is exactly how I thought it would always be, but that would be a lie.

I could say that I have everything under control but we all know that's a lie.

I could say I'm your average girl, but I'm not.

I miss the days where everything was planned out for you, and your biggest problem was what you were doing after school got out.

I'm not the same person I was a year ago, and I won't be the same person tomorrow.

I'm learning from my mistakes and constantly pushing myself to be better. I maybe not know who I am yet, but I know the type of person I want to become.

I've been told I'm the girl with the big dreams, and the potential to accomplish it all. But that was before I became La Push's resident bitch.

It seems like my life is in order. I've got the guy, the _perfect _guy, who adores me. Things are almost perfect. But I won't say that they're perfect because I would be jinxing myself. Things are never perfect. I'm not perfect. But somehow, things have actually become pretty close to perfect.

There are mornings where I wake up smiling. Granted most of them are mornings where Jacob spends the night, but either my mom is way cool, or she's just oblivious to anything and everything around her.

It's because she's in love, or at least that's the conclusion Seth has gotten too. The other day he came home stomping into the kitchen as mom and I were laughing about something unimportant, when he looks at us and says, "You both are love struck fools." and stomped off to his room.

Of course mom rounded on me and I thought _I _had done something to upset Seth. I swear she has no faith in me what so ever.

But then again I thought Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb had done something to him.

He's probably right though, Seth that is. Mom and Charlie have been spending_ a lot_ of time together, mostly to the point where she's not even here anymore. That's probably why she doesn't notice when Jacob is in our kitchen at 7am looking for something to eat.

I think about what it would be like if Charlie and my mom got married. Because it's bound to happen. I'm sure they've been discussing it. Or at least they've thought about it. I know I have.

There was a time, not that long ago where I detested the idea of them _together._ When the simple fact that my mother was _dating _made me want to rip my eyeballs out.

But over these past few months something's changed. Now I'm not saying that if they got married I'd jump for joy, but I wouldn't call them idiots and storm off.

But I can see that they make each other happy. I never saw it coming, and like I told Charlie all those months ago, it is a fucked up situation. It's weird. Because even if the things that happen to the wolves is weird, it's nothing compared to what our parents do.

But she is happy. She's happier than she's been in a long time.

And Charlie, he's really not so bad, once you forget the fact that his daughter is a complete moron.

Maybe that's why Seth's been so upset lately. Mom's been focused on Charlie, and me--I've been so caught up with Jacob that I really don't know where he ends and I begin.

But that's what's supposed to happen when you're in love right? You're supposed to go goo-goo eyed and have marbles for brains.

But that's not who I am. I don't want to be _that _girl that forgets everything and everyone for a guy. Even if that guy is still sleeping soundly in my bed.

***

I've gone to talk to Seth. I've been so caught up with everything that I've slacked in the sister department.

He sneered and rolls his eyes in all the right parts, and if it wasn't me that was talking to him, I know I couldn't have been any prouder.

But he still Seth, and he hates being left behind. I think he picked that up from Quil.

"No one is ever here!" He finally roars.

And I smile at my brother. Even after everything, he is still so innocent. And I want to protect that for as long as I possibly can. He doesn't need to find out that the world isn't filled with good people like him. He knows it though, that there are terrible people out there, and that's something that being a wolf has taken away from all of us. But Seth, somehow he holds on tightly to it, and I love him all the more for it.

I want to talk to him about mom and Charlie. Because it's only right that _we_ talk about it.

It's always been the two of us. I will bitch and whine every single minute of the day because he is an annoying little twerp, but just like Jacob, Seth is _my _annoying little brother, and I would die before I let anything happen to him.

"So you think Charlie and Mom are gonna get married any time soon?" He says.

Apparently he's had the same thing on his mind.

I shrug. I'm not sure if that is really going to happen, but pretty sure that it could come up soon. They have after all been together for three years.

"Would you be okay with that?" I ask. Apparently this has been on his mind for a long time.

"If I say no, then I would be a liar." He says slowly. "But if I say yes, then I feel like I'm betraying dad."

I know what he means. I forget sometimes how old Seth really is. When I see him I still see the little ten year old who would never leave me alone.

He's still the person that bugs the shit out of me the most, but he's still the one person I know that will always have my back.

"Charlie's okay. If mom had to move on at least it's with someone we know and not someone stupid name Stew."

"I think dad would be proud of us." He says. "Especially you." He smiles down at me.

I smile back and tell him, "He's proud of both of us."

He beams.

"Do you--what--what do you think of all of this? You've never kept quiet about mom's relationship with Charlie. Would you freak out if mom became Mrs. Charlie Swan?"

That's something I haven't actually thought about; would she take his last name? Would Sue Clearwater cease to exist and Sue Swan would be my mother now? What about Bella? How would she play into the new situation? Charlie would have to be told what his daughter is. That Bella Swan is long dead, and nothing about Bella Cullen is alive save for the eyes that her daughter has.

But I don't want to think about Bella anymore. Even though technically if they ever got married she'd be my step-_sister._ I can't even think about that without wanting to throw up.

Instead I think more about what Seth is talking about, how exactly would I feel about it?

I've been pretty easy going lately if I do say so myself. I blame Jacob for that entirely. He's made me soft. And the worst part about it is that everyone can tell, but no one had the guts to say anything about it, not even Paul.

Which could probably be Rachel's fault seeing as how she's got him wrapped around her little finger.

But that's not the situation with my mom. She's not _blessed_ with imprinting. She just knows the pain of being linked to a wolf.

"I just want mom to be happy." I tell Seth. Because it's the truth, and it's all I could ever hope for.

"Charlie's really not so bad." I offer. It could be worse, she could have begun a relationship with Billy, and that would be all kind of awkward for me and Jake...you know seeing as how he is my boyfriend.

"Yeah I know." Seth offers.

He hesitates for a second, and I can tell that he has something else on his mind.

"What's wrong with you kid?" I ask.

Seth looks like he's arguing with himself. I know the look because I used to wear it daily.

Apparently his conscious gets the better of him.

"I miss you." Seth says softly.

I know he's said it, and I know that he won't repeat it. It's those damn Clearwater genes, it makes us so stubborn.

"I'm right here Seth." I tell him happily. "I'm not leaving. I won't ever leave you."

Seth smiles for a second and does something we haven't done since we were kids. He holds out his pinky finger and says again, "Promise?"

My heart melts. I know that cliché and things that people only do in movies, but this is something that we used to always do, and I can't help but intertwine my little finger with his and promise that I won't ever leave him.

Because I don't ever want to leave him. Not really. Not in the way that he thinks that I'm going to leave him.

He knows that no one will ever be able to replace him. Hell he was one of the reasons I was such a bitch to everyone--being innocent Seth Clearwater's older sister wasn't easy. I had to be sly about the things I hid from him, I wanted to keep him little innocent Seth Clearwater for as long as I possibly could, because I learned at an early age what the real world can actually do to you, and I didn't want that for him.

And I think deep down inside he knew what I was doing. Or maybe it was the fact that I was his sister that he stood up for me so many times, especially when I didn't deserve it.

Maybe that's what I've been doing for my mom. She's been trying to protect us from everything for so long. And I know it has to do with loosing dad, and because she's our mom. But she's sacrificed so much for us--so much for me.

I remember when she cut all her hair off, I knew it was for me. When she walked through the front door and her hair was as short as mine I almost cried, I didn't of course, because I was still being bitter and bitchy, but I understood the reasons why she did it, at least I did later that night when I was climbing through my window naked because at the time I had no control over phasing.

I like to believe that I was never that selfish kid who only wanted. Who bitched and bitched until they got their own way. But I know that's not true. My parents gave me a lot, and I know that there were times when I basically told them to shove it up their own asses--without actually saying that to them, because honestly I wouldn't be alive today if I ever said that to my mother.

But I was reckless, and I was foolish, and I know that at least I'm a little bit better now.

At least I'm not stomping my foot and refusing to see what's right in front of me.

"I think I'll be okay if they want to get married." I tell Seth.

Seth looks at me as if I've grown two heads. Which at this moment I probably have. That's not something I thought would ever come out of my mouth, but there it is.

But he smiles at me and nods his head in agreement.

***

I want my mom to be happy. That's all. I want her to be happy.

But I'm getting way off topic here. It's not like Charlie's gonna walk through the door and ask me if he can marry my mom. It's just my crazy mind skipping ahead to the future thoughts. I like to think that I've grown as a person. I know that a few months ago the thought of them together made me want to destroy a house, but that's not the case anymore.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I know that it's just not the time for it. I've been a good sport about things, about everything that's happened in my life; loosing Sam, phasing, losing my dad, bloodsucker royalty coming for our lives, mom and Charlie, imprinting, and even with Jacob.

I fought it for so long that now that I actually want to beat the crap out of myself for trying to fight it.

I love Jacob. I'm not really sure when it happened. It just did. And it's best thing that's happened to me in a really long time.

I won't sit and talk about how my life was lonely before I realized what he meant to me, because everyone knows that it was. I was miserable. But I was pushing through it because I was sick of being miserable.

I'm not miserable now, and it may be extremely cliché of me to say this, and I know that even after I say it I'll want to kick myself in the face, but he has changed me.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but have you ever had one of those days where your mind just wonders? Where you can't stop thinking about things. I've read books about these moments, and I always thought that it was a load of crap, because everyone knows that your brain never turns off, even when you're asleep it's still running at a billion miles an hour trying to keep you entertained.

Ever find yourself staring off into space not even realizing what you're doing? Day dreams. They are the best. You're able to just bask in the awesomeness that if your life _finally_ making sense.

Maybe that's why I don't hear footsteps approaching me until someone is sitting down next to me.

It's Rachel.

She's smirking at me in that way that only Rachel can.

"Day dreaming are we?" She mocks.

I roll my eyes at her.

"What can I do for you Ray?" I say smiling. It's been a while since it's just been the two of us, and I can tell by her face that she realizes this too.

I can't blame her though, she's been in awe struck of being a wife, Paul's wife, but still someone's wife. And me--well we can all blame Jacob for taking up all of my time.

"I miss you." She says smiling.

I laugh at this. "Only four months, and you're already tired of him? Gee Ray, you lasted longer than even I thought."

She laughs with me. But it doesn't stop her from rolling her eyes.

"I miss you too." I tell her. Because I do. And as great as it is having Jacob--Jacob isn't Rachel.

"I just got off the phone with Rebecca." Rachel tells me matter-o-fatly.

I smile a bit. Rebecca and I have actually been pretty good about keeping in touch. But I think it had more to do with the fact that she's been pushing Jacob on me since she blew into town before Rachel's wedding.

She had a field day when Billy told her that Jake and I were "official". I don't think that's what he said, he probably said something about us finally taking our heads out of our asses.

"Is she bitching about being bit and fat?" I ask rolling my eyes.

The first sign of a baby bump and Rebecca goes ballistic. I thought that was the time mothers crave--apparently not.

Rachel grins, "Everyone keeps touching her belly, and it's pissing her off."

I laugh. I can imagine Rebecca freaking out about people and their germs.

"Has she told you the sex of the baby yet?" I ask.

Rebecca has it in her head that she wants to be surprised. That because it's their first child they should do it their way and do "neutral" things, like paint the kids room green or something stupid like that. I'm sure she could hear the annoyance in my voice when she told me that because she counted with a bitchtastic move.

She hung up on me.

I bitched about it for three weeks before I would talk to her again.

If anyone was the stereotype pregnant women Rebecca was.

I think that was the time that tested if Jacob would stick around. Here we were still in bliss after Valentine's Day, and his psycho sister has just hung up on me. I bitched and bitched and bitched, and he laughed the first time, so I threw him out of my room. I still remember his face after I shoved him out of my door, it was priceless.

Luckily he wasn't as stupid as I thought and literally broke into my room at 4am begging me to forgive him.

I tell you--I've got the life.

"No. She's still being stubborn." Rachel offers. "I told her not to expect a gift until the kid is born."

We laugh.

"Billy freaking out yet?"

Rachel shrugs. Billy is an older version of Jacob, except he's got way more control over his temper, and his word is law, unless he's talking to Jake, who can basically talk his way out of anything, and literally get away with murder, but whatever it's his son, and fathers do love their sons.

"He's pretty much the same as usual."

"Giddy with anticipation?" I offer.

"No. He wants more grandchildren! Every time I talk to him it turns into a conversation about children! I mean come on I just got married!"

I cringe at the thought of Paul reproducing. It doesn't matter if Rachel's genes are in there somewhere, the fact that someday Paul's _children_ will be running around scares the crap out of me.

But I can't help but laugh at Rachel's uncomfortableness. But she has something else hidden up her sleeve.

"He keeps bugging Jake about it too."

My face falls. This is something that I don't talk about with anyone.

But I don't want Rachel to see me thinking about this. It's not like she doesn't know. She heard Paul making fun of me once and she literally kicked his ass. Many things can be said about Rachel, but she at least knows how to throw a punch. And Paul was just so freaked out that he didn't have time to react. It took me a month to be able to look at Paul without replaying that scene in my head. I think that was the moment where I remembered that we were friends, the best of friends, and although my best friend stabbed me in the back, that didn't mean that all of them would.

"Oh well." Rachel says laughing.

She releases some of the tension that I've built up.

"I just wanted to come by and tell you that everything's going according to plan for tomorrow."

I smile. At least something's going right.

***

Sue Clearwater is a woman with many different skills. She is a mother, she is an elder, she is a woman, but still at the same time, she's still got time to be Sue. I know little girls grow up in awe of their mother, and wish that maybe someday they will be just like them, but talk to anyone who has met my mother and they know that I've got the best mom in the world.

She was the reason I decided to come home. Well her and Seth. A year ago I decided to come home. I woke up one morning and just ran. I ran until everything I was running away from came into view.

I never told anyone this, but I saw them all the day I got back. I watched each of them for most of the day before I decided that I was going to stay.

I ran all the way back. Something was telling me that I should come back.

Then I realized that it was my mom's birthday. It was the perfect setting for a surprise, and I killed it. I have to admit watching Sam mutter to himself was the highlight of my day. I scared the crap out of him when I showed up, and it made me happy. I think I was just high off the endorphins of running, or baking. I love to bake, and seeing Emily's crap cake in comparison to mine made the day even better.

Today is my mom's birthday. I won't tell you how old she is because she'd literally kill me if I ever said her real age. At least she's not like one of those mothers who still claim to be 21 when they clearly aren't.

After dad died, she was all Seth and I had. I wanted to be strong for her, but I was so angry, and so sad, and I know that Seth was feeling the same way because we were together. During the worst time of our mother's life we weren't there for her. We were wolves. I remember wanting to phase back to be with my mom. I remember trying to will myself to change back, to just get it together so I could see my mom, but I couldn't, and neither could Seth.

I learned later that Charlie was there for my mom during that time. And I appreciated him so much for it, and I know that Seth did too.

Its times like this when I can look back and realize that Charlie has always been there for my mom. He's been good for her. And I know that she's been really good for him.

We're sitting around the dinner table. I'm taken back to a year ago when we were all in these same exact seats, except this year things are in my favor. I'm no longer wishing that I was sitting next to Sam. I'm happy sitting here across from a smiling Seth, in between my mom and Jacob, who's literally beaming at me right now. But even with all thats surrounding me I know that things aren't perfect. They're far from it. And the look that Emily is giving me reminds me that there are things in my life that I won't be able to change. But right now I'm happier than I can remember ever being, and that's good enough, for now at least.

* * *

**A/N:** I've been having major writers block. I can't believe I haven't updated in over a month! If you're still reading THANK YOU!! I've got some good news, remember way back in January (aka Chapter 30) when I asked you to all vote for this story in The Two Sides of Twilight Forum? Well in the category of Best Leah x Jacob I won first place!! :-D It's my first award and I just wanted to thank those of you who voted for me, there were other really awesome stories and I wasn't sure if I was going to win, but I'm glad that I did. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU!

_Side note:_ I feel like the last sentence means that this is over. No it's not over. I've still got a couple more chapters left in me, but please be patient. Before the end comes near I want to go back and do some major editing in the earlier chapters. But thank you all for the amazing reviews. They really made my year.


	36. Chapter 36

_"Today was a fairytale _  
_You were the prince _  
_I used to be a damsel in distress _  
_You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six."_

_-Today was a Fairytale,_ Taylor Swift

* * *

_And they lived happily ever after. _

That's how fairy tales always end. They paint this pretty picture of life should work out. The thing no one seems to mention when they're telling the stories, is that fairy tales don't come true.

That they aren't even real. Because reality, that's the place we live in, and it's much stormier, much murkier, and much much scarier.

The thing about reality that no one ever seems to remember, it's so much more interesting than fairy tales.

And my life is anything but a fairy tale.

It's not like I've ever been called a damsel in distress. I've never needed prince charming to come to my rescue.

I have the perfect guy. Well okay he's not perfect, but he's pretty damn close.

He loves me.

He defied everything we were ever taught.

For me. Because of me.

And if that doesn't shoot him up to Prince Charming status, I don't know what will.

It's not easy being me.

But after five years of being put through hell, and watching the people I love most in the world be put through the same hell I've learned that it's not easy being any one.

There are moments in our lives when we're at a cross road, just afraid and confused, without a road map.

In those moments choices are made that really does define the rest of our lives.

And when that choice is made, we can never go back, or so we all think. Sometimes it's just takes a moment to let someone in—to give them a second chance. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you really are—who you want to be.

I wish that things could be different.

There is a big part of me that wishes I could go back in time and change some of the things I did, but then there another part of me that is glad for the way that things have worked out.

Because I have Jacob. But it's not just because of Jacob, because I've never been that girl that needed a guy to define who I am, because I am Leah Clearwater, and although I may have forgotten that, but it's been the one thing that's kept me going.

I am who I am, and I won't apologize for it.

I've never been perfect, and I may have lost my way for a bit, but I like to believe that I've found my way, that I've found the right path to who I want to be.

And a lot of it has to do with the woman sitting in front of me.

For years I've tried to convince myself that I didn't need her. I didn't to hear anything she had to say, but I was wrong.

She was such a big part of my life, that the thought her not being there still breaks my heart.

I can't fully move on with my life until things are at peace with us.

The hardest part about saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day. After everything is said and done she is still my family.

That's why it hurt so much.

Family is always supposed to be there for one another.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's taken me a really long time to get to this place.

I've spent months trying to convince myself that things between us didn't need to be settled. That I could go on being angry with her for the rest of my life.

But I've realized that it isn't true.

I told her a long time ago that I've moved past the thought of _them_ together. I am happy for them. I'm happy that she's happy.

But I don't forgive her, it's not because I don't want to, because I do. It's just because I don't know how to.

How do you forgive the person that threw you aside when you needed her the most? That's the question I've been dealing with for the past six years.

Being blood can only get you so much, and I've given everything her—everything except this.

And the funny thing is that if she just knew why I was so angry—I know that I would forgive her.

I've heard her apologies before, but they've always been for the same thing. _Sam._ I've heard her broad apologies where she's apologized for _everything, _but everything is a long list, and there is just one thing that I want her to be sorry about.

"I just want things to be right between us again. It can't still be about Sam right? ...I mean you have Jacob now..." That's the thing that gets my attention.

My head snaps in her direction and I give her the deadliest look I can possibly muster.

I see the fear in Emily face.

Most days it would excite me, but after hearing that, I feel nothing but disgust for her.

The fact that she would even mention Sam. The way she said that—like I would ever give Jacob up for Sam.

"The fact that you don't know why I'm so angry with you," I say slowly. I have to keep my temper in check. Right now I'm not in complete control of myself, and I wouldn't to give Emily matching scars on the other side of her face. "Makes me question why I'm even here."

Things aren't fair. They never are. Life isn't fair. I learnt that the hard way.

But this—the fact that she's standing here, god I could literally rip her eyes out.

"It's not about Sam." I tell her calmly. I'm getting my breathing under control, but her heart rate is still going crazy. I won't hurt her. At least I'll try not to.

Because it's not about Sam. At least it's not completely about Sam. The issues I have with Emily have to do with Emily. The fact that she doesn't get it makes me angrier every single day.

"I. Don't. Want. Sam. I. Love. Jacob." I force out.

"So why are you still not speaking to me? Why are things still like this?" She questions.

I roll my eyes. I can't help it. She's daft. I want to slap her upside the head until she gets it.

"You. It's because of you!!" I all but scream.

The way she's looking at me right now makes it seem like I did just slap her.

"Me?" She gasps. "I just—I want—"

"That's it Emily." I mock. "You _just_. You _want_. It's always been about _you_. About how you're feeling. About what's going on in your life. Oh look poor Emily she got attacked by a bear, so she's not so pretty any more, but that's okay because she's got perfect Sam Uley, and they're such a wonderful couple. Never mind Leah Clearwater—she's just psycho. All she wants is Sam, never mind the fact that Emily Young was her best friend. Never mind that you casted me aside for him. That you chose someone you knew for _days_ over someone you've known all your life. Your own blood. No but it's all right because you're _sorry_. Because you never meant to hurt me. Because you can bake, and blueberry muffins are my favorite so you'll just keep on baking them and shoving them in my face, because you want us to be friends again.

"You want us to be friends again? How the hell can we when you can't even see the real reason why I can't stand you? I love you Emily, I do. But looking at you makes me want to physically hurt myself.

"It's not about Sam. It's never been about Sam. It's about you and me, and what you did to me. How _you_ betrayed me."

"But I—" Emily tries to say, but I cut her off.

"But you what? You gave excuses, and pitiful apologies. You of all people—you didn't want this. You had dreams. We all had dreams.

"I want to go back. I wish we could go back. But we can't. You talk about moving forward, but we can't. All you want to do is sit and talk and rehash what was probably the most traumatizing year of my life, and I'm not okay with that. I don't want to talk about how it felt when out of the blue Sam told me that he was in love with you. I don't want to relive watching the two of you move in together, having to hear all of his adoring thoughts about you, being in your home, watching as you played house together, pretending that everything was okay, when it was killing me. I don't want to do that.

"I'm happy now. I'm trying to be happy. But I can't do that with you bugging me every fricking minute of every single day about trying to make things better between the two of us!" I scream the last part out.

It feels really good to finally say that.

It's about time things came out in the open.

I won't take back anything I say, and Emily needs to hear it.

Someone once told me that the breaking point is the starting point.

But it's a load of crap, because the "breaking point" is a sign of weakness, and I'll do anything to fight it.

"Lee— I—you—"

"Save it." I snap.

But Emily is just as stubborn as I am.

"I never wanted to hurt you." She says softly.

"But you did." I tell her coldly. "Just because you never meant to doesn't mean you didn't.

"Did you ever think about me? Because I thought about you every single day. I thought about my cousin—my best friend—my sister, and about you, because you're no longer any of those things to me." I look at her as I say all of this. It doesn't come out bitterly, it just comes out. I can see that me saying these things is like a slap in the face.

"I thought about you every single day." Emily tells me coldly.

I hear the hurt in her voice. But it doesn't matter to me.

She wanted to have a heart to heart and after years of burying these feelings—this isn't the same situation it was months ago when we were sitting in her kitchen and all I wanted was my best friend back. I was dealing with everything at that time, and I just wanted something stable, something familiar, but this isn't the case anymore.

I left because she got married, because she married the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted a reason to stay, and at the time I didn't have one, at least I didn't believe I had a good enough reason.

I do now.

And it's not just Jacob. I'm not that shallow. This past year has made me deal with the things I never wanted to deal with—the things I wanted to wish away.

"How can you forgive Sam so easily and not me?" Emily whispers in disbelief.

"Because he didn't have a choice." I tell her truthfully.

"If he did, he would have chosen me. You didn't." I say. It comes out without any malice or anger, that it surprises me. Admitting that to her felt like a weight was lifted off of me.

"You think it was easy for me?" Emily whispers.

"I come here to visit you, to help you, to make you feel better, and all of a sudden I'm thrown into something I never asked for. I didn't ask for you to hate me. I didn't ask to be imprinted on. I didn't want Sam to be my soul mate! I didn't want him to lose control and mark me as his. You're right I had dreams. But they're not possible any more. Not after all of that happened. It sucks that it happened, but it did. You think I want to be here forever? I didn't want to find my soul mate, or fall for my cousin's boyfriend, but it happened. You didn't ask to be a protector of your tribe, but you are. You can forgive Sam because he didn't have a choice, but I didn't have a choice either Leah!" She screams.

"You always had a choice." I snap.

"You still have a choice. Little hybrid Cullen basically told me to run into the sun set with Jacob, I did the same thing to her that you did to me—and I _hated_ myself for it. So much so that I had to make sure that it was okay. I talked to her. I made sure that she was okay. It was her choice to say no to the romantic side of the imprint. That's what you don't get. That's why I'm so angry with you. You never wanted any of this, but yet here you are, the perfect step-ford wife. Everyone used to yell at me about playing the victim, but Emily you've been playing the victim a lot longer than I have. You think that I don't want to go back? You think that I like saying these things to you? Because I don't.

"There was a time when all I wanted was for the two of you to be miserable. But I don't want that anymore." I tell her.

"I don't want to do this anymore. I don't know what you went through all those years ago. But I was put through hell and all I wanted was my best friend there, and she wasn't. That's the reason why I'm so angry with you Emily. You weren't there. So I got angry. Then pretending that I wasn't angry at you made me even angrier, and I couldn't be angry to your face because you would apologize and I didn't want your apologies. I wanted you to know that I wasn't happy. I wasn't asking you to read my mind, but I was just hoping that you would open your eyes. But you didn't and then it got to the point where I just didn't care anymore."

Emily's face falls as I say this.

"Why do you want to fix things between us so badly?" I ask her.

It hurts to think about her, and I don't want to go back. I don't want to be that person again. I want to move forward.

"I miss you." She says softly.

And it's the first honest thing I've heard her say in a long time.

"I miss you too." I admit. Because if truth be told, I've missed her for a really long time, and I'm tired of being angry.

"I never meant to betray you Leah. I can't give you a good reason to why I did it, but it happened, and I am so sorry for hurting you."

"I know you're sorry Emily. You've been apologizing to me for years now. Apologies won't make things better between us."

"Then what will?"

"I don't know." I admit.

"Leah I could apologize until I'm blue in the face, but the choice is yours—it's always been your choice. And I know I haven't made things easy for you, but I will always want things to be better between us."

"Maybe someday they will be." I tell her in what I think is a hopeful voice.

That was when something came to me—I wasn't angry anymore.

Okay that wasn't the truth, I was angry, anger doesn't _just _go away. But I wasn't as angry as used to be.

Its not like it was all gone, but I felt free.

"There was a time when I couldn't look at you without wanting to throw up. I was so angry with you, but I loved you. And I use to wish that we could go back, but we just can't because it's gone. Things are different, but I think—I think with a little work, that maybe I can forgive you now." I tell her.

"What?" She wonders.

"I don't know what's going to make things better between the two of us, but trying to force a friendship between us—you know me better than that. Maybe this way without all the pressure—maybe things can be better between us."

If she's surprised she doesn't show it.

She only smiles.

And that makes me smile.

It's the first real smile I've given Emily in years, and it feels good.

"I want you to be able to depend on me again." Emily says softly coming closer to me.

"I'm sorry that all of this had to happen to you. I'm sorry for my part in it. But I hope you know that I love you. I'll always love you." She says putting her hand on my arm.

Usually I would snatch it away and tell her that it doesn't matter. But today there was something comforting about it. Something hopeful.

Things between us wouldn't be fixed in a day, but maybe, now that everything is out in the air things can actually get better between us.

_Some day._

***

"Come on Leah!"

It's Seth's voice that's screaming through the door.

"What twerp?"

"Come on! Get out already!!" He whines.

I roll my eyes at the thought.

Not that long ago someone else was banging on the bathroom door bitching for me to get out of the bathroom.

Standing here, staring at myself in the mirror I can only think of one thing.

That if I could tell you one thing and have you believe it, it would be that I am Leah Clearwater and I am happy.

I've done things in my life that I'm not proud of. I've been mean, bitchy and vindictive. I've hurt people who love me, and I've loved people who hurt me.

But that's in the past now.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

"Seth quit it!"

At least I know that little brothers will never stop being annoying.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Damn it Seth!" I yell throwing the door open.

And I'm hit with déjà vu.

Because like before it's not Seth banging on the door, it's Jacob.

"What the—?"

He grins mischievously at me before maneuvering his way around me and closing the bathroom door in my face.

"JACOB!!" I yell.

I bring my hand up to bang as obnoxious as I can on the door as he did, but instead of banging the door down Jacob opens it in one quick motion.

He's smiling just as smugly as before.

And I cross my arms.

He takes a step forward, and that's when I make my move.

We're turned around in seconds and it's me that's closing the door in his face.

But at the last second I stop and throw it back open.

"You're early." I laugh.

"I'm supposed to have 15 more minutes." I say smiling trying to pretend that I'm actually angry that he's early, instead of happy that he's here.

Jacob smiles up at me and says, "To what look like a girl tonight?"

I roll my eyes, but I can't help the smile from forming on my lips.

"Yes my femininity is fleeting didn't you know?"

"Femininity?" He mocks.

"You don't need that stupid thing. You're hot without it." He winks.

"So who are you trying to impress?" He asks seriously closing the gap between us.

I smile smugly and tell him, "Didn't you know? I've got a date tonight."

"A date huh? So hell really has frozen over." He says smiling and taking my hand.

"Think I'm an idiot?" I ask him with raised eyebrows.

And like before, he lets go of my hands and grabs a hold of my chin, and whispers, "No Leah, I think it's great. You deserve to be the happiest person in the world."

He sounds so grown up, so mature. So sure of himself, that I really can't but smile at this.

I take a deep breath in, inhaling his scent and tell him, "Thank you."

"For what?" He questions.

"Everything. Believing in me, in us, for wanting me to be happy, for making me happy."

He grins harder releases my chin and puts a hand on my cheek and says, "You make me happy too."

Then he kisses me, and it's as memorable as the first time he kissed me. I feel it all the way to my toes, and I have to remind myself that I can stand on my own two feet.

He lets me go and hold out his hand for me.

"Come on Beautiful, we got to go your mom and Charlie are waiting for us."

I grab a hold of his hand, but as I'm turning away I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Like before, it's not perfect, but it would have to do.

But unlike before the smirk is actually gone, and a smile is on my face.

But I'm still me. I'm still Leah, the bichest badass in the world.

I turn to look at Jacob, the smile is still present on my face, and he smiles back at me and winks.

And that's when I realize that this moment, this exact moment, it's when I realize that maybe fate knew what they were doing when they had Sam imprint on Emily, because that's where it all started. That's when I thought my life ended, but I was wrong. It was where it began, and now after all of this, after all the heartache, and all the pain, if it means that I can have Jacob forever, I would gladly go through it all again.

* * *

A/N: And that's the end. Almost. The epilogue should be up within the week. This has been an amazing ride, to all of you who've stuck by me. Thank you, truly. I've enjoyed writing this story, and hearing all of your ideas and thoughts. Thank you so much.


	37. Epilogue: The End

"All that I'm after is a life full of laughter  
As long as I'm laughin' with you  
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after  
After the life we've been through  
'Cause I know there's no life after you"

-_Life After You_, Daughtry

* * *

Days go by, and then weeks, and before I know it a year has passed, and here I am at another wedding.

And as my past has shown, weddings aren't really my forte. Things always seem to happen at weddings that no one really plans out for.

Sure the bride and groom get married, but that was planned, that's the plan when it comes to weddings.

But for me? Somehow regardless of whose wedding it is, something always seems to happen to me. It's not like I plan for these things to happen, because honestly I would love to go to a wedding and not have anything happen to me.

But as I learned as a teenager, I can't control the things that happen to me.

But you know who does control me?

Sue Clearwater.

And it's not like anyone can really judge me for it, because really, she's my mother, and she's scary. I'll admit that I'm afraid of her, and you'd be an idiot if you think no one is.

Now if I thought that Rachel was a crazy loon when she was planning her wedding, I was sorely mistaken. I thought that I was going to feel awkward and angry at the thought of my mother getting married, but that wasn't the case when she told us.

The day that she sat Seth and me down, we knew something like this was going to happen. To say that we were surprised would be a lie. We weren't surprised. But after she told us, Seth and I were a little bit surprised. Not at the fact that they were getting married, but because Charlie hadn't warned us.

The last time Charlie and I had a conversation about him and my mothers, _situation,_ I was given the impression that he'd check with us before making any other major changes in our lives. I think I was more worried about Seth. While my mom was staring at me, I was staring at Seth.

His face was blank. I knew he wasn't in shock. This was a long time coming.

His brain was probably on over drive.

"Seth?" I call out to him.

After all I don't want him exploding in our kitchen.

But then Seth has always been the leveled headed of the two of us and something comes to him, he smiles and turns to our mother and say, "It was you."

There wasn't any sound of accusation in his voice, it was a statement.

It takes me a moment to understand what he's actually talking about, but I get it.

And I can't stop the laughter that comes out of me. The reason that Charlie hadn't warned us was because it wasn't _his_ idea. It was her's.

And by the smile of triumph on my mother's face, I knew Seth was right.

And it's not like we could really be angry about it, because she was happy, and that's what really mattered. That's what both of us have ever wanted. Besides we talked about this, at least in passing. We've had conversations about it, and it was bound to happen. We both knew that if they were, ever going to get married we would be okay with it, because Sue was the best mother in the entire world, and with everything she gave up for us, she deserved to be happy, and if Charlie Swan made her happy, then god help him.

I just never thought she would give us the house.

Alright give is the wrong word. We bought the house from her, and buy bought I mean we are from now until we die her personal slaves.

But then again that's what children are, or at least that's what Rebecca tells me. Since she can't wait for her brat to be able to stand on its own two feet without falling on its face.

But hey, she was the one that popped out a boy, and boy do the Black genes run deep in him.

She isn't one of the lucky few that are at attendance at this shindig. Not because she wasn't invited, because she literally called me screaming when she got the invite. It's just that her little brat has some unnatural fear of flying, or maybe it was just airplanes, but regardless she can't very well leave him with her husband and come gallivanting back to La Push, Billy would kill her for not bringing his little grandson with her, therefore she _had _to stay in Hawaii. I think she just didn't want to expose little Aidan to La Push, which I don't blame her for.

I think she knows deep down what being in this place means. She may have been the only one that escaped the knowledge of living in this other world, but deep down I think she can feel that it's safer for her to stay away.

It's still home for her, everyone and everything she has ever known is here and I doubt that she would be able to bring her child here, and not want to stay.

If I could I'd run far, far away, alright that's a lie, because I did run far, far away, I just ended up back here again.

Its home and everything that really matters is here. Why would I ever want to leave?

But that's that, let me tell you putting a wedding together in three months, I don't know what the hell my mother was thinking.

I never thought that putting a wedding together would take so much effort.

But Seth was thrilled, and I was thrilled, and honestly that's the best anyone could hope for.

Every weekend something needed to be done. One week it was food, then it was the flowers, and then another it was place cards, I kept my opinion on that particular subject to myself. Obviously everyone knows their own names, and it's not like it would take _that _much effort to sit next to someone you actually like rather than being stuck next to someone you loathed.

But then again the vamps were coming, and I highly doubt that Sam would find it funny if I put him and Edward Cullen at the same table, although I'm sure that Emmett would get a kick out of it.

So here's the thing about weddings, Weddings are sort of anti-climatic.

Well at least my mother's one was. I remember Sam and Emily's wedding. The anger I still had then, and just the fact that I knew I was leaving. I had something to look forward to then, leaving. I can't think about leaving now, but then I remember wanting to get things over with.

At Paul and Rachel's wedding from hell, I remember the anxiety I had over seeing Ethan again, and the fear I had at the possibility of feelings for Jacob. And now here I am happier than I can remember being in years.

And it doesn't seem like it's really happening. My mother is getting married. I mean really? _Married_. I don't think the idea has even affected Charlie. Or maybe he's really just that level headed. It's a quality that seems to skip a generation in his family, because Bella sure as hell didn't get it. Still regardless, I'm glad she's marrying Charlie. I like Charlie.

Now my mom is smiling at all of us, the Cullen's included, you know seeing as how my mother is going to be somewhat related to a bunch a blood suckers, and telling us to play nice.

Clearly she either has an amazing sense of humor that skips a generation, or she's hopped on drugs.

At that I can't help but roll my eyes, as if she really expects me to play nice, she's making me actually be related to_ Bella_.

I still cringe at the thought. It's not like we're gonna start braiding each other's hair or anything. Man that would suck.

I wait for the glare that I'm expecting Edward to throw at me, but instead he just chuckles.

Alright so maybe the bloodsucker isn't that bad. It doesn't mean I'm gonna start calling him bro or whatever.

At that he laughs.

Apparently he does have a sense of humor. Who would've guessed his corpse actually knew how to smile?

Not me that's for sure.

Jasper—yes I've actually started to use his name, mostly because it was the only way to get him to stop using my whole name, that and we kinda understand each other— looks between the two of us, and actually cracks a smile. It's probably because he asked his—ugh,_ our_—creepy brother—

I hear Edward fake a cough, apparently he's getting a kick out of my thoughts, because Bella's glaring at me, and I can't help but smirk. Any day that I get to annoy her is a great day, although I should try to be nice, seeing as how she's my, ugh, _step-sister_.

At least there is one person here that I can somewhat stand.

Because Nessie is here, she's standing by my side, and god is she beautiful.

I won't lie and say that a part of me still worries that she'll wake up one day and want Jacob, but at sixteen—that's the age she's going by—at an age where everything is supposed to awkward and frightening, she's so sure of herself, and I can't help but be a little jealous.

She has everything I would have killed for at her age, and she still has a sense of gravity on her.

I'm sure Bella would blame that on me, and I'd take full responsibility for that, because I promised Nessie that Jacob would always be in her life, and she took that as me promising that I would always be in her life.

She's too smart for her own good, and I worry about her, but Seth seems to be keeping a close eye on her, although Jacob doesn't seem too thrilled with the idea, especially after he caught them holding each other asleep at the beach.

I thought it was innocent fun. They fell asleep and they were spooning, it's not like he caught then doing anything. They're too _good_ for that.

I'm not sure who was more upset, Jacob or Bella. Edward just growled a lot, but couldn't really be mad, because he knew it was innocent... It's not like he had a leg to stand on, seeing as how he used to sneak into Bella's room every single night and hold her as she slept, now that was creepy.

But Edward just huffs and walks away, and I smile.

Everyone's taking their place now, and the ceremonies began.

And in a blink they're married. _Actually married._ Charlie's my step-father. Bella's now my annoying step-sister, and Nessie, after all these years of her calling me _"Aunt Leah", _she's actually my niece, and the leeches are kind of my family.

Screw God helping Charlie. He needs to help me.

***

My mom is married.

I can't believe that she is someone's wife.

That still blows my mind. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it because I can still remember a time when just the thought of that even happening pissed me off, but now maybe it's because I can actually appreciate how happy she is, or maybe it's because I'm so happy, but I know that I couldn't be happier for her.

I know that she'll always be Sue Clearwater, no matter who her husband is. And more importantly, I know that my dad would be happy that she's happy again.

We're standing outside of the tent, the camera is in my hand, and I'm snapping random pictures of my mom and me, and some of Charlie, Jacob and Seth smiling at one another as Charlie whispers things to the two of them.

Men. I can't help but roll my eyes.

Seth's laughing as Charlie says something to Jacob, and the face Jacob is making makes me want to laugh as well.

My mom is standing next to me, and she is radiating happiness.

"Congratulations mom." I say hugging her.

"Thanks honey." She says hugging me back.

"I'm so happy for you."

"Yeah me too!" Seth says grinning from ear to ear, coming up next to us.

She hugs us both and tells us how happy she is, and how proud she is of the two of us. She didn't need to tell us that, it's written all over her face, but she smiles solemnly and tells us how lucky she is to have us as her children. Seth and I grin. We're awesome. I don't need to be in Seth's head to know that he's thinking the same thing.

We love our mom, and we love the fact that she's smiling the way that she is. Because she's beaming, and we know that's it's not just because of Charlie, it's because we're here too.

"We did good baby bro."

"Yeah we did." Seth says high-fiving me.

"Did what good?" Charlie asks walking up next to us.

"At being awesome!" Seth answers laughing.

"Yeah well I hope your dancing skills are just awesome." My mom says laughingly.

"As long as it's not a slow dance." I say. "I hate slow dancing."

My mom glances at Jacob and nods, then smiles.

I look at him questioning and he just grins

"I'm not slow dancing." I tell him.

He just laughs and kisses me on the cheek.

It's probably because I'm blushing that I don't see the wink that Jacob gives my mom, before dragging me inside to the monstrous crowd that is our family.

***

We're twirling around the dance floor, Jacob and I that is, when a low song hits, and Jacob has me pinned against him in a death grip.

I roll my eyes and give into dancing to a slow song, although I remembered precisely saying that I hated slow dancing, and there was no way in hell I would do it.

But Jacob's _supposedly _stronger than I am, and we've been having such a great time together that I let it slide, one dance wouldn't kill me after all.

So I give in and lean into him, because really slow dancing isn't all _that_ bad and I'd take any excuse to be pressed up against Jacob.

"This is nice." I mumble into his shirt.

"Yeah it is." He says kissing the top of my head.

I don't need to see his face to know that he's smiling, his breathing gives it away, or maybe it's the fact that we know each other so well.

My eyes are closed and I'm just listening to his heart beat, when it starts to beat oddly fast.

"Jak—" I start to say, when he cuts me off.

"leahiloveyouiwantyoutomarryme." It's not the way he wanted it to come out, because he's cursing under his breath. He says it in such a rush that I'm not sure if he actually says what I think he says. Because the word _marry_ is all I can hear.

I'm frozen against him, but we're still moving. I'm not really sure if he's just said what he says when he pulls away from me, and just stares at me.

"Did you—did you just ask me—" Words are failing me as I look up at him.

He looks so hopeful, so happy that I'm not sure what's going on.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls a small pouch out. He holds his hand open and empties the pouch out.

It's a ring. A fricking _engagement ring._ And I'm still standing there speechless, like a damn idiot.

He's holding it out for me to examine, and I don't need vampire vision to know that it's beautiful.

Because I know that ring.

As a kid I used to stare at that ring, I used to beg his mother to let me try it on whenever Seth and I were over at their house. She always would. I loved that ring. She used to joke and say that someday it would probably be my ring, if only Sarah knew how right she was.

"Your mom's ring." I whisper at him.

Jacob smiles. He looks confident again. Gone is the unsureness in his voice as he speaks.

"It's yours Leah. She used to say that it would be yours. And I want it to be yours. Marry me."

I'm not sure what to say. It's not like I haven't thought about what this moment would be like. Never in a million years would I have thought that Jacob would be proposing to me at my mother's wedding.

But we never really discussed being married. Being Leah _Black_ wasn't something I wanted to get too attached too, even after all this time I still held Jacob at arm's length, waiting for the bottom to fall out.

"You...you drive me crazy, Leah. You say things before thinking, and you never back down. You are the toughest person I know, and sometimes that drive me insane. But I can't imagine my life without you. I love you so much, you asked me once, why I was in love with you, and I gave you a list of reasons, but the one reason I didn't give you, is the reason why. I love you because you're you. And that may not make any sense, but you and me, we make sense. It's you. It's always been you. You're my forever Leah, we can have forever—Just say yes."

He's not pleading, but I can hear a trace of it in his voice. He wants this. And if I've learned anything about Jacob Black it's that when he wants something he goes after it.

But this? Marriage? Saying yes—it would mean forever. And I wanted forever with him. At least a lifetime.

And I wasn't ready—or was I?

"Oh just say yes already!" Some screams.

I would know her voice anywhere.

It's Emily.

This past year has actually been really good for us. Having her in my life without all of the pressure of being friends, or even being nice, I think it's actually made us closer. Not like things are back to where they use to, but they're better than they have been, and I guess that's the most any one could ask for. At least we've finally reached an understanding.

I turn to glare at her, when I realize that everyone is staring at us.

They're waiting for my answer, they all knew about this.

I find my mother's face, and she's beamingly so much harder now. I can see her urging me to say yes, she's giddy with anticipation.

I make it a point to shot every one dirty looks until I'm face to face with Jacob.

He's still staring at me, holding out his mother's ring. Waiting. Smiling, just like he's always done. He's always been that guy, the person in couples who just knew, the one that never gave up. I can feel his eagerness. He wants to put that ring on my finger.

And I want him to. It's taken me a long time to get to this place, and if Jacob is the person that always knew, I was the person that was always trying to catch up. Until now. I've finally caught up, and I know that this is what I want. I want this. I want him, I want to be his wife. I can't stop the smile that's somehow found its way to my lips.

But I won't be taken down without a fight.

My hands are on my hips, and I'm glaring at him in a very _Leah _like way.

"Smooth Black. Very smooth." I say grinning.

He smiles and takes a step closer to me.

I raise an eyebrow and Jacob takes another step closer to me. I hold my left hand out expectantly, and Jacob eagerly slides the ring onto my finger.

He breaks out into a grin and kisses me.

Jacob picks me up and spins me around until I'm hitting him to let me down. Once I'm on the floor I turn to look at him and say loud enough for everyone, non-wolf and all to hear,"This doesn't mean I'm taking your last name." I snap.

"We'll see." He says slamming out lips together.

When he finally lets me up for air, he turns to crowd and says, "The future Mrs. Jacob Black." and kisses me on the cheek.

All around, I hear the bursts of cheers.

The first ones to reach us are my mom and Seth, Charlie and Billy are close behind them and smiling proudly.

"You knew didn't you?" I say turning to my mom.

She just smiles mischievously at me, and laughs.

"Of course I knew!" She says rolling her eyes, now let me see your ring.

I hold my left hand out to her, and she examines the ring.

"Well at least you had good taste when you were younger Billy." My mom says turning to Billy.

He laughs and tells me that Sarah would be glowing if she knew that I had her ring on my finger. And I can't help but smile.

I feel bad that I'm taking attention off of my mom's wedding, but she's hugging me so tightly that I know she doesn't mind. She helped Jacob plan where he was going to do it, so I'm sure she can't be angry.

I'm not sure what surprises me more, the fact that Sam actually looks thrilled at the fact that I'm getting married, or the fact that Bella actually comes up to me and congratulates me with a smile.

I chalk it down to her trying to be sisterly, seeing as how that's what we are now.

A soft clinking of glass stops the murmur of congratulations that have spread from all around the room. I scan the room for the source of the sound, only to find Seth and the podium with a smile on his face, and a mic in his hand.

"So I'm really no good at this," He says laughing, "But it's probably expected of me now, seeing as how it's my mom's wedding, and the fact that my sister just got engaged in front of all of us. But since I'm the only sane person in my family—I want to propose a toast, well actually two toasts, the first, of course to my mom and Charlie, you guys have been dancing around this for years now, and all I can say is that it's about time. I know that I can speak for Leah here when I say that Leah and I wish you nothing but happiness for whatever years you have left."

Every one laughs at Seth's joke.

"To Sue and Charlie." He says raising his glass.

The room follows and drinks to their happiness.

"Now," Seth says, "The second is to Leah and Jacob—you guys are idiots. But no one in this room can deny the fact that you guys make each other happy. I've seen the two of you at your best, and at your worst. And no one is more perfectly matched than the two of you. My sister is amazing Jake—the best you'll ever get, and you know what I'm capable of if you hurt her, but more importantly you know what she's capable of if you piss her off. So here's to the two of you, may you continue to drive each other crazy so you leave the rest of us alone."

Seth laughs, and I find myself laughing along with him.

"Thanks bro." I say hugging him.

"Dad would be so proud of you." He says in my ear.

"You too." I tell him tearing up.

"Love you sis."

"Love you too."

"Okay enough of the sappiness, let's start celebrating!" Seth says into the mic.

The music starts again, and I'm lead onto the dance floor by a smiling Jacob.

"Best wedding yet?" He asks smugly.

"Till ours of course." I say winking back at him.

As the music starts and Jacob pulls me further onto the dance floor, I've come to realize that after all of this, after all the crap that I used to blame on fate and destiny—I've come to terms with the fact that after every single bad thing that has ever happened to me, amazingly good things have happened as well. And that after all this time I realize that the person I want to be does exist, I know this because I've actually become that person—the one that I always wanted to be, and I can't blame fate and destiny, or even Sam and Emily anymore, because without all of that I wouldn't be who I am today, and I like who I am, and that's all that really matters.

—-

**THE END.**

***

* * *

A/N: I really can't believe that this is the end. It still hasn't fazed me that it's over. It's taken me a little less than a year, a few days short of a year actually, and 37 chapters, but I've finally done it. I know most of you must be disappointed with the lack of Blackwater babies, but as a good friend pointed out to me, this story didn't start off with any Blackwater intentions. The story is about Leah, and about her finding herself again, and she just happened to pick Jacob up along the way, not a bad thing to have if you ask me. Now that doesn't mean that babies are out of the question, I just saw it ending this way.

I've been asked by a couple of of to write a sequel, and honestly I could say that I'm going to get on that right now. But that would be a lie. All I can tell you is that I know that I'm not done with TWWND world. I've left many things open, and insinuated some relationships that could develop, but all I know is that I'll want to come back to it. Here's where you bug me with PM's an reviews. haha, but don't be too disappointed there are Outtakes that I'm still editing, and if you have a special request, feel free to ask.

I wanted to give personal thanks, but somehow there was this feeling that there was someone that I would forget, and after all of this it would literally kill me to forget someone. So instead here I am trying to type out how much it means to me that you've all stuck by this story. Somehow typing out a heartfelt thank you doesn't seem like enough, but it will have to do, and I hope you all know that to the reviewers who have stuck by me through the year, I really do appreciate every single one of you. This story has been one hell of a ride, and without all of you I really would've given up on this story way back around chapter 8, and I'm sure you all would've hated me for it.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being a part of this journey.

-xtapx


	38. Outtake: The Permission

A/N: Lately I've found myself missing updating. Hence this was written. I've had this on my mind for the past couple of days, and especially with finals coming up I needed a distraction. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews from the Epilogue. At first I was thinking about posting this as a OS, but this is just a special treat for those of you who still have this on Alert. Hopefully you all jump up in your seats and go "OMG an update!" Because that was my intention.

As mentioned in the story this takes place about three weeks before the epilogue, it's a conversation between Seth, Sue and Jacob, when Jacob goes and asks for their permission to ask Leah to marry him, seeing as Jacob that honorable guy that he is in my head. haha. But many thanks, and again I hope you all enjoy this.

* * *

**The Permission**

.

It's just like any other day in the Clearwater household. Seth and Sue are sitting calmly in the living room as Jacob Black paces back and forth mumbling incoherent things to himself.

Most of the time it's about Leah and since Leah is nowhere to be found they know this time it's actually about her.

It's Seth who does something first.

He looks at his mother, then at his Alpha, then back to his mother. He keeps to snide marks about being 'whipped' to himself.

In all honesty he's not sure if he should be the one to break the silence—or pacing in Jacob's case—but with one eye roll from his mother Seth knows he has to do something before she snaps, she is after all in the thick of planning her wedding.

"Jake…" Seth calls out to him.

He's not really sure what to say, but he doesn't need to say anything because the sound of Seth's voice makes Jacob stop pacing.

Jacob looks up into the faces of Sue and Seth and wants to throw up.

He doesn't know what he was thinking coming here. He knows what he's thinking and he knows that he should just man up and ask—but one look at the two of them makes him forget that he's_ supposed_ to be the one in charge—so instead he continues to pace because throwing up in the Clearwater house, even he's not stupid enough to do that.

Sue is a patient woman. Well as patient as anyone could be. She knows that Jacob is here for a reason, and it's obviously important, but she's in the midst of planning her wedding, sure it's her second, but it's still a wedding and she really doesn't have that much patients—especially when her time could be spend doing something productive instead of watching this boy walk back and forth across her living room.

Since she knows that Jacob won't gain the use of his brain soon, she takes control, because that's what she's always done, and gets his attention.

"Sit." She commands him, and Jacob follows obediently.

Seth watches as his mother tells his Alpha what to do. On any other day of the week he would be laughing out tears, but seeing as how Jacob isn't too fond of him at the moment, which he knows is completely crap—that and he can feel the intensity of the moment, so he keeps his mouth shut, mostly because he knows his mother would turn and round on him in an instant.

"What can we do for you Jacob?" Sue asks kindly.

Jacob knows that this probably isn't the best time to ask, but it's something he's been thinking about for months—okay years, but school boy fantasies don't count—but he's finally worked up the courage to say it out loud.

Actually he's done more than that, it's something that he wants and he knows that he needs to man up in order for it to even have a chance of happening.

His timing could be better—after all Sue is getting married in 2 weeks, and yes everything is planned, but you always have to plan for the unexpected. He learned that the hard way when he was sixteen years old.

"I—" Jacob chokes out.

He can't seem to get the words out, but the look on Sue's face makes him realize that he needs to spit it out or he'll literally be running home with his tail between his legs.

Jacob looks at Seth first.

Seth doesn't know what to do. He knows Jacob. He's wanted to be just like Jacob since he can remember—and even if Jacob is a little bit pissed off with the whole Nessie thing, Jacob is still his brother, so with his eyes Seth tries to encourage Jacob to spit it out.

Jacob takes a deep breath in before looking at Sue. He appreciates the look that Seth gave him, and he should probably lay off the kid, but really there are just some things you don't do with someone's imprint regardless of the situation.

"You know that I love Leah right?" Jacob asks them. He knows that it's stupid, but right now, at this exact moment he needs reassurance.

After all it's not every day you ask Seth and Sue Clearwater permission to ask Leah to marry him.

Seth rolls his eyes at Jacob's question. That's something he doesn't doubt. He would even bet against Alice on this if she were to say anyone else.

Sue on the other hand looks amused. She's leaning back on the couch with crossed arms and it's in that exact moment that Jacob realizes where Leah gets her grace and strength from.

"Yes Jacob, we both know how you feel about Leah." Sue says fighting against a smile.

"Now—again what can we do for you? I'm sure you're not here to declare your love for her, since you've already done that, _multiple times_. And if you are, I will smack you so hard Rebecca will feel it in Hawaii, because you're wasting my time."

That makes Jacob's jaw literally drop.

This time Seth doesn't even try to fight the fit of laughter that has taken over him. But with one look from his mother he stops.

_Crap_. Its the only thing that Jacob can think about. It takes him a few minutes, but slowly he regains control of his brain and smiles.

He knows that Sue was just teasing, but still he is scared to death, she is after all Sue Clearwater and you'd be a fool if you weren't afraid.

But after repeating that this is what he wants, he finally spits out what he came here to ask.

"I would like your permission—both of yours," He says looking at Seth, "to ask Leah to marry me."

Jacob lets out a sigh of relief—he's finally said it—he can't take it back now.

But Seth lets out a laugh that makes Jacob feel like he's made a big mistake.

"Marry Leah??" Seth spits out between laughter. "Man she's gonna love this."

Jacob can't stop the glare that he gives Seth. This was not helping Seth get back on good Jacob's good side regardless of what Nessie said, or even the fact that Leah was his sister.

Hanging out with Leah has taught him a thing or two about death glares, and since he wasn't allowed to hurt his girlfriends brother, who he knows she loves more fiercely than her own life, Jacob settles for giving Seth the evil eye..

But Sue get's Jacob's attention before he can do any physical harm to her son.

"Are you sure about this Jacob?" Sue asks, and Jacob can't tell if she's thrilled or if she wants to kick him out of her house for even thinking about it.

"Sue," Jacob says, using her first name isn't something he intended to do, seeing as how on the Rez it was a well known fact that she was "Mrs. Clearwater", but he wants her to know that he's serious.

"I love her more than anything in the world. And yes she's kind of a pain, but she makes me happier than anyone else can. This—Her, it's the one thing I am sure of most. Her and me, it fits—we fit, and even if she says no I'll still love her, and I'll still be here waiting for her until she's ready."

Sue doesn't know what to say. She looks to her son for support, or even for words, but Seth can only shrug.

"I'm okay with it. I just want to be there when he asks, just in case she throws something."

Sue can only roll her eyes. No matter how old Seth got, or the smart things that would come out of his mouth—for some reason Sue always felt like he said the right things without even meaning to.

Jacob looks expectantly at Sue, urging her to answer, but all Sue can think about is that she knows that Leah will say yes.

After everything Leah's put this boy through—after everything he's done for her, there is no possible sane reason why Leah would say no to him.

When Sue looks at Jacob, she sees so much of Sarah in him—so kind, so loving, she knows that he will make an excellent husband to her baby girl.

"I'll always try to make her happy." Jacob tells her softly.

And Sue knows that he's speaking the truth. Harry would be having a field day with this conversation. After all no one was good enough for his little girl. Especially not Sam Uley. But Sue knows how much he loved Jacob. Harry would try to make Jacob wet himself, but after a little bit of jeering, he would give him his blessing, she's sure of it. Harry was always a great judge of character.

It makes Sue smile. Her little girl was going to get married. She has no doubt that Jacob will make Leah happy. The smile Leah wears every day is proof enough.

"You already have." Sue tells him. She gets up and walks over to him and hugs Jacob.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to her. You be good to my baby Jacob Black or Seth won't be the only one that hunts you down."

Jacob gulps. He knows a Clearwater threat when he hears one.

"Is that—is that a yes?" Jacob wonders.

"It is." Sue tells him smiling.

"Really?" He asks stupidly.

"Yes really."

"Oh. Cool. I guess I'm gonna go tell my dad now." He says getting up.

"Not so fast." Sue says stopping Jacob in his tracks. He knew that it was too easy.

"When are you planning on proposing?" Sue asks.

"I—" Jacob hadn't thought that far ahead. The only thing that's been on his mind was this moment.

"I have an idea." Seth says grinning evilly it makes Jacob's insides feel like they're on fire, apparently Jacob isn't the only person that's learned a thing or two from Leah.

Whatever Seth had planned screamed public humiliation.

But Jacob knew that if he wanted Leah as his wife he would go through hell and back, and the look on Seth's face, made him realize that hell was what Seth had planned.


	39. Outtake: Band of Brothers

A/N: Hello all! It's been a while, but here it is: I've finished another outtake. I actually wrote the first part of this way back when this was happening (back in chapter 28) but I never got around to finishing it… If any of you have read Skin Deep you know that I haven't updated in two months (SORRY!) But lately I've been in a twilight funk, and I needed something to pull me back into the twi-world, I blame the awesomeness that is Glee, and I blame SM, the Bree Tanner just didn't captivate me the same way twilight did.

This takes place after Seth and Embry find Jacob and Leah kissing, and Seth freaks out and leaves and Jacob goes after him. It's been hard trying to write from Leah's POV again, but hopefully one day I'll get back into it.

It didn't turn out like I had imagined it, but I hope I didn't disappoint.

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I really do love every single one of them.

* * *

**Band of Brothers**

Jacob can feel the shift in the air before he gets near the forest, he knows Seth's phased.

That's the thing about our tempers, he thinks, once it's out of control there's only one place to go.

He knows that Seth just wants to be left alone, but something is telling him that _he _needs to be the one to go and talk to Seth.

He hated that Embry and Seth came when they did, sure it interrupted their _special _time together, but he felt like he was actually getting somewhere with Leah.

_She's always been a challenge_, he remembers, and that's probably one of the things that made him fall in love with her, but sometimes he's not sure whether she feels anymore, but to reassure himself, all he has to do is look at Seth. Leah could never hurt Seth, no matter how pissed off she is.

_They weren't supposed to find out this way, _he thinks to himself, he was supposed to wear her down, and get her to agree to go to the Christmas party, or even the New Year's Eve bash.

He saw the hurt and anger that was featured on both their faces, and although the Clearwater siblings never looked so similar, the way his blood boiled didn't set well in his stomach.

He doesn't have to think about phasing anymore. It's so natural that it's just like breathing air, just a flick of the wrist and his cut offs are thrown aside and two seconds later he is the large russet Alpha wolf.

He's hit with Seth's thought in an instant.

Seth's thoughts are frantic and he can tell Seth is doing the running thing he perfected-running to block out all the thoughts, running to escape the feelings—or at least trying to.

Seth's always worn his heart on his sleeves.

Seth is hurt.

And pissed.

Jacob doesn't know which of these Seth is feeling more, but the wave of nausea that comes over him makes him realize how much Seth is really hurting.

_"Seth…" _Jacob tries to reason with him.

He wants to think that he knows what Seth is feeling, after all he did get be the one to bear witness to _Paul_ and his sister.

"_That's not the same!" _Seth snaps back violently.

And Jacob knows that Seth has every right to be pissed off, and hurt, and anything else he really wants to feel. They lied. They convinced everyone that they _hated _each other.

_"You tore us a part." _Seth says.

And Jacob knows that it's true.

He's not sure why he agreed to it in the first place, all he remembers is Leah asking, almost begging him to go along with it, and just the fact that _Leah Clearwater_ doesn't ask for anything, let alone beg, he knows he had no choice but to give in.

Seth snorts at the thoughts that have been going on through Jacob's head. If he wasn't so pissed still yet, he would turn around and attack Jacob again.

Although it did feel good to get all that anger off his chest, Seth hates the fact that he had reacted the way that he did.

He liked to think that he out of everyone, was the level headed one. That he actually had his head on straight, and didn't just think with his muscles.

But just the fact that here was his _idol, _his best friend, and his _sister_.

He knew that his head had exploded.

For the past month he blamed himself.

_He _had been the one to ask Leah to go and talk to Jacob. He told her that she needed to fix things, that she needed to tell Jacob how she really felt. He just didn't think that she'd come home two days later telling everyone that Jacob Black was not allowed in their house anymore.

"_Seth," _Jacob's thoughts interrupted his own.

"_GO AWAY!"_ Seth screams. He doesn't want to have to share thoughts with Jacob.

All he wanted to do was let the wolf take over him, and get rid of all this anger he was feeling. All this hate that he had for his sister-She had lied to him! She had lied to everyone! And he knows that Leah's always been a private person, he hated the fact that he blamed himself for her unhappiness. All he wanted was to see her smiling again, and he thought that Jacob could help her with that.

The fact that Jacob _had _been the reason that she was smiling, seemed to slip his mind. All he could think about was the fact that she was so stupid!

"_I'm not going anywhere." _Jacob's booming thoughts come crashing into Seth's head. All he wants to do is be left alone.

But all Jacob wants to do is explain things to Seth.

"_Would it help if we were human?" _Jacob offers.

Seth considers this for a moment, he loved the feeling of being a wolf, but he didn't want to be anywhere _near _Jacob Black right now.

"_I'll order you if I have to."_ Jacob threatens.

But Seth knows that Jacob is full of crap. Ordering someone around isn't what Jacob does regardless of the situation. But something in the back of Seth's head is telling him that he needs to hear Jacob out.

"_Fine_." Seth grumbles. "_I'll be right here."_ He snaps and phases out.

It takes Jacob five minutes to reach where Seth is.

Seth is sitting on the forest floor, legs crossed and naked.

The nakedness doesn't bother either boy.

"Can I at least explain?" Jacob starts.

Seth doesn't say anything. He just sits there arms crossed and pouting.

Jacob restrains himself from laughing, because he knows all too well that Seth has no probably hitting him again.

"I'm sorry that we lied."

Seth rolls his eyes.

"I know we shouldn't have-"

"That's for damn sure." Seth yells back.

Jacob's startled, he wasn't expecting a quick response.

"I love her." Jacob tells Seth.

He had always questioned imprinting, at least questioned whether it would have ever happen to him. He couldn't choose whom he imprinted upon but he also couldn't tell his heart who to love.

Apparently that wasn't enough for Seth to say anything. Seth already knows what Jacob feels for his sister, it's not like Jacob's declaration of love is any different from the same one he made almost two months ago.

Seth doesn't want to say anything to Jacob.

Right now, at this moment, Seth knows that he could probably stop talking to Jacob Black and be okay with it, he thanks those pesky Clearwater genes in him.

People always said that he was the exact opposite of Leah, where she was dark and cruel, he was innocent and kind, but in actuality those people, they were all full of crap.

The only reason he wasn't like Leah, was because she had been the one protecting him his entire life from anything that she thought would hurt him. And maybe that's why this hurts so much. Because he always thought that his _sister_ could tell him anything.

They never really had the best relationship growing up, five years is a big age difference, and plus it didn't help that by the time he finally understood his sister, the only real thing he could do for her was growl at anyone who even _thought _about saying something mean to her.

"You said that _two_ months ago." Seth tells Jacob pointedly.

That makes Jacob smile. He remembers that day well, being woken up by someone throwing water in your face isn't ideal-but like last time Jacob hopes that he can talk his way out of this situation.

But the look on Seth's face makes Jacob know that another declaration of love won't make things okay.

"You lied to us." Seth forces out. He's so hurt by what happened that he's literally seeing red, but he will not be controlled by his emotions, he doesn't want to be a wolf right now.

"Everyone-they wanted this for you guys. I just don't understand."

Jacob doesn't know what to say. How do you make someone else understand when you don't even understand yourself?

"I-I'm sorry Seth." It's the only thing Jacob knows to say.

Seth rolls his eyes in a way that Jacob knows he learnt from Leah.

"I don't have a reason for you, it was just easier if no one knew."

This time Seth actually stands up and gets in Jacob's face.

"It was _easier_ for you. What about me? What about Embry and Quil? It's supposed to be us. The _five _of us. _You_ are our Alpha. You're in charge!"

"Seth, I-"

"Shut up!" Seth screams cutting Jacob off.

"There isn't a good enough reason to justify you lying, so don't even try to bullshit your way out of it."

"You guys lied. We found out. Then I punched you. I'm pissed Jake. Can you understand that? I'm so angry right now—I want to hit you again, but I won't."

Jacob doesn't know what to say.

"My mom, Leah, you, Quil, and Embry, you guys are all I have…"Seth's voice breaks at the end, but Jacob pretends that he doesn't notice.

"Do you remember when Leah left? Do you remember _that _day?" Seth asks.

Jacob can only nod. He's not used to this side of Seth, and quite frankly it scares him a little.

"That day, I promised myself that if Leah ever came back that there was _never_ a reason for her to leave again."

Seth lets those words hang in the air.

It always comes down to the same thing, the thing that Jacob has been afraid of since he realized that he had feelings for Leah, that he would be the thing that finally destroyed Leah, after all a person can only recover from so much heartbreak.

"She's my sister Jake. She's all kinds of crazy, but she's my sister."

Jacob understands, or at least he pretends to. He knows what Seth is trying to say, because he's said the same thing to Paul with his fist.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asks.

Seth shakes his head.

"You can't be in my head right now. Neither can Leah. I can't think with you there."

"Will you be okay?"

Seth gives him that look-the one that could put Leah's to shame, and Jacob understands.

Seth stares at Jacob for a couple of minutes before he says one last thing.

"You guys suck."

It's the only thing that Jacob gets from Seth. It's the best he's gonna get right now so he'll take it.

"What should I tell Leah?" Jacob asks.

He knows that Leah will be waiting for him, and she'll pounce when he gets back, and he can't tell her that Seth's so angry that all he can do is yell. It would break her heart, and that's the last thing that he wants to do.

"Tell her—that I'm okay, or at least I will be."

"Will you be okay?" Jacob asks.

Seth forces out a small smile.

"Yeah, probably. Just don't hurt my sister." He tells Jacob.

"I won't." Jacob promises as Seth turns and stalks deeper into the forest.


	40. Nomination: Bring Me to Life Award

Hello all who still have this on alert. :D

Unfortunately this is not another outtake, but I promise I am in the mist of writing another one, this is another A/N to let you all know that this story has been nominated for the Bring me to Life Awards. It has been nominated in the category of Valentine Award.

So I'm asking that if you love this story, (not because I need another award) please vote.

www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com

Replacing the (dot) with actual periods again of course. Or if the link doesn't work, I've added the link on my profile.

Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews,

xtapx


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